I’m an old-fashioned mature kind of guy who’s open to a relationship in whatever form it may take – platonic, dating, romance, long-term relationships, friends with benefits, no strings attached, swingers, etc. – however, I’m not entirely sure where to find a woman. I have tried Craigslist, Facebook and online dating sites, and I try to be honest and straightforward with my descriptions and what I’m looking for, but it seems that no one wants to give me a chance. I’m 29 years old, husky but becoming more health conscious, and self-employed; I enjoy going out to the park, movies, museums, jazz clubs, riding my bike and stimulating conversation. My friends tell me I am articulate, generous and mannerly, I believe in treating others as I would want to be treated, and I believe EVERY woman is beautiful. I’m not looking for pity or an easy ride, I just want to find someone who’s willing to look past the love handles and see me for the guy I really am.
The most important single factor for attracting women is confidence. You know how people say animals can smell fear? Well, women can smell lack of confidence. If a guy is unsure of himself, most women won’t give him a tumble even if he looks like a movie star. So it’s vital you build up your confidence and never let women see you sweat (metaphorically speaking). You’re 29 years old, which is good; the worst part of your life for attracting women is already over. See, more boys are born than girls, but males die at a higher rate per year so by 30 the numbers are basically even; every year after that the ratio of men to women gets ever-smaller. In other words, as you age your company becomes proportionately more valuable; time is on your side. My advice is to concentrate on your work and try not to stress about women; keep riding your bike, going to museums and all the other stuff you do, and be friendly to the women you meet but DON’T pursue them or let them see you as emotionally needy. I’m not telling you to play hard to get; it must be real, not a game (and certainly not Game). If you find yourself needing sex, hire an escort; this will take the edge off and allow you to authentically project coolness. If a woman seems genuinely interested and you think she’s unattached, ask her out and don’t let it get to you if she says no; maybe she really does have to help her friend move that night. Just smile and say something like “maybe another time, then” and continue the previous conversation as if it really doesn’t bother you that she said “no”. Even if you never go out with that particular woman, doing this will help you to get used to rejections so they don’t get you down and destroy your confidence, and I’m willing to bet within a relatively short time you’ll get a lot fewer rejections.
You may also enjoy the two-part interview I gave to the London School of Attraction two years ago; it covers some similar ground.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
