Does the Eagle know what is in the pit
Or wilt thou go ask the Mole?
Can wisdom be put in a silver rod,
Or love in a golden bowl? – William Blake, The Book of Thel
As I explained in December, I’m going to start answering reader questions individually in short columns rather than saving them up for the ends of months. However, December was so incredibly hectic for me that I let several of them stack up, and will answer them together today. If you have a question of your own, please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.
My single adult daughter (age 26) has recently discussed becoming my mistress. Though this taboo in our society, she is 100% consensual, high class and very attractive; she has needs that I can fulfill and I have needs that she can fulfill. What do we look out for in order to make this work?
As you know, I firmly believe that what consenting adults do in private is nobody’s business but theirs. Since you’ve asked my advice, however, I feel it isn’t out of place for me to tell you that I don’t think this is the best of ideas for either of you. Even if the biological reasons for the taboo are removed by birth control, that won’t change the way other people (not to mention the “authorities”) feel; furthermore, how certain can you be that both of you can totally shed the social norms you’ve internalized? If you were equals in the eyes of the law and society that wouldn’t matter; many relationships involve complex and conflicting emotions, and getting hurt by such relationships is simply part of the experience of living. But despite what you may think, you are not equals under modern law; if the relationship were to be exposed you would be cast as the villain, all the more so if you’re supporting her in exchange for sex, and an ambitious prosecutor could turn that into prison time (especially while “sex trafficking” hysteria is still going full steam ahead).
What it all boils down to is this: you can’t be sure exactly what is going on in your daughter’s head, and if she has a strong internal conflict about it (which wouldn’t be surprising), it might bubble to the surface at some future time (such as during a heated argument), resulting in disaster for you if she tells someone else about it. Even if she regretted the confession five minutes later, neither of you could control the actions of the confidant…actions that might set a legal juggernaut in motion. My advice to you is that you help your daughter financially until she can find an independent income or sugar daddy of her own, and satisfy your own needs with escorts or sugar babies to whom you are not related. If you decide to go ahead with the incestuous relationship, though, please make a thorough study of the applicable laws in your country, state or province and city so that you’ll know exactly what the potential hazards might be, and tell absolutely no one else about the arrangement no matter how trustworthy you may think he is.
Is a relationship likely to fail if a man is attractive in many ways, but suffers from such severe Peyronie’s Syndrome that sex is painful for the woman?
I would imagine that severe Peyronie’s Syndrome would indeed make a sexual relationship extremely problematic, but there may be hope; recent studies suggests a better treatment is on the horizon. Even if the procedure described there isn’t yet perfected, perhaps the gentleman you speak of could consult an andrologist to see what therapies are already available?
Is squirting real?
Squirting (so-called “female ejaculation”) is real enough, but there’s still considerable controversy over exactly what it is and what causes it. It’s usually associated with the so-called “G-spot”, whose nature is likewise controversial.
I’m an older American man and for a number of reasons, I have not had sexual relations in over 10 years. I have become convinced that the best thing for me right now would be to hire hookers rather than finding a long-term partner, but I don’t have the income for an escort in the States and so it’s going to have to be budget prostitutes in Mexico. However, in my past experiences with prostitutes I have never been able to get over the “business” aspect; I seem to be unable to function if the lady is not sexually turned on. How can I get over feeling it’s all business with no sexual desire?
On the one hand, your budget precludes being very picky, but on the other hand you need a talented professional who can create the illusion of mutual desire. Seeing randomly-selected ladies in a foreign country is just not going to do the trick, especially if there’s a language barrier. My advice to you is to save up a little so as to afford a lady who lives in your city, has a reputation for being especially friendly and is willing to do short (half-hour) appointments. If you get along well with her, keep seeing her exclusively (even if you can’t do it often) and eventually she may be willing to give you a lower “regular client” rate. Don’t ask for it right away; most escorts have very sensitive bullshit detectors and asking for a regular rate before she actually perceives you as a regular is a good way to alienate her. But once you do have a regular relationship with an escort, a genuine affection will probably develop between you and that will probably go a long way toward helping you to get over the feeling that it’s all business.
Do most sex workers enjoy sex with clients? Can they have orgasms several times in a day? And isn’t there such a thing as too much sex?
Most of the time, we don’t enjoy the sex. Besides the lack of intimacy (which is part of the enjoyment for most women) there is also the fact that we’re concentrating on making the client happy, and can’t really tell him to stop doing annoying or unpleasant things without hurting his feelings. Most women are capable of multiple orgasms, either in rapid succession or spread out over a day, but while it’s certainly possible for an escort to orgasm with a client it isn’t the norm. And of course too much sex, like too much of any physical activity, can be very tiring.
What do you think about verification services like Date Check and P411?
I think they’re fantastic for both parties; the only time they fail is in the rare instance when some idiot fails to stick to the plan, gets caught in a sting and then ransoms his worthless hide by giving the busybodies his login info so they can pop several girls before the service gets wise (I understand this actually happened to P411 once). No system is perfect, especially when those trying to sabotage it are completely without moral scruples or basic human decency, but screening services can take a lot of the guesswork out.
What’s the solution to male sexual frustration beside prostitution or masturbation?
I assume from your question that you don’t have a regular partner and don’t foresee yourself getting one, that you can’t afford professionals, and that masturbation doesn’t relieve your frustration as well as you’d like. If any of those assumptions are incorrect please let me know, because I suspect you wouldn’t ask unless those solutions weren’t working for you. Most of the guys I’ve talked to about this say that the traditional “cures” (such as cold showers, a bland diet and meditation) are essentially useless, and though age and medical intervention are effective the former takes a very long time and the latter is both drastic and has side effects you would definitely not like (such as developing a feminine derrière). So I’m afraid I’m going to have to “outsource” this to my male readers; guys, how have y’all coped with dry spells if self-service just isn’t working?
Wow, I think of myself as a pretty kind and compassionate person, especially in sexual matters. But I was getting brain-cramps from rolling my eyes at some of these questions. I’m sure I would not have been able to be as gentle and kind (and yet also as honest and to the point) as you were. Kudos.
Thank you! 🙂
>Do most sex workers enjoy sex with clients? Can they have orgasms several times in a day? And isn’t there such a thing as too much sex?
>Most of the time, we don’t enjoy the sex.
Speaking for myself, I’d like to make it clear that I most certainly didn’t NOT enjoy it, or find it awful. While the sex wasn’t always wonderful, and sometimes it was down right bad, usually I found it pleasant enough. I’ve no complaints about that.
That’s one of the big questions I ponder. I understand the whole idea about the lack of intimacy, but I still think that if the male is getting something that pleasurable, then wouldn’t it be incumbent upon him to make sure the woman is having a good time as well? To me, part of the pleasure would come from seeing the woman taking pleasure. She might be getting compensated, but she’s still sacrificing her time. And if the man is doing something annoying or unpleasant, shouldn’t he be informed before he does the same thing to someone he does want to become truly intimate with?
To me, it’s sort of like why you should be polite to waitresses and saleswomen, writ large. Who wants to do business with someone who isn’t enjoying what they’re doing?
This is what I’ve learned. Rarely, things will just “click” with an escort and she “enjoys” it – usually it’s one you’ve been with several times. In the vast majority of cases, you should just try to make it as “pleasant” as possible for the girl. Some escorts will get upset if you insist on “pleasing” them for too long and it’s much better in those cases to just concentrate on making the experience as comfortable as possible for her while you concentrate on your “finish”.
I don’t think most of the escorts I’ve been with especially “enjoyed” the sex with me – but I DO know they enjoy the conversation in between and after. The last girl I saw I had her laughing so hard her mascara was running down her face from the tears in her eyes!!
So, in a way – you CAN “please” an escort simply by being generous, being courteous, being respectful of her boundaries, being clean, and being relaxed. It’s not a big thing – she’s not your wife or your girlfriend so don’t apply the same kind of requirements on that relationship that you insist on in others.
Comixchik & Quiet Man: When I use the word “enjoy”, I mean a positive thing, not a neutral one. If I’m travelling and grab a can of Vienna sausages and a Chocolate Soldier because I want to put something in my stomach very quickly for very little money, I’m not going to say I hated it, but I didn’t “enjoy” it either; it was sustenance. Similarly, going into town to do errands isn’t an ordeal (especially if I go in the convertible), and I like talking to the people I know in businesses. But I would not CHOOSE going to town as an entertaining pastime, and I certainly wouldn’t pay to go. So as I used to tell clients when asked, “Do you enjoy your job?”: If you’re asking if I would do this for free or pay to do it, the answer is no. But I sure like it a helluva lot better than any other job I ever had.
Maggie and Krulac: Okay, maybe my comparison was a clumsy one, but I still feel that I’m on to something.
“Some escorts will get upset if you insist on “pleasing” them for too long and it’s much better in those cases to just concentrate on making the experience as comfortable as possible for her while you concentrate on your “finish”.”
Well, that goes back to my point where if a man is doing something annoying, shouldn’t he be told about it? I’m not saying he has to be berated or shamed, merely informed that he should think about it.
“In the vast majority of cases, you should just try to make it as “pleasant” as possible for the girl.”
Okay, I can accept pleasant. I just don’t like the image of a woman just laying there while the man just concentrates on himself. Seems a bit too selfish to me.
“So as I used to tell clients when asked, “Do you enjoy your job?”: If you’re asking if I would do this for free or pay to do it, the answer is no. But I sure like it a helluva lot better than any other job I ever had.”
Precisely, it’s much better than many other jobs. Escorting to me seems like one of the few jobs where the potential is there for both parties to derive great pleasure while conducting business. The man’s pleasure is a given, and I suppose it’s the woman’s choice (whether or not she actually chose to be an escort or not) to take pleasure the transaction as well. That’s why I would ask a professional to get herself off first (with or without me), so the hormones can start flowing and hopefully she’ll start feeling the same excitement I would be feeling.
That being said, if she’s enough of a professional to fake that arousal, I can accept that since I have no real way of telling any different.
What is a “chocolate solider”?
Again, I’m speaking for myself. I quite enjoyed many of my regular clients. It was more difficult to enjoy a first timer, and I was always watching him, and couldn’t relax as much. And thinking back, yes, sometimes I really did enjoy the sex. I miss some of my regular clients.
I also found that I enjoyed being an independent escort, with a specialty, more than an agency girl.
It’s the same with any work. Most of us wouldn’t work if we won the lottery. But if one does have to work, you choose the work most appealing to you when you can.
That is GREAT advice. I’m very much a capitalist when it comes to the nation as a whole – but VERY MUCH a Socialist when it comes to family – which to me includes extended family as well. If you can help to support your daughter – you do it and don’t ask for sexual services from her.
By the way Maggie – do you ever get the feeling that some of these questions are simply contrived?
I don’t think it’s always real and I’m highly skeptical of escorts who claim they just naturally “spew” like old faithful. I think it’s a gimmick for them to attract males with a fantasy for it. Most of them aren’t that good looking and you’d probably pass them by except for … “Oh, but she squirts!”. Myself, I’ve never met a woman who actually squirts and I think any that do will do it in moderation and not three or four times during a session with a client.
DIFFICULT. When I go out on a “mission” … I’m usually in some shithole – or in the arctic … and usually for a month or more. There’s always a gym, though it usually a pretty “Spartan” one. So I work out every day – sometimes a couple times a day. On the trips where I can call my wife … I call her up and we talk dirty a lot – which kind of helps.
However, last time I went to the Arctic (for 40 days) I hit a German FKK named “Oase” on the way in for three full days. At the end of three days – I was totally drained. It took about three weeks for me to regain any kind of “sexual edginess”. For those three weeks – I just didn’t feel like myself – felt instead a “zin-like” peace with the world – which is a feeling that I find unpleasant. I think part of being a man is having that “edginess” – in my case, it’s one of the primary things that propels me to do difficult and unpleasant things, and withstand physical hardship.
Usually, the questions are a lot longer and more detailed than they appear in the blog; I edit them down for space and conciseness, to remove details that might identify the person to his family or friends and sometimes to make them a little more general so other readers can benefit more. Factors like that lead me to believe the incest one was real, and the gentleman even followed up with me to say that he and his daughter had considered my reply and decided to take my advice.
That having been said, I do suspect some of the questions may be a bit wanky, which is one of several reasons I answer them in as flat and un-titillating a manner as possible. As it turns out, the “squirting”, “enjoy sex” and “solution to frustration” questions this time may have been contrived, for reasons which will be apparent in tomorrow’s column. They’re still good questions, however, so even if the one who posed them had ulterior motives, I still felt others might appreciate the answers.
I always thought the whole squirt thing was like what happens if you sneeze while especially aroused- the muscles contract suddenly and violently, and all of the “lubricant” fluid generated during arousal is expelled forcefully and somewhat explosively.
As a follow up to the Date Check question, I understand that these screen client applicants, but what about the providers? What screening process are they subjected to in order to insure that they are legitimate and not planted by enforcement? I ask because not all listed providers have reviews.
I don’t know about Date Check, but P411 requires that girls have several reviews, and I think they also need a vouch from a client or already-approved girl but I’m not sure of that.
Someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but most law enforcement sticks to street and Backpage. Date Check is used as a verification service (how many “recommended” does the provider or client have, etc.) more than an advertising service. I was vouched for by two very well-established escorts, one of whom is quite well-known. On top of that I think I had to email a photocopy of my ID. I had no problem with that as Date Check is very good about security and guarding the identity of providers and clients alike.
Is there a market for female professionals who are in their 40’s and chubby or who are obviously mothers? If so what could such a woman expect to earn?
There is a market for “BBW” (Big Beautiful Woman) escorts, and definitely for mature ones; I can’t see why a combination wouldn’t also work. The most important thing for women in that niche is personality. As for income, you’ll have to check your local escort boards but I expect it isn’t much different from other women in the area.
Most of the escorts I’ve seen in the U.S. were “Moms” and I saw one last week that is in her 40’s. I’m more attracted to them, personally. She put classic rock on her stereo during the date and I just felt really comfortable with that. A lot of guys chase the college “co-ed” escorts but, honestly it’s not my trip (normally that is).
I also know a lot of guys from online sites who visit escorts that I would normally pass by – because they’re too heavy or have something else about them that doesn’t trip my trigger. Whatever, they like those girls just fine and visit them often.
I recommend my friend Elisabeth Whispers. She’s lovely, in her 50s, and Rubenesque.
Elizabeth is a regular reader, an occasional commenter and a lovely person. I can’t volunteer her help to Alaisheart, but I suspect she wouldn’t mind giving a little advice.
I meant to look at her site as an inspiration. I should have been clearer.
Yes! I love women in their 40’s and in my love of variety, I crave a chubby woman often. And who doesn’t love moms!
I’m not a guy, but I’ll bite on the last one:
1) Beer
2) Dinner
3) Movie
Some combination of those three might work. If you are lucky, one of those might work, if you aren’t too picky about the person you bring home.
Interesting…..so, doing anything tonight? 😛
The last question is a no-win situation tbh. I found that lots of work and stress tends to kill the desire, but then I found myself consuming lots of porn which in turn made me want sex more….kind of a treadmill of desire that the Buddhists tend to talk about a lot.
Oh and, does this stuff actually work!?
http://www.libidno.com/?gclid=CLHoufKp7bQCFefMtAodSAUA6Q
I would venture to guess that it does not work (very well anyway). Says it inhibits the conversion of androstenedione – obviously to testosterone.
The problem is … and I don’t know much about females … but in men, everything is controlled via the HPTA (Hypothalmus, Pituitary, Testicular and Adrenal) axis. If your hypothalmus senses you don’t have enough testosterone – then it sends a signal to the pituitary which sends a signal (via leutinizing hormone) to the testicles to make more testosterone.
Hypothalmus senses too much testosterone? PItuitary starts making the necessary arrangements to convert that excess into ESTROGEN.
Body builders try to “fool” their HPTA all the time with steroids – but they can’t because they end up getting something out of kilter.
So I would say … that simply inhibiting androstenedione will not inhibit the production of testosterone for very long before the body’s own feedback systems in the HPTA sense it and make corrections. That’s even assuming their claims of limiting androstenedione conversion are correct – which I’m not sure they are.
As another life-long bodybuilder and weight trainer, I ditto Krulac’s HPTA information, his advice, and his (restrained!) skepticism.
Seems to me to be merely another of the countless junk products which build dishonest claims atop an isolated-from-its-physiological-context splinter of truth.
Hi Maggie,
When I first saw your illustration, I thought of Baucis and Philemon. But then they were much older and of two different trees. But a much better story than that of Lot and his wife. Which goes back to the topic of your first question.
Re: outsource
Focus on work, hobbies any thing other than sex.
Re: Outsource
1) Weight training and exercise – Lots of it.
2) Running. Lots of running
3) Meditation does work. Its the type of meditation. Engage in FA (Focused Attention) meditation that focuses on breath and/or other body stimulus such as muscle tension
4) Keep away from possible sexual stimulation. I don’t mean suppress it but keep strict boundaries, such as not touching a woman and focusing only on the work aspect. Don’t do anything to feed the beast.
On the contrary Maggie, it is possible to sublimate and channel the sex drive. It is however EXTREMELY difficult in the beginning and reaches a point where you get a bit insane/crazy or “VERY VERY AGITATED”. Its when you get past that point that you reach a new measure of self-discipline. I manage for about 2 months before I ended up losing it. Of the 5 guys who attempted it as a group with me, only 2 managed to succeed and get past the crazy stage.
And somehow those 2 being off the market ended up with them being bombarded by female attention,despite their open state of disinterest in the whole dating/relationship phenomenon.
First question – The couple in question may want to consider moving to a country where consanguineous sex is legal, such as France or the Netherlands.
Third question – It is real, female ejaculate is a unique substance that is neither lubrication fluid nor urine. In fact, it has certain similarities to semen, including high levels of male enzymes, such as prostate specific acid phosphatase, prostate specific antigen, and prostatic acidic phosphatase.
Fourth question – If this man could find some Romanian providers he might be pleasantly surprised.
Seventh question – It probably is not a realistic solution if the man is in the United States, but if he could find himself some libertine friends, then problem solved. The quality is not as good as professional sex, but it is what it is.
What if the guy asking the last question doesn’t have any problems masturbating but rather is trying to reconcile his sexual needs with his religious beliefs?
See tomorrow’s column.
Additional self-service. LOTS of additional self-service.
But more seriously, the ideas mentioned above are probably good ideas: physical exercise, hobbies, I can’t say much about meditation because I’m to flighty and scatter-brained to do much meditating.
I think my advice to the father would have been more brisk than yours. I would have said that adults have the right to do whatever so long as it’s consensual, but other than that my advice wouldn’t have gone much beyond DON’T DO IT! I have to admire the way you could set your ick button aside long enough to give a more comprehensive answer.
I’ve often thought that a sexual desire for one’s (post pubescent) daughter is a reflection of a man’s desire for “A younger more sexual version of her Mother”.
That, for me, would explain a lot of the attraction from the male side (we are predominantly visually triggered, otherwise we’d love word porn a lot more, in the case of the mythological “average male”).
There is, of course, the whole issue of “The Intoxicating Forbidden” on this one too. For some people that acts as a huge amplifier for the desired object : like ice cream when you’re on a diet; it just becomes 5xmore scrummy.
While there are solid genetic reasons why interbreeding is a bad idea, it’s not without historic and contemporary precedence either; this doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.
Besides, how many daughters have said “I want to grow up and marry you, Daddy”? Put another way, why wouldn’t a good Father Mother relationship set a partner desirability map in their children, by example?
Maybe I misplaced my “Ick” reflex here.
Another thing to consider is this : even if the pair of them were as totally bonded and happy as any partners could be, how long could it last when one of them is 20+ years older than the other?
Purely from a pragmatic point of view; I’ve no issue with this kind of age separation (our relationship gap is ~15 years) but it’s a practical consideration nonetheless.
I’d be loathe to commit to a young woman half my age; stranding her as a young widow wouldn’t be what I want for her, after all.
I’ve found that men who aren’t sexually satisfied – or are, more likely, deeply unsatisfied – lose a little bit of their mental edge and tend to become socially malfunctioning on some level. Many self-medicate.
This is also just as true for women. There’s truth in the “crazy cat lady” syndrome.
While a good percentage of people are happy celibate and are more “asexual”, many are deeply unhappy without some sexual outlet.
It seems to be easier for women to do, on average, but for men to abstain from sex often causes visible and easily detectable psycho-social difficulties.
Many people in policy positions are either oblivious to this or cotnemptuous of it – likely because they’re also afflicted, are more asexual than most or have an agenda, usually of social control. The result is a total lack of respect for what people genuinely need, which is sexual outlets (either in regular relationships or however they manage to forge them in their lives).
Denying this as a vital social necessity causes no end of problems. Prostitution is a key element in this.
As controversial as “squirting,” is from applied application of useful techniques the phenomenon occurs. From experience I can share that it is not offensive to the sense of smell, for it does not carry acidity, when it is a true release. It carries no taste, other than that of what was previously ingested. Meaning if the woman eats high sugar foods before copulation and experiences this elusive display of affection, one will find that it is as sweet as the fruit she ate all day. If she eats high salt concentrated foods or spicy dishes, expect the by-product to be tangy. Now if a woman is overall clean and has not suffered from a UTI, there is no fear of “messy” discharge. Though it has been proven that when the G-spot is disturbed to such an extent that she “squirts,” she will be sore for a few hours afterward.
Half the time in order to achieve this experience both involved have to be comfortable enough to listen to each other and typically if the woman is experienced in “squirting,” she do so on command, under the proper positioning.
Honestly I have never felt “squirting,” to be so mysterious after all of the women that have achieved it under the proper care.