A large majority of the whores I have seen have been the lower tier type. I have always acted right, but often come across those who somehow get into it with me and then try to “demean” me and talk about how “pathetic” I am and how I have to “pay for pussy”. Growing up I heard from experienced men that if you give a woman your money, in her eyes you instantly lose her respect like it is a biological thing. Is that true, or is it just the level of providers and would the more upscale EROS type of provider would be any different? These comments make me worry that they would clown me behind my back (after being nice around me) with girlfriends about how easy it is to play “these guys”.
Though I have certainly heard some sex workers say stupid things like that about men behind their backs (though more so in strip clubs than among escorts), I’m utterly flabbergasted that any of them ever said this to your face, much less a large enough number for you to consider it a trend! Now, if you’ve mostly hired low-priced women it’s no surprise that you haven’t received the kind of polished professional service you would expect from those who treat their business like a business, but what is a surprise is that any woman could be so clueless as to destroy any chance of repeat business by blatantly insulting her customers. In fact, this strikes me as so weird that I wonder if you’re not somehow inadvertently contributing to it. You said they “get into it with you”; do you mean they get into arguments with you, and the abuse then follows as part of the argument? Because if that’s the case, I think it’s less a hooker-client thing and more just an argument thing; lots of women will throw the most cutting insult they can think of at a man, and if that man is a stranger her options are limited to physical characteristics and the situation at hand. Furthermore, what in the world are y’all arguing about? Though every working girl runs into clients who annoy her, most try to avoid actually fighting with them for reasons that should be obvious; if you’re getting into insult-slinging-level disagreements with “a large majority” of your escorts, I can’t help but think you’re either doing or saying something to mightily piss them off. If that’s the case, hiring a more expensive girl isn’t likely to really solve the problem; she may cover her anger better or respond more specifically to the insult, but the issue itself will remain unchanged.
I suggest that a little introspection might be in order; mentally play back your interactions with these women and try to figure out if there’s anything that the incidents have in common, such as something you said or did that seemed to set them off. Remember that it doesn’t have to be anything you considered hurtful; how something is intended isn’t always how it is perceived. My intuition tells me it’s somehow related to the rather backward idea that giving a woman money causes her to lose respect for you; in truth, most women worth having will lose respect for you if you’re stingy with your money, not vice-versa. I’m going to throw this out to my readers; perhaps one of the men has had a similar experience to yours, or one of the women has had a client to whom she reacted as badly as these women seem to be reacting to you.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
It has happened to me, but very rarely. I’ve never been directly insulted as described here, but certainly made to feel like a chump. Always with a lower class provider, usually one that I figured out later needed the money for drugs, or was a rank amateur, or both.
Research ahead of time is the key. I never go with agencies because too many have sent young, inexperienced, clueless women. Independents with many positive reviews, someone who has been around for a year or more. That is a good sign of someone who knows how to stay in business.
You don’t need to read the explicit descriptions in reviews unless you are looking for a particular kink, so at most review sites you don’t even need to log in, much less register or pay a fee.
Nearly all of my negative experiences have been with young women. Too many believe that their beautiful young body is all they need, and put zero effort into the performance. Young women also freak out much more easily. The most upset I ever saw a provider was a 20-something when the condom slipped off during intercourse. I stopped as soon as I noticed, but she just lost it, and left in a huff. To this day I don’t know if that was an act or if she really was that upset.
I’ve also learned to pay attention to my gut. I always talk on the phone first (most providers want this for similar reasons) and if it doesn’t feel right, politely decline.
I agree with Maggie that if there is a pattern one needs to look in the mirror. But giving the benefit of the doubt, I’d suggest looking for well-reviewed, independent women who admit to being at least 30. My favorites all admit to 40.
“Growing up I heard from experienced men that if you give a woman your money, in her eyes you instantly lose her respect like it is a biological thing.”
I think he means that the guys and girls he speaks to regard paying for sex as a mark of weakness in a man. That’s been my experience as well.
It “is” a weakness. It’s a weakness all men have – a weakness for sex.
A 6’2″ guy walks up to me and insults me and I don’t hesitate – I just punch his lights out.
A tiny brunette with big eyes and big tits walks up to me and insults me and I’m thinking about how I can turn this situation around and get her to drop her pants for me.
And I’m likely to do just about anything I can for her to convince her to do it – including absorbing her insult as if I was born to receive it. 😀
There’s nothing wrong with this.
Why don’t you tell us how you’d “punch the lights out” of a 7’2″ 400lb jujitsu expert Krulac? Then we’d be really impressed by your tendency toward extreme violence under mild provocation, you big hunk of macho man meat you.
Advice to men everywhere – should you meet a violent man like Krulac, don’t engage with him physically. Just take him to court and ruin him.
This has not been my experience.
Basically, this particular kind of insult makes me think you’ve said something from the sarcastic “how to impress a hooker” twitter account. ( https://twitter.com/ImpressA_Hooker )
Don’t do that.
If not, try taking a trip out of town for your next date? Maybe the local talent is no good.
“Growing up I heard from experienced men that if you give a woman your money, in her eyes you instantly lose her respect like it is a biological thing.”
Generally I don’t see any reluctance on the part of non-professional women in taking a man’s money either.
It is usually the men who won’t part with their money that get the disrespect.
Like Maggie I cannot believe that any sex-worker would demean a client or call him pathetic to his face, not even a relatively low paid one, unless you were to deliberately go out and select a woman who looks like a retired marine NCO with a bad attitude or a professional Domina.
As for what friends and acquaintances might say, it seems to be a particularly American attitude towards men who patronise prostitutes. In most other places in the world (excepting I’m told, some Scandinavian countries) it is viewed as commonplace and unremarkable, especially in the Asia, where I presently live.
“I have always acted right, but often come across those who somehow get into it with me and then try to ‘demean’ me and talk about how ‘pathetic’ I am and how I have to ‘pay for pussy’ “.
I’ve sampled everything from high-priced Hong Kong pussy to lowest-level Mexican streetwalker and a fair range in-between, both in the US and overseas, and I have never come across this phenomenon.
It sounds like the kind of dynamic some men pay for in a dominance-submission (D/s) context. These submissive men want to be demeaned by the dominant women (and men) they pay to dominate them. Perhaps, if the letter-writer is not doing this consciously, he is doing it sub-consciously. He may feel himself pathetic and is provoking these “lower-tier type” (geez, what a term, sounds like a sleazy used-car dealership) hookers to “get into it” with him, at which time they tell him what a pathetic loser asshole he is.
If that is the case, it would be more honest and better serve his D/s urges to hire a professional dominant who will treat him like the worm he believes (or wants to believe) himself to be. Dunno, but I think that might be what is going on here. Being a sometimes professional dominant myself, I often see the mentality and it is fairly common.
This has never happened to me – not even once.
Not even during my two visits to an FKK in Germany where several women got pissed at me because I either turned them down or declined a repeat session. One Hungarian girl with a “few extra pounds” tried to insult me by telling me I only like the “fit” and “beautiful” ROMANIAN girls … okay, well … “I’m guilty” … lock me up girl.
I don’t think that a woman loses respect for you once you give her your money. However, I do think she gets a sense of “power” over the man she gets it from. Well, what’s wrong with that? That’s part of life. I certainly feel “powerful” when I’m inside her and this “power sharing” thing is a natural part of human relations.
This letter almost seems as if he’s “projecting” these insults on to himself. I will admit – that relationships ONLY with hookers are not that healthy in a holistic sense. You have to have relationships with “straight” women in order to really work out your interpersonal interaction wtih the female of the species. You need to be with a girl who just “grooves” on you for being you. THAT’s what really helps to boost the male ego and make him feel good about himself. Once he feels comfortable with himself – he can then move on to even greater success wtih women.
If the only women you interact with are all “hookers” – then yeah, I can see where a guy can get a sense of self-loathing as if … “well, I can only get it if I pay for it and no other girl wants me.”
That’s gotta be worked out.
I couldn’t help but think these girls were actually doing what they think he wanted – as if he were paying to be demeaned. It sounds completely crazy to me. Maggie has to be right, he’s starting it, and pissing them off big time. It doesn’t make sense.
I’ve been with 5 different providers. 2 very high class (ummm…high price), 2 middle, 2 low rent. Absolutely no difference with respect to friendliness, courtesy and so on. In fact the “low price” girls were extremely pleasant, and after I “finishing off” and moving to end early after say 35 minutes with an hours booking, they both encouraged me to stay, and we ended up having very nice interesting conversations.
As you say Maggie, this guy has got to look at himself. My experience has been that these working girls are more of the nurturing type than the typical woman if anything!
I remember being confronted by some whores I knew along the lines of “why do guys do this…” – It turned out that “this” was saying something dum-ass right when they were about to start the service proper – like just when they are about to start the orals (but not always). They’ll say something like “how come you have to do this stuff?” or “Shame about your tits”…. like that.
(You can see how a comment like that first one may lead to a retort along the lines of “well how come you have to pay for it?”)
It turns out that a lot of clients have trouble with that moment of vulnerability, like just before orals (say) from someone new. It’s understandable: when you hire this woman you are basically going from “hello” or full sex in a very short time: you don’t really know each other that well. It’s only reasonable to expect a bit of awkwardness.
Sometimes it happens afterwards – in the afterglow. There may be a moment when the whore is the most wonderful woman alive – she’s radiant and magical. It’s a hormone reaction and it fades, but can be quite intimidating to guys who are used to their independence.
A common strategy dealing with these moments is to attack the person associated with it by putting them down.
This is something a more experienced or skilled whore may be better able to help him out with.
The guys I’ve talked to about this seldom realize they are doing it.
As for the ladies – when they’ve talked about it to me, they’ve always wondered at how they see so many decent guys come to them. The clients are usually fun and treat them nice – many of the women were treated much worse by the men they took to bed before they started whoring.
Basically one of the first things you learn about this business is that everything you thought you knew about it is wrong. Pretty much like when you learned to have sex in the first place.
Note: these observations are for NZ before prostitution was legal here.
Never had that experience in the UK, from independent or brothel escorts. Generally we always get on well and respect each other. We often chat on twitter afterwards. They expect repeat business and I hope to see them again.
Reading previous posts I can see how questions like, why are do you do this can be insulting to escorts, and a reply back could be equally cutting to the punter.
I don’t have anything to add, except that if I ever hire a prostitute I’ll try not to make an ass of myself, and if she turns out to be a bitch she isn’t getting any repeat business from me.
Having paid off the capital on our mortgage, I can tell you that my experience seems to bear out the idea that generosity gets taken for granted. I get no respect at all.
Reading some of the stuff from the blog comments, it seems that any man that provides, gets treated like a doormat. Women have become, in the general case, arrogant, spoiled, selfish, cold and dismissive of any decent man.
Perhaps the time has come to start acting like a bastard, because it can’t get any worse.