Archive for August 17th, 2017


I recently contacted a young lady advertising her services in an internet forum dedicated to a certain fetish to make a custom video for me, and gave her what I thought was a detailed list of instructions for what I wanted in the video.  She said that one of my requests was outside of her comfort zone; I told her that was OK, that I still wanted to hire her, and offered a substitute for the offending request instead, which she found acceptable and agreed to.  But the resultant video then wound up having just that one substitution, and none of the other elements we’d previously discussed.  I feel unhappy that I didn’t get what I was looking for; she’s already been paid of course, but has asked me how I liked the video, and I’m unsure what to say.  What’s the proper and appropriate way for a client to express dissatisfaction with the service they’re getting?

I think this is one of those cases where a “compliment sandwich” is the right approach:  compliment her, then express your criticism clearly and without rancor (and putting the blame on yourself), followed by another compliment.  Something like this might work:  “You’re very beautiful and the video you sent was very sexy!  I’m afraid I didn’t explain myself well, though; the substitute request was only for that one element you weren’t comfortable with, and I still wanted the other elements we had discussed that you were OK with.  Next time I’ll be sure to explain better, so the results will be even sexier.”  It’s possible she may reply with an offer to redo the video, or to give you a discount on the next; however, even if she doesn’t, you’ve at least expressed your feelings and learned that in future, it’s probably best to spell things out clearly & double-check after making a change.  “So we’re going to change that one element and leave the other ones as I first expressed them, OK?”  Something like that.  And with any luck, this will also teach her to pay a bit more attention to the details of requests, which in fetish work are often very specific and can ruin the fantasy if left out.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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