The process of education in the oldest profession in the world is like any other educational process, in that it requires time and effort and patience; it can only be acquired by taking one step at a time, though the steps become accelerated after the first few. – Madeleine Blair
Here’s a recent reader letter and my response; for ease of reading I’ve split her question up into parts with my answers.
I’m seriously considering sex work but I live in a small Canadian city and want to be discreet; I’m also concerned about diseases, violence, the potential to be arrested and rape. How often, on average, would you say you had a difficult or creepy client?
It depends on what you mean by “difficult”. There’s a certain small fraction of customers in any business who are just vexatious twits and can’t be pleased no matter how one tries, and a larger fraction who aren’t consciously trying to be difficult but end up being so anyhow. In our business, the latter are the ones who are so nervous they don’t come easily, or who want to try every position in the bloody Kama Sutra, or who insist on sticking their tongues in your ear, etc. But if you’ve dated a lot, you’ve already run into guys like that and it really isn’t any different; one simply has to do one’s best, try to keep them under control and soldier on. If I had to hazard a guess I’d say 50% of clients are just normal (neither hard nor easy), 30% are very easy, 10% are annoying but not difficult and 10% difficult to one degree or another.
I can only do outcalls, so what should I expect from an agency regarding security?
The agency should allow you to talk to the client by phone beforehand to make sure the two of you hit it off; if they don’t allow that (for fear of your stealing calls) find another agency. This is VERY important; talking to the client allows the girl to feel him out, to give her instincts a chance to work. The two times I got raped and the one time I almost did, I did not talk to the client first; the first rape and the near miss were because of a language barrier, and the second rape was at a big multi-client party where I only spoke to the man who was arranging it but not the rapist. In other words, I have never been raped by a client I talked to first.
The other thing an agency should do is know where you are (exact address) when with a client, check you in and out by phone, and have someone they can dispatch to pound on the door if you can’t be contacted at the end of the call. Good American agencies also have a lawyer on call in case of police stings, but since escorting isn’t illegal in Canada you probably needn’t worry on that account (Canadian escorts, please correct me if I’m wrong on this).
What should I do before, during and after a client intends to rape me?
Talking to a client on the phone and being a real person when you’re with him humanizes you, making it more difficult for him to think of you as a thing to be used. Furthermore, calling in right in front of him sends the message “people know where I am”. Most clients are not any more dangerous than any other men you might meet, but you have to take these precautions EVERY TIME (no exceptions) because they help to reduce the chance of danger from that rare sociopathic individual who might hurt you.
If a client starts to do something you don’t like, try changing position and doing something else instead; if that doesn’t work say “please don’t do that” or “you’re hurting me” or some such; that will stop a normal man who is just getting carried away. If it seems rape is inevitable, the most important thing is to keep your head; you mustn’t panic or allow horror stories to flow into your consciousness and cloud your thinking. Feminists are fond of equating all rape with aggravated rape, but as one who has experienced both I can tell you that simply isn’t true; aggravated rape is terrifying because of the possibility of death or disfigurement, but “date rape” – in other words, unwanted sex which occurs in the context of a voluntarily-entered sexual situation – isn’t nearly as bad. It’s highly unpleasant and may even be painful, but it’s not the worst thing that can happen to a woman.
The reason I’m saying this is not to downplay the wrongness of it, but to give you a sense of perspective so you can avoid panicking and reacting in a way that could make things worse. If he won’t stop when asked and you can’t struggle free, it’s highly unlikely screaming or freaking out will achieve anything, either; tensing up will increase the chance of damage to whatever orifice he’s penetrated, and scaring him could provoke a violent reaction. Your best bet is to relax as best you can and just let him get it over with, then get away as quickly as you can and go straight home. Tell the agency what happened so he can be blacklisted; since you want to be very undercover about your work you probably won’t want to report it to the police (who probably wouldn’t do anything anyhow). If you think you might be more than just bruised (or if he raped you without a condom), you should visit a doctor the next day.
I tend to gain weight on birth control, do you consider it an essential or are condoms okay on their own?
Condoms don’t break often, but if one did you don’t want to have to go through an abortion if it can be avoided. If hormonal birth control doesn’t work for you, you should consider an IUD, diaphragm or Plan B as a safety net.
What types of diseases are most common and what should I be on the lookout for?
STIs are not common in the client base to which you will be catering, but that’s partly because escorts are so careful about protection and watching for signs. There are websites which show graphic pictures of STD symptoms, but I honestly don’t think you need to look at them; any kind of open sore or lesion in a man’s genital area is a red flag, as are unusual odors (not just a normal man-smell) or discharge. Venereal warts usually look like regular warts, but can sometimes look like nothing more than pimples, so I would advise getting the Gardasil shots if you haven’t already (just to be safe). You don’t need to be obvious about checking; as part of foreplay just take a good look at his genital area, and if you see anything out of the ordinary don’t be shy about asking, “What is this?” Men do sometimes have moles or skin tags even on the penis itself, but if it really is something like that he’s been asked by other girls before and will answer nonchalantly. If he’s nervous and/or claims not to know what it is, you’ve probably got some kind of symptom on your hands and should NOT proceed, even with a condom; refund everything but your cancellation fee and advise him to see a doctor immediately.
What about kissing?
Kissing has become much more common in the past few years; it can’t be entirely avoided if you want to provide a GFE, which from what I know of your personality seems to be the style that would best suit you. You won’t mind kissing some clients, and a very few are actually very good kissers; for the rest, one can usually lead most men into the style of kissing one prefers by example, and if a client is just a horrible, sloppy, invasive, tongue-y kisser who won’t be denied just move on to something else, like oral sex.
What were your best methods for figuring out what a client wanted?
Ask; it’s the only dependable way to know for certain. Generally clients who want a specific thing will ask for it themselves; otherwise, just do what you would do for a boyfriend if you were in a generous mood and wanted to move him inexorably toward orgasm in the shortest possible time without looking as though you were in a hurry. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it very quickly, and if you think you’re revealing your inexperience just tell the truth, “I’m pretty new at this”; most men consider that a turn-on.
Are scars a bad thing?
I have several prominent scars on my left forearm, another on my left elbow, a long, thin one on my left knee and innumerable small ones in a number of other places, and I’ve literally never had a complaint; most clients don’t even notice unless they’re doctors, and even then they’ll only ask about it in small talk. I suspect only large abdominal scars (such as from major surgery) would be an issue for most men.
It’s too bad that you guys even have to think about violent men. 🙁
A man that would hurt a woman is no man at all.
Also – from a client perspective, looks are cool – but attitude is everything. I’ve opened the door before and said to myself … “Uh oh, I don’t think this one is my type” …
And sometimes they aren’t. Then again, there have been times when the girl smiled and displayed a very positive and easy-going attitude, and when the sex came around she was enthusiastic and put on the illusion that she was enjoying it greatly. It’s with these kinds of girls that you really can’t last very long with – at least I can’t.
But for a girl that seems to just lay there staring at the ceiling – I find my mind wondering all over the place – and even a little panic setting in – and it takes forever.
On a dark humour note, your comment regarding the reaction to rape reminded me of the “don’t let this rape turn into a murder” mem… 😀
technology could help to make things safer. most smart phones can send their position via email, text, or weblink so select people could know where you are. for the more dodgy situations, a smart phone could be set up with audio/video calling software to auto answer calls from a contact list, so someone could check on you remotely and without requiring you to answer the call yourself.
http://homebiss.blogspot.com/2011/03/free-buddyguard-iphone-app-offers.html
At my work – if you can’t do it with an Ipad, Iphone, or Ipod … we don’t know how the fuck to do it. 😛
Okay, so I get how the Iphone and Ipod work, but where does the Ipad go exactly?
And who found that out, it wasn’t you, was it?
🙂
No I just did a search for personal security apps and came up with that. That’s usually the way we handle things here at work. Need to do something? Search for an app.
I don’t know what you’re talking about on the iPad, they are pretty much an iPhone without the telephone service – just bigger.
You missed the joke, man. ” if you can’t do it with an Ipad, Iphone, or Ipod … we don’t know how the fuck to do it” Therefore in order to know how to fuck, you must know how to use them to fuck with.
… corroboree …
There are websites which show graphic pictures of STD symptoms, but I honestly don’t think you need to look at them; any kind of open sore or lesion in a man’s genital area is a red flag, as are unusual odors (not just a normal man-smell) or discharge.
Indeed. At that point, it wouldn’t matter if the sores are the manifestation of an STD or a diabetic not taking care of themselves or anything like that. Anything open and weeping is cause for concern, Do Not Pass ‘Go’, although, maybe still collect the $200 for time spent.
LOL, a sex work joke.
I am familiar with the sex industry to laugh at their jokes.
Why, I have an avatar of me stabbing someone in the neck from Battlefield 3, why do I know more than elected officials and people with Ph.Ds?
This post may be a bit off topic, but I hope it helps most johns be better customers to prostitutes. For the men who purchase the services of prostitutes, I would say be better gentlemen to them than even your girlfriend or wife, but by all means let her know that you hold her to the utmost professional standards. The reason I say this is because even for prostitutes who truly enjoy their line of work, this is not an easy life so respect that. Next understand that she is most likely not that impressed by anything other than your money and your manners. If you’re paying money for sex, you’re not all that at least at the moment so don’t act like a bunch of yahoos trying to impress the whores with your six pack abs the way the U.S. Secret Service agents tried to impress the Colombian whores of that scandal as an example. The whores are not there to be your real girlfriends, but only there to pretend for the time alloted, the services performed and the money paid. the only thing you can ask of a whore is what kinds of services are you willing to perform, how long she’s willing to stay and how much money it costs. You can also ask her to be very honest. Having sex with whores can be some of the most physically rewarding(usually not emotionally rewarding) sex around. Most of you men could never get the sex with the hot or physically beautiful women you want nor the kinds of sex you want. If you put women on a 0 through 10 scale with 0 being the lowest and 10 the highest in looks, most men would not be able to seduce sex with any woman 8 or higher. Most men certainly wouldn’t be able to arrange sex with 2 or more women at the same time who in looks are an 8 or higher. Most whores are in the 7-10 physical beauty range in absolute terms, and when you adjust for age for those who are older such as more mature women then nearly all of them are releatively speaking physically in the 7-10 physical beauty range. Remember not only when dealing with whores but all people this: Do unto others what you would have done unto you or at least Don’t do unto others what you would not have done unto you.
Well, I agree with this but I still prefer to stay in shape because I just think I wouldn’t feel too comfortable having sex with a stranger as an out of shape slob. I don’t know – but for me this is just like a point of hygiene or something like that.
The last girl I hired I had a nice two-level apartment overseas – with the bed upstairs. There were mirrors covering two of the walls and when I looked at us holding each other – we pretty much looked like we belonged together even though she was easily an “8.5” (and about 17 years younger). This was an extreme “turn on” for me. Add to that the fact that apartment had a window that could be opened in the roof even when it was raining – and it was raining so you could hear the rhythm of the rain and feel a cold draft blow through occasionally, I had candles burning and she brought incense – and it was VERY romantic. Illusion? Sure – but it was a damn good illusion for me!
Her rates weren’t cheap but she was definitely worth it.
By the way – I don’t see anything wrong with tipping a girl or paying her more if she made you very happy – or even if she really didn’t but was still a good soldier. I laugh my ass off at my European friends who think that Americans are idiots for paying more and / or tipping hookers. We seem to have the reputation of throwing money around with the hookers. Oh well – I do it because I appreciate them. The girls may think we’re idiots – but they’ll rush to our rooms when we call them! 😀
Especially to see my abs! 😛
Why am I not a bazillionaire? 😉
The whores are not there to be your real girlfriends, but only there to pretend for the time alloted, the services performed and the money paid.
The GFE/PSE dichotomy might work in the United States, but elsewhere these two extremes don’t exist much.
You can also ask her to be very honest.
Very true. It is often difficult to get honest feedback/critique from amateurs.
Most whores are in the 7-10 physical beauty range in absolute terms, and when you adjust for age for those who are older such as more mature women then nearly all of them are releatively speaking physically in the 7-10 physical beauty range.
Yes, but even those that do not fall in this range usually have a very well developed sexual skillset and a good personality.
Remember not only when dealing with whores but all people this: Do unto others what you would have done unto you or at least. Don’t do unto others what you would not have done unto you.
Exactly.
So earlier today I read this blog from my blackberry and I thought it was very well written and interesting, I am an escort in Canada, and I have worked with agencies in the past. I worked with an outcall agency for a year before I went independent. the agencies aren’t happy if you turn down a client and are very paranoid about you speaking to clients. when I was with an agency I had more problems with clients being on power trips then when I am independent which is something I quickly noticed when I went from agency escort to independent, when I was at the agency I felt like I was a product on an assembly line, but as I transitioned being independent I felt like I was in control and had power and self respect for myself, my work and the clients I want to see.
Thank you for posting this as it did get me to reflect on my experiences of being an agency and independent and yes it was trigging remembering some past clients but it also got me to see where I regained my strenght and power and probably inspire me to share my own story on my blog as well.
right.that is why i am independent.i have never had an agency that allowed me to talk to the client beforehand.it is very important to me to connect to him before we meet
While I doubt that I’ll ever own an escort agency, and it would take a trip to Jusenkyo (which isn’t a real place) to make me a call girl, I found this interesting to read. I suppose it could come in handy when writing a story, and at least I can avoid having any hookerish character I write being either a heartless criminal or a helpless slave.
To say that “date rape – in other words, unwanted sex which occurs in the context of a voluntarily-entered sexual situation – isn’t nearly as bad.” is both horrible and out of touch.
Sometimes I wonder if the author of this blog is a real woman – maybe this “Maggie” person is a guy masquerading as a woman, because we woman know that date rape really is as bad as rape by a stranger. And that guy you’ve known *could* turn violent – you just never know. Whether it’s being raped by a stranger or a guy you’ve known and trusted, it’s all hideous. I should know: I’ve experienced both.
Yeah, so have I, and date rape is nothing in comparison. As for your moronic accusation, ask all the people who met me at the Desiree conference last week. No, we don’t “all know” that date rape is just as bad; all I know is that you’ve bought into politicized propaganda.
Yes, we do “all know” that rape, whether by a stranger, or a lover, or husband, or male co-worker is horrible. Yes, date rape is just as bad; maybe you think it’s not as bad, but please don’t speak for all women. Just because an experience wasn’t all that bad for you doesn’t mean other women would feel the same way.
“Politicized propaganda”? I have to say, that in the context of my being a rape victim/survivor, *that’s* a moronic accusation, sorry. Where is the “politicized propaganda” in the very real fact that I was scared and humiliated when the man I thought was a friend and possible lover forced himself on me? Emotions aren’t “politicized propaganda”. Where is the “politicized propaganda” in the fact that I was in physical pain from his rape of me, because he was rough about it, and I wasn’t physically ready for him at the time?
It’s politicized propaganda that rape is uniquely horrible and damaging beyond all other crimes; in fact, it’s an incredibly misogynistic view because it paints women as fragile little flowers who can be forever destroyed by the Omnipotent Phallus. As such, it hurts individual women (especially those who’ve been raped) and helps only the feminist establishment who pushes it. You might read my column “A Fate Worse Than Death” for a deeper exploration of that subject.
No, it’s not misogynistic to believe that rape is damaging to women. It really is damaging; that’s why it’s a crime, as well it should be. The stranger who raped me last year is now serving a nice long sentence in state prison – that’s the perfect place for him.
Recognizing the fact that rape is a horrible crime against women doesn’t depict us as “fragile little flowers, etc.” The only woman I can think of who would claim to shrug off being raped while blithely chirping, “C’est la vie” is someone deeply in denial. What hurts individual women is when rape isn’t taken seriously.
Once again, please don’t claim to speak for all women regarding the topic of rape. It would be extremely unrealistic of you to claim that all of us women are supposed to share the same opinions and perceptions about being raped.
Ummm…no. It’s uniquely damaging because you’ve bought into cultural myths; otherwise it’s no more damaging than any other form of assault. If you can’t understand the article just say so, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to hold you by the hand and explain something many women other than me can see clearly.
Ummm, no. Once again, don’t claim to speak for all women regarding the topic of rape.
Feeling horror over having been raped is not a cultural myth, and in its way, it is more damaging than any other form of assault – a man shoving himself into a woman’s vagina against her will can do more damage to her psychologically – it’s a most personal and intimate form of assault.
From this article, I understand that you seem to think only in terms of sloganeering and intellectual distancing rather than empathizing with women who have been raped. Many other women just like me can see that quite clearly.
In closing: please don’t claim to speak for all women; solipsism is not a good thing. Thank you.
And you seem to think in terms of sloganeering and political advantage rather than recognizing the cultural tropes which engendered your reactions. Introspection and solipsism are not at all the same thing; I suggest you learn the difference.
Oh, and one last thing: You keep bizarrely insisting that I’m claiming to speak for all women, yet you’re the one who started this argument by claiming that anyone who didn’t adhere to your party line on rape must be a dude in disguise. Someone here did strongly imply she speaks for all women, but it wasn’t me.
silkyvelvet, you seem to have read “rape is a minor inconvenience; it’s no big deal” somewhere in Maggie’s writing, but she never wrote that. Read this thread over, and you will see that while Maggie says that rape is not “uniquely horrible and damaging beyond all other crimes” you immediately respond with “No, it’s not misogynistic to believe that rape is damaging to women.”
But Maggie didn’t say that rape was not damaging; she said that it wasn’t something which ruins a woman forever in a way nothing else ever can. She’s saying that the rapist who gets off on the idea that he can not only force a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do, he can ruin her forever, well, that guy’s wrong.
In your next post, you prove that all our mothers were right when they suggested that when angry, we should take a deep breath, count to ten, let it out slowly, and calmly reply. That way, we don’t look stupid.
You are correct. I was mistaken. 100% of all women who are hookers love what they do. As you have stated, rape doesn’t exist. 100% of all women who’ve claimed to be raped are liars. In order to be considered a liberated woman, you have to agree that women are shitty pieces of garbage who need to be discriminated against – because literally 100% of all women deserve to be murdered, because 100% of all women deserve to be killed, just for being born.
Welcome to moderation, asshole. And thanks for showing your true colors.
Maggie, I never will get caught up if I try to find where you said all that shit. But since you didn’t say it, I can spare myself the time and get back to catching up.
Is that the same silkyvelvet? The gravatar is different; thus, it’s likely it’s a different email address & possibly person.
I put her on moderation by modifying her email, so the gravatar automatically changes.