When you’re less popular than cockroaches, Genghis Khan, traffic jams, and…even Nickelback…it might be time to reevaluate. – Tom Jensen
As if to make up for the holiday lull, this was an astonishingly busy week for links; besides having a record number of them (56 plus the two videos) and a record number of different contributors (17), the average number of links contributed (1.88) was quite high. The top supplier was Radley Balko, who provided everything down to the first video plus the second and third parts of the first one below it; the first part of that one was provided by Grace, who also contributed “25%”, “David Frum” and “new trial”. In the first video (via the Free Speech Coalition) a former gay porn star helpfully explains that anal sex causes the recipient to give birth to demons from his anus; by contrast, the second is an intentional parody from the TV series Robot Chicken, written by Rachel Bloom and performed by pop star Kesha. The links between the two were contributed by Marc Randazza (“catheter”); Aspasia (“Vestal Virgins” and “criminal cat”); Franklin Harris (“looking gay” and “dinosaur meat”); Kevin Wilson (“delicate creatures”); Cthulhuchick (“Satanists”); Walter Olson (“vegetarianism”); Satoshi Kanazawa (“wrinkled fingers”); Antonio Lorusso (“orange cup” and link above it); Nun Ya (“Lego”); Jesse Walker (“Mother Goose” and “militia”); Popehat (both RPG-related links); the Cato Institute (“libertarian test”); and Paul Reinerfelt (“handy words”). I saw that last when it came out, but since I wasn’t doing links columns yet Paul gets credit for calling it back to my attention.
- Cops without a warrant force their way into home minutes after death of terminally ill woman, demand her distraught 80-year-old husband give them her pain medication.
- Americans hate Congress more than roaches and root canal surgery.
- Probable causes of the decades-long decline of violence in America.
- It’s like they’re just going around looking for dogs to murder now.
- Shopping for shoes and dildoes in ancient Rome.
- What could possibly go wrong?
- Never call the cops for any reason whatsoever. I mean it, not any reason at all, and don’t let a machine call them on your behalf, either.
- Court rules that cops are allowed to forcibly shove a tube up a guy’s urethra to “prove” he was smoking weed.
- Hairstylist and amateur archaeologist succeeds in recreating the long-lost hairstyle of the Vestal Virgins.
- Two men sentenced to five years in prison for “looking gay” and ordering Bailey’s Irish Cream.
- Indonesian city tries to ban women from riding astride “because they are delicate creatures”.
- Satanists rally for Florida governor due to his support for public prayer at school functions.
- Vegetarian diets result in more animal deaths than omnivorous ones.
- The evolutionary reason one’s fingers get wrinkled in the bath.
- Another consequence of “trafficking” hysteria.
- Hot chocolate tastes better in an orange cup.
- Master-level customer service from Lego.
- Cat arrested for smuggling in Brazil.
- Charles Addams’ Mother Goose.
- The Kansas Anti-Zombie Militia.
- A snake on a plane. Really.
- Indie band or D&D monster?
- The libertarian purity test (I got an 89).
- 25 handy words that don’t exist in English.
- What kind of dinosaur meat would taste best?
- A good example of why the US has 25% of the world’s prisoners.
- Swaziland police begin enforcing 1889 law banning “immoral clothes”.
- Father hires in-game assassins to kill his unemployed son’s characters.
- David Frum wants to “send a message” that marijuana is like a student loan or mortgage.
- A man has waited in prison for a new trial since his murder conviction was overturned…in 1980.
- Ambulance-chasers hope to turn New Mexico spaceport into cash cow; spacelines refuse to cooperate.
- Pregnant woman goes to emergency room in terrible pain; cop digs in her purse, arrests her for having two pain pills, and takes her to jail…where she dies less than two hours later.
From the Archives
- “Dog bites man” stories have become newsworthy because the media have convinced many people that dogs don’t actually bite men.
- “Child sex slaves” supposedly “rescued from traffickers” by Australian con artists are shown to be ordinary Thai schoolchildren.
- If you’ve never read Václav Havel’s famous essay “The Power of the Powerless”, you really should.
- How ignorance combined with desire to avoid personal responsibility supports prohibition.
- Human rights organizations are accused of “promoting prostitution”; guess the country.
- The rude, ignorant and childish behavior of empty-headed celebrities.
- Dutch women have better things to do than climb corporate ladders.
- Societies, like people, sometimes develop autoimmune disorders.
- The more “ordinary” women get involved in sex work, the better.
- Another implication of Roe vs. Wade that feminists won’t admit.
- My two previous columns for King Day (AKA Little Christmas).
- Lisa France of CNN was apparently educated in a convent.
- Playboy Playmates are really, really cheap whores.
- Why whores aren’t out of place in church.
- Another example of Jezebel not getting it.
- The story of my operator, Gilda.
- When I first started Twitter.
- Divorce blackmail.
My “Libertarian” Test Score = 77. Goddam Maggie, you must have punched in some pretty radical answers. 😀
I didn’t like the test – too many stipulations. For instance …
Yeah – I’d like to see the fed abolished and replaced with something sane – but privately issued money? I don’t think so – wouldn’t that lead to “enclavization”? Yeah – pulled that word out of my ass.
I guess my brand of libertarianism is a more “nationalistic” brand. I can’t see selling off ALL public lands because that would include national parks that millions of Americans enjoy seeing every year.
I’m also a big believer in the space program as a PUBLIC endeavor. I have no love for this unimaginative, and impotent NASA that we have today. But – when we landed on the moon – it was WE who landed on the moon – collectively, as Americans. By the way – when we did it … at that time America was going through a lot of political violence. Home grown terror organizations, an anti-war movement, political assassinations. I think the act of landing on the moon had the impact of “paving over” some of our greatest divisions.
I do KNOW that my ideas are probably outdated on this. I’m like the stark defender of British Imperialism when Britain started to move away from imperialism. “These are great times! We’re doing great things – for bloody everyone!” But, more and more – I find that I don’t really want to be associated with California socialist policies – yet California voters have a huge impact on my life here in the Bayou State through their representatives in Washington. It seems to me the best solution is for Texas to declare independence and the form it’s own “United States” with it’s like-minded neighbors.
Within a year Texas would be crawling back, begging to rejoin the US. Without the butt-load of money the feds spend in this state, we’d still be a wilderness.
Historically, this hasn’t been the case (the US, for a few decades back in the 19th century, actually had a limited form of free banking). Markets work to prevent that kind of segmentation (where buyers and sellers face frequent mismatches) as currencies face what are called network effects. The more people there are using a currency the ‘better’ that currency is, all other things equal. As such, you could plausibly expect that in a free banking system there would be a few major currencies and then a bunch of small, fringe currencies that hardly anyone uses or accepts (or ever even sees).
I came across this a few years ago; it’s probably one of the better tests of its kind that I’ve ever seen. A lot of them, usually issued by libertarian groups, are basically rigged to give even highly statist people pro-liberty scores. It goes without saying that the test originator, Bryan Caplan, is one of my favorite libertarian writers.
Only a little; I already pretty extreme. 😛
107? Holy shite!
score ….135,,,,I think some of the answers need to be expanded on. For example, getting rid of occupational licencesing requirements is desirable, but you’d have to have some organization to take it’s place, the equivilant of what UL does for electrical appliances. I’m not ready to DISBAND the US defence network, just reduce it to the USA and, as a result, cut it’s budget about 95%…LOL
102 for me. And I agree with John that some of the questions needed a bit of nuance. But then that might turn into essay questions and that’s a bit hard to evaluate.
My Libertarian purity score is 46. No surprise that, as I’m a socialist. Where we agree tends to be personal liberty and censorship questions, although not all Libertarians are for personal liberty and against censorship. Many are just in support of greed and plunder.
Makes me wonder though, what a nation with a socialist and a libertarian party, rather than two capitalist parties would be like. I suspect there would be room for agreement.
Now as to anal demons. I’d think one would want those demons out of their arse, so therefore would seek out anal sex. Isn’t it better to have a demon free ass? I mean, if anal sex causes one to “give birth” to demons, the demons must have been up there in the first place.
Now, questions follow. Are there a limited number of demons in one’s arse? Can one just birth them all via anal sex and be done with them? Or do more develop constantly, creating a need for frequent anal sex? (Which I suppose would argue in favour of gay men being the most demon free of all) When I’ve done double anal penetration, do I get rid of twice as many demons? What about just regular double penetration? Does having the extra penis up the vagina help encourage them out, or not? Are people who have never had anal sex full of arse demons? Or do they avoid virgin arses? Are proctologists like anal demon midwives?
So much to think about.
You’re incorrect about some libertarians not being for personal liberty; it’s the definition of the word. Soi-disant “progressives” are fond of labeling conservatives and some others as “libertarian” when they aren’t, but that doesn’t make it so any more than soi-disant “conservatives” calling Obama a “socialist” makes that true. My upcoming column for the 24th examines (among other things) the difference between libertarians and objectivists (followers of Ayn Rand), two groups as purposefully and incorrectly conflated by the media as sex workers and “trafficking victims” are.
Clever analogy; I can hardly wait to read it!
You’re probably right, but then we get into the “No true Scotsman” realm. I’ve heard talking heads refer to themselves as libertarians yet advocate more controls on personal liberties. Some Republicans lean that way.
Obama, socialist. If only.
I had a postal worker tell me, with a straight face that she was a libertarian and in the next sentence said we needed a national military draft. Because it would be good for the people and for the nation, you see.
I worked Navy manpower issues at the highest levels in the Navy for about 4 years – not long, but I was real good at it. We were constantly being asked to evaluate the possibility of implementing another “draft”. We had EVERY REASON to go with the draft because, at the time, we had 5,000 recruiters on American streets – enough “recruiters” to completely man a nuclear aircraft carrier – and we had plenty of carriers that were undermanned.
A draft would have made things a lot simpler for us personally because manpower becomes no problem with a draft …
BUT … MORALE does – and it’s a huge hit. Say what you will about Afghanistan and how we shouldn’t be there – but every single soldier in that theater is a volunteer and we had some of the highest reenlistment rates we ever saw there. BIG difference between Afghanistan soldiers and their conscripted Vietnam counterparts. Only an idiot would advocate a draft in this nation – there are enough people who wish to do the job voluntarily to take care of our defense needs.
I’d suggest that maybe we have too many nuclear aircraft carriers, but I do agree with you on the draft.
Then again, perhaps if every time we went war there was a draft, no exemptions for the rich, powerful, and well-connected (meaning specifically the draft-age offspring of congressmen, senators, and presidents), maybe we’d be a little less likely to go to war.
So I guess I’m a bit torn on the draft question. I’m against it generally, but see it as useful in making war MEAN SOMETHING to the American public, and to those who decide to wage war.
Comixchik,
Good Questions All! I have a few to add. Does Dildo Anal Sex relieve Anal Demons? Are Hemorrhoids a Manifestation of Demons within? Should Preparation H come with a Holy Water Applicator? How many anal demons can dance on the head of a dildo? Do Demons Dance? If anal Demons have anal sex is it a homosexual encounter? If anal Demon sex releases more anal demons, does this qualify as a potential infinite regress? Inquiring Minds Want To Know! Did I overuse CAPITALIZATION AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!!
You’ve added some great ones.
“Anal Demons” … I’m a believer. Whenever I’m on a cut and eating a lot of Tuna – they are constantly chasing me!!
My little bulldog is infected with them too … poor thing.
Um, on the former gay porn actor, did anyone else wonder if they were getting punk’d? I mean really. The website being “On Knees for Jesus4?” Although I suppose if they were really serious it would be “On Knees for Jesus69.”
Well, so much for birth envy. Now you too can give birth, if only to evil demons through your anus. I guess now men will have to be envious because women can give birth from two orifices now. Sheesh! (I’m still not sure if this isn’t a covert Onion op.)
On chocolate tasting better in an Orange cup…
I wonder if this is a form of synaesthesia that is universal – that is, there is some interplay between the visual reception and the taste buds.
My father used to do similar things in his biology class – he’d color milk with red, green, blue or yellow food coloring and the students would pick their preferred color. The blue milk was the always the last glass left – nobody wanted to drink it. Sorta like Green Eggs and Ham.
On the 25 words – you might say that Bakku-shan (sic) is rather more english than japanese. It’s an example of GaiRaiGo (ForeignOriginLanguage) and it’s a construction from the English “back” combined with the familiar term for girl. Except that that word is actually chan, not shan.
On the Vernal man getting harassed by the cops for prescription meds immediately after his wife dies. Well, that just shows us that Mayor Bloomberg is a man of his times.
http://politicker.com/2013/01/bloomberg-slaps-down-criticism-of-painkiller-restriction-plan/
Hmm, let’s see, a woman is suffering severe abdominal pain. Why she should have waited for 6 hours so that she could have gotten those pain pills legally instead of borrowing them from a friend or family member. Obviously this is all her fault.
Hey Mr. Jailhouse master. Here’s a thought. Hows about you stop
adhering to the drug warrior fantasy about prescription drugs being evil and having your fascist underlings out nicking the ER patients on patently asinine bases. Then your “heart [wouldn’t have to] go out to the family” because your stupid police conduct policies wouldn’t have killed her.
Life lesson chilluns! Make sure your emergency pain amelioration plans have the BLOOMBERG SIGN OF APPROVAL ™ on them. That way even you can avoid a excruciating death at the hands of the know-nothing state troopers.
Oh, and a civil suit against the hospital for averring that she was “fit for incarceration” seems to be in order.
Libertarian test score = 118
A decline in American violence due to abortion, the Internet, and lead abatement, sure. Birth control, cable television, and maybe the end of the Cold War? We’re no longer waiting for the day that we all die in nuclear fire, so life seems less pointless, so we value it a bit more?
As pointed as shoes have been at various times, I could well believe that they were manufactured by the same people who made dildos.
Arpaio is an embarrassment to the entire nation, and especially to Maricopa County, if they had the sense to feel anything as human as embarrassment.
That hairstyle is so complicated that you wouldn’t have time for sex, and would thus remain a virgin. Just kidding. It reminds me of some of the “basket weaving” hairstyles on the original Star Trek, and they had sex.
I would like to encourage the Satanists of our great nation to publicly and loudly support every elected official who wishes to bring down the wall of separation between church and state.
More blood, but less energy use, and fewer carbon emissions. Still, we are fast approaching the day when we don’t need to tear up the landscape for crop production. Vertical farming will tip the balance in favor of the vegetarians, though cultured meat will soon make it all moot.
Since nerve damage can cause the finger-wrinkling to not happen, it’s a lot more than soggy, swelling fingers. Tire tread in the Pleistocene! Wonderful.
Obviously, someone needs to start marketing hot chocolate which is itself orange. j/k But really, I think I’m going to invest in an orange cup.
Lego has been a good product for ages, and they just won some extra respect from me.
But the cat was cool and he never said a mumbling word.
OK, I’ll save the rest for another reply.
It’s always good to be ready for the zombies. But there was a link there which lead to this, involving teen sex, blackmail, and a charge of child sex trafficking.
I was hoping the snake would weakly slither away after the plane landed, but I knew there was no way it could survive whipping about like that, even if it didn’t freeze or asphyxiate.
Hawaiian has two words for “my,” with one being something I have ownership or authority over (my pineapple, my canoe) and the other being something either beyond my control or having authority over me (my mother, oh my God). I don’t remember either one of them.
Japanese has mimidoshima, which refers to a girl who is not herself sexually active, but enjoys sex vicariously by listening to the stories of her more experienced friends. “A good girl with a bad girl friend.”
Even if we can never get the DNA to clone dinosaurs Jurassic Park style, we may be able to clone dinosaur tissue, similar to the cultured meat I mentioned above. Certainly I expect to someday eat cultured mammoth meat. I note that ostrich meat tastes like a sort of mild beef.
Online game hit men! Maybe online game escorts would be a better idea. I mean, not if you’re trying to get a young man to stop playing, of course, but, um… never mind…
I’m not sure what David Frum is trying to say. Life is more complex than it used to be, but some people can’t handle the complexity, therefore we should stop treating marijuana users like criminals, but we should keep marijuana illegal because, um…
Maybe I’m one of those people who can’t handle Frumian levels of complexity.
I want to see people flying. I want Virgin Galactic to be careful, and I want all reasonable precautions taken. But unless VG actively misleads customers, well guys you knew it was dangerous when you bought your ticket to ride.
Robot Chicken…
…
On the libertarian test, so many of my answers were ‘yes and no’ I just gave up.
Generally the point of a purity test is to fail it as spectacularly as possible, and as we all know a test can be written in a way as to encourage the desired answers.