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Archive for the ‘Biography’ Category

Diary #814

Posted in Diary, tagged , , , on February 3, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Axel has been slowly improving where Speck is concerned; if she crosses the floor while I’m in the room, he just watches her intently but doesn’t move toward her.  And every time she completes a back-and-forth I tell him he’s a good boy and give him a treat.  But it’s much harder to train a dog to refrain from doing something than it is to train him to do something, so progress has been slow.  But last week, we hit three landmarks.  On Tuesday, CenturyLink finally sent someone to fix my internet (it was a corroded wire in the node out in the lane), and when the technician came into the house Axel barked at him once, smelled him, and then was calm for the rest of the time.  Then on Wednesday, I had to go to Seattle; I left him outside when I left at 11 AM, had Chekhov come by about 4 to feed the farm animals and let Axel into the house, and then he was alone until I got home about 11 PM.  He was pretty excited when I got back, but I was able to calm him quickly and there were no signs he had acted up (chased Speck or torn anything up) while I was gone for about 4x as long as I’ve ever left him before.

But the best was late Friday night; he was with me on the sofa while I was watching my show, then around midnight he had to go out.  He was gone for a while, probably doing poo-poo, and while he was out Speck came and sat on my lap, then moved to the arm of the sofa.  When he came back in, he got back in his spot, and though he kept looking at her he didn’t lunge or growl or anything else.  I stayed there a while between them, petting them both, then eventually got up to check my social media one last time before bed, and took this picture during that time.  He kept looking at her and occasionally at me, but did nothing bad for about an hour, at which point Speck decided to go back into Grace’s room.  And of course I praised and rewarded him.  Then Sunday night they got even closer; Speck came to cuddle with me on the sofa while Axel was right next to me, less than an arm’s length away.  So I think we’re getting there; as of Sunday I’ve lowered his trazodone to 75mg/day, and I’ll keep it there until the beginning of March.  And within a few more months I think he will complete his transition from nervous wreck to happy, well-adjusted puppy dog.

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Links #813

Posted in Current Events, History, Links, Miscellaneous, Music, Obituary, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Get back in the game, or I’ll shoot you.  –  Andrew Lawson

Due to the plethora of guillotine memes that have populated social media since the current guillotine-worthy regime took power, I’ve often thought of this song, but it was the recent death of Brigitte Bardot which finally moved me to feature it.  The links above the video were provided by Nicholas Grossman, Jesse Walker, The Onion, Nun Ya, Jesse Walker again, Jessica Pishko, and Popehat, in that order.

From the Archives

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

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Diary #813

Posted in Diary, tagged , , on January 27, 2026| Leave a Comment »

The climate here at Sunset is not unlike that of England; rainy and on the chilly side, and rarely extremely hot or extremely cold.  Because the utility room containing the well and the water tank are inside the atrium, I don’t need to take any precautions if the overnight low is going to be warmer than -3o C, which is usually the case for >80 days of the winter.  And if it isn’t going to be lower than about -5o C, all I need to do is turn on a heater in the utility room and let one faucet run at a trickle.  But once in a while it gets colder than that for a night or two, so I need to take a few extra precautions, like running the hot water tap for a few minutes whenever I get up to use the bathroom (since the propane heater is outside).  It was like that Friday and Saturday nights; if the daytime temperatures are reasonable I don’t need to make any special arrangements for the big animals, because they just huddle together in the stable and emerge to sun themselves after dawn.  But our cats are not used to these kind of temperatures, so I bring the outside cats inside on nights like that.  Rocky got the atrium bathroom and Lilith the old one; I need to keep the door closed so she and Speck won’t fight (and Axel adds another complication).  But Sunday night was back to normal, with a low of only -2o C, so I was able to suspend the freeze protocols.  And unless we get some stray cold front later in February, that’s probably it for this winter.

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A Year Gone

Posted in Diary, Music, Philosophy, tagged , , , , , on January 25, 2026| 1 Comment »

One year ago today, at about 2 AM, I lost my best friend to what appears to have been an acute ischemic stroke, brought on by cancer, chemotherapy, and long-standing circulatory issues.  We had known for years that her end was approaching, and had I not refused to see them, there were clear signs that it would be sooner rather than later.  But human beings are very good at failing to see what we do not want to see, and I’m certainly no exception; I’m sure part of the reason was that I wanted to maintain a positive outlook to help her do the same, but most of it was just that I’ve already had so much pain and loss in my life I did not want to consciously face what even our idioms recognize as among the worst misfortunes that can befall a person.

Whenever a friend suffers a loss, we are moved to try to say something, anything, to assuage their pain; some of those things are helpful and some are not.  But of the things my friends said to me, two stand out, and I still think of them often.  One of them is philosophical:  Grief is the price we pay for love.  Indeed, people who have suffered emotionally sometimes become afraid of love because they fear the pain that must come when we must part from the loved one, and the greater the love, the greater the pain.  The other helpful thing was more practical: The waves of grief never stop coming, but they do grow further apart.  For the first few weeks after her passing I thought of little else, then for most of last year the waves came at least daily; in more recent months they’ve come two or three times a week.  They have not yet become less intense, though I’m sure that, too, will happen in the fullness of time.

As I knew I would through long experience, I have tried to cope with the grief by retreating a bit from the world and burying myself in my work; the most important product of that work is a new series of pulp-style adventure stories featuring characters based upon Grace and myself, in which the narratives are suffused with my thoughts on friendship in general and our friendship in particular.  They’re the longest and most complex individual works I’ve ever written, and the next project in the series will be my first novel.  And the many hours it takes to create them not only feel like a way for me to share Grace with the world, but also a means by which I can squeeze just a little more time with her out of a world which took her from me much too soon.

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Diary #812

Posted in Diary, tagged , , , on January 20, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Axel is definitely settling into life at Sunset.  As I’ve written before, I’ve been reducing his medication by 50mg/day every week, and now we’re down to 100mg/day.  Last week I tried to give that to him in one bedtime dose rather than splitting it into two 50 mg doses at bedtime & midday, but that left him a bit too exuberant in the afternoon and evening, and he tried to chase Speck a couple of times.  He immediately stops when I say “Leave it!” but I want to get him to the point where he doesn’t chase her at all, so for right now I’m going to hold him at 50mg twice daily until the end of January, then I’ll try to nudge it down by 25 daily mg a month until we can get him off of it completely.  On at least 5 or 6 occasions in the past week Speck has trotted through the living room right in front of him with no reaction beyond his perking up a bit, even without my saying anything, so I think we’re on the right track.  I think it helps that Trip, whom he seems to look to for guidance, does not have any issue with cats, but we’ll see; unfortunately, Trip has this weird habit of occasionally running up to Jonathan and barking at him for no apparent reason, and as of Sunday Axel seems to have picked up that habit from him.  I’m not too worried because Jonathan just stands there and looks at him like, “What the hell are you on about, dog?” and he’s much too big for the dogs to hurt.  So one thing at a time: “Don’t chase things smaller than you” is much more important than “Don’t irritate things big enough to stomp on you”, because the latter tends to be self-reinforcing.

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Links #811

Posted in Current Events, History, Links, Miscellaneous, Music, Obituary, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2026| Leave a Comment »

We’re now employing people who are not equipped to tie their own shoelaces.

I can’t think of a more appropriate sendoff for Bob Weir than this one.  The links above it were provided by Popehat; Brooke Magnanti and Jesse Walker; The Onion; Phoenix Calida; IncarcerNation; and Walter Olson, in that order.

From the Archives

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

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Diary #811

Posted in Diary, tagged , , , on January 13, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Unless there is some compelling reason to do otherwise, I always take down my Christmas tree on King Day, January 6th.  This year was not an exception, but it was raining so hard I had no desire to drag the tree across the muddy paddock to the fence line, especially because I don’t actually get dressed in the wintertime except on days when I need to go somewhere.  So I put it outside, but it has been a week and I just haven’t felt like moving it yet.  Though there’s no real danger of my becoming a recluse, I’m beginning to understand the mindset of elderly ladies in Gothic novels; I have a routine that I am comfortable with and prefer to maintain, so I tend to grumble when I have to break it to go to Aberdeen for some reason like groceries, and I really grumble when I need to drive to Seattle, especially in rainy weather.  And if I were wealthy, I probably would have a handyman nearly as old as I am who does those chores for me.   I wonder how much it would cost to have a manicurist come to me instead of vice-versa?  Alas, too much.  But it’s nice to think about, at least in monsoon season.

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Links #810

Posted in Current Events, History, Links, Miscellaneous, Music, Obituary, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2026| Leave a Comment »

There’s a bear under my house, and there’s nothing I can do about it!  –  Ken Johnson

I think my old friend Terry would’ve loved this video, provided by Mike Masnick; he also provided the first link above it, and those after that were provided by Jason Kuznicki, Nun Ya, Jesse Walker, The Onion, and Popehat, in that order.

From the Archives

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

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Love At First Sight

Posted in Biography, Philosophy, tagged , , on January 9, 2026| 2 Comments »

I have often written about the fallacy that romantic love is superior to other forms of love:

I honestly feel sorry for those who truly believe that the best way to “connect” with other people is by boinking them, and the notion that people must boink to feel “connected” is a tragedy.  Sexual relationships are held up as the pinnacle of human interaction, but they’re not even close; they’re in fact nearer the bottom because they’re extremely conditional.

I have always felt very strongly about this, ever since I first started really thinking about the matter before I was out of my teens.  Part of the fallacy holds that romantic love is somehow intrinsically different from other kinds of love, but I don’t think that’s true either.  Take “love at first sight”, for example; we only ever hear the term applied to romantic love, even though the idea that it represents something other than plain animal lust in that context is highly dubious.  And yet there are certainly cases in which another kind of love manifests itself at first meeting.  The very first time I really thought of that was in a fictional context: in the movie The Emerald Forest, a tribal chief in the Amazon abducts the son of an engineer surveying for a dam project, and years later he explains to the father that he had fallen in paternal love with the boy at first sight, and could not bear to see him go back to “The Dead World” of concrete and steel which the natives feared and hated.

Over the next several decades I saw other examples in both fiction and real life, culminating in one I experienced myself.  In November of 1997 I met Grace at a party and she gave me a ride home; we hit it off immediately, and within weeks I’d received an actual paper letter from her in the mail.  After a few more letters were exchanged, she told me she wanted to move down to New Orleans from her father’s place in Monroe, Louisiana, where she currently lived; I invited her to move in with me, and she never moved out.  From that very first meeting she was as devoted to me as any sister; there was never any sexual chemistry, and in any case Grace was only sexually interested in men.  But looking back to those times, I have no better term for the rapid bonding she experienced and demonstrated than “love at first sight”.  And it would be wrong to pretend otherwise merely because it was not romantic love.

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Throwback Thursday 2012

Posted in Biography, History, Miscellaneous, Perception, Philosophy, Tyranny, tagged , , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2026| Leave a Comment »

If you think I’m going to let the people who aided and abetted the most violent and widespread campaign of persecution against sex workers in American history get away with pretending they were on the side of truth all along, you must not have read very much of my work.
–  “New Year’s Eve 2021”

People would be a lot happier if they could truly learn the difference between “I want” and “I reasonably expect to get in the actual world that exists”.  –  “Life As It Is”

In the big picture, any order we manage to impose on the universe is as ephemeral as a sand castle, and will soon be obliterated by time and tide.  –  “The Big Picture”

The moral panic is over, but its rotten fruit have burst, spewing xenophobic, anti-sex, authoritarian poison all over American society.  –  “New Year’s Eve 2024“

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