I am a mid level ($250/hr) escort in a large US city and have been in the business for a dozen or more years, and I’ve never seen so many clients assume they can have sex without a condom. It used to be if they even asked for bareback I wouldn’t even see them; now that request is more than half the people I speak with, and a good percentage think they can just hop on bareback without even asking. Is it because I am older? One guy said he assumed I would be OK with it because I can’t get pregnant (which isn’t even correct). Haven’t these idiots heard of STIs? Also, what is the definition of GFE? A good portion of men now seem think it means BBFS. That has never been my definition of those letters.
It’s not because you’re older; it’s because of the government’s war on us. The increase in stings and persecution of clients has made some guys either stop seeing escorts for a while, or stick with girls they already know and trust, or turn to higher-priced girls with a bigger web presence. That means a lot of the semi-pros and low-priced full-timers don’t get the business they did only a few years ago, and some of them have (understandably) become more desperate because of that. Some are lowering prices, others are relaxing screening, and some are doing bareback to catch the foolish guys others are turning away. Also, with the demise of Backpage, a lot of the budget providers who advertised there don’t know where to turn & can’t afford more expensive ad sites like Eros or Slixa; a lot of the guys who were able to find “anything goes” semi-pros on Backpage are also flooding into other ad sites & they don’t know the rules. So the whole market is in chaos, and mid-range providers like you are forced to deal with stupid yo-yos who think “STI” is a government agency.
I’ve been in the business since the ‘90s, and I can state categorically that GFE does not and never has meant “bareback”; it has always meant a style that’s more relaxed & friendly, with conversation, kissing & cuddling. In fact, I remember arguing on hooker boards around 2010 with guys who were trying to claim it meant some checklist of activities (which it doesn’t & never has), but even then everyone understood it did not mean bareback. I’m not sure where the idea that it does came from, but this is the second time recently I’ve heard this; the other was on Twitter, where someone quoted from an idiot cop’s claim to a court that GFE and PSE both mean “bareback”. My only guess is that over the past decade some group of really dumb hobbyists, probably on a “bros before hos” site like TER, intentionally decided to try to shift the meaning of GFE (because they’re stupid and think with the wrong head), and now that their site has been shut down due to FOSTA they’re spilling out into the general community and can only be stopped from their filthy habits by scrupulous professionals like us.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
I was one of the first to coin the term GFE in the alt.sex.prostitution newsgroup before there were websites when we used 300 baud dial-up packet readers. It meant more what Maggie said – more about intimacy interaction with a real human like a girlfriend for the hour, not just a sex object. It had nothing to do with any specific sex act and certainly not bareback. I have always been interested in the more sensual caring intimacy part of sexwork more than just raw sex. I go back to the days of card readers, Burroughs computers, MS-DOS, OS/2 Warp etc. Old guy here Dave in Phoenix 🙁
Ah, that must be the same type of moron that thinks because AIDS does not kill you fast these days, its o.k. to not be careful…
Usually I do not have any contact with people this stupid, but there seem to be a lot of them. Does explain many of the things going on in the world, though.
Ladies, I would like to apologize for all the selfish male bastards, who think that bareback and GFE and PSE mean they don’t have to take precautions, like using condoms. I also think that this is a direct reaction to the revelation that Donald Trump doesn’t use condoms, and the dehumanizing way he treats women he is having sex with (including his current wife) in general.
I always use a condom, not only for my own and the lady’s protection, but also because I last longer wearing one than if I don’t.
Honey, taking longer is a MINUS for a pro, not a plus. 😉
Yes I know Maggie. But 1) selfishly, I would like to get my full hour’s worth, 2) unselfishly when I’m not with a pro, it is about my giving her pleasure, and I try to keep in practice when I’m with a pro.
I try very hard to not use women as an instruments of masturbation, professional or friend. You’re all human beings, and I treat you as such.
Apologizing on behalf of your sex is sexist. No way around it.
How so? Because I feel sympatico with women–whether professionals or enthusiastic amateur–who have to deal with men who are so selfish that they are unwilling to surrender their feeling of Power (“I can get this bitch pregnant.”) and a small percentage of their pleasure to protect their partner, is incomprehensible to me as anything but flat-out narcissism.
guys have often been driven by what they see in ads around the ad of the person they are now contacting. i found when i had an ad in a weekly paper, there was one (only one at that time) who offered greek, and put that in her ad. if her ad was in the paper, number f queries about that escalated. greek was almost never an option at any time in those days by only a handlful, like the ones doing bbbjs, and those who provided those always always charged more for them. if you are getting more enquiries about higher risk activities, chances are the ads are out there offering it. i know the busiest ad site we have here definitely have ads right in the title talking about ‘no c’ & ‘lot extra’ & main pics with bb shots , ‘nc extra 40, ask for details’, and when the regular rate is 150 hr, but in code they’ve got 300/hr. and for some the assumption is it is available, so they have to put in the ad that it is not. and that used to be about bjs, not FS
Guys wanting to go bareback in any kind of a new/casual sex encounter boggles my mind, but then again, it really shouldn’t. Human beings are consistently horrible at assessing risk. Oh, and isn’t it great that someone coined a cool term like “going bareback” to refer to it. Bro culture must love that.
I agree about the risk management. Utter incompetence with regards to it pervades human society and may well kill it in the end.
I blame abstinence only sex education.