I’m a fairly new hobbyist and I think I have found a lady I’d like to see regularly; she’s beautiful sensual, very warm and compassionate and provides sexually everything I’m looking for. There’s only one problem: I can tell she doesn’t shower directly before our session. She isn’t dirty by any means, but I like to lick a women all over her body. How do I tell her without offending her? Should I ask her to hop in the shower with me?
Yes, I think the best way to go about it is to make a shower part of your requested activities. Few women are going to react well to the implication that their hygiene is somehow lacking, especially if it isn’t for all normal intents and purposes. But if you make it into a fetish thing, like the shower itself is part of what you like to do, she probably won’t take it as an insult. Now, it is possible that she may not go for that; I never once agreed to shower with a client because once my hair gets wet, it takes a very long time to dry (and it’s very difficult to keep it from getting wet if I’m in a shower). But many, perhaps even most, escorts probably aren’t going to mind as long as the shower is within the time you’re paying for. There’s one other thing, too: I know I’m not alone in being very averse to being licked. Many women dislike having foreign saliva anyplace other than between their legs, and some don’t even like that. Your lady may not be among their number; she may be just fine with being licked. But all the same, it’s something you should be aware of.
Do you think there might actually be health benefits from sexual interaction with multiple partners? I don’t mean the psychological boost some people receive from it, but an actual physical boost to your immune system. In years long past, I would get a cold or two every year, but for the past ten years or so I have almost never been sick. I attribute that partly to the fact that I have had intimate contact about once a month for the past ten years with a good number of healthy women. You obviously exchange some germs, but at the same time you are inoculating each other because in healthy people the levels are low.
I totally believe you’re right about the immune-system boost; I know that all while I was working I practically never got sick, and I think it’s because I was exposed to so many different conventional bacteria. In fact, I actually wrote about this in my second Q & A column three years ago this month.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
Ditto on the licking. There are some places I like being licked 🙂 but not all over. ESPECIALLY not my ear. Someone somewhere told men that licking a woman’s ear canal is sexy, and I cannot tell you how opposite to the truth this is. Not only does it leave my ear sticky, it makes a loud and rather gruesome sound.
I think a lot of people probably shower more than is strictly necessary for cleanliness. I shower and bathe for therapeutic purposes, not just hygiene. I think unless you work in a dirty profession, you probably don’t get dirty enough to warrant a daily shower in temperate weather. (In the heat, all bets are off.)
Having said that, if I were expecting intimate company, I would wash for certain. Being too clean is preferable to the opposite (Napoleon notwithstanding).
When it comes to women – we men first tend to hit the erogenous zones that WE enjoy having attention paid to – hoping to hit gold. That’s usually the starting point.
I know IT DRIVES ME NUTS when a woman licks my ear. Sadly, no woman has done it to me in over 30 years though. But I used to try it out on women and, you’re right – most are immediately repulsed. I had a technique where I didn’t go right for the ear – but “worked” my way there – I never got to the center of the lollipop before the girl stopped me.
The nape of the neck. Another one that not every woman enjoys. However, I found one once that went into outer space when you breathed and licked the nape of her neck. I mean seriously, I was working this girl and the outcome was uncertain – but once I found that gold mine on her neck – it was all over but the crying – she literally threw herself at me.
My wife’s nipples … I’ve said before my nipples are dead as tacks – but hers are almost the only erogenous zone she has. I can get her in the mood just by massaging them. If we’re going at it – and she’s on the edge but can’t quite get there – I just massage a nipple and that’s all she wrote. Rub though – don’t pinch or pull.
Men – I would bet you money that we men have very simple and predictable erogenous zones.
Women – whole different story. If you’re a man – it’s like a frustrating fishing trip … literally … “Try this … no … Try that … fuck … no … wtf?”
I have to take a shower everyday. Otherwise I can smell my pits in the gym every morning – and it’s not pleasant!
I have to take a shower everyday. Otherwise I can smell my pits in the gym every morning – and it’s not pleasant!
You work in a physically demanding job, and you live in a hot climate. Totally understandable.
I have a very weird problem: my body temperature does not self-regulate as well as most people’s does. I am super-sensitive to extremes of temperature. When I get cold, there are not enough blankets and sweaters in the world to warm me. When I get hot, nothing short of a cup of ice water dumped on my head will cool me. I stopped working out anyplace outside my home because it would cause me embarrassment.. When I used to jog in my old Bronx neighborhood, total strangers would often ask me if I needed an ambulance, because I was such a sweaty purple flushed wreck.
My primary care physician actually recommended a TCM treatment for this, and even given my general aversion to alternative medicine I considered trying it.
Look! Keep working out in your house … get a quality elliptical machine – go find a commercial model that is refurbished and was used in a gym previously – those are the best and smoothest kinds.
Work on your cardio – and keep working with goals – keep trying to improve your cardio performance – it’s easy to track on a commercial elliptical.
I will almost bet that if you get in good shape – your body temp regulation problems will evaporate!
From “Aversions” (linked in the post):
And yes, that loud and gruesome sound is the chief reason.
Is blowing into the ear out of fashion today?
Sigh. When will I learn to just read all your links before commenting? 😉
Krulac: When you say “drives me nuts” I presume you mean that in a good way? I do cut you guys slack. Finding out what makes a particular partner tick is half the fun. 😛
Korhomme: Is blowing into the ear out of fashion today?
Also DEAFENINGLY LOUD. Unless you want your partner replying “WHAT? SAY AGAIN?” to everything you say for the next five minutes, best not. Blowing after licking (the ear) is even worse.
I have also heard a rumor that blowing into the vagina can cause an embolism. Confirm/deny?
Only if you try to blow her up like a balloon.
(I didn’t see this until after I’d posted my reply to Sasha’s comment,)
And….. doesn’t that paint an uncomfortable picture. I’m sorry I asked. 🙁
“I have also heard a rumor that blowing into the vagina can cause an embolism. Confirm/deny?”
I haven’t heard this one. Usually, when we hear “embolism” we think of a blood clot; a clot which passes from the pelvis or legs to the lungs. But it’s also possible to get an “air embolism”, for example when an iv infusion has run though, or when there is a hole in a cerebral venous sinus. (Unlike other veins, these have rigid walls that hold them open, so it’s easy for air to get in.) It’s usually reckoned that it takes (at least) 100 mls of air to produce a fatal air embolism. Can this be done by blowing into the vagina? I guess it’s possible soon after menstruation, when the uterine lining is “raw”, but it would need a lot of blowing. I can’t say that it’s never happened, it just seems very improbable. (For completeness, there is also an amniotic fluid embolism; this very rarely happens during delivery, when the fluid surrounding the baby enters the maternal circulation; sadly, it’s often fatal.)
As for blowing into the ear, it’s a great way to get vertigo.
I mean it was an out of body experience. I can see where you girls don’t like to have a big gorilla licking at your ear – but if you’re a guy and you have this sexy little kitten all curled up on you and purring and licking your ear …
Jesus fucking Christ .. yes!
Re: blowing into the vagina.
At a critical point in the menstrual cycle there is the potential for vascular exposure if the uterus is given *positive* air pressure by vigorous inflation.
Microbubbles can pass across the semiporous interface on the inner uterine wall if the positive pressure is great enough, as the uterus requires the ability to form a two-way permeable connection to the placenta during pregnancy.
So, at the wrong time with the wrong vigour, yes. Not something I’d indulge in.
Girls,
Please cut men some slack here. What the fuck? We have no other choice other than dealing with a female animal of which, no two “copies” are the same. We have to figure this out on our own – with little help from you girls. So quit laughing at us (you witches!).
My advice to men is to engage the “high value targets” first … nipples, inside the thigh, nape of the neck (which has a hit ratio of about 50% I’d estimate) … lower back, triceps …
You may not get a confirmed “kill” on these targets but you won’t see significant resistance when engaging them (usually).
Once you’ve established a beach head on the “Isle of Lust” and a “roadmap” of basic erogenous points – you can then send patrols out to more controversial points where resistance might be high. If you experience heavy resistance – fall back for a time to the beachhead and regroup before going after another target of opportunity. And yes, go for the ears but not directly – you need to probe the perimeter defenses looking for an opening because often you’ll meet heavy resistance if you assault the ear canal directly. If you experience even a slight amount of resistance during one of your “probes” – get the fuck out immediately – slight resistance to a peripheral “probe” is always indicative of overwhelming opposition at the target area – so bypass it completely. However, if the probe exposes what looks to be an open invitation – then assault that canal in force – in waves.
This is just all an attempt to unlock seeds of lust within the girl … once she’s receptive … you have to find a safe route to get to the ultimate target goal, codenamed “Taco”. Which is another point that cannot be directly assaulted – and fuck … you’re on your own there because again – every girl is different!
Be safe out there and … good hunting. 😀
I “knew” this woman that got knee-buckling orgasms from ear play. Should I try to erase those memory tapes because it could never of really happened?
No, it means you found a woman whose tastes in foreplay are different than mine. 🙂 Enjoy those memories!
I don’t really “lick” women – I think “kissing” and “breathing” is enough.
And … I’m kind of a “throwback” … I like the natural smell of a woman much more than perfume. It may be that I have a hyper-sensitive sense of smell. I can smell things others can’t. I can smell even a small amount of fecal coliform in water and that has RUINED a few kayaking trips taken with my family.
So I can smell womanly “odors” even when they aren’t directly in my face. I can sometimes smell my wife fully clothed a few hours AFTER she’s showered. Normally – the feminine smell literally sets me on fire with lust – there’s something in there that flips a switch in me. And when it comes to actual sex – it’s like a bouquet of smells that are so overpowering to me that they put me in an animalistic trance.
Recently though I got ahold of a girl that was so GODDAMN SMELLY – and not in a good way. I kissed my way down to just under her breast when it hit me – and I was like … “Fuck there is no way I’m going down there.” It was soooo bad I momentarily lost my erection – and had to recompose myself. I got it back quickly but it took a lot of fantasizing – and the sex had to be vigorous. I had to keep her moving quickly from position to position so the smell didn’t reach me.
After the date – I could still smell her – and I was 30 miles away!! Of course – the smell was on me now! I had to shower immediately! Yuck.
Which kind of illustrates how far a guy will go and what he’ll put up with just to get laid. Damn … I should have walked out on that but I couldn’t bring myself to do it!
Off topic, but I want to compliment Maggie on her choice of John William Godward’s A Pompeian Bath as a background image for this blog entry. I read Godward’s biography on Wikipedia, and it’s sad that he felt that there was no room in the art world for him and Pablo Picasso, leading him to take his own life at the age of 61. It’s even sadder that his family was not supportive of his talents.
I also find licking on another place than between the legs extremely gross. Fortunately, no Client or private sex Partner has ever attempted to do it. I think there may even be an evolutionary reason women have a stronger Aversion to Body liquids than men have. At least in my experience, most women find saliva or sperm gross. Maybe that’s because we have a higher risk of getting infected with STI during sexual intercourse than men.
No … it’s just because you girls are prissier.
Guys … hell we PLAY in mud from day one – not many girls do. Ikky things don’t bother us.
I could really gross you out if I told you all the things I’ve done with female vaginal secretions … but sitting here typing this … I’m getting excited just thinking about it!
Not all girls are like that however, I had a girlfriend who INSISTED that I finish in her mouth at least once a day and she swallowed every drop and chased down the slightest amount that escaped her lips.
I remember I was exhausted one night and got in bed and rolled over to sleep. Tap, tap, tap – on my shoulder. Roll over and she has this worried look on her face … “What’s up?” I say. “Do you mind if I blow you before you go to sleep?” she asks.
I’m like “well, I’m tired … I’ll let you blow me if YOU feel an absolute need to blow me – but I don’t really feel a need for it personally … do you really want to blow me?”
“I think so … I mean, I’m hugry!”
LOL
“Do you think there might actually be health benefits from sexual interaction with multiple partners?”
This is from research on Kenyan prostitutes:
Resistance to HIV infection in a small group of Kenyan sex workers is associated with CD8+-lymphocyte responses to HIV cytotoxic T-lymphocyte (CTL) epitopes…. The key epidemiologic correlate of late seroconversion was a reduction in sex work over the preceding year. In persistently uninfected controls, a break from sex work was associated with a loss of HIV-specific CD8+ responses. Late seroconversion may occur in HIV-1–resistant sex workers despite preceding HIV-specific CD8+ responses. Seroconversion generally occurs in the absence of detectable CTL escape mutations and may relate to the waning of HIV-specific CD8+ responses due to reduced antigenic exposure.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC199193/
The crucial point here is that the sex workers became more vulnerable to infection when they stopped or substantially reduced contact. Non-exclusive sexual activity clearly does strengthen the immune system.
Chill duuude, no Need to get offended by other people’s dislikes…I also used to Play in mud/forest as a child, as did all my friends, male or female…in fact, i still don’t have a Problem with eating insects if they are properly prepared and i often go on Festivals where you don’t shower for days and sometimes end up rolling in the mud;-) But that has nothing to do with sex.
I’m totally chill – I’m just saying that there is no “evolutionary” reason for women to fear male sperm. What you’re saying makes no sense – since almost 100% of women DO allow sperm to enter their vagina and keep it there.
It’s simply the female “ick” factor that causes some of you to dislike having it on your precious skin … or around your mouth or something.
You stated well .. that this must be because women have a higher risk of contracting STD’s. That is false – the risk comes from unprotected sex in the vagina – and depositing fluids THERE – not anywhere else that “icks” you girls.
I cannot stand to be licked by anyone I am not either in love with or deeply attracted to.
In fetish work, requests for “body worship” are very common–the client wants to lick and kiss the feet, or the legs, or the ass, or whatever part of the body he’s especially enamored with (no oral sex, of course).
I just can’t endure it, and I lose sessions because of it. The memory of his tongue on my body afterward is the worst part. Like, I sit down to grade papers or eat lunch, and I get a licked-sensation flashback. GROSS!
What’s weird is that if my boyfriends do it, I enjoy it!
“Loud and gruesome sound” is a perfect description! lol lol
You hit an important point …
I think “love” makes many women actually LIKE things that they wouldn’t like from just any other guy.
Think about all the chicks who rant against prostitution and women “doing it” with just about any (dirty) somebody.
Then look at who they’re married to and you’ll see a lot of ’em are married to fat gross dudes – but he doesn’t count because they LOVE him!
“Loud and gruesome sound” is a perfect description! lol lol
It’s right in my freakin’ EAR! Everything is going to be loud, by definition. 😉
Margo, I find that fascinating. Is there anything else that you like when done by a lover, but hate when done by a client?
Apropos of nothing, when my cat licks me it is the sweetest thing ever. (Insert pussy joke here.)
She liked it when I licked her pussy, but the hairballs! When her pussy started licking me, I had to draw the line.
Laura, that’s your queue to start laughing. Pet Blossom for me, would you?