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Archive for October, 2010

Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, “Aren’t you done yet?” The nympho says, “Are you done already?” and the blonde says, “Beige. . . I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

A few days ago I was perusing the Sex Hysteria! Site (see link at right under “Whorish Media”), which though it is mostly serious carries an occasional humorous item.  There I stumbled upon the following news article parody, which I have reproduced from its original source at an Anglo-American humor website called The Spoof; despite its reliance on the usual inane stereotypes I have to admit it’s both amusing and representative of what legalized (as opposed to decriminalized) prostitution might be like nowadays.

It’s something that plagues college graduates for years, even decades after they’ve tossed their grad caps and nailed their cheaply framed degrees to the walls of their one bedroom apartments.  It’s the student loan.  It doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t get smaller.  With females consistently making less money than males, and with interest rates more astronomical than ever, many female grads declare bankruptcy before they are even able to marry a wealthy man or make one payment on their ever expanding college debt.

This recent epidemic of broke twentysomething girls has lead to a surge in internet based prostitution.  Recent statistics show that there is an undeniable correlation between the number of females who now attend college and the number of ads soliciting prostitution on sites like Craigslist and Kijiji.

David Horsey editorial cartoon from Sunday, March 16, 2008 (click to enlarge)

Dr. Sandy Sanderson, professor of sociology at the University of Alberta, herself an ex-stripper, has been studying ads under the adult section for the past six years.  “We’ve found that 60 percent of the ads put out by females seeking sex for money state that the women are young students unable to pay their rent and bills.”  And indeed, these ads work.  When men were polled, an astounding 80 percent said that if they had to choose between a professional prostitute and an amateur student just looking for financial help, they would choose the student, no matter how unpretty or sexually inept she might be.  “I just want somebody young and kind of desperate.  That’s a turn-on,” says David Utah of Frank, Mississippi.

The statistics don’t stop there.  When female college students were polled on campus, 20 percent said they had accepted money for a sexual act; 80 percent said they had considered taking money for a sexual act; and an overwhelming 100 percent said they were concerned about the debts they had accrued on the road to diploma.  With these strong statistics at hand, a prominent debt consolidation agency based out of New York has teamed up with the US government to offer these desolate students a viable solution.

Love 4 Freedom will be introduced in November of 2010, and it works on the premise that recent college graduates should be able to rid themselves of their student debt in one swift sexual act.  Brett Davies, the founder of the campaign, states that his program has teamed up with psychotherapists, health practitioners, professors, and even parents to offer a form of relief that does not entail these girls to risk the dangers of the internet.

“In 2008, twenty six women were murdered or went missing while on online prostitution endeavors” states Davies.  “It’s not safe out there in the cyber world, we do not want these young women risking their lives to pay off their student loans.”  Conversely, approximately 2000 governors, senators, politicians, and civil servants discreetly hire prostitutes each month, “and that’s just an approximation, we suspect the numbers are actually much higher.  What this means is that we already have a blazing market for young, amateur girls – we figured why not pair them with powerful chieftains who are seeking harmless sexual satisfaction, and in turn wipe their debts free?”

And that is exactly how the system works.  Love 4 Freedom runs like this:  a student applies for Love 4 Freedom assistance.  Her application is accepted with a clean bill of health.  Upon acceptance, the girl is paired up with a government official over the age of 50, and is scheduled for one night with this official in a private, anonymous, and safe hotel or sexual meeting place.  Once the night is complete, instead of accepting cash or gifts, the girl’s student loan, no matter how large, is dissolved and she no longer owes the government anything.

Since its inception, Love 4 Freedom has proven to be a highly controversial topic of debate, causing outrage amongst most feminist groups in North America.  “This is appalling,” says Lily Danesworth of Poupschout, MA.  “I can’t even believe this is considered an acceptable way of helping a woman out, it is an absolute despicable crime against humanity.”

“We knew we’d get this response,” replies Davies, cool, calm, and collected. “And we see it as the lesser of two evils.  Basically, you could screw a bunch of shady men and pay off a portion of your student loan with dirty cash and probably pick up an addiction or STD along the way; or you could spend one night with a prominent, well respected gentleman under highly controlled circumstances and emerge from it completely debt free.”  He goes on to compare Love 4 Freedom to handing out birth control and condoms at high schools.  “You know they’re going to do it anyway.  So why not be responsible about it?”

Although the fine details of Love 4 Freedom have not yet been tacked on, the agency has hired trained madams as well as a plethora of human resources employees to pair the students with their gentlemen.  “It definitely won’t be a lottery system,” explains Daria Vons of the Love 4 Freedom HR department. “The gentlemen will probably choose who they want to spend the night with, and the student will probably be expected to perform acts based on how large her debt is.”  So, for example, a woman with a $7,000 debt may only need perform a menial blowjob as compared to a woman $17,000 in debt, whose task list might include checkmarks under columns marked S and M.  “We’re still debating if grades will play in.  If a girl got A’s, she may get somewhat of a say, maybe a choice between two gentlemen, or the option of bringing another debt heavy friend along for the freedom.”

Love 4 Freedom is extremely optimistic about the new opportunity it provides women, and if the agency is successful, it might broaden its clientele to include those who are paid by the government, like police and firemen, instead of just those representing the government.  “We have high hopes for this debt consolidation system, and by 2015 we’d like to be helping 50 percent of college graduates” says Davies.  “We’d even at some point like to include male students, for the gays, but we are waiting to see the results of our first run.”

Female college students failed to comment their thoughts on Love 4 Freedom because they were too busy handing out burgers and fries in between studying for A’s that will someday get them a Viagra-pumped cock and a rye in a classy hotel room.

Anyhow, that got me thinking about jokes on the subject of prostitutes, and I decided to see how many I could find on the internet.  As one might expect most of them are vulgar, adolescent and presume that all prostitutes are cheap, diseased streetwalkers, but I did find three which were cute and/or worthy of a smile or even a chuckle.  The first forms my epigram, and the last two may have special appeal to me because I was, after all, raised as an Irish Catholic.

The Parrots

A lady approached her priest and said, “Father, I have a problem. I bought two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They say, ‘Hi, I’m a prostitute. Want to have some fun?”‘

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots, whom I have taught to pray and quote the bible.  My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and they will also learn to praise and worship.”

So she brought her parrots to the priest’s house, where she saw his two male parrots holding rosary beads and praying.  They put the woman’s female parrots into the cage with the priest’s male parrots, and immediately one of them said “Hi, I’m a prostitute, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!”

The Prodigal Daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years, and upon her return her father cursed her, asking “Where have ye been all this time?  Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?  Why didn’t ye call?  Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Dad, I couldn’t bear to tell you… I became a call girl.”

“And what would that be, then?”

The girl hesitated, then stammered through her tears, “It’s a kind of prostitute.”

“A what!  Out of here, ye ungrateful little baggage! You’re a disgrace to this family!”

“OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this fur coat, brother Kevin this gold Rolex and you this Mercedes convertible.  I also wanted to invite you to spend Christmas with me on my yacht on the Riviera, and to move into my ten-bedroom mansion afterward.”

The father hesitated, then asked tentatively, “Now what did ye say a call girl was again?”

The girl softly said, “A kind of prostitute!”

“Oh!  Sweet Jesus!  Come here and give yer old man a hug, girl; ye scared me half to death!  I thought ye said a kind of Protestant!”

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It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. –  Mark Twain

Though I suppose I should be used to it after all these years, I am still astonished by the incredibly stupid statements which are habitually made by opponents of prostitution.  Everyone makes stupid statements from time to time (and this writer is by no means an exception), but prohibitionists repeatedly and vociferously repeat the same asinine arguments over and over again, as though they were completely unaware of how ridiculous they sound.  Anyone’s brain can slip out of gear for long enough to make an embarrassing declaration, but the whore-burning crowd’s constant repetition of these same idiotic assertions indicates that they honestly feel them to be both valid and persuasive. Today I’d like to look at a few of them, in no particular order.

The act of exchanging money for sex is inherently degrading.

Why?  What portion of the act generates the degradation?  Is it the act of having sex with men at all?  Because if that’s the case you had best just shut up now before somebody points out that you’re naked.  Or is it the act of having sex with people to whom one is not married, in which case why aren’t you out promoting laws against infidelity, singles bars, gay bars and swinger clubs, or advocating for “abstinence-only” sex education and campaigning against “no-fault” divorce?  Or perhaps you believe that any personal service for pay should be illegal, in which case where’s all your anger and bile against masseuses, hairdressers, manicurists, physical therapists and cosmetologists?  Perhaps you believe that wives need to be protected by prohibiting anyone from providing traditional wifely services for pay; good plan!  So when do you start your campaign to criminalize chefs, tailors, nannies, maids and day care centers?  No?  It must just be that you’re against capitalism, then; good luck selling that one, considering that even the Russians and Chinese have embraced it.

Because you are too romantic, shy, introverted, conventional, prissy, prudish, narcissistic, lazy, fearful or misandrous to sell sexual services, why does that mean I can’t?  I have too much sense to believe I can get all of my moral answers from a 2000+ year old book and too much decency to promote warfare between large groups of society so as to give me a chance to grab power, but you don’t see me trying to prohibit you from doing those things.

Prostitution is unacceptably dangerous to women.

Who determines what level of danger is unacceptable, you?  Who decided that an adult woman who can drive, vote, drink alcohol, own a firearm, see X-rated movies, enter into binding legal contracts and even run for political office is somehow incompetent to determine whom she wants to have sex with and on what terms?  And having decided that I was incompetent, who the hell declared you my legal guardian?  What other activities carry an “unacceptable” level of risk?  How about joining the military?  Construction work?  Driving?  Walking on public streets without a male escort?  Going outside without niqab and chador, thus risking rape due to male lust?  What country are you from again?  And since you’re so concerned about prostitutes’ safety, can you please explain why you think the best way to help us is to make our jobs more dangerous?

No little girl plans to grow up to be a prostitute.

Yes, I’ve actually had morons fling this one at me.  Assuming for a moment that by “little girl” you actually mean one old enough to comprehend what a prostitute does for a living, you’re still wrong; as I discussed in my column of July 30th I had a secret admiration for prostitutes from my early teens and the only reason I didn’t embrace the idea wholeheartedly was due to brainwashing that an intellectual career was somehow “better” than one as an entertainer.  Lots of teenage girls dream of being actresses or singers, who are nothing but glorified whores who make a living with the same body parts as we do; if our trade was not illegal and suppressed who knows how many girls might indeed want to be hookers?

But even that isn’t the point.  No little girl plans to grow up to be a sales clerk, cashier, middle manager, real estate agent or maid either, so should we ban those professions?  And do you honestly imagine little boys dream of growing up to be accountants, insurance salesmen, bus drivers, coal miners and pipefitters?  If everyone grew up to be what he or she wanted to be in childhood we would have a workforce made up almost entirely of firemen, ballerinas, astronauts, teachers, cowboys and nurses.

Nine out of ten prostitutes would leave the trade if they could.

I totally believe this, but so would nine out of ten accountants, lawyers, doctors, secretaries, shopkeepers, clerks, waitresses, construction workers, teachers, farmers, plumbers, cubicle workers, factory workers, etc, etc, etc, etc ad nauseum; in fact, for some of those professions I’m sure it’s more like ninety-nine out of a hundred.  There’s a reason people get paid to do work, you know; it’s an incentive to get them to do something they wouldn’t freaking do if they were independently freaking wealthy!  Those of us who didn’t have the good fortune to inherit large portions of major corporations do indeed have to spend large portions of our time doing things we would rather not do with people we might not otherwise care to be around. But as I said two sections up, if you’re so concerned about the difficulty of our jobs, why are you so dedicated to making them even more difficult?

X% (insert random large number here) of prostitutes are coerced (or abused, or addicted, or “trafficked”, or underage, or whatever).

I’m not even going to comment on the arbitrary nature of these numbers because it should be pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that it’s impossible to make any reasonable estimate of what percentage of practitioners of a repressed and largely-invisible group are blonde, poor, left-handed, green-eyed, uneducated, diabetic or anything else.  The important thing is that even if some percentage of any given profession is affected by a condition which removes free choice or invalidates judgment, what the hell does that have to do with those who are not so affected?  85% of cops have anger management problems, sadistic impulses or self-esteem issues; 72% of lawyers are addicted to cocaine; 99.7% of politicians are moral retards; 54% of doctors are only in it for the money; 95% of agricultural workers live below the poverty line; 113% of neofeminists are certifiably bat-shit crazy and 62.85% of statistics are made up on the spot, so why don’t you go pick on them for a change and just leave us to the Bible Beaters?

Prostitution is a manifestation of patriarchal dominance over women.

Wow, really?  Then how come we were respected priestesses in the old goddess-centered cultures, and our status slowly declined in the patriarchal ones?  And why is it that (at least until the invention of feminism) the most patriarchal cultures are those in which prostitutes are most brutally repressed?  If the “patriarchy” likes prostitution so damned much, why the hell wasn’t it universally legalized centuries ago?  This argument is as ludicrous as the neofeminist claim that sexy clothes are symptomatic of “sexist oppression” despite the fact that oppressive, rigidly patriarchal cultures invariably force women to cover up more in public.

Prostitutes are anti-feminist because they earn a living by being subservient to men.

Anyone who has ever actually prostituted herself, hired a prostitute or observed the transaction will recognize this as easily the most idiotic statement in this column.  The male client is required to essentially beg and bribe a prostitute for sex by jumping through whatever hoops she declares he must and paying her whatever fee she demands, however absurd and unfair; if he displeases her beyond the point she is willing to tolerate she may simply cut him off and leave, and he has little recourse other than physical violence (to which normal men are not willing to resort).  Prostitution is evidence of one gender’s dominance over the other, all right, but it’s the opposite way around from the sick fantasies of neofeminists; why do you think maladjusted men hate us so consistently?  It’s because our very existence is a constant reminder of the male sexual dependence on women (and our ability to manipulate men to get what we want by means of that dependence) that bitter men are so obsessed with controlling or eradicating us and sociopathic men so often murder us.

Perhaps academic feminists, few of whom have ever had to achieve anything resembling real-world results in order to earn their pay, intentionally confuse “subservience” with the normal necessity of any service provider to please her customer?  If a female barber was rude to her male customers and did a bad job cutting their hair, she wouldn’t last too long in her profession.  Not even neofeminists are not so addle-brained as to pretend that other female service professionals are “anti-feminist” merely because of the way in which they earn their living; that distinction is reserved for whores.  Like every other example on this page, this last stupid statement can more truthfully summed up in one phrase: “It’s different because it involves sex.”

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Nothing agreeth worse/Than a lady’s heart and a beggar’s purse. –  John Heywood

The story is told that George Bernard Shaw was once at a party and said to a woman that anyone would agree to do anything for money, if the price was high enough. “Surely not,” she said.

“Oh yes,” he said.

“Well, I wouldn’t,” she said.

“Oh yes you would,” he said. “For instance, would you sleep with me for… for a million pounds?”

“Well,” she said, “maybe for a million I would, yes.”

“Would you do it for ten shillings?” asked Shaw.

“Certainly not!” said the woman; “What do you take me for?  A prostitute?”

“We’ve established that already,” said Shaw; “Now we’re just trying to fix your price.”

It is a strange but true fact that (excluding depressed markets like Dallas, Texas) the annual incomes of most competent whores except for those at the very top (popular porn stars and mercenary “wives” of rich men) and those at the very bottom (the most exploited brothel girls and most degraded streetwalkers) tend to fall very roughly into the same general range.  This is because those who charge more attract fewer customers and therefore earn fewer fees, while those who charge less earn a higher number of their cheaper fees.  Prostitutes in large and wealthy cities (again, excluding Dallas) can command higher fees on average, but of course the cost of living and doing business in those cities is also proportionately higher so their net income is similar even if their gross income is much larger.  Also, girls who do a higher number of calls with cheap clients put themselves at far higher risk of disease, rape, assault, arrest, exhaustion and psychological burnout than their sisters in the higher echelons.  The key to maximizing one’s profits is to realistically assess the market value of one’s services in one’s own market and to charge the highest price which that market will bear without exceeding the point of diminishing returns; of course, finding that point may take careful observation and trial and error.

If the majority of independents and agencies in an area advertise prices or at least communicate with one another, a neophyte whore can start by simply charging the going rate, then experimenting once she has a feel for her average weekly income adjusted for seasonal variation and other circumstances (such as competing entertainment due to sporting events, fairs and the like).  If she does not advertise her prices it isn’t difficult to recognize an increase in the number of inquiries which fail to result in completed calls, but if she does advertise prices it’s a bit more difficult to tell.  In any case some judgment and rudimentary calculation skills are necessary if one means to experiment thus; a girl whose computational ability is not up to the task would be better off just charging the going rate and being done with it.

Since in the United States prostitutes have no guild or union, the prices of individual girls in a highly-competitive market may vary widely; this is the reason for the aforementioned buyer’s market in the Dallas area.  For some reason, there are a large number of pretty young girls working there, and since the supply always exceeds the demand Dallas girls will wheel and deal more than those in most other cities.  Though some independent escorts in every city may offer discounts from time to time when the market is slow due to the economic climate or seasonal slumps, in Dallas this is the norm; some girls get so desperate they will cut their already subnormal prices even lower, with the result that many escorts who could make a good living elsewhere are reduced to glorified streetwalkers there.  To any unhappy Dallas girl who reads this I have only one thing to say:  Get out while you can, because it isn’t going to get any better.  The Dallas market has been this way since long before I started stripping, and I see no reason to believe it will get any better in the near future.  There are plenty of cities within a few hours’ drive where you will be appreciated and can earn the respectable living you deserve.

New Orleans, for all its reputation, is the exact opposite; when I was working the going rate there was the same as that of much larger cities, namely $300 (about twice the Dallas average).  And due to the fact that a large percentage of our business came from tourists and travelling businessmen, we often had to deal with men (especially Dallas men) who insisted that our prices were too high.  When I was the one answering the phone, my response to these men varied with the caller’s attitude; if he was rude I would simply say something like, “You’re welcome to try elsewhere, but you’ll find that is the going rate in New Orleans.”  If he had talked to other services before me and asked “Why is it so high here?” (this was the typical question from Dallas residents), I would respond with a one-sentence economics lesson along the lines of, “Supply and demand; there are too many girls in Dallas so the price drops, but few in New Orleans so the price increases.”  If he lied to me with “So-and-so only asked for $150,” I would simply say either “Caveat emptor” or “You get what you pay for.”  But if he was polite and asked for my help rather than demanding a bargain, I would generally ask, “How much do you have, sweetie?” and then let him know if there was anything I could do.  Most New Orleans girls would accept $250 if it was daytime or early evening or the call was close and the client seemed nice, and when girls helped the service by taking such calls I rewarded them by selling their services a bit harder to future clients.  If the client had less than $250 but we weren’t busy, I would offer him a half-hour and lower the agency’s fee to $75 so the girl could still make out OK.

One advantage of a tourist economy is that one can make such deals without ruining one’s reputation; if word got around that a $300 internet independent was accepting $250, pretty soon every man would demand that price and it would turn into a PR nightmare.  But in a tourist economy there is little communication between clients, and since many ”hobbyists” disdain agencies a girl who works for one has more leeway to deal without having to worry about long-term repercussions either to herself or to other escorts in that market.  Also note that there is a vast difference between a client who negotiates on the phone and one who attempts to do so in person after pretending to accept a girl’s price in order to get her there; the latter is not only dishonest but potentially dangerous, and the wise escort should simply take her cancellation fee and go rather than face the possibility of rape and/or robbery.

The absolute lowest amount of money I would advise any self-respecting escort to accept is $200 no matter how short the time; I have heard of internet girls accepting less than that for a half-hour, but I would never accept such a deal myself nor allow any of my girls to do so.  The reason is simple:  Every ATM I have ever seen will give out at least $200, so a decent man might legitimately claim to only be able to get his hands on that much in a strange city.  If a man cannot come up with at least $200 it means he cannot afford $200, which in turn means that the money is dearer to him than to a more affluent client and he will be more likely to try to get every last penny’s worth out of his escort’s hide; as I previously observed about black men, such a client will often be rougher and far more demanding, and nine times out of ten will cause the girl to exceed the agreed-upon time.  As an experienced escort told me when I first started, “The less they pay, the more they want,” and I found that to be absolutely true.  Another factor, of course, is that prices under $200 attract a poorer clientele who are less likely to have perfect health and may not be as wary of public exposure as professional men usually are, which creates an unacceptable security risk.

Doug once told me that Linda had been at his office earlier that day and secretly looked into his books while he was on the phone with a client; when he hung up she angrily confronted him with, “How come Maggie makes so much money?”

Doug replied, “Because she’s out doing ten $250 calls while you’re waiting for one $400 one.”  While this was a bit of an exaggeration, the point is nonetheless a valid one:  Even though most of us fall into the same general income range, a whore who sets her price to the highest her market will comfortably bear and then makes occasional exceptions as conditions require and reputation allows will earn at the high end of that range, while a whore who sets her price too far above everyone else’s in her market will generally earn at the low end.

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Take all the robes of all the good judges that have ever lived on the face of the earth, and they would not be large enough to cover the iniquity of one corrupt judge. –  Henry Ward Beecher

This came to my attention Wednesday; it is paraphrased from an AP article, but required much more extensive rewriting than usual to bring out important facts which were cleverly buried in the depths of the article. It is rare to see such a fine example of a story in which there are absolutely no good guys, but I’ll discuss that afterward.

Senior Judge Jack T. Camp, 67, of Atlanta, Georgia was arrested by the F.B.I. Friday (October 1st) and charged with various gun and drug charges after the agency used a stripper to entrap him.  The judge became enamored of the unnamed stripper sometime earlier this year after he got a lap dance from her at the Goldrush Showbar in Atlanta; he returned the next day for more dances, then soon started paying her for sex and later cocaine.  Sometime during this period the F.B.I. approached her with a deal to drop outstanding felony drug charges against her if she helped them by betraying her client into a setup.

Camp, a veteran federal judge who had achieved a status that allowed him a lighter caseload, now finds himself in the same position before another judge as so many people stood in before him; he has a reputation for handing out stiff sentences, especially in drug cases.  He of course intends to plead not guilty, but his arrest has set dozens of lawyers to combing through his decisions, wondering whether they have grounds to challenge them.  “I don’t know whether the allegations are true or whether they infected the decision making, but it’s incumbent upon me to raise these issues,” said Gerry Weber, a civil rights attorney.

The dancer attests that for a few months after meeting her Camp regularly used cocaine and other drugs with her, sometimes at the club, and that he would pay $40 to $50 to join her in getting high.  In June, he even followed her to a house in the Atlanta suburb of Marietta to buy drugs, carrying a semiautomatic handgun with him he later told her he brought to protect her, she said.

Then on October 1st, Camp told her he would try to help with her criminal record and advised her to tell a potential employer who had rejected her application that “it was a minor offense and that one of the judges on the court can explain that to him,” according to the affidavit.  A few hours later, she asked Camp to follow her to the Publix grocery store parking lot in northeast Atlanta to meet a drug dealer.  When she said she feared for her safety, authorities said he responded with a dash of bravado:  “I not only have my little pistol, I’ve got my big pistol so, uh, we’ll take care of any problems that come up.”  He then gave the stripper $160 to buy the drugs from an F.B.I. agent posing as a drug dealer, who told Camp he had given the two a few extra pills; the judge sounded pleased and told him “We’ll call you again.”  They then drove to a nearby night club called the Velvet Room, where about 10 minutes later FBI agents swarmed all over his car and recovered the plastic bag containing blue pills and cocaine they themselves had sold him, along with two guns from his front seat.

Not only has the case shocked the legal community, but also has created a conflict-of-interest nightmare.  For Camp’s bail hearing, prosecutors had to be flown in from Washington and a magistrate brought from Alabama because the local judges were forced to recuse themselves from the case.  And since Camp supervised several cases while under investigation his decisions in those cases may be revisited.  Among them was the April trial of a pilot charged with shipping cocaine for drug traffickers; a jury acquitted him despite prosecutorial shenanigans which included carting 174 kilograms of cocaine out in front of the jury several times.  “If you could establish that a judge was under the influence of some substance at the time he presided or ruled, then you could conceive of a basis for a challenge,” said Pete Donaldson, a criminal defense attorney based in Albany, Georgia.  “You can envision all manner of circumstances where that might come into play.”

The judge grew up on a working farm in rural Coweta County, and he enjoyed talking to colleagues about raising timber, pumpkins and cows on a plot of land he still owns.  During his more than two decades on the federal bench, he hated when attorneys grandstanded and sometimes required them to cite the specific federal code when they dared raise an objection.  But he always maintained a cordial relationship, said defense attorney Page Pate:  “He was a true Southern gentleman who was definitely tough with defenders — even more so in drug cases.”

At a hearing on Monday (October 4th), the judge was surrounded by four defense attorneys; he flashed a quick smile to his family before being released on a $50,000 bond.  William Morrison, who tried several cases before Camp before becoming his attorney, assured the judge’s family that he was doing fine, and then told reporters Camp would likely take a leave of absence.  “This is really a case between Judge Camp and his wife.  It’s not about Judge Camp being a judge.  It’s about him being a husband,” said Morrison, who added:  “It is not a case about judging.  It’s a case about judgment.”

What a cesspool of depravity; I think we’d all be better off  if every one of these people were sealed up together and left to feed on one another.  We have here a judge who has made a career of throwing the book at people for things that shouldn’t even be criminal, tricked into breaking the same law by a sleazy cokehead stripper who violates both professional ethics and common human decency by betraying a client at the behest of an organization of busybodies determined to ensnare the aforementioned crooked judge into violating a number of laws that shouldn’t even exist.  So he paid a whore, inhaled some plant matter and carried a weapon to protect himself and his female companion; why should I care about this?  Why should anybody care about this?

The only thing the judge did wrong IMHO was to judge other people and condemn them to years of imprisonment for doing things that he himself clearly does not believe to be wrong.  So he’s a huge hypocrite, but so is the stripper for allowing herself to be a Judas goat to entrap a man for things she not only does not believe to be wrong, but was freely allowed to do herself many times in the course of the investigation!  So, it’s not legal to snort coke and whore yourself of your own free will, but it’s OK if the F.B.I. pimps you?  And what about the F.B.I. men?  Does anyone believe that they don’t use drugs and hire hookers?  I have myself been hired by F.B.I. men on multiple occasions (they’re only empowered to act against federal offenses, not local misdemeanors like simple prostitution) and even watched a bigwig in that very organization snort coke right in front of me; when he asked if I wanted some I replied, “You’re kidding, right?”  I’m sure that the F.B.I. has a far higher percentage of dedicated professionals than the average local or state police department, but that doesn’t change the fact that large numbers of them (including a number of those who entrapped Judge Camp) are guilty of exactly the same offenses.

I can prove it:  The very possession of cocaine is against the law; one does not have to be caught using it.  Under current drug law, if I pick up a hitchhiker and we later get stopped by a cop who searches her purse and finds crack inside, I can be charged with “possession” because it’s my car.  If it’s more than a certain amount, the government can seize EVERYTHING I OWN under the so-called “drug lord law”.  So any F.B.I. agent who touched the bag with the “bait” cocaine, or carried a container in which it rode, is equally guilty of “possession”.  That’s the problem with asinine “possession” laws; they’re based on the primitive notion that an inanimate object can be intrinsically evil, and that anyone who contacts that object, willingly or otherwise, is contaminated.  If I hurl a taboo object at a tribesman with such beliefs and it hits him in the shoulder, he is equally “unclean” as if he had picked it up himself.  And if a cop plants illegal drugs on someone and then conveniently “finds” them, the victim is just as guilty as if he was observed to take them and tested positive for their influence.  Only those modern shamans, cops and government agents, are granted magical immunity from the “crime” of touching “evil” objects, which makes these laws just as hypocritical and filthy as everything else in this story.

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The prostitute is the scapegoat for everyone’s sins, and few people care whether she is justly treated or not. Good people have spent thousands of pounds in efforts to reform her, poets have written about her, essayists and orators have made her the subject of some of their most striking rhetoric; perhaps no class of people has been so much abused, and alternatively sentimentalized over as prostitutes have been but one thing they have never yet had, and that is simple legal justice. –  Alison Neilans

Yesterday I talked about the “hooker with a heart of gold” stock character, and I mentioned that she has appeared in literature, especially Western literature, for millennia.  But there is no doubt in my mind that she appears more often in American films and television programs than in those of all other countries combined (even if we allow for the larger volume of media from the US), and more often than not she is even allowed a happy ending.  Given that (as we discussed yesterday) such portrayals tend to indicate a positive or at least tolerant attitude toward prostitutes, one might feel safe in stating that most Americans have a soft spot for whores.  Yet at the same time, the US has the most oppressive, punitive, evil-minded laws against prostitutes of any country outside the Muslim world, which would certainly lead one to conclude that most Americans hate whores with a passion.  What’s going on here?  Is there some explanation for America’s weird love/hate relationship with working girls?  Yes, I think so; I believe it derives from the two separate and opposing, yet interlocked and seemingly inextricable, traditions upon which the United States was founded.

The vast spaces and distant location of the North American continent made it the ideal place for the displaced, disaffected and dissatisfied of Europe to go in search of their dreams.  For some it was a place where they could build their own fortunes and own land they could otherwise never have; for others it was a place where they could practice their own brand of religion free from the state-imposed religions of Europe, and for some it was simply a place they could start over again.  The key concept in all these dreams was of course Freedom (with a capital “F”), specifically freedom from monarchial tyranny.  If there was ever a sacred concept in American thought, it would have to be Freedom.  Of course, as with most sacred concepts, later generations tended to forget what the words actually meant, but we’ll come back to that later.

The practical capitalists sought the freedom to create wealth; most of them were highly educated gentlemen of the Enlightenment who were well-versed in history and philosophy and many of them saw the potential to create a Utopian state, free from religious or secular oppression, autocracy and the accumulated impedimenta of roughly 1300 years of European governmental tradition.  So when they decided to throw off English rule and strike out on their own, their new government incorporated Roman-style checks and balances long since abandoned  by European governments, but was otherwise based on the radically new theory of the social contract, the idea that governments were of and for the people rather than vice-versa.  Though later abrogated and warped by power-hungry politicians in order to subvert its original philosophy, the American constitution was originally designed to keep the government from getting too large and consuming wealth as the Roman and later European governments had; it was intended to allow individual achievement while preventing the strong from preying on the weak.  So from the very beginning there was a strong current of respect for individuality in the American character, coupled with an admiration for those who break the rules and do things their own way as the Founding Fathers had.

But at the same time, a vast number of the early settlers in the North American colonies were members of various religious sects which were unpopular in Europe.  Some of these (such as the Quakers) were unpopular because they tended to disagree with kings a little too often, but most of the others were shunned because they were humorless party-poopers who were always preaching to everyone about what awful things fun and pleasure (especially sex) were.  Modern Americans tend to whitewash and idealize the so-called “Pilgrim Fathers” who arrived on the Mayflower in 1620, but the fact of the matter is that they were a bunch of dour, prudish Bible-thumpers who would not be welcome at many modern Thanksgiving feasts.  And though one might think at first glance that these sour-minded wet blankets would reject the pursuit of happiness so important to the Founding Fathers, one would be wrong; after all, it takes hard work, perseverance and sacrifice to make a fortune, and the Puritan Protestants were all about hard work and sacrifice. As these traditions met and interacted, the Protestant work ethic became inextricably bound up in the American Dream and the idea of wealth as a God-given reward for a pure and godly life became inextricably bound up in American Protestantism.  And as the United States expanded westward, they became more and more intertwined until it was difficult to see where one started and the other left off.  19th-century notions of scientific and social progress soon joined the mixture, creating rich and fertile soil for the growth of the Social Purity movement imported from England in the second half of the century.

As I discussed yesterday, the whore is by her very nature a rebel who refuses to accept the conventional restrictions on female behavior laid down by traditional patriarchal cultures; as such, she has an undeniable appeal to a people whose entire nation was founded in rebellion against the established order.  Americans love rebels; though the North won the War Between the States, the brave struggle of the South against unbeatable odds was romanticized in American culture for about a century after the war’s end, and outlaws such as Jesse James and D.B. Cooper still inspire folk following despite their crimes.  Witness, for example, the popular American support for the JetBlue Air Steward who told off a nasty passenger and made a colorful exit from the plane back in August.  Given that predilection and the fact that whores are the ultimate capitalists, it should come as no surprise that many Americans tend to look kindly on us.  I think this also explains the American fascination with streetwalkers in particular; the mythic streetwalker is a solitary figure who walks through the dirty, dangerous urban landscape in much the same way as the mythic cowboy rides alone through the dirty, dangerous landscape of the legendary Wild West. With her outrageous clothes and no-nonsense attitude, she makes as powerful a filmic image as the cowboy does, and indeed her Western equivalent, the “soiled dove” or saloon girl, is often paired with the cowboy.  This is, I think, the reason for the persistent tendency to imagine all prostitutes as being streetwalkers; when the average person hears the word “prostitute” or any of its synonyms, the condensed image of a century of Hollywood streetwalkers strolls unbidden through his mind.

The other major root of the American character, however, lies buried deep in the cold and stony soil of New England, nourished by four hundred years of Puritan prudery and nursed by the likes of Cotton Mather and Jonathan Edwards.  That aspect is not amused by the harlot, nor does it find her even slightly endearing.  It finds our refusal to submit to male domination appalling, our refusal to obey every Biblical injunction shocking, our avoidance of “honest work” outrageous and our making a living from ess-ee-ecks completely unacceptable.  “Fornication!” screams Mather; “Sin and Damnation!” screams Edwards, and this dark, dismal part of the American psyche is ready to drag the whore to the pillory, whip her soundly and brand her forevermore with a scarlet letter.

For the first century of the new nation, Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam argued and wrestled and struggled over their harlot daughters; this conflict generally resulted in our profession existing in a sort of twilight status, neither completely legal nor strictly illegal.  This was especially true in areas which were not quite mainstream America yet; prostitution thrived in places like New Orleans, San Francisco and the “wild” western territories which had not yet become permeated with the stink of Puritan repression.  Unfortunately, that all changed around the turn of the 20th century; the Civil War had established the pre-eminence of the federal government over those of the states, the now-huge country required an equally huge bureaucracy to run, mass communications and rapid steam transit made it possible to enforce Northeastern ideas of rigid, centralized government on the more freewheeling and independent populations of the Southern and Western states, and the Social Purity crusaders descended on the country like a plague of locusts, banning everything which carried a hint of decadence and “sin” about it.  By 1918 prostitution was illegal everywhere in the United States, and with a few rare exceptions has remained so ever since.  The average American has in recent decades dropped into a fearful sleep haunted by nightmares of terrorists, illegal aliens, “liberals” or “conservatives”, human traffickers, Satanists and “pedophiles” and he covers his head with a pillow and cries for Big Brother to protect him from the products of his own imagination.  The cowboy has been “deconstructed” and the proud whore has been turned into a helpless victim, and the only places in which they retain their old status in the American mind are those shared fantasies we call movies and television shows.

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It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers.  And enormously higher than that of professors. –  Robert A. Heinlein

Have you ever played that parlor game where someone names a category (like, say, “animals” or “cheeses”) and everyone tries to figure out which one you are?  Like, “if you were a tree, which kind of tree would you be?”  Well, we were playing this one night at UNO and someone chose the category “archetypal characters”; it took all of thirty seconds for everyone to agree that I was “the hooker with a heart of gold”.  For those unfamiliar with this archetype, she is a woman (sometimes an actual prostitute but not always) who by the sexual conventions of her society is “bad” or “immoral” or “sinful”, but is actually a kind and virtuous person.  The fact that this character appears in literature practically since the beginning of civilization shows that at least on some level many humans recognize that a woman’s willingness to comply with her society’s sexual mores has little to do with her actual morality.  One can always tell how well a writer comprehends this truth by the way in which he uses such a character; if he depicts her as miserable and fallen and forced into prostitution by circumstances or poverty or a pimp, he obviously does believe that sex truly is bad and dirty and therefore his heroine cannot have willingly entered harlotry.  But if he depicts her as an unrepentant whore who makes no excuses for her profession and yet still is good and noble, it is because he recognizes the arbitrary nature of any given society’s sexual rules and therefore understands that virtuous whores, as Heinlein points out, are far more common than virtuous individuals in many “respectable” professions.

Those who have read this column for a while recognize that the latter depiction of the “tart with a heart” is the truer one; I can honestly say that the moral composition of the population of working prostitutes in any given area basically resembles the moral composition of the population in general.  There are honest whores and dishonest whores, moral and immoral ones, generous ones and greedy ones, ones who help their sisters and ones who will stab them in the back to make an extra fifty bucks…just like any other people.  Despite what cops and bluenoses like to claim, hookers are no more inclined to criminality than anyone else; the way some of these ignorant jackasses talk, they make it sound as though if our trade were decriminalized most would leave it in droves to find some illegal way to make a living!  Yes, some streetwalkers and low-end escorts will steal from customers, but that’s because they’re poor and desperate; some hotel maids and minimum-wage retail employees do the same thing for the same reason, but I don’t see anyone calling for those professions to be prohibited.  And yes, even some not-so-low-end escorts try to scam their customers for more money; do you honestly believe some mechanics, doctors and lawyers don’t do the same thing?  Refusing to obey the arbitrary sexual rules of society does not make prostitutes any more “corrupt” or “evil” than it does homosexuals for the same reason, and though many sluts are far more unscrupulous than whores (because some of them DO want to steal married men from their wives), I’ll bet the average moral retard would consider it the other way around!

Once Linda said to me, “Maggie, you’re so beautiful and so smart, you could easily take these men for a lot more than you do.”

I replied, “That’s as may be, but I can sleep at night.”  Yes, as escorts go I was unusually honest, but then I’m unusually honest for a woman, a person, an American, a writer or any other group I happen to be a member of.  My innate honesty has nothing to do with my profession; it existed long before I ever accepted money for sex, and did not lessen merely because I gave up one profession for another.  My girls all knew that I frowned on dishonesty, so dishonest girls never lasted long at my agency and those who (like most people) might be tempted to occasional “fudging” were discouraged from doing so by my attitude.  Yet, I never had any trouble finding girls to work for me, which tells me that escorts are no more or less honest than anyone else.

I think my readers can probably tell that besides being honest, I also have a generous nature; as one of my friends once put it, “When Maggie does well everybody does well.”  She meant that when I can afford it I am never stingy with gifts, loans, picking up tabs, tipping, or anything else.  As with honesty I’m not alone among whores in that respect; I’ve seen a number of girls who worked for me go broke helping out their families and friends, and both my own experience and that of waitresses I’ve known informs me that escorts, like strippers, are usually big tippers.  I think part of that is due to our high income and to our knowing what it’s like to be dependent on the generosity of patrons, but part of it has to be personality-driven because I’ve known some very wealthy people who were terrible tippers, and though generous with money they already have few strippers have any scruples about milking their customers for more to replace it.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about the “hooker with a heart of gold” archetype; if you’re interested in reading more about it I suggest you look up the Wikipedia article or the one at TV Tropes and Idioms, both of which feature numerous examples.  I feel it only fair to warn you, however, that the latter site can be extremely addictive, and since both sites feature user-generated content the quality of the examples can vary widely; the TV Tropes article in particular has some commentary which demonstrates bias, acceptance of stereotypes and subscription to “pimps and traffickers” hysteria on the part of the writers.  For the purposes of this article, all I need point out is that whether the character is major or minor and whether the writer allows her to live “happily ever after” (as in Pretty Woman) or feels compelled to redeem her by killing her off (as in Camille) says more about both the writer and his intended audience than it does about actual prostitutes, golden-hearted or otherwise.

Because the very fact that a writer uses such a character in the first place shows that he (at least on some level) recognizes his society’s sexual rules as arbitrary, the most important factor in determining how she will end up is not how he feels about those rules, but rather how he feels about women breaking them.  Because even in places and times when our trade is not actually illegal, whores are by our very nature nonconformists; by refusing to meekly submit to one man, by refusing to toil and spin, by refusing to be ashamed of our sexuality, by demanding cash for our favors rather than allowing men to sweet-talk us into giving them up, and by profiting from the male tendency toward promiscuity rather than whining or throwing tantrums over it, we violate every expectation of patriarchal society.  Men are either fascinated by our charms or hate us for our power over them or both; women are either jealous of our freedom or horrified by our courage or both, and society as a whole refuses to openly accept us yet would collapse into chaos without us.

By giving his character a “heart of gold” the writer represents her as a good person whose only fault is her refusal to accept the yoke expected of women, therefore her eventual fate demonstrates his belief about what will or should happen to people (especially women) who violate arbitrary standards.  If she dies, we can be sure that the writer either believes that “you can’t fight the system” (even if that system is unjust and wrong), or else that female willfulness is a tragic flaw which will destroy even an otherwise-virtuous woman.  If she is “redeemed” through the actions of the hero, the writer clearly believes that though female unconventionality is a sin, it is not a mortal one and therefore can be forgiven if the poor deluded wretch sees the error of her ways and happily becomes the property of some man.  But the rare example in which the virtuous whore both survives and yet remains unrepentant is indicative of a truly liberal attitude on the part of the writer; by allowing his symbol of noble nonconformity to triumph without recantation, he tells us not only that he believes in a woman’s right to self-determination, but also that he recognizes that arbitrary social conventions have no more resemblance to real morality than pantomime horses have to thoroughbreds.

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I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled. –  From a letter to the Central News Agency of London,  postmarked September 27th, 1888 and signed “Yours truly, Jack the Ripper”

There has been enough written about the notorious serial killer known as “Jack the Ripper” to fill a small library, but as one might expect 99.99% of it dwells lovingly on the gruesome details of the murders or speculates (either methodically or wildly) on the identity of the killer; few of these (invariably male) “Ripperologists” seem remotely concerned with the women who were so brutally butchered.  Since October is a month for all things dark and creepy, and since this week marks the 122nd anniversary of the height of the Ripper hysteria in London, I have decided to give short (because so little is known of them) biographies of the five women whom most experts consider to be truly the work of the Ripper himself rather than a copycat or unrelated murderer.

Mary Ann “Polly” Nichols (née Walker; August 26th, 1845 – August 31st, 1888) was the daughter of Edward and Caroline Walker of Dean Street, London.  Her father was a locksmith and she married a printer’s machinist named William Nichols on January 16th, 1864, bearing him three sons and two daughters between 1866 and 1879.  Their marriage broke up in 1881 due to William’s infidelity and Polly’s drinking, and though he was required to pay her alimony of five shillings a week he cut it off in 1882 (as was allowed in those days) upon discovering that she was supplementing her meager income by working as a prostitute.

The “Dear Boss” letter, quoted at the top of this column

For the next six years Polly drifted as such women often do; she drank most of what she earned as a streetwalker and so could rarely maintain a residence for long.  She lived with her father for a year or so but left after arguing with him; she also lived with a blacksmith named Drew for a while, and spent the rest of the time in cheap boarding houses.  By the beginning of 1888 she was homeless, and after being caught sleeping in Trafalgar Square she was placed in the Lambeth workhouse.  She left the workhouse for a job as servant to Mr. and Mrs. Cowdry of Wandsworth, but that only lasted two months because her employers were teetotalers; when she left, she stole three pounds ten worth of Mrs. Cowdry’s clothing.  She returned to streetwalking, sharing a room at 18 Thrawl Street, Spitalfields with another hooker named Nelly Holland.

Polly was 5’2” tall, with brown eyes and dark brown hair beginning to grey; she was good-looking for a 43-year-old Victorian alcoholic streetwalker and had no trouble making money, but unfortunately tended to drink it all away.  On the night of her death she was turned out of the rooming house for the lack of her fourpence bed charge, though she had already earned three times that earlier in the evening.  So she returned to the street to earn another fee and was last seen alive by her roommate at 2:30 AM at the corner of Osborn Street and Whitechapel Road.  She was found dead just over an hour later in front of a stable on what is now Durward Street, just 150 yards from London Hospital.  She had been dead for only a few minutes; her throat had been slit twice and her abdomen mutilated with several jagged wounds from a sharp knife.

Annie Chapman (née Ann Eliza Smith, c. 1841 – September 8th, 1888) was the daughter of George and Ruth Smith of Paddington and married her maternal cousin John Chapman on May 1st, 1869.  John was a coachman and she bore him two daughters and a son between 1870 and 1880, but after the son was born crippled and their eldest daughter died of meningitis both John and Annie started drinking and they separated in 1884.  Her husband paid her alimony of 10 shillings a week, but this ended with his death from alcoholism at the end of 1886.  She subsequently became very depressed and started living in boarding houses, supporting herself by crochet work, flower selling and occasional prostitution.

Annie was 5’0” tall, with blue eyes and wavy dark brown hair.  At the time of her death she was living in Crossingham’s lodging house at 35 Dorset Street, Spitalfields; after a week of illness she ran out of money for her bed, so like Polly Nichols the week before returned to the streets to earn some.  She was last seen alive talking to a short, dark man behind 29 Hanbury Street about 5:30 AM by a Mrs. Elizabeth Long; half an hour later her body was discovered in the back yard by a resident of the house.  Her throat had been slit and abdomen mutilated by the same sort of blade which killed Polly Nichols.

Elizabeth “Long Liz” Stride (née Gustafsdotter, November 27th, 1843 –September 30th, 1888) was the daughter of a Swedish farmer, Gustaf Ericsson, and his wife Beata Carlsdotter, and was born near Gothenburg, Sweden.  After a few years in service she became a prostitute, then in 1866 moved to London and re-entered service.  On March 7th, 1869 she married a ship’s carpenter named John Thomas Stride and they opened a coffee room in Poplar, east London.  The two had a stormy relationship which ended permanently by the end of 1881, and Liz moved into a boarding house in Whitechapel.  By 1885 she was living at least part-time with a dockhand named Michael Kidney, earning some income from sewing, housecleaning and occasional prostitution.  Her relationship with Kidney was much like that with her husband, and a few days before her death she left him and moved into a boarding house at 32 Flower and Dean Street.

Liz was 5’2” tall, with grey eyes, curly dark brown hair and a pale complexion.  She was last seen alive with a man outside of a socialist club at 40 Berner Street about 12:30 AM and her body was discovered by the club’s steward about half an hour later; her throat was freshly slit and she had apparently been dead for just a few minutes, suggesting that the Ripper had been disturbed by the steward and fled without butchering Liz’s abdomen as he had those of his previous victims.

Catherine “Kate” Eddowes (April 14th, 1842 –September 30th, 1888) was one of eleven children of George and Catherine Eddowes of Graisley Green, Wolverhampton.  Her family moved to London when she was small, and when Kate was grown she became the common-law wife of Thomas Conway and by him had a girl and two boys.  By 1880 she started drinking heavily and abandoned her family; a year later she moved in with a man named John Kelly at Cooney’s boarding house, 55 Flower and Dean Street, Spitalfields.  It was at this time that she began occasionally prostituting herself to pay the rent.  Kate was 5’0” tall, with hazel eyes and dark auburn hair; she was an intelligent and even scholarly woman, but of highly variable mood and poor work habits even when she wasn’t drinking.

At 8:30 p.m. on Saturday, September 29th, Kate was arrested after being found lying drunk in Aldgate High Street, but by 1 AM had sobered up enough to be released.  She was last seen alive at 1:35 AM by three men who had just left a club on Duke Street; they said she was standing and talking with a man at the entrance to Church Passage.  Her body was discovered by a policeman ten minutes later in the corner of nearby Mitre Square; her throat had been cut, her face mutilated and her abdomen literally disemboweled.  Note that Kate Eddowes was killed less than an hour after Liz Stride; it seems likely that since he was disturbed before he could mutilate Stride, his bloodlust was unsated and he was therefore forced by his mania to seek another victim.

Odd personal note: From the very first time I saw her name in my early teens until the present day, I cannot read or hear the name of Catherine Eddowes without experiencing goose flesh and a pronounced chill up my spine; it is happening again now as I write these words.  I have no idea why this should be, nor why I experience the reaction only for Eddowes and not the other four.

Cartoon by John Tenniel by the September 22, 1888 issue of “Punch”, criticizing police incompetence in the Ripper case.

Mary Jane Kelly (c. 1863 –November 9th, 1888), the Ripper’s final victim, was much younger than his others and her origins are much more obscure.  She was a tall (5’7”), buxom, unusually pretty girl who apparently dyed her hair often or else wore wigs, and was fluent in Welsh.  She claimed to come from a large family and was married when she was about 16 to a coal miner named Davies, who was killed about 1881 in a mine explosion.  About a year later she started working as a prostitute in Cardiff, then went to London in 1884 and found work in a West End brothel.  Unfortunately, her pathological dishonesty and tendency to become belligerent when drunk soon resulted in the loss of that job and a subsequent descent into alternate periods of streetwalking and living with various men.

She was last seen alive and talking to a well-dressed man about 2:45 AM by a laborer named George Hutchinson; two of the other residents of Mary’s boarding house reported hearing a faint cry of “Murder!” about 4:00 AM, but neither reacted because such cries were common in the East End.  Then about 10:45 AM Mary’s landlord sent his assistant to collect her overdue rent, and when there was no response to his knock he let himself in and discovered the young woman’s mutilated remains on her bed.  Her throat had been slit and her body almost entirely dissected afterward, a process which the coroner estimated must have taken over two hours.

It should be obvious that none of these women were well-adjusted; all but Liz Stride were heavy drinkers, and none had the means to raise themselves from the squalid conditions into which they had fallen.  Few people cared about them when they were alive, and the only reason anyone even remembers them today is because of the gruesome way they died.  But they were real women, with families and friends and dreams and needs and fears like anyone else, and I think they deserve to be remembered as such rather than merely as incidents in the short, bloody career of a monster who has for over a century been granted the constant public attention he so obviously craved.

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The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you. –  Kendall Hailey

Like everybody else, whores have families, and every family is different, including those of whores.  Some families reject prostitute daughters (or else would do so if they knew), whereas some are accepting or even supportive.  And others carry the principle of family togetherness to a level I daresay few people would feel comfortable with.

As I mentioned in my column of July 30th, my mother did not take well to my becoming a stripper; in fact she stopped talking to me altogether, and despite several attempts at reconciliation (by letter) from me, we haven’t spoken in almost 13 years.  So one can only imagine what her reaction would have been had she learned her eldest daughter was a prostitute; she would’ve had a fit.  Or perhaps not; it’s possible her extreme reaction was due to her equating the two jobs in her mind, so that becoming a stripper was the same to her as entering harlotry.  Well, she always hoped I would be a writer someday, so in a way she got her wish; it just didn’t happen in the way she would’ve liked.  The only members of my family who knew about my career were my second sister (the one who looks and thinks most like me) and one male cousin I’m close to.  I’m sure my cousin Jeff would have been supportive; he applauded my decision to become a stripper, and had he lived a few years longer I’m sure his reaction to my taking up “the world’s oldest profession” would’ve been similar to that of another dear male friend:  “I was wondering how long it would take you to get around to that.”

From what I’ve seen, my situation isn’t at all unusual; most working girls I’ve encountered hide their profession from their families.  Those who weren’t from New Orleans had the least trouble because their families were in other states, but I can remember at least two times when a girl had to take off for a week because her parents were coming to visit.  I know that I was several girls’ “good friend Maggie” when they needed to make excuses to their families, and one girl actually told hers that she was a drug dealer because their priorities were so screwed up they actually thought that was better than being a hooker!  One common cover-up is to take a “regular” job and pretend it pays better than it actually does; I had one girl who did this for years.  Her degree gave her a job which was long on prestige but short on both hours and hourly pay, but she let her family believe it was not so and made all her real money as an escort.  And back when Grace was escorting in Atlanta, she simply told her mother she was a stripper (which was actually true since she did both); her mother didn’t like it, but did not equate the trades as my mother apparently did.

Whores who are close to their families yet can’t tell them the truth about their work sometimes encounter the problem of a mother or sister dropping in unexpectedly; whenever such a girl answered her phone and started spouting inappropriate blather at me, I would know she had unwelcome visitors and would simply ask, “Can you get rid of them to take this call?”  Sometimes they could, and other times they were forced to pass, but I had one girl who tried to have it both ways.  She was a very pretty Arabic girl and the customers liked her, but her family would drop in without notice and she could never get rid of them.  I could’ve worked around that, but she had the bad habit of setting up appointments and then simply not showing up; when I called to find out where the hell she was there would be no answer, then the next day she would call to tell me her family had suddenly and unexpectedly dropped by her apartment before she could leave to go on the date.  Sometimes I could replace her with another girl but at other times the call was lost, and though I charged her the fee anyhow one simply can’t run a service like that, so I soon let her go; do you know she actually had the gall to try to argue with me about it?

Some other girls’ families are much more accepting of their profession; as I mentioned in my column of August 29th, Barbie’s mother and sister would babysit her children while she went on calls, and Florence’s mother knew what she was doing to raise the money for her son’s therapy.  I had another girl who lived with her father, a jazz musician; though he wasn’t happy with her career choice he really couldn’t say much because he didn’t make enough to pay the bills alone.  And I had a couple of girls say they suspected their mothers knew what they did but wisely avoided the subject.

Even when parents are kept in the dark about their daughters’ careers, sisters are often in on the secret; my situation was not at all atypical in that respect.  Sometimes the sisters are escorts as well, and I had such a pair working for me for a while.  Well, I really should say they worked for everybody; they were so well-known in town that most agencies simply referred to them as “The Sisters”.  Sorry to smash your fantasy, guys, but they never worked together; in fact they specifically told agencies that they wouldn’t.  Neither minded knowing that the other worked, but they weren’t about to work in the same room together, much less in the same bed!  And even if they had, nobody would’ve believed they were sisters anyhow; they were of mixed race, and the older sister strongly favored the mother’s race while the younger favored the father’s just as strongly.  Their personalities were also quite different; the younger sister was a good, dependable worker while the elder was a typical “empty box” type (see my column of August 24th) whom I soon stopped using and advised to return to stripping.

But their level of mutual acceptance was as nothing compared to that of another family I knew.  I first met the mother when she was house mother at Rick’s Cabaret while I was a dancer there; I doubt I would’ve remembered her but oddly enough she remembered me, and reminded me of our previous acquaintance when she first applied to me for a job.  She wasn’t the prettiest employee I had, but she would do just about anything and was willing to work the weirdest hours, and since the clients to whom I sent her seemed satisfied she got plenty of work.  Then one day when she was calling on (i.e. letting me know she was available) she said to me, “You know, my daughter works, too.”  Well, I certainly thought that was interesting but not so weird; it’s actually not all that uncommon among prostitutes from working-class backgrounds.  I told her I would have to meet the girl and she agreed, then asked “You don’t have male escorts, do you?”  I assured her that I did not, and she continued, “Because my son is a gay escort.”

Now, I’m as open-minded as the next madam, but I must admit that surprised me.  Some families have a hard time accepting a gay son or a prostitute daughter, but this woman was so accepting of her gay prostitute son that she didn’t mind helping him find work!  As it turned out, the son worked for Doug, and when I mentioned it to him later he said, “Oh, yeah, it’s a family business with them.”  It wasn’t long afterward that I found out just how true that statement was; I heard through the grapevine that the rich cokehead I’ve mentioned several times before had hired all three of them one night, and that as part of the festivities he had them put on a show for him.  All three of them, together.  I hope y’all don’t think me a prude for admitting that I find that just a little bit disturbing.  OK, I’ll be honest; not just a little bit.  There’s just something icky about it which somehow goes beyond the mere incest angle.  Talk about family drama…

Yet at the same time, I have to say that whatever one might think about their sexual behavior, their family dynamic was remarkably healthy in an Addams Family sort of way.  They accepted each other without reservation or judgment, and clearly were totally honest with each other; isn’t that better than having to lie to one’s mother because she won’t accept one’s choices?  And even if one questions the way in which this woman raised her children at least she loved them for who they were, which is more than I can say for my mother.

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Punishing the prostitute promotes the rape of all women. When prostitution is a crime, the message conveyed is that women who are sexual are “bad,” and therefore legitimate victims of sexual assault. Sex becomes a weapon to be used by men. –  Margo St. James

This item came to my attention from the blog of Beverly Fisher, to which I was alerted by a “tweet” on SWOP.  Beverly reported that on Thursday, she and many other escorts in Denver, Colorado received an email purporting to be a promotion for a new escort advertising site, but actually cloaking a sleazy and vicious attempt at extortion.  Before I present it, a few words of introduction are in order for my readers who are neither escorts nor “hobbyists” themselves, and therefore may not understand the full implications of this letter.

In most businesses, word about which are reliable and which are not gets around quickly; people talk, and there are Better Business Bureaus and Chambers of Commerce and the like.  Professions usually have some sort of ethics board to which violations can be reported, and criminally dishonest practices can even be reported to the police.  But since good, ethical escorts are persecuted by the police just as viciously as bad, dishonest ones, customers have little way of knowing one from the other.  Once the internet became popular, however, a number of websites sprang up on which “providers” can advertise and “hobbyists” can communicate with each other and post reviews of the different girls’ services.  A good, skilled, honest escort who gives clients their money’s worth tends to get good reviews and therefore more business, and a bad, dishonest escort tends to get poor reviews and may eventually be forced to relocate, work for a low-end service or even leave the business altogether.  Keep that in mind when reading this email; with Beverly’s kind permission I have left her interpolated comments (italicized in brackets) intact because I think they may help outsiders to our business to understand this letter in the way a working escort would see it.

From: “Denver Escort List” <advertising@denverescortlist.com>

To: [my email]
Sent: Thursday, September 30, 2010 1:21:45 PM
Subject: Escort Advertising service you can not afford to pass up
[Is that like “an offer you can’t refuse”?]

Hello,

[This first part is about how great the site is, and how many hits they’re going to get from Google all the time — making them very popular] I am writing to you to inform you of a great advertising opportunity for your escort service in Denver, CO. My team and I have been in the business of advertising for escorts for about 3 years now and we have decided to expand our business to Denver. [really? and who are you?]

Some facts that you might not know
1. Denver Escort gets searched approximately 1,200 times per month.
2. Denver Escorts gets searched about 4 times as much. That is over 5,000 monthly searches that you could be capitalizing on.

What we do is build a website, which in this case is http://www.DenverEscortList.com. Then the next step is to start recruiting escorts to advertise on our site. While we are looking for escorts, we also start the promotion of the site. Now I am not going to go into a big lecture about how we get our sites to rank at the top of Google, but that is what we do.

Within 2 months, we will hold the number 1 spot for the local results and the number 1 spot for the organic results. What that means is we will dominate the first page of Google. Out of those 5,000 or more monthly searches we will be getting roughly 80% of that traffic to our site, which is around 4,000 monthly visitors looking for an escort.

We also are members of all the most popular forums and posting boards. We post our site on them daily. Along with backpage, and other classified ads sites, this brings in the maximum amount of traffic daily.

So, I am going to stop right there. Either I or one of my employees found your ad somewhere online and found you to be interesting so we are offering this one time opportunity to advertise with us. You will not receive this offer again.

Our Prices

Regular Escort Listing – $100.00 Per Month – Only 10 spots
– We will give you 7 – 12 good reviews.
– You may upload up to 5 pictures.
– We will design your own personal page with whatever you want it to say.
– You will receive a personal email with our domain. Example – yourname@denverescortlist.com.

VIP Escort Listing – $150.00 Per Month – Only 5 spots
– We will give you 12 – 15 good reviews.
– You may upload up to 12 pictures.
– We will design your own personal page with whatever you want it to say.
– You will receive a personal email with our domain. Example – yourname@denverescortlist.com
– We will provide you with a local number that forwards to your number, so you can track how many clients you are getting from our site.
– You will have a spot on our featured slide bar, at the top of the home page.
– You will also get 6 days as our Escort of the month on the first page, per month.

If you choose to not advertise with us, you will be listed in the Escorts that we do not recommend section of our website. Oddly enough this portion of our sites gets quite a bit of traffic also.

[This portion of the site is called “Denver Escorts to Avoid.” Check out the site to see. In this business, reputation is everything, and these bastards know it.]

Again this is a time sensitive one time offer. You have 3 days to reply to this email, or the offer goes out the window and will never return. We will never ask you to advertise with us again.

[You have 3 days to give us our hush money, or we trash your name, and you’re f*cked for good.]

To claim your position on our website today, just email us back and let us know you are interested. After payment is received we will have your listing up within 24 hours. You have total control over your listing and always have to approve it before it goes live.

We look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,

Josh Haso
http://www.DenverEscortList.com

P.S. We are offering the first 5 escorts a yearly special. Pay in advance for one year and get 2 months free.
Regular Escort Listing – $75.00 x 10 = $750.00 for the year.
VIP Escort Listing – $150.00 x 10 = $1,500.00 for the year.
This is only for the first 5 escorts that choose this service.

Besides the fact that they blatantly offer to write FAKE REVIEWS, which would allow a bad girl (or even a vice department willing to spend the money) to pretend to be an established escort with a great reputation, what’s to stop them from writing equally fake bad reviews of those who won’t give these bloodsuckers their cut?  And what if they start planting those fake reviews on other sites as well (“We also are members of all the most popular forums and posting boards”)?  If this is not crushed immediately, the entire industry in Denver (and everywhere else these parasites are allowed to infest) will be thrown into chaos and both clients and escorts exposed to danger from predatory cops.

Fortunately, Beverly had the good sense and courage to stand up to these Mafioso pimps and instead of kowtowing she posted this letter on every escort board she knows and asked her friends to do the same; the site changed as soon as they realized they had been exposed, removing the “Escorts to Avoid” tab and posting an editorial entitled “The Harassment Has Began” [sic]:

We have already received quite a few emails about the advertising offered yesterday.  We have been threatened and people are trying to scare us with their internet words.  We are also being accused of extortion.

We are extorting escorts for offering them a service?  I don’t think so.  All we are doing is offering advertising for escorts in the Denver, CO area.  Escorts that need an easier way for clients to find them.  Which in most people’s eyes is a good thing.

Of course we are charging for this service.  We have to WORK to get the site ranked number one.  We have to WORK to get clients to the site.  So, Yes we want paid for this work.

We think we have pretty reasonable prices also.  If you don’t like the prices go somewhere, but nowhere else are you going to receive the traffic or personal touch you would receive with us.  That is your decision though not ours.  We have been helping escorts for over three years now, and also saving a lot of clients from meeting up with a bad escort or escort with poor reviews.

We are currently booking positions right now for the VIP and Regular escort listings, and these escorts will see how great this service is.  For the ones that think we are extorting them, keep posting your ad on forums that cost more and are less effective, keep posting your ad on backpage.com which costs $5.00 right now, and is going to be shut down just like craigslist.  What are you going to do then?

We wish you all the best.  If you decide to advertise with us, we look forward to working with you.  If you choose not to, then we sincerely wish you the best of luck.

The team at Denver Escort List

Gangsters try to muscle in on the organized working girls of “Sin City”

In other words, “boo hoo hoo, those bad ladies were mean to us!”  They were caught at attempted extortion, and now they’re trying to cover their butts.  They ”offer a service” all right, just like protection rackets offer businessmen the “service” of not burning their store down.  And just as old-time gangsters thrived in areas where the police were weak and corrupt, so these modern gangsters hope to profit from women who cannot ask for help due to our legally oppressed status.  But like so many ignorant men they made the mistake of believing the asinine male stereotype that working girls are lowlifes who will stab each other in the back for a dollar, which is no more true today than it was in Phryne’s time.  Though every group has its “bad apples”, most escorts have a strong sense of sisterhood and will stick together against the slime infesting government and society who would try to exploit us.

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Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. –  Traditional saying

I find it terribly ironic that just as the American Library Association’s “Banned Books Week” (which, incidentally, ends today) was getting underway, legislation innocuously referred to as the “Combating Online Infringement and Counterfeits Act” was introduced into the US Congress by a  congresswhore in the employ of several big media conglomerates.  This bill is ostensibly intended to fight copyright violations (i.e. people posting pirated material online), but does so by giving Congress the power to create a blacklist of prohibited domains which internet service providers would be bound by law to filter, just as China and other oppressive regimes require ISPs operating within their borders to do.  Supposedly the only domains placed on the site would be those which “promoted” infringement, but of course judges and lawyers get to determine what constitutes “promotion” and how widespread it has to be.  For example, if some judge was paid by the RIAA to declare that too many YouTube postings violated the rights of their poor little multimillionaire “artists” the whole of YouTube could be shut down. This act gives the government far too much power; it is roughly equivalent to authorizing cops to use deadly force to stop speeders. And that isn’t even accounting for the “camel’s nose under the tent” effect; once Big Brother has the power to shut down big hunks of the internet for one specific purpose, does anyone honestly believe that he will only use that power for the stated purpose and no other?  Because if you do believe that, please PayPal $1000 to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net and I promise to perform a magical spell that will give you the power to see through girls’ clothes.  Honest, you can believe me!

Here’s a link to an article at The Huffington Post which explains the proposed legislation in more detail and includes a link to a petition.  It is written by Rhode Island State Representative David Segal, who incidentally was an opponent of the recriminalization of prostitution in Rhode Island last year as he discussed in this article.  Though a year old, the latter article is worth reading because it demonstrates that at least a few people in government recognize that the suppression of prostitutes is not only morally wrong, but that we actually form the best line of defense against real “human traffickers” (rather than the imaginary ones who can somehow be stopped by prohibiting adult women from earning a living).

Update to Out of Control (September 24th)

This item is paraphrased from an AP story released on September 30th:

Twenty-nine women have alleged that Toronto anesthesiologist Dr. George Doodnaught, 61, sexually assaulted them while they were unconscious, and there could be more victims.

Doodnaught was already facing three counts of sexual assault before police announced 26 more charges Thursday (September 30th); North York General Hospital said 25 of the new charges relate to assaults alleged to have occurred at the hospital during surgical procedures.

When Doodnaught was charged in March with the first three assaults, police released his photograph and asked other potential victims to contact them. “Twenty-six additional victims have come forward,” Toronto police Constable Tony Vella said Thursday. “Investigators believe that there could actually be many more victims in this case,” he added.

One of the alleged assaults took place in June 1992 and the rest between 2006 and this past February, when he was dismissed from the hospital, police said.  None of the allegations have been proven in court, and Doodnaught has not yet had the opportunity to defend himself from the charges.  Lawyer Adam Halioua, who represents the alleged victims in out-of-court civil negotiations with the hospital, said he could not comment on the new criminal charges because of the police investigation.  Doodnaught, who graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1974, has been an anesthesiologist since 1981 and worked at North York General for 28 years.

During an operation, a surgeon, surgical assistant, scrub nurse, circulating nurse and an anesthesiologist are usually in the room — but they can come and go, and there were no cameras in the operating rooms in the hospital.  The hospital’s chief of staff, Dr. David White, said in March it was possible for an anesthesiologist to be alone with a patient.  White had also said the police investigation would also examine whether the allegations are the result of vivid dreams that some patients experience as a result of the various medications and types of anesthesia.

I think we can safely discount the notion that 29 women all had dreams of being raped by the same anesthesiologist, so the question we are left with is “Why?”  Why on Earth would a respected doctor less than a decade away from retirement risk his liberty and reputation and violate both his patients’ trust and all of his medical ethics to do such a disgusting thing?  In my column of September 24th I discussed the bizarre, extreme and often criminal behaviors to which sexually frustrated men may resort, and it seems likely to me that something must have happened in 2006 to close off Doodnaught’s available means of sexual release.  So why didn’t this crazy bastard just hire whores instead of victimizing innocent women?  Even though doctors in Canada don’t make as much as their US counterparts, he certainly could’ve afforded streetwalkers (which are all he needed if an unconscious woman is enough to satisfy him).  And certainly the consequences of arrest for patronizing hookers can’t be nearly as great as the penalties for serial rape!  I guess some men just lose all decency and capacity for rational thought when they start “thinking with the wrong head.”

Here’s another example of the same thing, paraphrased from a Fox News release:

A man was arrested Tuesday (August 17th) in Fullerton, California for ejaculating twice into a female co-worker’s water bottle.  Police said that in January 2010, 31 year old Michael Kevin Lallana entered a female co-worker’s office at the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach, California and ejaculated into a water bottle that was on her desk, leaving it there afterward.  The woman later returned and drank the contents of the water bottle, and claimed she felt ill afterward.  Approximately three months later (in April 2010), Lallana again ejaculated into another water bottle that the same woman left on her desk; again she returned to her office and drank from the bottle, but this time (after supposedly feeling ill again) the victim sent the remaining contents to a private lab to be tested.  The lab confirmed in June that the water bottle contained semen, and the victim reported the incidents to the Orange Police Department.

In early July, following further investigation by the police and the Orange County Crime Lab, Lallana was linked through DNA to the crimes and was arrested on August 17th outside of his home.  He was charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with special circumstances of committing a crime for sexual gratification.  If convicted, he faces a sentence of three months to three years in prison followed by mandatory sex offender registration.

Now, I personally find it difficult to believe the victim’s claim that she felt ill after ingesting semen; though it usually doesn’t taste all that great, it cannot make a woman sick after swallowing.  What I think much more likely is that she knew very well what the taste was, but felt too ashamed to admit it to anyone until the second incident, after which she invented the “illness” to avoid having to tell leering male cops that she knew what semen tastes like.  And thereby hangs the tale; who in his right mind could believe that an adult woman in 21st-century California would NOT know what semen tasted like?  Lalanna would have to be completely deranged to imagine he could sneak his seed into a woman’s mouth unnoticed!  The very idea exceeds all the bounds of rationality.  Once again, we have a man so sexually frustrated that all judgment and basic respect for others flies out the window, completely superseded by the need for sexual gratification through a perverse fantasy of sexually violating a woman unnoticed.  Perhaps if our work were not suppressed men like Lalanna and Doodnaught could gratify their urges safely and harmlessly before their brains degenerate to the point where they care about neither common human decency nor even their own safety.

Update to Advice for Clients (August 21st)

In my column of August 21st I gave advice for clients on how to treat their escorts; this video segment from the Sexplorations video series entitled “How To Treat a Sex Worker” is another examination of that same topic, based largely on the book Paying for It which I have already recommended on my bibliography page.  It doesn’t say anything very different from what I already covered in that column, but I think hearing the same advice from other women (and a gay escort as well) will serve to reinforce that these things are not mere pet peeves on my part.

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