One of my boyfriends once said something like, “If you’re going to shoot a man, you at least ought to have the decency to look him in the eye when you do it.” This essay is presented in that spirit; anyone who supports inflicting harm on someone should at least have the guts to look upon the effects of his handiwork.
I am a registered sex offender. I’ve been so for over 10 years, the result of a conviction for possession of child pornography; I served a prison term and have been out for a number of years now. I’ve been friends with Maggie for nearly 2 years now and she has been very supportive; I wish there were more people like her in this world but, alas, such a Utopia is impossible. I’d like to thank her for giving me a chance to talk about my life; I’m not here to defend my actions or say that my punishment was undeserved. I accept responsibility for what I did and will live with the consequences for the rest of my life, as the state will never let me forget. I’m just here to tell in plain words what my life has been like since it ended.
Originally I had a short prison sentence followed by a lengthy probationary period, but when I was out about a month when I got busted for solicitation for prostitution. I was feeling despondent and wanted some companionship (from a GROWN WOMAN mind you), but the state needed to prove it was tough by getting lonely men off the street. So I went back to prison, but when I was released the second time I only had the “regular” RSO restrictions. Upon release, I went first to a halfway house where I stayed in a garage room with 3 other guys; that sounds bad, but there was a worse one across the street with 15 guys living in one tiny house. Even so, I couldn’t stand it for long, so I packed up my crap and moved back in with my mother and her alcoholic husband, who has abused us both for the last 15 years (mostly emotionally but sometimes physically).
Eventually I met a wonderful girl whom I fell in love with; I’ll call her “Annie”. I disclosed my toxic past to her and she managed to look past it to give me a fair chance. But her landlord was not so understanding; though it was perfectly legal for me to live there, within a week she got a notice saying they would start eviction proceedings if I didn’t move out (despite the fact that they rented to gang members and drug dealers). So once again, I was forced to move back home. When Annie’s lease was up she moved into my mother’s house to be with me, but that didn’t last long because my stepfather is a poison pill. So we moved again, this time into a friend’s apartment where she and I shared a tiny bedroom with our two dogs. Thankfully, we soon found a condo that was owned by a private individual rather than a corporation, and she didn’t mind renting to me. That was probably the best 2 years of my life since getting out, but even that had to end as I cannot hold onto anything concrete.
For one thing, I’ve not held a steady job for over 10 years. At first I did some temp work, but that dried up after they ran a background check on me for a specific job; after that I couldn’t find work anywhere. I tried to go to work doing landscaping, but I’ve had knee problems for almost my entire life and the pain at the end of the day was so great I couldn’t even walk. My mother couldn’t help, and my father won’t even return my calls or emails. So I was being supported by my girlfriend, who in turn was being supported by her parents; unfortunately, her father became chronically ill so she returned to her home state to take care of him, and I had to move back in with my mother. I’m still good friends with her but I miss her, our condo and our pets dreadfully.
That was nearly three years ago, and since then I’ve become increasingly isolated from society for obvious reasons. For example, once Annie and I made friends with another couple; we had them over for dinner and a small Christmas party, and all seemed to be going well until the wife decided to see if she knew any sex offenders. Instead of talking with me about this, they and everyone they knew decided to blackball me. I’ve not made new friends since, save for Maggie and a few other open minded folks that nevertheless live thousands of miles away. My relationship with my mother is tenuous at best and she, well, she’s still married to a drunk.
One time a 4 year old autistic boy went missing in our neighborhood, and the sheriff’s office went all in on the search. When I heard a reporter ask them on TV, “Is it possible the child was abducted?” I knew shit was coming my way; sure enough, a few hours later there’s a knock at the door. Two deputies wanted to search the place without a warrant; I knew damn well that if I held out for one I could expect all sorts of fun visits in the future, so I let them in. It turned out that the boy had drowned in a retention pool, but of course they didn’t think of something like that until after they harassed me. I have nightmares about my incarceration, about my childhood home turning into a prison. I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I’m bad at anatomy; all I have as a result of that are scars around the major veins. And deep down I know it would crush my mother if I died that way, even after everything that’s happened. I do secretly wish for my stepfather to die, as he too is unemployed and is much more of a financial and emotional drain on my mother than I am.
I have a daughter whom I’ve never met, from a failed relationship that ended before my initial arrest, and though I’d like a family of my own I know it’s quite impossible. Aside from the economic realities, children of RSOs are often teased mercilessly by their peers and, as a result, develop depression and anxiety. The state does nothing to protect the children of RSOs, and in some cases puts them in harm’s way; how could I willingly inflict that kind of life on a child? People imagine that all RSOs are a danger to kids, but I’ve never abused any kid nor do I have any sort of predilection to do so. I find child abuse abhorrent; while some may think that statement is at odds with my conviction, it happens to be the truth. I’ve met several RSOs whose “victims” are now their wives and they have kids together; why should the state keep tabs on them and want to harass their wives and children? I know there are some pretty bad guys out there and I don’t think there are any easy answers as to what to do with them, but I do know that bloating the registry with people who aren’t dangerous to anyone is probably a bad idea. So there you have it; that’s my story, at least so far. I don’t know it will end, or how much time I have left on this earth. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this torture alive, or if I’ll be gunned down by some psycho who thinks he’s serving some greater good.
I usually see the words “convicted of possessing child pornography” and my sympathy meter drops to zero and I stop right there but I decided to keep reading. Now, I admit I feel a little lost at sea…despite his awful conviction, I wish this man luck and wellness. I have a feeling I’m in for a long period of reevaluating my knee jerk reaction to registered sex offenders…not quite sure what I’m trying to say but I hope this makes some sense.
It makes sense. We all have prejudices, but it’s a sign of intelligence and good character to admit that and to re-examine those feelings when confronted with new information. 🙂
It strikes me that if such a thing as the cinematic child molester (devious, monstrous, hard to catch) exists, it must be possible, or even relatively easy, for him to escape The List by assuming a new identity. So all The List is doing is trapping the stupid, the unlucky, and the unjustly tarred.
He could become Jack Reacher and live totally off the grid … who doesn’t want to be Jack Reacher?
There’s really no elaboration here on the kind of child porn he was busted for …
I have to say – I own a house that I rent out and I would not rent to this individual. I used to live in that house – I know the neighbors and their kids. I would always “err” on the side of caution with regards to their safety – and not take a blind bet on an unknown ex-con convicted of possessing child porn. My reputation would be on the line here too.
We are all responsible for our actions … but we have no control over the views and perceptions of others and society at large. Therefore – our actions should be dictated by a sober evaluation of the consequences. There are certain things I’m willing to be arrested for. There are certain things that I’m willing to face the scorn of society for.
Child porn isn’t one of those things.
I believe he’s remorseful – I believe that his “bad luck” is due, in large part, to the fact that he, on some level, feels he is seriously flawed. Not only does society believe that he’s committed a crime for which he can’t be forgiven – but I think he believes it too.
My recommendation – am I actually saying this? … is to find a good psychologist for some therapy. He needs to figure out a way to turn his life into a force for good and regain his self-worth. Society could change it’s views concerning him overnight – this would not solve his internal struggles though,
If the writer had been involved in abusing children, I would agree with you. But our laws are written so broadly that there’s no way to realistically draw that conclusion. You can be convicted of felony possession of child porn without any showing of intent. If you surf the web for porn, as many of us do, you could very easily download something that involves an underage person without you having any way to know about it, and still be convicted. Teenagers have been convicted because some other teen sent them a “sext” message. And people have even been convicted because their computer got hacked (or got a worm or virus) and the hacker stored some CP on their hard drive.
The only good answer, for now, is for juries to become reluctant to convict people of these so-called crimes, maybe even for any crimes, until the government decides to no longer be at war with us the people.
In an indirect way, he was involved in abusing children – by becoming a consumer of child porn. It’s difficult to say because there are no details of his crime. However – he feels bad about something – and it’s bad enough to contribute to his desire to kill himself. Left with no other details – I can’t conclude anything other than the crime was legit – as he seems to say so himself.
He did not receive the penalty of a child abuser though – remember this. He received a “short sentence” as a consumer of child porn. There’s a difference between the actual abuser who produced the porn and the consumer. You can’t really compare him to the actual abuser. However, he is guilty of contributing to the abuse by consuming the produced material.
Agree with you that the laws are written strangely – however, this doesn’t seem to be one of those “fringe” cases of obscurity.
It depends on what the child porn actually was. Genuine children forced to have sex -> definitely abuse of children. Just slightly underaged teens having sex -> where’s the abuse?
His attitude suggest it wasn’t the latter, but it still might not be as clear-cut as you say, like cartoons or pictures of (partially) naked children not actually having sex.
In an indirect way, he was involved in abusing children – by becoming a consumer of child porn. (Krulac)
I agree with this and like a snuff film there is a victim being watched. It is difficult to make a full assessment of this individual as there is little to go on in regards to what he did?
You realize that it’s possible to make pictures of children in sexual positions without involving any REAL children, right?
So keep in mind that it’s possible the creation of the child porn he was convicted of possessing did NOT involve harming any REAL children.
The ridiculous thing about the registered sex offender status is: We let these people out of prison when their sentence is up. The laws could have been changed to make it a life sentence, but they were not. (Or given that this is thought to be a form of mental illness, lifetime institutionalization would work.)
Instead we made laws which said, “We are letting these scary, dangerous people free to commit their (presumably) horrible crimes again, but we’ll come up with this pathetic half-measure that will just scare everyone silly and will protect no one.” Now, probably the law makers don’t really think these are scary, dangerous people or their sentences would resemble those of killers. However, they’ve come up with this latticework of internal exile that wouldn’t deter a determined offender.
That’s nonsense.
All these laws named after dead kids are based on myths such as “sex offenders are much more likely to re-offend than other criminals”, which has been long since disproven.
Glib spokespeople for the myths, such as John Walsh, need to go on a list themselves — as leaders of dangerous cults that injure and kill people.
First things first… I hate disclaimers. I think they undermine argumentation by focusing attention on the speaker rather than the message, and I kinda hate myself for feeling like I need to say this, but: I’m not the same Anonymous that wrote this article.
With that out of the way…
I once read an interesting thing about one of those generally awful eponymous laws; in this specific case, I believe it was called Jessica’s Law. Basically, it mandated 25+ year sentences for sex offenses against minors. What I read was arguments from *prosecutors* about why they did not want that law passed in their state. It basically boiled down to two things:
1. As readers here probably know, 90+% of such abuse cases involve a friend or relative (often a parent), and the vast majority of such cases hinge upon the testimony of the victim. If the victim knows that “if Daddy (for example) is convicted, there’s a good chance that I’ll never see him again”, that makes it less likely that the victim will testify (because, no matter how bad the abuse might have been, he’s still Daddy).
2. 90+% of convictions are by plea bargain. When the prosecutor is required by law to say, “The best plea bargain I can offer you is 25 years,” the accused is more likely to opt to go to trial, and fight that much harder, than if the prosecutor can offer a couple years in jail, even with the RSO list. As bad as being on the RSO list is (and it is), it’s still not the same as being locked up for decades in an enclosed place with people whom you *know* are out to get you.
Of course, the fact that so many convictions are based on plea bargains, often made with the Hobson’s Choice of “a couple of guaranteed years in jail”, vs. “an 80-90% chance of a couple of decades in prison, plus likely bankruptcy even if you’re found not guilty” is a major problem in an of itself, but remember that this article I read was from the view or prosecutors, who for the most part only care about their win record.
The ridiculous thing about the registered sex offender status is: We let these people out of prison when their sentence is up. The laws could have been changed to make it a life sentence, but they were not.
So somebody should incarcerated for life for the crime of public urination, or any sort of indecent exposure regardless of the context? A high school student went streaking during a football game. Anybody with any sense would have seen that as a stupid practical joke, but the principal publicly stated that the student could be prosecuted as a registered sex offender. Guess what happened—the boy committed suicide. If he had not hung himself, you would have this kid locked up for the rest of his life?
The problem isn’t that we aren’t locking up registered sex offenders for life, but that society has demonized human sexuality. Without this demonization, we would stop locking up people who don’t belong in prison, and get help for people like Jerry Sandusky before they become monsters.
But it’s nice to know that you think the answer to the problem of demonization is more demonization.
Well, no, because as far as I’m concerned he didn’t commit a serious crime that was worthy of any jail time at all let alone a life sentence.
That being said, though, all this case proves is that the sex offender list is being used to punish people far out of proportion to their crimes. That makes it no different than any other form of punishment our society doles out, from prison to tasers.
The sex offender registry is a very serious form of punishment, very close to being equivalent to doing time. Surely this suicide proves that?
I’m saying that this form of “correction” should be eliminated altogether. In other words, there should be no crimes, no matter how serious or trivial that are “corrected” by being placed in a sex offender registry. The whole system of sex offender registry should be completely abolished.
Consider a violent rapist. Occasionally, these men are released from prison. I would assume that after they are released, they are put into the sex offender registry along with the public urinators. Unlike public urinators, it’s much tougher to argue that these men no longer represent a threat to the public. I leave that argument for others to make.
What I will say, however, is that releasing them and putting them on a sex offenders registry for the rest of their life is not a useful way to protect the public from them. If they are not safe to be in the general population, they should remain in prison.
We’re on the same page!
Actually, sex offenders generally have very low rate or recidivism (in part, because we define an 17-year-old have sex with a 15-year-old as a sex offense, a crime they will literally be unable to repeat). Isolating them from society, cutting them off, denying them any chance of a normal life is one of the worst things you can do.
The problem is that we don’t distinguish between a dangerous RSO and a non-dangerous one because we’re terrified will miss a dangerous one. Best to just throw them all under the bridge (literally). But I would submit that a society that does not distinguish between someone having consensual sex with a physically mature but legally underage person and someone raping toddler has lost its marbles.
The State of Georgia — hardly a blue state — did a study on sex offender registrants. They found that 70% could be taken off the registry with no danger and only 5% were true predators. That tells me we could reintegrate 70% of them into society, keep an eye on 25% and jail the other 5%.
I can’t find the exact bit on YouTube, but the comedian Louis C.K. once wondered whether child murderers would maybe leave the kids alive if the penalties against pedophilia was not so harsh. He has a point—for people who are sexually attracted to prepubescent children and haven’t done anything yet, it’s practically impossible for them to get help. It’s also nearly next to impossible to DISCUSS this rationally since people are afraid that by bringing the topic up, people will think they are pedophiles.
The 5% that you are talking about need to be locked up so that they don’t hurt any other children, but there has to be a better job of preventing these crimes in the first place. Maggie talks about harm reduction in the case of sex work and drug abuse. I don’t know exactly how, but something like that has to take place with pedophilia and child sex abuse. I believe that our policies are making this worse, and not better.
“But I would submit that a society that does not distinguish between someone having consensual sex with a physically mature but legally underage person and someone raping toddler has lost its marbles.”
And many of the men who are charged with statutory offenses are young men themselves. I know so many stories of men who, at 19 or 20, slept with a willing 15 year old and ended up with jail time and decades or a lifetime on the registry. I know a lovely couple who recently had to shell out $400 to the state of TX so that the state could send out postcards with his picture to all the neighbors, alerting them that a sex offender was moving in, after they married and moved, because when he was 19 he made the stupid choice to have sex with a 15 year old. The couple is almost 30 now and he just cannot get away from it.
As I mentioned below, in many states, the vast majority of men on the registry are on for a single non-contact offense or a single non-violent statutory offense with a post-pubescent teen. In some cases, such as the sting operation that my husband was arrested in, the offense is BOTH non-contact AND involving a (cop–often decades older than the men being arrested–posing as a) willing post-pubescent teen. And as bad as my husband’s arrest was (with officers going into adult sex chat rooms, where you had to click that you were over 18 before entering and where you would not go if you were seeking out children), there are far worse stings.
Florida and a few other states now run Craiglist stings where they post ads saying they are 18-20. Then, when the man replies, they respond with an e-mail mentioning they are “really” 15 OR saying things along the lines of, they are 19 and they have a 15 year old sister who’d like to join in. If the guy, who originally responded to an ad from a person they believed was 18 or over, gives any sort of positive response to that e-mail, he’s arrested. In many cases, he doesn’t even have to have his home. I know a man from NC who spent a year in prison after being arrested in a sting like that (he was 27 at the time). These stings, and stings like the one my husband was arrested in, routinely lead to dozens of arrests in the span of a week or two. The men end up on registries for decades or life.
It is a complete perversion of justice. And yet in many states hundreds or even thousands of men are on the registry because of a sting operation where officers pretended to be willing, eager, mature teens a year under the age of consent actively seeking out sex and were too stupid to not immediately say no. These states get hundreds of thousands of dollars of federal money (some of it from Homeland Security!) to run these stings in the name of “cybersecurity,” as if huge threats to our nation are being posed by stupid young men showing poor judgement on Craigslist or in sex chat rooms.
The moral is mostly that, if you are ever approached online by a 15 year old girl saying she wants to have sex, the only correct answer is, “No thanks, officer.”
Thank you Anonymous and Maggie for sharing this story. I’m sure there are many more like this. I also know of one similar. A lovely man who is marked for life and doesn’t deserve what he got. Who is a benefit to society. There needs to be more common sense involved in all this stuff. Not lump everyone into one box. Very similar to what the “rescuce industry” does. No use of common sense. Just make everyone a victim! Only by sharing these kinds of stories will things get better, more equitable and safer for all. Thanks.
What a sad story. And what a flawless system, the sex offender registry, if you want to ruin more lives. Equating victimless crimes, minor crimes, and actual horrible offenses directly against children is God damned lazy and unhelpful.
Thanks for sharing, anonymous.
By making punishment perpetual, you make rehabilitation impossible. Kipling addressed this in the Jungle Book; once you’ve been punished, that needs to be it. No further recriminations, no continual harassment without cause. Until society re-learns this lesson, stories like the above will continue.
Another life destroyed by a government. The endless tale.
Absolutely heartbreaking, man. Thanks for sharing.
Below is a video of Judith Levine talking about the injustice of these laws. (She is preceded by a few people in the video, but most of it is her talking.) I suggest everyone here watch it.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=h4r490-CWEA
Here in the UK the “paedo scare” hysteria is very poisonous, thanks in no small proportion to uncle Rupert and his media mogul brethren with their rational, balanced reporting (not). Thanks anonymous for sharing, I hope that life will have a decent amount of fairness for you from now on. And thanks Maggie for once again getting us to deepen our understanding and compassion on issues that look very different when we approach them in a less emotional way.
Keep in mind that what some government employees call “child pornography” may be nothing more than a top-free little girl walking on the beach. Not only are the penalties draconian, but the application of the label “child pornography” is sometimes completely unwarranted.
Reblogged this on Sexhysteria's Blog and commented:
Whoever thinks there is no mass hysteria over child sex abuse should read this story. It is merely one of many such lives casually destroyed by the hysteria. There is a website that lists many other cases, which I will try to find the link to.
I know a massage therapist who’s life was destroyed by one lady AFTER a full body massage, which includes the chest area, but not touching nipples and lymphatic drainage up the inside of the thigh, but not touching the crotch and massaging the but. His continual queries about comfort and “let me know if you are uncomfortable at all with anything or don’t want me to massage any particular place” totally ignored…long court case and his shattered rep later her case was thrown out…some people only remember the bad or want to be “champions”, they like living in fear and being able to blame anyone else…it is just easier than taking responsibility for their own lives.
There has to be an appeal process in these rulings, imo. I do not consider a 19 year old who is told by a 14 year old that she is old enough, they fall in love, and then he finds out when he’s up on charges to be a sex offender. But there are cases where he is charged. Distributing child porn can be a case to get this label as well, but recently a 17 year old girl is going to get charged with this for sending out pics of her boyfriends girlfriend, who had sent him sexy photos of herself when they were under 18.
I don’t want 45 year olds thinking it is OK to date a 16 year old, but I don’t want people who have consensual sex with someone to be labeled a sex offender for the rest of their lives. And i also do not want someone who hasn’t actually had physical contact with anyone underage to be labled either.
Any one of us may have child porn looked at on our computers, because sometimes underage teenagers lie about their ages, get photos taken, and it ends up on the internet to be viewed.
Save the hardlines for the hard cases, that’s my opinion. And yes, this guy needs counseling asap. And if he is interested in getting thru this, consider being a paid speaker at events on the topic of child porn or lobby for change.
[…] A registered sex offender tells his story. […]
Some of you who are blabbing about “child porn” and repeating government propaganda need to wake up. I discovered the Polaroid camera in the spring of 1982 and, like any healthy 15-year-old, immediately introduced it to my friends. The film was too expensive to use often, but I probably still have some snaps of 15- and 16- and 17-year old Maggie lying around in some box somewhere. And if I scanned them and emailed the scans to any one of you while tipping off the feds, y’all might be enjoying the next few decades on the “sex offender” registry for “receiving child porn”. See, like all “possession” offenses, it’s strict liability; in other words it doesn’t matter who made it, or how it got into your possession: the mere POSSESSION is the crime. This is what people who support these laws don’t get. These laws & prosecutions are not the actions of advanced, moral people; they are the acts of vicious, childlike savages enforcing a tribal taboo. The government uses them as just one of many excuses to railroad people; if they were really intended to “protect” anybody we wouldn’t see teenage girls being prosecuted for taking nude selfies.
That’s what I call hitting the nail on the head!
Thank you for this! The comments here are bringing tears to my eyes.
I am married to a registered sex offender. When we were both 25 and I was 7-1/2 months pregnant with our first child (a stressful and difficult pregnancy, during a very rough time in our marriage), my husband was arrested in an online sting operation. An undercover officer went into an adult sex chat room claiming to be a sexually-experienced 15-year-old girl seeking out a hook up with an older guy (something “she” claimed to have done twice before, and which was great fun), particularly if he was willing to hook her up with beer and/or weed. The officer tried to set up three meetings, which my husband didn’t show up for (and at times instructed my husband to “man up” and agree to meet), before finally he drove to a public park at 4 p.m. to meet this person. He claims he wanted to find out if it was a cop or not, and that was it. Given that I received a call from him telling me he’d be home from work in an hour (the park was an hour from our home), literally moments before he was arrested, and that at the time of his arrest he had no cash, condoms, alcohol, or anything else you might want for an illicit liason with him, I’m inclined to believe him. He was pulled over as soon as he entered the parking lot, ordered to pull over, and arrested immediately.
He was threatened with 20 years in prison if he did not take a plea. He took the plea, and got two years probation. He also got 25 years on our state’s sex offender registry. During the two or three weeks the sting went on for that spring, over 50 men were arrested. Many were under 30; a few were as young as 19. A good number were foreign, likely from countries where age of consent laws and laws about what constitutes sexual contact are different. Every single man arrested took a plea, probably given the same choice as my husband (a trial and the possibility of two decades behind bars, or a plea with no or little prison time).
No child pornography, visits to websites where minors would actually be found, or contact with actual minors was found on any of the computers or accounts my husband had access to. AFAIK, that was the case for every man arrested. Not a single arrested yielded a man for whom they then found evidence for actual sexual assault, statutory rape, or even possession of illegal images of anybody under 18. Not a single man arrested had a previous criminal history. In the ensuing decade, not a single news story has appeared about a sex offender arrested in this sting or one like it later arrested for another sex crime.
We were kicked out of one apartment complex, with our infant son, after the management claimed they couldn’t protect us from threats from people who refused our offers to meet with them to explain the situation and hopefully allay their fears but just wanted us gone.
It’s been 10 years. My husband, at 35, is a different man and a different husband. He has grown and learned a lot. He is now the father of 3 and soon to be 4 children. He is a good father and a decent man. Contrary to all common sense, thanks to changes in our state laws, he actually has MORE restrictions on him today than he did while on probation. On probation, because of his psychological evaluation (two therapists deemed him to be not a predator, not a pedophile, and to pose an extremely low risk of reoffense) and a sensible judge, he was allowed to visit parks, playgrounds, or schools IF he was there with his child, because the judge did not want our child to suffer unduly. Thanks to legislation passed that applies to all sex offenders blanketly, today my husband would be committed a felony if he took his toddler children to a playground or park or if he attended a recital at our oldest’s school.
He has been fortunate to have remained employed this entire time, but we live in fear, because if the wrong person learns of his status, he could lose his job and we could lose our home. We’ve considered moving out of state, to a state where he would be eligible to be off the registry or at least appeal to be taken off since 10 years have passed (how long you have to stay on depends on the state you live in–in our state, anybody who commits any sex offense as an adult is on for 25 years or life), or a state where he’d be on a private rather than public registry. The problems are that we lack the money and we know it may not help. Because of the nature of these laws, they can change at any time. States can pass any new laws they want about sex offenders for any reason. A state where previously my husband would have been off in 10, could say all 10 year registrants now much register for life. A state where previously his information would have been only available to law enforcement could decide to send out mailings to everybody in our zip code with his picture on it. There is NO legal protection for anybody convicted of a sex crime. Our state recently failed, thankfully, to pass a bill that would have made it a felony if, when we had friends over for dinner, my husband were to pass a slice of pizza to their child (it made it a felony violation for any sex offender to “provide food or drink” to any minor). It may pass next time it is put up for a vote. In other states, if a parent knowingly allows their child to play in a home where a sex offender is present, that parent can be charged with child endangerment, regardless of the nature of the offense or how far in the past it was. This is the reality of these laws.
My husband is not the minority. I wish he was. The vast majority of registered sex offenders are on the list for a single non-violent or statutory offense. The idea that the sex offender registry is a list of child molesters or violent rapists is patently false. The state of Florida has so many men on its registry that the public felt that had no idea who was really dangerous, so they designated some sex offenders with “predator” status. A “predator,” in FL, is a person who 1) committed an offense against a person 13 or under, 2) committed a forcible sex offense against a person of ANY age, OR 3) committed more than one sex offense of any kind. About 13% of Florida’s sex offenders are “predators.” That means that 87% of sex offenders in FL are on the registry for a single non-violent offense or a single statutory offense involving a post-pubescent teen. Many of these men were young adults themselves at the time of their single offense. This is the reality of who is on the registry, not men who serially molest and perhaps even murder small children (the very people the lists were supposedly designed to identify).
Sorry for the book. But I am always excited to see people thinking seriously and thoughtfully about these issues. There are currently over 750,000 sex offenders in the U.S., and sex offenses (particularly online offenses like child porn possession and internet solicitation) are among the fastest-growing crimes in the country, in terms of prosecutions. We will in not very long have over 1 million sex offenders in this country. In some states, 2% of the male population will be on the registry. And, again, over 85% of these registrants will be handed this stigma because of a single poor choice that involved no victim or a willing post-pubescent teen participant, often when the offenders themselves were in their late teens or early to mid 20s. These men lose many rights and are in the position of having where they live, what they do, or even giving a glass of water to a thirsty child made a felony at ANY TIME. This is a travesty that no other country in the world perpetrates and that we should not stand for.
No need to apologize. These stories need to be told, and I’m happy to provide a place where they can be; I only wish we could force politicians to watch videos of them, Clockwork Orange style, until they got it through their thick skulls that these laws are pure evil.
I sincerely hope that things work out for you and your husband and family, and that he makes it off the registry without incident.
There’s much we don’t know here: how did the CP get into his possession? I know that strict liability laws don’t care, but people with sense do.
What was the CP? Was it pics of a family at a nude beach, or some utterly depraved recording of a child (not teenager) being raped (not statutory but really raped)?
We don’t know, so we don’t know if this guy should’ve been never touched, or should still be in prison.
What I think we do know is that these registries are bullshit. As eddiejc1 and pww make clear, for the real monsters they don’t keep them locked up, and for the not guilty of anything serious they punish them for life. The registries should be abolished.
Rape a child? As far as I know that’s physically impossible. We might as well accuse someone of flying through the air on a broomstick. let’s separate the hysteria over child sex abuse from the reality.
I’ll admit that I don’t know the exact age at which a human being becomes “rapeable,” in the sense that she can be vaginally penetrated with an adult penis without suffering massive physical damage. I’ve heard of ten-year-olds giving birth, and even the man no other man laughs at in the locker room doesn’t have a penis as big as a baby, so I suspect that it is possible. I’m frankly not willing to go looking for proof.
But feel free to substitute “painful non-consensual sexual activity” for “rape.” The point is the same: we don’t know what he actually got caught with.
Thanks. “painful non-consensual sexual activity” sounds closer to reality but in my 62 years and extensive travels I’ve never seen any images depicting that. What I have repeatedly seen is innocent family or social nudity called “pornography.”
You and I are in agreement that nobody should go to prison or be on a registry for that. In fact, we probably agree that nobody should get so much as a ticket for that.