To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. ― Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat
Because I’ve done so many Q & A columns, I’m starting to see some repetition in the questions readers ask. This isn’t exactly surprising, considering that there are over 900 daily columns now and even a person who’s good at using indexes and searches might not phrase the question in the same way as the original questioner. So, I’ve decided to publish this linked list of all the questions I’ve answered so far, rephrased for simplicity and clarity; within the next few days it will be duplicated in a static page that will grow as I answer new questions, and that I can then link in each new Q & A column.
General Sex Questions
- Why is sex such a taboo?
- What is a slut?
- What’s DATO?
- What’s the best way to perform oral sex on a man?
- What’s the best way to perform oral sex on a woman?
- Why don’t some women like cunnilingus?
- What can a woman do about painful intercourse?
- Is there a right way to do anal sex so it doesn’t hurt?
- Is the risk of non-venereal diseases higher without a condom?
- How does one handle group sex with several men and one woman?
- Do you think there is a connection between intelligence and sexuality?
- Are tall men more endowed than those of average height?
- What type and size of penis do most women really prefer?
- Can a woman really fall in love with a man by seeing his penis?
- Do women prefer circumcised men because the average uncircumcised man doesn’t care for it properly?
- Is the “Obedient Wives Club” right about divorce being caused by women not satisfying husbands?
General Sex Work Questions
- How do I find an escort in my city?
- How do I find a reputable agency and avoid cops?
- How can one find a good escort if one only has Backpage to use?
- How does a couple go about finding a reputable sex worker?
- How does one find a male prostitute for a straight woman?
- What’s the truth about female sex tourists?
- How does one go about attracting the right girls for a brothel?
- How can a man get a driver job with an escort service or brothel?
- Why are most massage parlors run and staffed by Asians?
- What do the Japanese call Western girls who do sex work in Japan?
- Why are most pimps black?
- What should be done about “sex trafficking”?
- Is forced prostitution common enough to be a cause for concern?
- Do you advocate that escorts adhere strictly to a referral system?
- What does it mean on an escort’s ad if it says basic plus one or two?
- How can one pass screening without giving incriminating information?
- Is there anything beyond a condom that will reduce STD risk?
- Is it wrong to offer a homeless young woman money for sex?
- Is having sex for donations to a third party still prostitution?
- How does one answer a young child’s question, “What’s a prostitute?”
- How can I speak out for sex workers yet not admit personal interest?
- Is religion the chief factor in forming attitudes toward prostitution?
- Can whores and clients really be friends?
Questions About Whores
- What’s the difference between a courtesan and an escort?
- How does one tell professionalism from actual romantic interest?
- Why do mature escorts want sex when many mature women don’t?
- How does a sex worker still desire to make love with her partner?
- Are most providers lesbians for their own sexual fulfillment?
- Why do so many escorts like doggie style?
- Why do so many more escorts kiss now?
- Is it safe to perform oral sex on a call girl?
- Would an HIV-positive escort quit working?
- Are a lot of hookers very “loose” vaginally?
- Are many providers drug addicts?
- Were many hookers molested as children?
- What’s the average age at which a woman enters prostitution?
- How can I make sure that a lady doesn’t have a pimp?
- How can I make sure that a lady isn’t “trafficked”?
- Do working girls really appreciate gifts?
- Why does it matter what hotel I get?
- How can one tell a transwoman from a genetic one?
- Is it OK to stay the full time after climax, just to enjoy her company?
- How do I let my regular escort know that I truly value and appreciate her personality without coming off as creepy or patronizing?
Questions About Clients
- Why won’t blood banks accept blood from men who see prostitutes?
- What’s wrong with a black man wanting to have sex the whole time?
- Do men ever hire escorts to actually escort them somewhere?
- How do whores deal with unattractive clients?
- Do clients expect whores to have orgasms?
- What percentage of men see prostitutes?
- Do clients always want intercourse?
Mentoring Questions
- What are the basics of screening?
- Are most clients easy to please?
- Is kissing clients unavoidable?
- What’s the best way to figure out what a client wants?
- How common are difficult or creepy clients?
- Did you ever have a client who physically repulsed you?
- What should I do before, during and after a client intends to rape me?
- What should I expect from an agency regarding security?
- Is birth control essential, or are condoms okay on their own?
- What common disease symptoms should I be on the lookout for?
- Do you have any advice for an aspiring plus size courtesan?
- Do you have any advice for an aspiring sugar baby?
- Do you have any advice for a new escort in Malaysia?
- If I only do domme or fetish work, are cops still a concern?
- Are scars a big obstacle for an escort?
- How do I keep my work and private life completely separate?
- What do you think is the best way for sex workers to be out, yet not completely compromise their futures?
Requests for Advice
- How can I help my boyfriend’s erectile dysfunction?
- I can’t have orgasms with other people; could a sex worker teach me?
- Could a sex worker help a man learn to delay premature ejaculation?
- I’m obsessed with crossdressers and paranoid about young women; would an older escort be more understanding?
- Would it be a good idea to arrange for a discreet pro to meet with a divorced friend as if by accident, to rebuild his confidence with women?
- I have such a good regular relationship with a professional that I no longer feel the need for a conventional relationship. Have I gone nuts?
- I was in a long relationship with a prostitute, and now I feel guilty when I hire escorts. Why?
- In my country buy sex is much more stigmatized than selling it; how do I avoid feeling guilty?
- What should I do if a girl I love wants to be an escort, but I think it’s the wrong choice for her?
- How do I help an Asian working girl whom I suspect may be trafficked?
- How do I convince a sex worker to leave that life?
Personal Questions
- What’s the strangest place you’ve ever had an appointment?
- How did you deal with anal rape without serious trauma?
- What are your views on polyamory?
- Why do you use the word “whore”?
- Do you ever miss being a call girl?
- Have you had a regular job since retiring?
- Did you ever contract any STI?
- Did you ever have a condom break?
- How many men a day did you see?
- What were your age limits for clients?
- Did you ever really orgasm with a client?
- Did you want less sex while working?
- Doesn’t monogamy get old for you?
- Would you ever return to work?
- Did your husband dislike your working?
- Will your husband ever write a column?
- Why don’t you use your real name and picture?
- If you had children, would you want them to do sex work?
- How do you react to anti-whore statements from strangers?
- Have you ever had a prostitute “read” you as a former whore?
- Would you rather have a guy who was well endowed but so-so in bed, or smaller but a studly lover?
Blogging
- What’s the difference between archeofeminism and neofeminism?
- Where do you find all the quotes you use?
- How do you stop spam comments?
- Do you mind editing or deleting reader comments?
- Can you change the design that appears in my comments?
- I enjoyed your column of (x date), but it was rather superficial and I wanted to know why you didn’t mention y?
- Why haven’t you corrected the egregious factual errors in the Wikipedia article on prostitution?
Miscellaneous
- Is electrolysis permanent?
- How do Kegels exercises work?
- Is what the “Video Vigilante” does legal?
- Do you think jealousy is due to nature or nurture?
- How do you expose a man pretending to be a woman on a chat site?
- Why do people get so upset if a woman prefers men of one particular ethnicity?
- I’ve read that girls in Southeast Asia “treat men like kings” sexually; what does that really mean?
- Is it inevitable that a man is going to cheat for sexual variety? If so, how would one let a prospective husband know that he should do so with a professional?
Dear Maggie:
In your response to a question about the “Obediant Wives Club” you say:
Keeping that in mind, you might be intereested in this article I stumbled on:
The Gift of Sex
The author, Jenny Ferry, is precisely in that state of denial you are talking about.
I read her piece, or tried to — it was 99 percent psychobabble. The only part I could understand clearly was that she boinked a guy and he left her for another woman. Which I can perfectly understand — he’s having sex with two women and one of them is NOT into mindgames and soap opera, that’s the woman he’s going to keep.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that couldn’t understand her! 🙂
Although … she says …
Now, I can’t agree that giving a guy sex will make him want to marry a girl. However, a girl who’s extremely gifted CAN make a guy think hard about it – and even cause him to overlook any other negatives she may have. I lived with a girl like that for six months. She was “average” looking and she had some personality quirks but the sex she gave was completely off this planet. She was always talking about sex (one of my favorite subjects and I never ignore a girl who’s talking about it). She wrote letters to Penthouse detailing our exploits. In an elevator, on the beach at night, in the Ft. Derussy parking lot in Waikiki – if the notion hit her (and it did a lot) … she would just “drop it” then and there and we’d go at it. I’m basically a cave man and damn – she tripped my trigger like no other. But – she was weird man … weird in other ways.
Still – I couldn’t break her grip on me even though I knew I had to let my rational mind take over and dump her. I couldn’t do it. I had to wait until I went on a six month deployment – and then I didn’t write her at all. She married another guy like two weeks before I returned.
Men are funny. I got what I wanted – but damn – I still just really wanted to have sex with her when I got back and I was depressed for a couple of months that I let her slip through my fingers. Now though, I think it worked out for the better … she was just too weird for me in other ways.
Yeah, another reader linked me to it on Monday. It’s a lot of Marxist-feminist utopianism, strongly infused with “social construction” nonsense, mixed liberally with new age mysticism and coated with psychobabble. And I’m sure she believes she’s being profound.
The author, Jenny Ferry, is precisely in that state of denial you are talking about.
Ferry cites the idea of giving sex and receiving love as the “Disney delusion”. Has a Disney film ever stated this? I must have missed that one.
Anyway, she probably would not be impressed with Tom Cruise’s latest movie. Alexia Fast comes on to him and he opines that he could not afford her; Alexia responds by saying she is not a hooker, and Cruise retorts “then I definitely can’t afford you.” In a later scene, he berates her for allowing men to “use” her, in the sense of not being compensated.
Although this is a tiny part of the movie, it advances the transactional viewpoint, which is not portrayed as objectionable or unusual.
The biggest-of-all Previously Asked Question: “Maggie, how do I find another woman like you?”
I honestly wish I could tell you. 🙁
All we do is have to wait for human cloning. And at that point we then have to wait for speed-aging so as to get a woman who’s the appropriate age. And at that point we have to wait for mind transference.
I’m afraid I’ll be long dead before any of this takes place…
Sorry, Ted; cloning isn’t the answer. You could clone Maggie to make a twin of her, but the twin would need to have all the “life experiences” that Maggie’s had — which is impossible. Even identical twins are nurtured slightly differently — one is always the older, for instance, and while they look the same, their personalities differ.
Oh, you librarians! Always with the indexing…
Oh, I know; it’s a kind of benign psychosis.
And the library nerd in me loved the indexing. It was like finding all my necessary research in the same stack. Right near the door, ready to go home with me.
I always thought your best answer to this question was your “Leaving the Life” column and the story about your husband taking you to the hotel and giving you his card.
I clicked some of those and, being just egoistic enough, I scanned for my name.
I can say some dumb things sometimes, but sometimes…
You know, I’m a right smart man from time to time. 😉