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BDSM (Part Two)

Posted in Perception, The Dark Side, tagged , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2010| 11 Comments »

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the masochism tango.  –  Tom Lehrer, “The Masochism Tango”

Yesterday we talked about male-dominant BDSM, which as I pointed out is much more common than its opposite; I would think it’s a fairly rare couple in which the husband has never held his wife down, spanked her or otherwise manhandled her during sex.  Female sexual biology responds to strong, virile, competent men, so the typical woman is turned off by submission or perceived weakness in men.  The result is that, as with every other type of sex, there aren’t enough women who are willing to give it away to take care of all the men who want it, and many if not most heterosexual male submissives must therefore pay for their needs to be taken care of.

A prostitute who specializes in female-dominant BDSM is called a dominatrix (also domme or femdom); the majority of them do not offer any other kind of sex, and indeed most of them do not consider themselves whores and may even be insulted if included in our number.  To them I say, “Tough titties, sisters!”  BDSM is a form of sexual activity; a woman who provides sex for pay is a prostitute; you provide BDSM for pay; therefore you provide sex for pay, therefore you are a prostitute.  Q.E.D.  You can call what you do “therapy” or “psychodrama” or whatever else you want, but it’s still sex.  What I provided was a form of therapy as well, but I’m still a hooker and so are you.  There are professional (male) dominants as well, but as with male prostitutes they make most of their income catering to male clients (though a few do manage to make a living training female slaves for their husbands or lovers).

For the most part men who seek to be dominated go to dominatrices, but a certain percentage seem to prefer getting it from generalists.  It’s not that escorts are cheaper, because in my experience the fees are comparable and indeed when I had my agency the dommes were charging a little bit less than we did.  It isn’t that they can’t find a specialist; New Orleans had several and yet we still got requests for it.  And it isn’t that those who provide both allow mixed sessions; the whore who will allow a man inside her after she has dominated him is a rare thing indeed, as I mentioned in my column of August  16th.  I suspect some of them were travelers without computers who were forced to rely on the phone book; others may have wanted it at the spur of the moment, and dommes usually don’t offer appointments on such short notice.  Also, most dominatrices prefer to stick to their own “dungeons”, so a man who prefers to be dominated at home may not be able to find one who will fulfill that request.  Perhaps some of them are afraid of specialists, and others have been turned down by them for one reason or another, but I’m willing to bet that the most common reason is that (like so many people) they think of whores as “dirty” and debased and therefore find the idea of being dominated by such a lowly creature even more exciting than submitting to a haughty dominatrix!

As the perceptive reader will already have ascertained, I don’t like doing domination.  I was what is called a GFE type escort, which means I provided a Girl Friend Experience; I would talk, listen, cuddle, honor most sexual requests and generally give a natural, comfortable sexual session for men who wanted and appreciated such things.  And though many men wanted other kinds of sexual experiences that I was also able to provide, I found it too difficult to “switch gears” between being a soft, sweet little sex kitten for one client to becoming a bitch goddess for the next and then back to sex kitten again for a third, all in the space of a single evening.  Even a chameleon needs some time to change colors!  So, although I would cater to “fetish” calls and light domination, I was more likely to do so in the afternoon or on a slow night when I knew I would have time to recover my energies and readjust my psychic frame of reference before visiting another client.  On busy evenings I usually tried to get out of such calls or even turned them down flat, and there were some I simply could not (such as those requiring extensive equipment) or would not (such as the ones who wanted me to use a dildo on them) cater to under any circumstances.  And if a man sprang such a request on me after a call was already in progress, I always categorically refused it.

Even when I did perform domination calls, I’m afraid I wasn’t very good at them; I didn’t have a mental script prepared as dominatrices do, and therefore felt at a loss to fill the time in a way which would satisfy the client.  I always hated being called “mistress” by a man as I find it creepy, so I demanded they use “my lady” instead because that felt like a natural and proper form of address from a social inferior to a noblewoman.  I also strongly suspect that my disgust at seeing a male grovel tended to inspire a bit more unconscious cruelty on my part than was strictly necessary; I’m not sure most of these men wanted to be beaten quite as hard with their belts as I generally ended up beating them.  Once I actually triggered a “freakout” in such a client; he became terrified and scrambled to a corner, forgetting his safe word in the process.  Fortunately I realized his reaction was genuine and got things back under control, but even so I felt angry at myself for pushing the poor fellow beyond his boundary!

As I mentioned yesterday, there are many different kinks under the wide umbrella we call BDSM, and the stereotyped mistress/slave, spanking and bootlicking session is only one of them.  I’ve already discussed the infantilist we called “Diaper Man” in my column of August 12th, and I’ll reserve one broad type for tomorrow’s column because it certainly deserves one of its own, but today I want to describe one of the most unusual regulars we ever had.  I say “we” because he was a service regular rather than mine; there was no way I could have provided what he was looking for.  He started out, in fact, as Grace’s regular, the only one she ever had with our service.  Grace was an escort in late 1980s Atlanta and because of her height specialized in domination and fetish calls, but like many women of American Indian blood had not aged well and had grown a bit thick.  Though she was only in her early forties she was no longer interested in escorting, so I was rather surprised when Doug called one day and said he had a call for her!

The client, he said, wanted a woman to wrestle with, and though he was a slender man he still needed a woman large and strong enough to legitimately beat him; apparently it was only exciting to him if his partner won fair and square!  Grace is 5’10” tall (178 centimeters) and at the time weighed about 180# (82kg); the client was not much shorter, but was easily forty pounds lighter.  Since a man is a man I was unwilling to risk that situation without supervision; their first few sessions were therefore incalls, with me in attendance nearby.  Grace later told me that he wasn’t easy to beat, but had poor leverage so she was able to use her weight to pin him.

After that, he called about once a month, but grew ever more tiresome; first he wanted calls early on Saturday morning (when we most needed our sleep to prepare for the longest night of the week), then he started quibbling about the price, and then he decided he didn’t like me there and so wanted Grace to meet him at a cheap, nasty little hotel.  When she got back and told me he had subtracted the cost of the room from her already-low ($200) fee, I declared we would no longer accept his business, and told him so the next time he called.  But there weren’t many women who could give him what he wanted, so he eventually started calling us again and I offered him to Jeanette (the kickboxer), warning her of his bad traits in the process.  She accepted the call and he saw her for a while, but I think she must have defeated him a little too easily because he eventually stopped calling!

I don’t think this client’s sexuality was all that different from that of the ones who need to be dominated by a mistress; he just wanted to be dominated more literally and physically than most.  But the clients we’ll discuss tomorrow are quite another matter entirely, and I warn you in advance that you may find it a bit difficult to read.

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Terminology

Posted in Call types, Perception, Words, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2010| 22 Comments »

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.” –  Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

Like all subcultures, whores and our clients use specialized language to describe various aspects of our trade and the specialized activities we perform.  Most of these are just slang terms used to replace a long descriptive phrase (for example, “cowgirl” replaces the rather cumbersome “woman on top position”), but others were originally intended to allow discussion of suppressed activities when official busybodies might be eavesdropping (on phone or internet communications).  Of course, a secret shared is no secret at all, so once a term becomes common enough for a client to be relatively certain that it will mean something to an escort (or vice versa), they can also be sure the term is equally well-known to the cops.  Today I’d just like to give you a brief overview of a few of the more common terms used in and about our trade.  Many of these originated on the internet; some were first used among streetwalkers, while still others may be peculiar to New Orleans (which is the only place I ever worked).

Around the World means oral stimulation of the man’s anus as well as his genitals; as one might expect, the percentage of working girls who will grant this particular request is fairly slim even in the lower echelons.  Even if one chooses to ignore the considerable hygeine issues, the chance of contracting hepatitis A or other diseases is in my considered opinion far too high to risk.

BBBJ stands for “Bareback Blow Job”, in other words fellatio without a condom.  In the days immediately after the discovery of AIDS this was widely considered unsafe, and authorities encouraged people to use condoms even during oral sex.  Almost three decades of research, however, have failed to turn up even one single documented case of HIV transmission via oral sex, and the last figure I saw was 0.04% chance of infection due to blood seepage into an undetected mouth sore.  Since that’s roughly similar to the chance of being struck by lightning while walking in the rain, most call girls and escorts don’t worry about it much any more.  Hepatitis B is transmitted much as HIV is, though probably at a slightly higher chance.  Other venereal diseases (including venereal warts and herpes) can certainly be transmitted via oral sex, but since they have visible signs most of the risk can be avoided via careful visual inspection (as I’ve discussed before), copious salivation (which most men find visually stimulating anyhow) and disallowing ejaculation into one’s mouth.  The latter requires careful monitoring of the client’s progress; I always asked him to warn me but also assumed he would not because unfortunately a lot of men are complete assholes on this particular subject and will not give warning despite the increased risk to the girl.

Cowgirl we’ve already discussed; the only reason I’m mentioning it here again is because many of my readers are probably unfamiliar with the terms for its variations, reverse cowgirl (woman on top, facing the man’s feet) and Asian cowgirl (as normal cowgirl but with one’s feet on the bed raising the whole body up and down rather than simply rocking back and forth).

Deep Throat means taking a man’s penis all the way into one’s mouth.  With a little practice it isn’t difficult, and since it impresses the hell out of men it’s well worth learning.  The trick is to suppress the gag reflex; I suggest practicing on bananas.  Few men are long enough to actually go down one’s throat, and even those that are can be handled unless they are oddly-shaped (as I’ll discuss tomorrow).

Donation is originally an internet term; it simply means “fee”, as in “how much is your donation?”

Facial means ejaculation onto a woman’s face.  Men who like to do this really like it, but some girls won’t allow it.  Personally I was never bothered by it; it’s not difficult to keep one’s mouth and eyes shut, and since I was blessed with a clear complexion and lovely natural coloring I never needed to wear makeup in those days anyhow.  I could therefore simply have a warm, damp washcloth handy for initial cleanup and then wash my face completely afterward.  I can see how a girl who needs makeup would be averse to clients doing this, however, since it would necessitate a great deal more effort to restore her looks afterward than it did mine.  It also tends to get in one’s hair, but can be brushed out in the short term and thoroughly removed by shampoo later.  Amateurs who say “I would never let a man do that to me!” or “That’s so demeaning!” need to remember those statements when asking “Why does my husband hire whores when I give him plenty of sex?”

Full service simply means intercourse, as opposed to just oral sex or masturbation (the latter being the specialty of Asian massage parlors).

GFE means “Girl Friend Experience”; it’s a highly subjective term but generally means that the escort will cuddle, kiss, refrain from obvious clockwatching or otherwise make the experience seem much more natural and less mechanical.  A high percentage of call girls provide either “GFE” or its converse, the “PSE” (some men believe that the two are not mutually exclusive within a single call, but I beg to differ).  Of late, I have noticed a distressing tendency in internet venues to attempt to define a GFE by mechanistic criteria (such as whether the girl allows intrusive tongue kissing); IMHO this completely flies in the face of the very idea of a GFE, which is determined by how the girl makes the client feel rather than by a checklist.

Greek means anal sex.  It isn’t commonly offered because one simply can’t trust a client to follow the instructions necessary to keep the experience from being painful, but there are always specialists who cater to customers who want it.

Hobbyist is an internet term which means a client who sees escorts as a continuing hobby rather than as an occasional pleasure.  Hobbyists generally frequent internet boards dedicated to their hobby and share information with each other; some of them are excellent clients because they know what’s expected of them, never quibble about money, treat girls well and are scrupulous about keeping appointments.  Unfortunately, the rest of them enjoy the hobby itself more than the girls, and can be nasty and exploitative.  Sometimes the term is used in a broader sense to mean any client, but I think it’s more useful in the strict sense.

John is a term used mostly by police, the media and others outside The Life for a customer, as in “John Doe” since they are anonymous.  The first recorded appearance of the term in print is from 1911, but it is unclear whether it originated among streetwalkers or started as an outsiders’ term from the beginning.  Since I have never associated with streetwalkers or worked anywhere but New Orleans I can’t speak for whether any working girls actually use the term, but what I can say is that I never heard one do so, not even once, not even as a joke.  I’ve heard “client”, “customer”, “date”, “patron” and even (once) “trick”, but never “john”.  I myself always preferred “gentleman”, not merely because it’s polite but also evokes Amanda Wingfield’s “gentleman callers” in my mind.

MSOG means “Multiple Shots On Goal”, in other words the girl allows the man to have intercourse with her more than once if he can.  It’s an internet term, and I must admit I giggled when it was explained to me.  Many girls won’t allow it, which IMHO is rather stupid on their parts since this exists largely in the realm of male fantasy.  What I mean by that is, though a large percentage of men ask for it (by initials or otherwise), only a tiny percentage can actually accomplish it within the time allotted.  So there’s no harm in agreeing to this because most clients will be too spent after the first time even to attempt it again, and a gentle “but sweetie, if it took you 35 minutes the first time how do you expect to do it a second time in ten?” will take care of most of the rest.  And on those rare occasions where the client is both quick on the trigger and able to perform again, why not let him go twice?  It’s his hour, after all, and he paid good money for it.

Pearl Necklace means ejaculation onto a woman’s tits.  This can turn into an unplanned facial if the man ejaculates energetically enough.

Popped means the same as “busted”, i.e. arrested.

Protection simply means condoms.  A lot of people have their own idiosyncratic terms; one girl I knew used to call them “party balloons” and Doug used to refer to them as “dancing slippers” (as in, “get out your dancing slippers, I’ve got a call for you”).

Provider is a neutral internet term for an escort, as in “provider of services”. I don’t much care for this one, as it always reminds me of “The Providers”, those disembodied brains who once abducted Captain Kirk.

PSE stands for “Porn Star Experience”.  This is slightly less subjective than its converse “GFE”, and refers to a very energetic escort who is adept at visually impressive stunts like deep throat and accepting of facials and other such porn-movie staples.

Russian is holding one’s tits together so a man can rub himself between them; obviously, it’s only possible with rather large tits.

Trick is old slang for a session with a client (as in “turn a trick”) or sometimes even a client himself.  It first appeared in print around the same time as “John”, and is still used today among streetwalkers and lower-class escorts in some areas (including New Orleans).  Higher-class girls generally prefer “date” or “call”, and I’ve also heard “job” or “deal”; working girls with musical backgrounds sometimes use “gig”.

Troublemakers is the term I preferred for the nasty, sadistic busybodies referred to by others as pigs, liars, busybodies, blue boys, heat, LE and a number of other things…in other words, cops, the single greatest threat to any hooker’s health, safety and livelihood.

So, there’s a quick explanation of a very few terms; there are plenty of others, but these are most of the common ones which sprang immediately to mind (though I wouldn’t be surprised if I overlooked a really obvious term or two).  As I said above, these are the ones I know from the internet and New Orleans; to list every one from around the world would probably fill a slim dictionary.

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Playing the Part

Posted in Perception, Philosophy, Q & A, tagged , , , , , , on July 24, 2010| 64 Comments »

For everybody knows that it requires very little to satisfy the gentlemen, if a woman will only give her mind to it.  –  Margaret Oliphant

In a comment to my July 21st column, Imnoangel asked “How easy is it for a prostitute to play her part if the man concerned is personally unattractive to her i.e. smelly feet, bad breath, body odour, etc? That’s something I’ve always wondered about.”  I gave her a short reply, but as I think it’s a question which deserves a full column I’ve decided to talk about that today.

For the most part, the customers of call girls are a higher, more affluent class of man with good sanitary habits who genuinely wish to make a good impression; I think most of them recognize that women are repelled by poor hygeine and they feel that offending the girl may result in a rushed job, which they usually don’t want at our price level.  At least half of my customers were obviously freshly showered, shaved and tooth-brushed when I arrived, and even those who weren’t rarely had any noticeable problems.  In my experience, the only customers with an offensive smell were those who were drunk and a few who clearly had physical problems such as extreme obesity or very advanced age.

There are, however, repulsive features which have nothing to do with hygeine; what about the obesity or age I mentioned above?  What about physical deformity, massive scarring or just plain ugliness?  Don’t these come into play?  Paula, who started working for me on her 18th birthday, asked me the same thing:  What if the guy is just really gross or ugly?  My reply to her was, “You know who was the sexiest man who ever lived?  Benjamin Franklin, and you get three pictures of him every time you do a call.” Paula took my meaning immediately and saw the truth in it, which is that this is a job for us, not a date; everyone who deals with the public has some unpleasant clients, and we are compensated much more generously than most for having to deal with them.  It will probably be a lot easier for my female readers to understand this than my male, firstly because physical attraction is a much larger part of the male sexual equation, and secondly because men need to be aroused to sexually perform while women do not; on the most basic level, all that is required of a woman is her physical presence.

Obviously, it’s not a good idea for a call girl to offer that bare minimum; a low-rate girl may be able to get away with just lying there, but a client expects something more for $300.  Still, that’s no problem for most girls; my male readers probably don’t really want to hear this, and most of my female readers already know it, but here goes:  It really isn’t that difficult to convince a man that one is enjoying sex, even if one would much rather be elsewhere.  All it takes is experience and practice, which are also the requirements for honing one’s other professional skills; my stock answer to the oft-asked question “Where did you learn to do that?” was a smile and a “Practice makes perfect,” before returning to what I was doing.  And that raises an important point:  Since sexual service is our profession and livelihood rather than an expression of intimacy or a mere pastime, we have to be good at it; men are a great deal more critical of expensive services than cheap ones, and the call girl who performs no better than the girl next door will find she has little in the way of repeat business.  A professional level of skill at anything only comes with paying attention to the work, carefully noting what accomplishes the desired result and what doesn’t, and concentrating on doing one’s best without the distraction of one’s own feelings.

And this, of course, is another part of the answer to Imnoangel’s question; the whore does not focus on the client but rather on the job.  Yes, she’s trying to please him, but in order to do so she must concentrate on what she’s doing rather than on her own sensory and emotional experience as the non-professional woman does.  This focus on the task rather than the man not only allows her to ignore any repellent features he may have, but also creates an emotional distance between them which serves to insulate her from possible negative feelings most women might experience in such a situation.  It’s also why most professionals (especially in the lower strata) don’t kiss; it requires face to face intimacy which would close that distance.  I have found that my professional detachment even helped me to get through the times I was raped by clients (as I will discuss tomorrow and Monday), though in those cases I was concentrating on relaxing (so as to avoid injury), keeping myself calm and planning my next move should he become even more violent.

I think the fundamental reason most men and non-professional women are so confused about whoring is that they forget that it is essentially a performance, no different from acting or singing.  And given that many people cannot separate other performers from their performances, it should come as no surprise that they are unable to understand our essential natures either.  When I was a little girl many people believed that Cher was part American Indian merely because she had performed the popular song “Half-Breed” in which her character was, and Leonard Nimoy was sought after as a documentary host because people associated him with his cerebral character Mr. Spock.  And I daresay few Americans over 35 will ever forget the commercial in which an actor introduced himself with “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV” as though that qualified him as a medical expert.  For most of human history the majority of actresses were also harlots, and though our professions have diverged to some degree the whore (especially the call girl) is still essentially an actress in a private erotic drama, with the customer as her audience rather than her equal partner.

It was the recognition of my role as entertainer which allowed me to bend the truth in performance of my profession.  In case the title of my site hasn’t tipped you off, let me say that I consider honesty to be among the greatest of virtues; as I mentioned yesterday it even annoyed me to have to lie about minor details such as my weight or age.  But an actress is not “lying” when she portrays a part, nor is a stage magician when he claims to have made a lady vanish.  A film audience wouldn’t like an actress who broke character in the middle of a scene to talk about her personal life, nor do most people really want to know how the magician does his tricks; they pay to be entertained, and the illusion is intrinsic to the entertainment.  At the same time, a good actress draws on her own personality and experience in order to flesh out a role, and the greatest performances are those which make the audience forget for a time that what they are watching is unreal.  A great actress cares about her craft and her audience, and her audience in turn cares about the person she portrays in the play even if they intellectually know that the character they see does not exist in objective reality.  There is a vast difference between truth and fact, and the persona and behavior of a whore or an actress can be true even if not factual.

I know this maybe a difficult concept, so I’ll try to explain it in another way.  Many clients want to feel the sense of connection which can only result from honest personal interaction, the feeling that they are spending time with a real human being with hopes, dreams, loves, sorrows and quirks which make her a distinct individual.  But at the same time, nobody wants to hear that his escort is having boyfriend problems, or that her kids are sick, or that she just found out her house is infested with termites; he has paid her to make him feel good, not to depress him.  The competent professional knows how to strike the perfect balance between illusion and honesty which will give her client the most memorable and satisfying experience possible, and this is the secret of creating what “hobbyists” call the Girl Friend Experience, or GFE.  As an unusually perceptive regular told me once, “I know that the face you show me is largely an illusion, but I love your illusion.”

Like a film actress, however, a great whore must draw upon her own personality and experience in order to create a true interaction with her client, and unlike her actress sister she must do so without either a script or a director to guide her.  One of my male correspondents recently suggested that “although a prostitute enjoys getting money from men, she also very likely feels underlying dislike, contempt, fear or animosity towards them”; I told him that although this might be true of many streetwalkers, a call girl who felt that way wouldn’t be very successful.  An actress who had such feelings toward her audience would unconsciously project them in her performances and thereby rob them of their essential truth, and this is even more true of the high-class whore.  As I said in my column of July 13th, I genuinely like men and sincerely want to make them happy, so whenever I arrived at a call I tried to use the initial conversation to discover something in the client that I could truly love or admire and concentrate my erotic energies on that thing.  And this of course provides yet another answer to the question with which we began today:  If one can find something to love or admire about a client, one can focus on that and ignore things which might cause one to dislike him.

For the most part, it was rare that I lied to customers about anything other than my weight and age; if there was anything I didn’t want to tell him I simply omitted it rather than falsifying it, and I found this both simpler and vastly more rewarding.  For example, I often heard girls lie about how long it would take them to arrive at calls, or come up with ridiculous excuses as to why they would be late; I just told the truth instead.  “Oh, I’m in the grocery store right now and I’ve got cold things; I just need to run home and put these in the fridge, then I’ll be right over.”  Or, “Oh, honey, it’s raining really heavily outside right now and I’m a bit afraid to drive in it; do you mind if I wait until it slacks down?”  Once I told a customer I was baking cookies and I had one batch left to go, so I would leave as soon as I got it out of the oven in twelve minutes.  He asked what kind, and when I told him “chocolate chip” he asked if he could have some; of course I said yes and he was that much happier to see me.  Yes, these truths (and the many others I told clients about every conceivable subject) were unromantic and unglamorous, but they were real and honest and established me as a real, honest, true person rather than some con artist or a stripper type (long on flash but short on substance).  And this not only gave my clients a richer experience, but also protected me from a very real danger I will discuss in tomorrow’s column.

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Madonna and Whore

Posted in Philosophy, tagged , , , , , , , on July 13, 2010| 16 Comments »

A compassionate prostitute am I. – The Goddess Ishtar, from a Sumerian cuneiform text

Perhaps the loveliest compliment I ever received was from one of my customers. I honestly don’t recall whether it was before or after the act, but I was lying naked on the bed talking to him, with my hair falling about my tits, and he suddenly looked at me with a reverent expression and said in a hushed voice, “You remind me of Mother Eve.” It was in my mind the supreme compliment that could be paid to a spiritually-inclined whore by a modern man, to compare her to the closest thing his religion offers to the Mother Goddess.

Ishtar, the Divine Whore

That client was not alone in perceiving the aura of sanctity which, apparently,  often surrounded me in the performance of my calling, though he expressed it the most beautifully. I always felt, and still feel, a deep connection to the ancient temple-prostitutes of the Dawn of Civilization, those sacred harlots through whom ordinary men might experience connection with the Eternal Feminine. And though the spiritual senses of most modern men are too dulled to perceive it, a sizeable minority clearly did, and often told me so in ways which let me know that these were no idle compliments; sometimes their reverence was palpable. It was very rare that I had trouble with a sober client, because most men treated me with the same respect one might expect them to give to their wives or girlfriends. As I told so many of them (when asked how someone like me could do that sort of work), I genuinely like men and sincerely want to make them happy, and so whenever I arrived at a call I tried to use the initial conversation to discover something in each client that I could truly love or admire and concentrate my erotic energies on that thing. Put another way, I tried on each call to find the nexus through which the God in him could connect to the Goddess in me, and thereby give him an experience which transcended mere copulation. Many people are barely above the level of apes, and so the offering was to them as pearls before swine. But for those men of perception and sensitivity, I was able to conjure that ephemeral union of Madonna and whore which is the core of what is called the “GFE” (girl friend experience), and for a small number something which transcended even that.

Why is it that men divide women into “pure,” asexual, revered Madonnas and “dirty,” sexual, degraded whores? Why do they persist in ignoring the fact that all women are capable of both, and that the well-rounded woman fills whichever role is required by the occasion?  The neofeminists tell us that this is a tool of their favorite bogeyman, the “Patriarchy,” intended to keep women under their control; this demonstrates once again the paranoid delusions which characterize the cognitive dysfunction I call neofeminism. They believe, and expect all women to believe, that a monolithic conspiracy involving literally HALF of the human race somehow hides its machinations from the other half. No, a more sensible explanation is needed, one which does not require vast secret midnight planning sessions which have somehow escaped the attention of the entire female population for millennia. Until recently, I myself was at a loss to understand what the psychological root of the Madonna/whore duality might be, but only a few months ago a friend of mine proposed a solution to me. I’m not sure if this was her idea or something she was taught in a psychology class, but I had never heard it before so I’ll give her the credit. Anyway, her theory is that the duality arises in the mind of boys in order to shut out uncomfortable sexual thoughts about their mothers and sisters. So they divide women into Madonnas who must not be seen in a sexual way, and all other women who can. This primitive form of the duality is normal and healthy; perhaps the monsters who molest their own daughters, granddaughters, nieces etc need a little MORE of that feeling. But like so many psychological mechanisms, the duality often gets out of hand, and in the minds of many men grows into an overarching principle, a veritable Iron Curtain across the female population. And when the men with this overdeveloped schism between motherhood and the act which creates it happen to be kings, priests, legislators, philosophers, writers or other influential types, their sickness is impressed upon the minds of countless impressionable followers. No vast conspiracy is necessary, just good old human psychological maladjustment. And its roots in a vital defense mechanism would explain the incredible tenacity with which it clings to the male psyche.

For most modern men, however, there is one figure who straddles the divide; one woman who partakes of both Madonna and whore, and that is the girlfriend. Not the wife (who becomes a Madonna as soon as she becomes pregnant), and not a mere date (who is still just a whore); by “girlfriend” I specifically mean a woman with whom a man is in love but has not yet had children.  His sexual attraction to her classifies her as “whore,” yet his love makes her a “Madonna.” It’s a strange and wonderful mixture which has great power over the male mind, enough to make him give up his bachelor freedom and commit to her in marriage despite his knowledge that she will eventually age and lose the sexual appeal which attracted him in the first place. And, I suspect, it is the intoxicating nature of that combination which drives many men to seek the elusive Girl Friend Experience, the whore who gives him not merely sex but companionship, understanding and real affection, yet will never turn into a demanding (and possibly even asexual) wife. Once he finds it, he will generally hire the girl who can provide it again and again, becoming that most welcome of clients, the regular (more on these in a later column).

But even with a man one has never seen before, there is sometimes an instant connection. I don’t mean a sexual attraction, though certainly that happens sometimes.  I said above that I always tried to find something I could sincerely love or admire in a client, and though I usually could it was much stronger with some men than with others, and on those occasions created pure magic. I have gently coaxed sexual response from the impotent or inhibited, or those sexually shell-shocked by disastrous relationships; on a multitude of occasions I have provided a man with some sexual outlet he needed, yet for which he could not or would not ask his wife (usually because she had turned him down cold when the subject was mentioned).
I have given much-needed intimacy to men so deformed most women couldn’t bear to look at them, held men while they cried because they were too ashamed to do it before their wives, and played mother-confessor for a host of sins. I have lent a sympathetic ear to clients’ problems, given them relationship advice, comforted them when they were in pain and reassured them when they were overcome by uncertainty. In short, I have for an hour or a night played the role of the understanding girlfriend, calling upon the whore or Madonna aspects of myself as needed, usually in combination.

And I’m not remotely alone in this; any high-class professional girl who was in The Life for any amount of time will know whereof I write. I saw many girls who merely tolerated clients, who did the minimum required and got the hell out as quickly as humanly possible; once I realized a girl was like that I would not employ her any more than was absolutely necessary, because even if I were not going to see a client myself I didn’t want my name or agency associated with that sort of attitude. I’m not trying to insult those girls; they behaved as their psyches and hang-ups dictated, just as we all do to an extent. And really, that’s all the majority of customers are looking for anyhow. But every business has to carve out a niche for itself if it is to survive; it must establish a “brand”, a reputation which will distinguish it from its competitors. And since there were already a number of agencies in New Orleans dedicated to the “get as many new calls as possible and forget about repeat business” approach, I was free to follow my heart and my calling and establish a service dedicated to providing a truly special experience to those gentlemen who wanted or needed it.

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