Archive for November 22nd, 2022

Diary #647

One of the ways in which long, bright days are bad for my mental health is that they disrupt my sleep.  After a long day of anxiety, the last thing I want is for the sun to set so damned late that it’s been dark less than 3 hours when it’s time to go to bed.  My brain takes a while to wind down, and that’s even more true on very sunny days than on ordinary or overcast ones.  What that means is, before I started using cannabis to sleep, it might be 2 AM before I could get to sleep, and then I’d awaken about once an hour until maybe 7, after which I could forget sleeping any more.  Even with cannabis, my brain tends to race for a while after my head meets the pillow, and I wake up more often than is typical.  I consider it satisfactory if I wake up three times in a night, but in the summer, even with cannabis, it’s more often five or six times.  In autumn and winter, on the other hand, my brain feels calmer all day, and I don’t even start cooking dinner until all the chores are done and the sun is set.  Sometimes I even manage to fit my shower in before dinner, so I can sit down to eat nice and clean and relaxed, with no harsh sunlight streaming in the windows.  When bedtime comes, it’s already been dark for almost 8 hours; we turn off the heat before retiring, so I can wrap up in blankets to stay warm while breathing cool air.  It’s not unusual for me to wake up only twice, and on a few blessed occasions only once.  The sleep itself feels deeper and more restful, and I usually awaken about an hour after dawn feeling relatively content and ready to face the day.  Given what I’ve written here, and that I’ve often described sleep as the greatest of earthly pleasures, I think you can see why autumn would still be my favorite season absent all my other reasons for loving it.


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