Pornography does not inspire violence, but you can break a leg trying to imitate it. – Mason Cooley
Like most women, I don’t really care much for porn. I have nothing against it in principle; I understand most guys like it and I consider neofeminist claims that all porn encourages violence against women to be ludicrous. I’m just not as visually-stimulated as guys are; though I find some erotic pictures to be stimulating, I generally like stories better so porn movies without interesting stories tend to bore me. My extensive sexual experience also makes me hypersensitive to fakery, so what passes for “acting” in most porn annoys me and the ridiculously unrealistic and unfeminine behavior of many of the actresses actually turns me off. In addition to all this, I also understand firsthand how difficult some of the actions and positions are to achieve or maintain, which takes me out of the action and shatters my willing suspension of disbelief.
Let me give you an analogy; when you watch a movie or television show which involves some aspect of your profession, don’t you find yourself watching it with a far more critical eye than you might watch another program? If there is a character who is supposed to be a member of your profession, don’t you unconsciously dissect everything that character says or does without even meaning to? And if the situation, “facts” or character wanders too far from reality, doesn’t it tend to ruin your appreciation of the show because you just can’t ignore the mistakes? If I watch a movie about doctors or scientists or detectives, I know that they’re making mistakes and diverging from reality, but because I’m not a doctor, scientist or detective I can ignore that because I don’t usually recognize the mistakes when I see them. But since my business is sex, I understand it intimately; I know what’s comfortable or even possible and what isn’t, and I know how people tend to behave in real life. So when movie trickery, camera angles and staged situations are used to make it look as though, say, a really punishing activity is going on for a tremendously long time, I automatically recognize that such tricks have been used and my mind pulls back out of it as abruptly as you might pull back when you see the zipper on the monster costume or the wires holding the spaceship model up. And then there’s character motivation; when I see some porn chick get into a room with three strange guys I ask “why is she doing this?” If they just included a scene where the men paid her I would enjoy it a lot more, though I understand it might have the opposite effect for guys.
Porno movies, like all movies, are fantasies, but since sex is a real-life activity some men seem unable to separate porn from reality where whores are concerned. I really don’t know if most men try to act out things they see in porn with their wives or girlfriends because most of the porn available when I was dating (early to mid ‘80s) was pretty basic so there was little there we didn’t already do (except maybe big orgy scenes). I would suspect at least some do, but many try it with escorts for the obvious reason that we are professionals and our business is to cater to male fantasy. The only problem with that is, a lot of porn is unreal even when the willingness of the woman is assured by sufficient payment. There are four main reasons for this: 1) Clients are not porn stars; 2) Not all women have the same abilities and characteristics, so just because Slutyoni Soverydeep can take a 10” cock to the hilt with her knees pressed against her shoulders doesn’t mean every woman can; 3) Porn movies are not filmed in real time, so what seems to take 15 minutes might have been filmed over several hours and two dozen takes with breaks in between; and 4) Porn movies are filmed under rigidly controlled conditions with prescreened actors posed carefully by a director and photographed from the best angles with crew all over the place so that everything is safe; consent has already been obtained from everyone before filming starts and nobody has to worry about being arrested in the middle of a scene.
I hope you can see where this is going. A middle-aged, overweight businessman on blood pressure medication could not perform like a 28-year-old porn star even IF the film was done in one take, but Aphrodite knows he’ll try. And then there’s the girl; porn starlets have their specialties and their movies feature those specialties and avoid things they aren’t good at, but some clients expect every working girl to be skilled at every specialty of every porn starlet he’s ever seen, even though the stars themselves aren’t! Then, some clients want to try things which look easy on film, but are difficult in real life; or they forget that when porn actresses say how great something feels they may be ACTING, and in reality that position or activity might be uncomfortable, unpleasant or even acutely painful for the woman. Finally, some men forget about the safety factor; porn actresses know their coworkers and are surrounded by chaperones, and they’re all regularly tested for diseases. But hookers are alone with men they do not really know and are therefore not usually willing to participate in activities which may risk their safety (such as choking or bondage) or health (such as ingestion of semen or “bareback” penetration).
Obviously, most girls don’t mind catering to reasonable porn-inspired requests; I never minded guys giving me “facials” or ejaculating onto my tits, and I pretty much expect to be slapped on the rump periodically when being taken from behind. Many girls even specialize in the “Porn Star Experience”, an energetic performance which includes such porn staples as cowgirl, deep throat, loud noises and dirty talk, etc. But porn can also have a more widespread effect; it was after porn models started shaving or waxing off all of their pubic hair that many strippers and escorts followed suit and many clients came to expect it, and since the advent of “squirting” videos (showing women expelling fluid due to “G-spot” stimulation) a lot of girls now advertise themselves as “squirters” and some men will seek them out.
But in the last decade or so a lot of porn has been getting a lot more misogynistic. Now, hear me out; y’all know I don’t use that word lightly. I don’t simply mean (as the neofeminists do) that the on-screen whores are catering to their on-screen male partners or off-screen male customers; that isn’t “misogyny”, it’s simply good business. Nor do I equate onscreen male dominance (either implied or overt) with “misogyny”; as a sexually submissive woman I recognize that domination does not automatically imply hatred, no matter what the neofeminists (and even many mainstream vanilla women) seem to believe. I and many other women are strongly aroused by the fantasy of being captured, controlled, forced and/or enslaved by men, even to the point of being whipped; I therefore can’t see how it suddenly becomes “misogynistic” for a man to share that fantasy. But from what I’ve seen, read and been told, a lot more porn is moving away from the stylized enslavement-fantasy of BDSM and toward realistic-seeming depictions of assault, violent rape and undeserved cruelty (including strangulation, mutilation, etc). One popular subgenre shows forceful irrumation to the point of tears, gagging and even vomiting, which is definitely outside of my comfort zone.
Of course, this is all filmed under controlled conditions; the women are in no more danger than actors who are “murdered” in a thriller. Even if their physiological reactions to being slapped, gagged, choked or whatever are real, there are still a dozen people standing around to stop things if they get out of hand. But anything which appears in porn is going to inspire some clients to want to try it, and indeed there have always been some girls who will allow themselves to be choked, gagged or whatever. The problem lies in the fact that, because of our prohibitionist laws, this kind of activity generally takes place nowadays outside of the controlled environment provided in the past by brothels. As the prevalence of such practices increases, more and more girls will cater to them, especially girls in depressed markets like Dallas who are desperate to win a larger market share at any cost. In an ongoing BDSM relationship such risky practices are at least bounded by procedures the couple has established (safewords, etc), but in a typical hooker/client session there is no established trust or procedure, and I cannot help but think that when an inexperienced dominant tries a risky behavior he saw in a movie on an inexperienced submissive he has just met, possibly even without securing her permission first, it is a recipe for trouble and possibly even tragedy.
1) It amazes me that you say that most women don’t like porn…because there are so many horny females on Twitter that are talking about it all the time…but you’ll probably say they’re just doing that to attract attention from guys, and they don’t really mean it.
2) Holy cuh-RAP I know EXACTLY what you mean about watching your profession. Every time I see someone play an instrument in a movie, and it’s clear that they don’t know how to play, it takes me out of it INSTANTLY.
3) Really, that’s how you react, ‘why is she doing this?’ That is SUCH a part of the male fantasy, that belief that some hot girl in a cheerleader outfit just wants to walk into a room and get gangbanged and suck multiple dicks and eat cum.
Guess not without a paycheck, huh? Damn.
Seriously, tho? Aren’t there freaky slutty girls who actually like it?
4) Yes. Everything is darker and more disgusting as far as I’m concerned.
1) Of course there are some women who like it, but most young women who talk about it online are, as you guessed, simply desperate for male attention.
2) 🙂
3) Of course there are some, but they’ve got their own motivations and/or issues which may cost you a lot more in the long run. Repeat after me: “Free pussy is the most expensive kind.” Learn it, repeat it and make it your mantra, and you will die a happy and sexually satisfied man.
3) Of course there are some, but they’ve got their own motivations and/or issues which may cost you a lot more in the long run. Repeat after me: “Free pussy is the most expensive kind.” Learn it, repeat it and make it your mantra, and you will die a happy and sexually satisfied man.
I take that to mean females like the Glenn Close character, Alex Forrest, in Fatal Attraction. I’m assuming that you mean severely damaged females, that, once they have an experience with you, will latch onto you and make your life miserable, as they try to turn a sexual experience into more than it was, due to their twisted perception of reality. a) Is that correct? b) Whatever types of scenarios/women are you referring to, please describe. I really want to know what I’m missing. c) I really do need to be educated then, because when you say ‘free pussy’ it makes me think that absolutely every female is actually negotiable. That they all have a price, and some might call that misogyny. Help me out here.
Sure, that’s one possibility. She might also get pregnant and take you to court, or blackmail you if you’re rich and/or famous, or accuse you of rape to satisfy some sick need, or any number of things I can’t think of because I’m normal.
Everybody, male or female, has a price; that doesn’t mean you can afford that price or that you’re capable of paying it (if it isn’t strictly monetary).
Beware of the automatic assignment of “issues” and “problems” to people with different tastes, likes and dislikes! This is not so different in structure from the old “whores were all abused girls…” and as a few female porn-and-gangbang lovers told me, “if you knew us you’d see we’re just like all other women; you wouldn’t be able to tell me from any other dark-eyed brunette, would you?”
Good grief, Asehpe, you know better! The only rule which has no exceptions is the one which states “All rules have exceptions”. I’m not going to clutter my prose with prevarications, now or ever.
Again, the secret (listen up, guys) is to remember that porn performers are basically stunt performers. I don’t go around trying to beat up five guys and then jump off a building because I know that I’m NOT Jackie Chan, and I don’t ask my sweetie to have sex on all fours, backwards, on top of a lawn chair because I know that she’s NOT Heather Hunter.
But wow, did it look cool. If somebody could pair Chan and Hunter together…
Good analogy. And even Jackie Chan might not be able to beat up those guys if it weren’t choreographed that way, or jump off that building if there weren’t a safety net below. By asking a whore to do some porn activities in real life, you’re asking Jackie to beat up five guys cold without knowing anything about their abilities, ethics or armament, then to leap off of a real building with no air bag at the bottom of the drop. 🙁
I guess i need to call my SO and ask if she needs a stunt double…
And that lawn chair may have been tied down, and Heather may have had to practice doing the backward thing several times before bringing the guy in, and for all we know she might have fallen over six times during the filming.
None of which shows in the movie, of course. In the movie, she and the guy are getting it on, she reaches for the lawn chair, and we cut to the scene as intended. Just a spur of the moment thing.
Not sure I want to see the reaction I’d get telling a call girl, “Glad you’re here. OK, see that lawn chair? This is what I want…”
Precisely. 🙂
Man, that is slick! 😉
LOL!
A guarantee i’d get my ___ kicked! 🙂
From what I can make out, your sexual response to porn is fairly typical for many women, who generally seem much less stimulated by visual means and more by the written word or ‘plot line’. Very handy on a bus, though.
Yes, I think you’re right in saying that there are potential hazards as a result of this, though I fear that the reaction of the prohibionists will, of course, be more prohibitionism, whereas what’s needed is for all to understand their own and others’ limitations.
There is no evidence that porn influences actual behaviour, the UK Home Office admits, but that didn’t stop the adoption of a wholly reactionary law in the UK, under which one could even be jailed for possessing a still from the ball crushing scene from Casino Royale.
I don’t believe porn should be censored in any way, not even misogynistic porn. I don’t even believe the controversial Japanese video game Rapelay should be banned (though it personally gives me the creeps). My purpose in writing this column is really just to make guys think before expecting acrobatics from whores, and to warn whores that clients may try some of these things without warning. 🙁
I seem to remember that there was a study that were visually stimulated, but is was more about the surroundings and decor. maybe i am not remembering it properly, but i think they tracked eye movement and while guys initially focused on the genetalia, gals focused first on the furnishings, or some such stuff…
When I watch porn (which I do quite a bit), I’m constantly noticing the titles of books on the bookcase, patterns on the wallpaper, etc. I was watching a video with Savannah (this was when I had the bright idea to share porn with a blind woman) and noticed that the window drapes were the same as my family had in the Seventies. I notice a Volkswagen or a circling hawk.
But this is because of my weird brain. Officially diagnosed. Ah well, it happens with non-porn too. I will know forever that Morisawa Yuu is a fan of Blade Runner. That’s really going to come in handy.
I’m not even going to ask what made you decide that was a good idea. 🙂
Because when she asks “what are they doing now?”, you can reply “here, let me show you!” 🙂
Ah, men! 😀
I’ve always thought porn for women was called romance novels. I read one once just to find out what made women like them so much. That was a long time ago, but I definitely remember it had a pirate in it and it was more of an adventure plot than a love story. Women are much more into motives and psychology whereas men are more into sex as a bodily function.
I’ve thought it would be amusing, sometime, to have a group of “masculinists” argue that romance novels should be banned. Women would have an unholy FIT. We’d see women defending everything from scenes of teen sex to rape scenes.
I suspect that the “movement” would go nowhere. Women are probably more dedicated to their pornography than men are to ours.
Exactly right, it is, and as Sailor Barsoom said its fans are very dedicated. When I was a librarian we had ladies taking out piles of them. I must admit there was one period in my life when I did read them, but mostly gothics; I was in my early teens then. In fact, that’s how I discovered Fritz Leiber’s wonderful Conjure Wife; it was in an early ’70s reprinting whose cover made it look like a gothic romance!
Supposedly, Conjure Wife was the inspiration for the television show Bewitched.
I haven’t watched a great deal of porno. I was turned on by much of what I have seen, but I’d really much prefer something with a real detailed plot and fully formed characters, with lots of foreplay and emotional stuff. I think I’m kind of girlish in lots of ways, though.
I did write some porno stories that were published in magazines in the late ’90s. (Not letters, but real stories with titles and illustrations [not by me].) I got as many rejections as sales, though, and almost all the sales I did have were to the same (female) editor.
(I keep planning to start writing again, but I never seem to do so. I don’t even know if there’s still a market for my kind of stories.)
The biggest problem I had was trying to jump into the sex as quickly as these magazines demanded. I would always tend to write several pages introducing the characters and setting the scene, and conversation, and all that stuff which I thought was necessary to make everything sexy, but apparently that’s not what porno magazines are looking for.
I’ve always said that most of my stories tend to be either horror or erotica, and usually both so they either turn into erotic horror or horrible erotica. However, in the past year I’ve discovered that using whore characters solves that issue, and as you’ve seen I seem much more able to write decent stories as long as there’s a harlot in there somewhere.