The Honest Courtesan

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.” –  Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

Like all subcultures, whores and our clients use specialized language to describe various aspects of our trade and the specialized activities we perform.  Most of these are just slang terms used to replace a long descriptive phrase (for example, “cowgirl” replaces the rather cumbersome “woman on top position”), but others were originally intended to allow discussion of suppressed activities when official busybodies might be eavesdropping (on phone or internet communications).  Of course, a secret shared is no secret at all, so once a term becomes common enough for a client to be relatively certain that it will mean something to an escort (or vice versa), they can also be sure the term is equally well-known to the cops.  Today I’d just like to give you a brief overview of a few of the more common terms used in and about our trade.  Many of these originated on the internet; some were first used among streetwalkers, while still others may be peculiar to New Orleans (which is the only place I ever worked).

Around the World means oral stimulation of the man’s anus as well as his genitals; as one might expect, the percentage of working girls who will grant this particular request is fairly slim even in the lower echelons.  Even if one chooses to ignore the considerable hygeine issues, the chance of contracting hepatitis A or other diseases is in my considered opinion far too high to risk.

BBBJ stands for “Bareback Blow Job”, in other words fellatio without a condom.  In the days immediately after the discovery of AIDS this was widely considered unsafe, and authorities encouraged people to use condoms even during oral sex.  Almost three decades of research, however, have failed to turn up even one single documented case of HIV transmission via oral sex, and the last figure I saw was 0.04% chance of infection due to blood seepage into an undetected mouth sore.  Since that’s roughly similar to the chance of being struck by lightning while walking in the rain, most call girls and escorts don’t worry about it much any more.  Hepatitis B is transmitted much as HIV is, though probably at a slightly higher chance.  Other venereal diseases (including venereal warts and herpes) can certainly be transmitted via oral sex, but since they have visible signs most of the risk can be avoided via careful visual inspection (as I’ve discussed before), copious salivation (which most men find visually stimulating anyhow) and disallowing ejaculation into one’s mouth.  The latter requires careful monitoring of the client’s progress; I always asked him to warn me but also assumed he would not because unfortunately a lot of men are complete assholes on this particular subject and will not give warning despite the increased risk to the girl.

Cowgirl we’ve already discussed; the only reason I’m mentioning it here again is because many of my readers are probably unfamiliar with the terms for its variations, reverse cowgirl (woman on top, facing the man’s feet) and Asian cowgirl (as normal cowgirl but with one’s feet on the bed raising the whole body up and down rather than simply rocking back and forth).

Deep Throat means taking a man’s penis all the way into one’s mouth.  With a little practice it isn’t difficult, and since it impresses the hell out of men it’s well worth learning.  The trick is to suppress the gag reflex; I suggest practicing on bananas.  Few men are long enough to actually go down one’s throat, and even those that are can be handled unless they are oddly-shaped (as I’ll discuss tomorrow).

Donation is originally an internet term; it simply means “fee”, as in “how much is your donation?”

Facial means ejaculation onto a woman’s face.  Men who like to do this really like it, but some girls won’t allow it.  Personally I was never bothered by it; it’s not difficult to keep one’s mouth and eyes shut, and since I was blessed with a clear complexion and lovely natural coloring I never needed to wear makeup in those days anyhow.  I could therefore simply have a warm, damp washcloth handy for initial cleanup and then wash my face completely afterward.  I can see how a girl who needs makeup would be averse to clients doing this, however, since it would necessitate a great deal more effort to restore her looks afterward than it did mine.  It also tends to get in one’s hair, but can be brushed out in the short term and thoroughly removed by shampoo later.  Amateurs who say “I would never let a man do that to me!” or “That’s so demeaning!” need to remember those statements when asking “Why does my husband hire whores when I give him plenty of sex?”

Full service simply means intercourse, as opposed to just oral sex or masturbation (the latter being the specialty of Asian massage parlors).

GFE means “Girl Friend Experience”; it’s a highly subjective term but generally means that the escort will cuddle, kiss, refrain from obvious clockwatching or otherwise make the experience seem much more natural and less mechanical.  A high percentage of call girls provide either “GFE” or its converse, the “PSE” (some men believe that the two are not mutually exclusive within a single call, but I beg to differ).  Of late, I have noticed a distressing tendency in internet venues to attempt to define a GFE by mechanistic criteria (such as whether the girl allows intrusive tongue kissing); IMHO this completely flies in the face of the very idea of a GFE, which is determined by how the girl makes the client feel rather than by a checklist.

Greek means anal sex.  It isn’t commonly offered because one simply can’t trust a client to follow the instructions necessary to keep the experience from being painful, but there are always specialists who cater to customers who want it.

Hobbyist is an internet term which means a client who sees escorts as a continuing hobby rather than as an occasional pleasure.  Hobbyists generally frequent internet boards dedicated to their hobby and share information with each other; some of them are excellent clients because they know what’s expected of them, never quibble about money, treat girls well and are scrupulous about keeping appointments.  Unfortunately, the rest of them enjoy the hobby itself more than the girls, and can be nasty and exploitative.  Sometimes the term is used in a broader sense to mean any client, but I think it’s more useful in the strict sense.

John is a term used mostly by police, the media and others outside The Life for a customer, as in “John Doe” since they are anonymous.  The first recorded appearance of the term in print is from 1911, but it is unclear whether it originated among streetwalkers or started as an outsiders’ term from the beginning.  Since I have never associated with streetwalkers or worked anywhere but New Orleans I can’t speak for whether any working girls actually use the term, but what I can say is that I never heard one do so, not even once, not even as a joke.  I’ve heard “client”, “customer”, “date”, “patron” and even (once) “trick”, but never “john”.  I myself always preferred “gentleman”, not merely because it’s polite but also evokes Amanda Wingfield’s “gentleman callers” in my mind.

MSOG means “Multiple Shots On Goal”, in other words the girl allows the man to have intercourse with her more than once if he can.  It’s an internet term, and I must admit I giggled when it was explained to me.  Many girls won’t allow it, which IMHO is rather stupid on their parts since this exists largely in the realm of male fantasy.  What I mean by that is, though a large percentage of men ask for it (by initials or otherwise), only a tiny percentage can actually accomplish it within the time allotted.  So there’s no harm in agreeing to this because most clients will be too spent after the first time even to attempt it again, and a gentle “but sweetie, if it took you 35 minutes the first time how do you expect to do it a second time in ten?” will take care of most of the rest.  And on those rare occasions where the client is both quick on the trigger and able to perform again, why not let him go twice?  It’s his hour, after all, and he paid good money for it.

Pearl Necklace means ejaculation onto a woman’s tits.  This can turn into an unplanned facial if the man ejaculates energetically enough.

Popped means the same as “busted”, i.e. arrested.

Protection simply means condoms.  A lot of people have their own idiosyncratic terms; one girl I knew used to call them “party balloons” and Doug used to refer to them as “dancing slippers” (as in, “get out your dancing slippers, I’ve got a call for you”).

Provider is a neutral internet term for an escort, as in “provider of services”. I don’t much care for this one, as it always reminds me of “The Providers”, those disembodied brains who once abducted Captain Kirk.

PSE stands for “Porn Star Experience”.  This is slightly less subjective than its converse “GFE”, and refers to a very energetic escort who is adept at visually impressive stunts like deep throat and accepting of facials and other such porn-movie staples.

Russian is holding one’s tits together so a man can rub himself between them; obviously, it’s only possible with rather large tits.

Trick is old slang for a session with a client (as in “turn a trick”) or sometimes even a client himself.  It first appeared in print around the same time as “John”, and is still used today among streetwalkers and lower-class escorts in some areas (including New Orleans).  Higher-class girls generally prefer “date” or “call”, and I’ve also heard “job” or “deal”; working girls with musical backgrounds sometimes use “gig”.

Troublemakers is the term I preferred for the nasty, sadistic busybodies referred to by others as pigs, liars, busybodies, blue boys, heat, LE and a number of other things…in other words, cops, the single greatest threat to any hooker’s health, safety and livelihood.

So, there’s a quick explanation of a very few terms; there are plenty of others, but these are most of the common ones which sprang immediately to mind (though I wouldn’t be surprised if I overlooked a really obvious term or two).  As I said above, these are the ones I know from the internet and New Orleans; to list every one from around the world would probably fill a slim dictionary.

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