Beware of billionaires who want to save your life. – Mark Leno
Brooke Magnanti on Catherine Hakim’s new book:
…people are still marrying, still making that leap into the conceptual and statistical improbability of ’til death do us part. And where does that leave affairs, clients of sex workers, enjoyers of porn and the rest of us?…When many couples choose to remain childless, or have no familial wealth to pass on, why are we still doing this, anyway? Those questions and a lot more are what drives the narrative of…The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs, and Erotic Power. In it, [Catherine Hakim]…calmly dissects the differences between the cultures where it’s okay to throw a strop at the first sign of relationships going off piste, and those where adultery is not only usual but expected…
In a way, this is one of those “dog bites man” things, unless I’m the only one who’s ever noticed that most women are more sexually open when they’re very turned on:
…A small Dutch study…indicate[s] that arousal overrides feelings of disgust and facilitates a woman’s desire to do something that a woman who is not aroused might find flat-out repulsive…Daniel R. Kelly, an associate professor of philosophy at Purdue…explained that disgust is an “extension of our immune system” that helps prevent people from getting infected by making them wary of things, like bodily fluids, that…make people vulnerable…David Buss, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas…[said] “Women show far more disgust and especially sexual disgust, than men…It helps to protect women from having sex with the wrong men, such as men who might communicate diseases…show signs of a high ‘parasite load’…have poor hygiene and so on,” he said. What is interesting about the new Dutch paper, the two experts agreed, is that it suggests the mission to avoid the potentially “dangerous” parts of sex takes a backseat when women are aroused…
Color me unsurprised: “Letting women ‘test drive’ larger breasts before a boob job…[by] wearing a heavily padded bra for two weeks while doing ordinary tasks…[has led to them picking] 30 per cent larger [implants] than they first planned – at least one additional cup size.” Despite claims from insecure women that they hate having big tits, the fact is that many women wish they had gone bigger, and most do so if the implants need to be replaced.
This could be considered an update to “Welcome To Our World”, “Neither Cold nor Hot” or the “All in the Family” update in last week’s TW3, but the fact that it was written by regular reader Aspasia (in her own blog) trumps all that:
Jezebel ran two articles…that…highlight the hypocrisy of much of their readership…The first…“How to Tell Your Parents You’re A Prostitute”…[is followed by a] comment thread…rife with the moralizing pearl-clutching of feminists who claim to be supportive of women’s choices…Three days later, came [another] article…[which] criticizes certain choices made by women…and…[was] roundly condemned in the…comment thread…but…[the second author]…merely [did] what the average Jezebel reader does whenever sex workers…are discussed: stripped a whole group of women of their autonomy, projected her own standards onto them, and criticized their choices…
Prostitutes in…Geneva have formed [Switzerland’s] first sex workers’ union, citing foreign competition and the high cost of rent…[it will be] called…the Sex Workers’ Syndicate [and]…aims to operate alongside the organisation Aspasie, which has advocated for prostitutes in Geneva since 1982. Aspasie primarily concerns itself with the health and well-being of sex workers, while STTS was mainly founded to address prostitutes’ financial concerns and working conditions…
I reckon that’s good news, though I’m a bit wary of the protectionism implied in that first line; if foreign women are excluded, it could potentially create a bottleneck. Of course, the government is working on one of its own:
Switzerland has long been criticised by the international community for allowing prostitution by teens as young as 16. The government has proposed changes to the criminal code which would make it a crime to hire or sell the services of a prostitute who is younger than 18…[due to] a Council of Europe convention it signed in 2010…young sex workers would not be prosecuted for their actions – only those who seek or sell their services would be held responsible…
The age of consent in Switzerland is 16, but once again we see the magical thinking that money somehow taints sex and the complete lack of consideration about what will happen to those girls once their agency is denied and their once-legal trade is semi-criminalized.
[A Philippine “anti-trafficking” NGO named] the Visayan Forum Foundation (VF) [has been] accused of fraud by…USAID…At least…$5 million…meant to fund the group’s projects…[is] missing…the warrant that led to the search…said…the foundation…may be in possession or control of “falsified private documents which were used and are being used to defraud…donors”…
“…Carlos Romero…was arrested…and charged with misdemeanor sexual activity with an animal, by officials in Ocala, Fla., but believes the real outrage is that the Sunshine State is ‘backwards’ towards zoophilia…The victimized animal is a 21-month-old miniature donkey named Doodle he purchased two months ago…” Whatever you may think of Romero’s preferences, ascribing human sexual hang-ups to a donkey in heat is beyond absurd.
It’s good to see bigots like this criticized by peers and spotlighted by the media:
An Oklahoma County judge is refusing to let men planning sex-change operations switch to feminine names. District Judge Bill Graves has denied name changes in two such cases so far…[ruling] both times the requests were made for a fraudulent purpose…His position…has generated criticism of him at the courthouse. Five other Oklahoma County judges who handle name change requests…routinely grant them in transgender cases.
His reason for this prejudice? Science!
Graves…has concluded a person cannot really change…sex because the person’s DNA stays the same…“A so-called sex-change surgery can make one appear to be the opposite sex, but in fact they are nothing more than an imitation…petitioner has not even had the surgery…To grant a name change in this case would be to assist that which is fraudulent…Genesis 1:27-28 states: ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth …’ The DNA code shows God meant for them to stay male and female.”
You can always tell a legitimate scientific argument by its quotation of Genesis.
As long as bureaucrats have excessive power over individuals, this will keep happening:
[An]…investigator with Florida’s Department of Children and Families has been arrested for “bribery by a public servant, official misconduct, and falsifying records” after he told a woman under his supervision that he would hide the results of her drug-positive urine test if she would have sex with him. When [she] refused…Andrew Thomas threatened to report her to her probation officer…[he] is the third Florida DCF employee to be charged this year with a sex-related crime. In August…Peter Crane…was charged with…molesting two five-year-old girls. In June…Jean Lacroix…was charged with having sex with a teen who was part of a prostitution ring composed exclusively of foster children…
Fortunately, most of the journalists who contact me are looking for informed commentary on issues rather than a sex-work story they can twist to fit their own agenda, but Charlotte Shane does an excellent job of skewering the twits who pester non-activist sex workers to “get their real stories”. If you’re not a journalist or academic you’ll enjoy reading this, but if you are either of those you need to read it.
California’s “Proposition 35” defines virtually all normal sex as “prostitution” and a lot of normal behavior as “coercion”, lists anyone who has anything at all to do with “coerced prostitution” as a “sex trafficker”, and condemns individuals so labeled to decades of prison, lifetime “sex offender” registration and theft of all their property by the state. It’s so awful, in fact, that even bona fide coerced prostitutes are against it: “Anabelle sees herself as a victim of sex trafficking. Stories like hers are driving Proposition 35…But Anabelle isn’t supporting [it]…and her arguments — and those of sex workers and their supporters — paint a very different picture of a law that could hurt the people it’s supposed to protect.” And if that article’s not enough to convince you, how about this slide show?
Metaupdates
Follow Your Bliss
in TW3 (#16)
Another pervert claims to “help” teenage runaways so he can help himself to their sexual favors:
The founder of [a charity for homeless youth named “Stand Up For Kids”] has been charged with repeatedly sexually assaulting a child over a three year period. Richard Koca, Sr., 69…faces seven felony charges of sexual assault on a child by a person in a position of trust…The charges…were…sealed…by court order…after KMGH’s report…investigators are preparing for the possibility that more potential victims could come forwarding the case…the organization’s website was no longer accessible online today, and calls to the headquarters went unreturned…
The Pro-Rape Coalition in TW3 (#30)
Sex work-positive journalist Susannah Breslin interviews two porn producers (one of them Ira Isaacs), two actresses and a lawyer about the potential effects of the ramped-up porn prosecutions promised by Mitt Romney should he be the winner of the quadrennial popularity contest.
Feminine Pragmatism in TW3 (#32)
No matter how carefully and thoroughly I scan for items of interest, a few things always slip through the cracks. While reading about Nadya Suleman using the money from her porn flick to lease a new house, I encountered the sentence “She spent the summer begging for money from fans and offering dates for cash.” Wait, what? Sure enough; the linked article is from August 6th:
…Nadya Suleman…has opened a profile on the dating website WhatsYourPrice.com, TMZ reports…Although some would consider Suleman’s latest venture a dip into the prostitution pool, Gawker’s Louis Peitzman outlines, “yes, there’s something a little sketchy about selling yourself online, but it’s not prostitution unless they’re paying for sex…”
You’ve got to laugh at the moronic mental gymnastics with which some people justify their childish attempts to draw sharp, static lines between complex, fluid behaviors. Octomom’s done stripping, porn and sugar baby work, but she’s not a whore, noooooo. And neither is she a pathetic victim like the rest of us “prostituted women”; according to the house-leasing article,
“It has been the most empowering, liberating thing I have ever done,” Suleman told…Dr. Drew about doing porn. “There is nothing I won’t do to take care of my family…I had full control and power over my choice. I take full accountability and I’m proud of it.”
So there you are, ladies; in order for your equally-pragmatic choices to be considered valid, you first have to have 14 fatherless kids you can’t support.
This Week in 2011
A two-part guest column from veteran sex worker rights activist Norma Jean Almodovar was followed by criticisms of people who ask questions but refuse to accept the answers and sex workers who waste energy in internecine squabbles. “Uncommon Sense” (linked above) was then followed by a look at clueless neofeminist whining and a tale of the Ouled Nail.
This Week in 2010
The week began with my three-part column on the intersection of BDSM and whoring, which was followed by columns on why many escorts shun black clients and the physiological differences between genetic women and post-op transsexuals. I also told the sad story of an escort I called “April” and published my very first (two-part) Q & A column.
Proposition 35. Is California really relevant anymore?
Personally – after thinking about this – I hope they pass it. It’s so poorly written that it universally criminalizes sex but it only has effect in California. The rest of us will simply laugh and point when the new law starts devouring everyone in the state.
As a former eight year resident of that state – let me just say – the place is simply not relevant anymore. They have become the laughing stock of the entire nation and their fiscal practices have turned them into “Greece”. There is no doubt they’ll be the first of the states to go bankrupt soon – everyone is simply waiting for them to run out of ideas for their “creative bookeeping” for the fall to happen.
Young families are beating feet out of that state so fast there’s almost no middle class left. The smart people are gone from that state – which is why laws like this sorry law actually have a chance of passing.
I mean – their last governor was a muscle-headed movie star who barely spoke comprehensible English. And their current governor is a former governor who was popular only for the name “Governor Moonbeam” and the fact that he once dated Linda Ronstadt.
I… I feel the need to defend Arnold Schwarzenegger from you.
Arnold is an actor, which as has been pointed on this blog in the past is not all that different from being a whore. Now, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this blog it’s that it takes more than just looking pretty to be successful at whoring. It takes a fair amount of intelligence and a lot of social networking to make it big, which is definitely something you need to make it big in the movie business.
Arnold created a simple but incredibly iconic persona and sold it really well. Think of “action movie star” and you’re almost certainly thinking of Arnold and so is everybody. That’s pretty impressive and not something that just happens. Indeed, the simplicity of his persona was perhaps its greatest strength, it’s the extremely well built frame of Arnold holding a big gun and glaring at the camera while growling in an accent that makes him seem fierce. Nobody calls the inventor of the can opener stupid for coming up with such a simple idea.
And yes, he does have a strong accent, of course, something else that comes up on this blog is the idea that people who have trouble properly speaking English are not stupid. They merely have accents, which means nothing.
He is also well build, but on this blog there are a number of former sex workers and you don’t go around calling them make up heads or something. It takes hard work and self discipline to become a high level body builder and it’s not something to disparage. Okay, it also takes steroids but I believe Libertarians are cool with drug use.
Criticize the man’s politics but don’t insult his success in the private sector. And even then, people still take Ludwig Von Mises seriously, so Californians could have elected an even worse candidate.
Agreed.
I disagreed with Schwarzenegger’s politics and policies. And, as a 58-year-old whose been a (drug-free, natural) bodybuilder since age 16 and who knew of him before he even became publicly known, I disliked his arrogant, narcissistic (even for a bodybuilder!), manipulative, heartless, serve-self-at-any-cost-no-matter-how-you-have-to-lie-or-whom-you-have-to-trample attitude.
But unintelligent? Nope. He’s VERY intelligent — cunning and crafty, even. And, very successful as a businessman.
The problem with that idea is it isn’t really a product of California; it’s “model legislation” written by a billionaire-backed NGO that a politician was paid to introduce. If it gets in there it will soon be introduced in another state, and another, and another…
Legislation like this is pretty common these days; some of the groups even pay for advertising to promote their private laws imposed on the public, which is why ten years ago you couldn’t look at a gas pump anywhere in the US without being threatened by a scowling pig saying you would lose your driver’s license if you left without paying. The oil industry wrote that law, paid politicians to introduce it in all 50 states and supplied the gas-pump stickers which instituted the presumption that every single gas station customer was a potential thief to be threatened with violence.
This was done with a California anti-video game law. The law made it all the way to the Supreme Court and established some good First Amendment case law, but if it had gone the other way….
http://rampantgames.com/blog/?p=902
Well, ask Australians about that, since it did go the other way over there. If the Supreme Court hadn’t killed it, it would have been model legislation for the whole country. (Also, there’s a lot of money to hire top legal people to work on video game law. If this sex law didn’t impact the porn industry, where would the needed deep pockets come from?)
With an anti-sex law, I wouldn’t like the odds on the Supreme Court doing the right thing. (Though it isn’t outside the realm of possibility it’s still more risky than a pure First Amendment case.)
Maggie i read about the sex workers union in Switzerland and saw the references that the site had about prostitution laws.i found very infuriating that the sex workers have to register to work and then they wonder why so many illegal workers exist.dont they think that most women dont want to have an official record as a prostitute,when the work is so highly stigmatised and it can prevent them from taking up another job in the future?especially if the woman is a native,who might hold a day job in the meantime.i mean,i highly doubt that the swiss escort,whos also a flight attendant in another story there would risk getting in trouble with her employers in her day job.maybe for a poor immigrant it would be easier to register,if they plan to make money in Switzerland,then return to their poor native country rich.but for someone who wants to have a future in the country i highly doubt they would do it.
as for La libertines piece,i agree. i tried to read some of the comments in the Jezebel article and i almost got a seizure.isnt it funny that women who state that” mens desires are bellow me” and are so against sex work read a site called after a biblical whore?and the woman in the other article who called Led Zeppelin a childlike enthusiasm,she can go fuck herself.
I agree with you on just about everything, but I do have to correct you on one small point; Jezebel was a queen, not a whore. I actually wrote about her once, and the article explains how she got the reputation.
This cracked me up.
Regarding the “who did your tits” thing: I worked in a plastic surgeon’s office for a while so this didn’t surprise me. Most people are risk-averse and so women tended to err on the side of caution, not having a good “feel” for what a larger bust would be like or overestimating how big a C or D was. In a couple of years, on and off, I never heard a patient complain that they were too big (although the surgeon I worked for, who had implants of her own, never did any ridiculously oversized implants).
As you can probably imagine, I have known lots of women with implants. And though I have never once heard a woman say, “I went too big, I’m going to go back and get these reduced,” I have on a number of occasions heard the opposite. Also, though when I told people I was going up to a 34 DDD, plenty said “Oh, that’s too big!” but when the same people saw the finished product they all said, “Oh, that looks good on you!”
People just have a lot of weird ideas about tit size, such as the famous “big tits cause back pain”, which is a myth deriving from two causes:
1) Most women’s tits get bigger during pregnancy, and pregnancy often causes back pain; some women bizarrely blame the pain on the tits rather than that enormous bulge below them.
2) Insecure big-titted women sometimes slump in order to make their tits look smaller, and that slumping combines with the shoulder pain from ill-fitting bra straps to cause back pain.
It’s notable that despite the fact that really huge tits are more common among black women than white, I’ve never heard a black woman claim her boobs cause back pain. Like the supposed “diseases” caused by silicone implants, boob-induced back pain seems to largely be a malady of middle-class white women.
I wonder if the women worried about too-large implants get their “this is too big” advice from women with naturally large breasts – natural breasts bounce more than implants, which combined with premenstrual breast tenderness can make any movement more vigorous than a stately walk rather uncomfortable for a few days every month. The back pain thing is just plain strange, however – do people really think that a woman’s spine is so precariously constructed that a few more pounds will cause back pain?
Re: Prop 35. Should we thank Aphrodite that Chris Kelly lost his bid for AG?
I am a relatively new reader and while I’ve tried to catch up on older articles, there’s still a lot I missed. The post on Black men was interesting b/c I’ve always wondered what the deal was since I see such restrictions frequently on Backpage ads (which, seems to be one more thing that dispels the ‘trafficking’ and ‘being pimped’ BS – if you’re being Trafficked and ‘sold’ against your will, why would your Pimp allow you to refuse money after all).
Anyway, I highly encourage EVERYONE to watch this quick YouTube link if for no other reason then the great laugh and WTF you’ll experience. (We’re all somewhat naive and a little awkward in teen years until we learn the ropes, but there’s nothing that could ever have convinced me doing something like this would cause anything but ridicule) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUa6pcMOLEM It’s a bunch of teenage boys primping for the camera and dry humping furniture to show off their prowess. The have names like “X2C”, “PipleLayer”, “Satisfaktion” which alone is pretty funny. But note the ‘technique’ used (I guess that’s what you call it) and imagine trying to have sex with someone doing that. I think most guys would be to worried about inciting hysterical laughter to try anything like that – but I guess if you started after you were already in the act, it’d probably be too painful for most girls to think about laughing. Seriously though, these guys are called “Peer Pressure” and they have at least one other video doing the same thing. Also notice that they clearly think this is a turn on for the ladies but there’s nothing but 5 guys standing around grinding and doing strange humping techniques with living room furniture.
I’ve seen women make exactly those same moves when they’re trying to look seductive, and I doubt it’s any better a love-making technique when a woman does it. Thing is, it can be kind of sexy when a woman does it. If these guys are sexy, somebody tell me, because i did sort of laugh.
One thing though: I think maybe these guys did cum doing that, because they seem momentarily weak when they rolled off of that ottoman.
Pardon me for being consistent, but it seems to me that even if the accused is a government employee or is otherwise deserving of execration, we should not take the mere word of prosecutors, reporters, or even the alleged victims as proof of the accused’s guilt.
I totally agree, but until the day when news media are not allowed to report on mere accusations I’m going to be sure that those against government actors and prohibitionists are advertised as prominently here as accusations against sex workers are elsewhere.
Reporting the accusations is good. “Another pervert claims to “help” teenage runaways so he can help himself to their sexual favors:” goes beyond reporting and into judgment. There simply are not enough facts available for judging.
I accept your just chastisement. One of the coolest things about my readership is that y’all have no problem with criticizing me when you disagree or feel I’m wrong; I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Thank you for the linkage, Maggie!
Re: large breasts. I’m definitely a naturally large-breasted woman and I’d like to go down to a “smaller” cup size, which for me would be an F (DDD in US measurements). They cause back pain when a proper bra isn’t worn, which is the case for most American women who continue to rely on the Victoria’s Secret method of ‘measure’, which is flawed and causes most women to wear bra sizes completely inappropriate for them. I worked at VS as well as Intimacy, which follows a European sizing chart and fitting, and there is a world of difference between the quality of bras.
Overall, I do believe the UK has the largest-breasted women, which doesn’t surprise me considering most of my bras come from there.
I’ve been completely disgusted at the VS method of measure. Had to argue with a sales clerk who tried to size me and claimed I needed a much larger measurement in the rib cage.
A well fitting bra does wonders (I’m fairly large breasted, at a DD).
I’ll have to check out Intimacy….
I had the same experience there recently. This young lady wanted to put me in a 42DD. I said, sugar, the band would be swimming around my rib cage (I’m 36 around) and the cups would definitely “overflow” as I’m an H-cup. Intimacy is good. Their bras are more expensive but you can have the bras tailored for free if you lose or gain a small amount of weight (the difference of a cup size or a band size)– all you pay is the S&H.
Where the hell are they measuring the band size, over the bustline? That makes no sense at all. I’ve never been measured at VS, because I figured out my size when I first got my boob job (though I can’t remember whose measurement system I used) and it’s never changed.
They mistake having a large bust with needing a larger band size. And that’s pretty much what was taught at the store. When I worked there, I turned more than one woman away because I could tell just by looking that we didn’t have her cup size and moreover, that the smallness of her back (band size) and the fullness of her breasts would require a much better constructed bra than anything we had in the store. You’re not supposed to do that, of course, but I refused to give shitty service.
You’re missing or ignoring that all women’s sizes have been changed upward. A size 2 in 1949 (so petite) has no relation to a size 2 now. Look at Norma Jean’s size in 1960 (her proportions) to the equivalent now. No comparison by number.
VS simply carries on the trend however aggressively. Obviously an influence of the patriarchal rape culture.
I’m sorry, but what the fuck does any of that have to do with the discussion?
Just a quick note to say thank you for an excellent blog which is now part of my daily reading. First encountered you when you did the guest stint on Radley Balko’s The Agitator.
I’ve neither been a whore nor their customer, but I’ve known a number of people who do such work, or did at one time — enough to know that the popular & journalist-pushed view of it is completely ludicrous.
You’ve got to laugh at the moronic mental gymnastics with which some people justify their childish attempts to draw sharp, static lines between complex, fluid behaviors.
Since prohibitionists need to draw the artificial line somewhere, they debate where exactly it lies between “regular” dating, compensated dating, sugar dating, travel dating, escort dating… Sometimes they can get quite confused, and that’s a good thing in itself as it shows how arbitrary the whole discussion is.
“The DNA code shows God meant for them to stay male and female.”
Ah yes, just as the fact that God put the different races of Man on different continents shows God meant for interracial marriage to be illegal.
You know, it’s surprising that God doesn’t sue these nincompoops for slander.
BTW, the before-and-after pics: is that you?
The guy who got caught fucking the burro: at least he didn’t claim that it was a prostitute who suddenly changed into a jenny.
I don’t know if Koca is helping himself to the goodies or not, but the system makes it all too easy for him to do so should he wish, and others have, whether he personally has or not.
The before & after pics are from an Australian plastic surgeon’s website, but I picked them because the sheila in the picture is of roughly the same height, weight, age and development as I was and the results are very similar. So they aren’t of me, but they almost could be.
She’s got a pretty nice figure, both before and after. Of course, it’s the after tittilies that’s catch attention, but her belly and hips are nice too.
[…] of wanting to “save” women, anti-trans sentiments are right out in the open. Legislators and judges openly persecute them; one Tennessee representative defended his bigotry with, “Don’t ask me […]