I’ve a couple of newbie questions about blowjobs. First of all, any tips about making one intense enough to make the guy come? My boyfriend says they feel great, but not intense enough to trigger an orgasm (and yes, I do also use hands). Considering what he likes in handjobs, I’m probably moving too slow, but moving faster tends to lead to teeth. Secondly, while boyfriend and I don’t use condoms for oral sex, we have an open relationship and I’m beginning to consider acting on it – which would mean condoms for oral with any new partner. How can you really make a covered blowjob work?
I think I can answer your question without getting pornographic; at least, I’m going to try! So you’ll have to pardon me if I keep this as dry and technical as possible. I already published another column on this which you may find useful, but I feel I need to add a few things to answer your specific questions. Keep in mind these are general suggestions; all men are different, and their response to fellatio covers a pretty wide spectrum. Some men are so turned on by it that it takes very little to trigger an orgasm (I’ve met some who are immediately sent over the edge by eye contact), while others usually can’t orgasm from oral sex alone (this is often due to past experience with a girlfriend who made his life miserable if he came in her mouth). But the suggestions below apply to perhaps 70% of men.
As I said in the other column, the biggest mistake women make is using their mouths like vaginas. Enthusiasm is good, but most guys need more than just up and down; you can do that better with your hand. Use your tongue and lips, and remember the glans (the “head”) is the most sensitive part. Also, unless the guy has some kind of problem with it, there’s no reason your hands have to be idle; they can help immensely, especially when he’s getting very close. Furthermore, there’s no reason you have to concentrate solely on the penis itself; most men also like oral stimulation of the testicles and scrotum (though some are too sensitive and find it painful). The part of the perineum (the “taint”) directly behind the scrotum is also extremely responsive to oral stimulation while you use your hand on the penis, or finger stimulation while your mouth is on the penis. I found that even men who stubbornly refused to go over from pure fellatio often lost control when I used either of those combinations, especially the former; you can usually be more vigorous when using your mouth on the perineum than when using it directly on the genitals.
Condoms present several problems, some for the man and some for you. First, there’s the lubricant; most condoms are lubricated and most lubricant contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9. This substance has a numbing side effect in many people; on your lips and tongue that’s merely annoying, but on his penis it may make your job much harder. The lube also tastes pretty nasty, and adding flavors just creates flavored nastiness. The best condoms for blow jobs are therefore unlubricated and thin, so as to eliminate as many of the negative factors as possible. Even with the best condoms, you may find most of the subtle lip and tongue maneuvers pretty useless; if that’s the case you need to rely more heavily on stimulating the testicles and perineum with your mouth while using your hand on the shaft, as described above. Don’t avoid the traditional sucking entirely in these cases, but if you rely heavily on it you’re going to get sore and tired long before he’s close unless he’s really easy to bring off. If the condom seems to be interfering, it’s best to let your hand do the majority of the heavy lifting while your mouth works on uncovered areas, then go for the traditional posture once you sense he’s getting close.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
One of my techniques was to take the penis all the way down my throat, and then lick the balls with the penis in my throat. I could also do a humming vibration or massage the penis with my throat muscles a bit. Seemed to work for quite a few men.
And this, dear readers, is why Comixchik was a PSE escort. 😉
She should come to Ireland; people here could use a few lessons.
I suppose I could pop over to Ireland next time I go back to the UK.
Oh! do, please 🙂
The last time I wrote a blowjob, the girl was very new at it (first time earlier that same week). So she wasn’t doing anything that advanced. She managed, though, helped by the excitement of a live audience.
The Elf I wrote about twenty years ago, though; she used exactly that technique. She’d been sexually active for the past eighty-seven years or so; she knew what to do. 😉
*puppylike bouncing and tailwagging* 😍😎
The frenulum is the most sensitive part of the glans. The coronal sulcus or groove turns upwards into a V-shape at the front when the penis is erect, and the frenulum is the string thing there, running vertically.
I’ve heard it said that a tongue stud is very effective; obviously, it needs to be smooth. Is this true, or is it just another urban legend?
The first time a girl fellated me I was 18, and she sucked so hard I climaxed immediately. She complained that I came so fast. The next girl told me specifically not to ejaculate in her mouth, but I couldn’t help it. She never called me again. Those negative reactions led me to worry about climaxing in a girl’s mouth, and I have never been able to do it again, even though my ex-wife was such an expert at it that she could keep me erect for two hours.
A condom takes most of the “light touch” nerves out of the equation. It makes stroking the skin lightly pointless, takes away that wet, slippery shlupping. All you can feel through a condom is warmth, pressure, and general movement.
I’ve had a WL use tiny, fast little licks against the head of my penis, just enough pressure to stimulate the skin. This is what some women like when they are receiving oral (you have to find the glans of the clitoris) but on a penis covered with a condom it does pretty much nothing.
But all this aside, a big aspect of oral sex is mental. It’s not just about how good it feels, it’s about the fact that someone else is doing it. The exchange of pleasure with another human being (it’s a big aspect of all sex, really). I think this is why a lot of men like to watch. Men are visual, and it’s not real until we *see* it.
Oh – in reference to coming in your g/f’s mouth, a phrase to use is “Baby, if you keep doing that I am going to come in your mouth”. After that point, she can own her own choices. Ordering a guy to not ejaculate is not acceptable behavior, girls – ejaculation is a reflex. If guys could do it by conscious choice, men wouldn’t go to work every day to make money to support a woman to suck them off. Couples want to play tease/denial, then fine. Without consent, however, berating someone for something they cannot help and turning their pleasure into shame is a sick and abusive mind game.
Maggie sometimes is too modest for her own good. Of all the people worldwide who read her blog AND use Twitter, there has to be 71 people out there willing to commit to this thunderclap—and I mean right NOW!
https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/7891-
The best oral I ever got was from an escort, I do not know if she really enjoyed her work so much, was a fantastic actress or a mixture of both.
Here is a mixture of things she knew how and when to do, mixed with my own pervert suggestions.
– She was playful, joyous and completely lustful before, during and after oral.
– Usually, to get your own needs met, you have to talk or be specific about how do you like it, at what pace–no such thing was necessary with her–she had learnt to read body language so well that it was a matter of thinking, looking or making a body move to get what you wanted.. I thought .. “I hope she is good with the balls” .. there she went.. oh boy, I get a boner when I remember it..
– Her timing was awesome, knew when and how to use her hands, lips, smile and dirty talk.
– She did swallow it all, with a smile and willingly..there was no need to tell her I was going to cum, she noticed and welcome it with a “give it to me” a few seconds before bliss..during orgasm she applied firm yet gentle and effective circular stimulation around the whole head of my penis till I was done, knew when to stop, there was no need to withdraw.
Some woman explicitly say yes to swallow or cum in mouth “just tell me when you are going to cum”..but then make disgust faces, spit in paper towels..the worst kind get upset and threaten to never go down again. Ladies, please just clearly say “NO WAY” and keep yourselves clear from this if you are going to do any of such things. NO is a perfectly acceptable answer. If you are disgusted by semen in your mouth, learn to use your hands or tits *really well* to finish the job. it might be just as pleasurable for us.
To this day I am still rather puzzled how she got such a deep understanding of male sexuality and desires, in particular how she could read complete strangers so well.
I’m a little embarrassed that I never had a long time partner that even got close to understand my oral desires this way. it is probably partially my fault for communicating it so poorly.
This was the only time I remember ending completely sexually satisfied with just one BJ, dripping in sweat and almost falling asleep right there. It usually takes 2 highly satisfying encounters in a session to achieve that result. (when I was younger, the number was up to 4 …oh the my 20’s are gone sniff, sniff)
Finally, it was almost impossible to book a session with the lady in question, always full of customers, last time I tried to get an appointment I learnt she retired. She wasn’t by any means a “porn star”-like burning hot female, but oh dear.. she knew how to do her job.
The repulsion this goes both ways. I had a boyfriend a while back who REALLY wanted to be good at cunnilingus. But he literally could not handle the taste of vaginal fluid (not just mine I realized when I chatted with other exes of his later). It became one of those tiny nagging issues that eventually ended the relationship. He’d beg me to let him try again (seriously, his fixation was a little weird) and I, being pretty neutral about most cunnilingus, would agree. It was pathetic see. He’d really try, but couldn’t avoid making “yuck” faces, which spoiled the hell out of it.
It isn’t called “blow-fun” for a reason, gents.
However, if money or diamonds are traded….we might become forgetful and try, try again.
One reminder – if you’re using condoms for safer sex, ejaculate isn’t the only risk! All uncovered areas can harbor HSV, HPV, and a host of other critters, all of which can be transmitted orally. All that mouth-on-testicles action does leave you open to risk, which is why we call it safer rather than SAFE sex. Every piece of risk reduction helps – just remember what risks still exist when you’re calculating your own risk-management strategy.