Do you still feel Gina and P411 are dangerous? I disabled my p411 account because I am still worried, but I do not really know how to screen clients so I am wondering how I should go about it. I live in a city where the cops target escorts frequently, and though I have never been arrested for prostitution, I have been in trouble for other things and cannot have any legal issues from this.
I don’t think you need to disable your account; however, I wouldn’t assume any guy from P411 is automatically good, either. I’ve written about screening a number of times; my personal favorite method is asking for references. If you don’t trust references, there are other means of screening including Date-Check, a helpful whitelist with a better track record than P411. I’ve also written about several other methods, and here’s a good resource list compiled by a provider in New Orleans. You should also look at the posts in my mentoring tag; some of them may make you nervous, but it’s better to be prepared. And one final thing: if at all possible, get in touch with your local SWOP chapter. This can be a very isolating business, and connecting with other local sex workers will not only help you to stay safe, but may also help you to find peace of mind and emotional support.
[Emotional] manipulation is where censorship pulls its strength, and keeps the discussion of porn within the realm of saving women and children. – Violet Blue
Mea Culpa
I don’t often make errors worth noting in the blog, which may be why I never had this heading before. But when I do, they’re usually because my VEWWY SEEWEEUSS thought processes failed to recognize a joke or parody as such; that was the case in Sunday’s “Links #308“. Author Christopher Seaton explains:
When I write at Fault Lines I usually do so from a very serious perspective. This is because keeping the cracks in our criminal justice system visible and educating the public about the law is serious. When the weekend comes, we usually loosen our belts, let our hair down, and have fun. My mischief caught the attention of Maggie McNeill this week, and the whole story is a great lesson in communication…Maggie McNeill is one of the most interesting people on the web, if you don’t read her work regularly. She’s a writer, an academic, and a sex worker. This is not someone you want to get into a fight with when it comes to criminalization of conduct in any way, shape, or form. It’s not that I’m afraid of a good verbal spar with Maggie, I just know my limits…so I tweeted Maggie and told her it was a joke…she replies with an apology and says she had no idea Fault Lines posted anything but 100% dead serious content…I also appreciate Maggie letting her readership know I’m not on the side of over-criminalization…
…sex work is work, and my favorite clients are like a writer’s, or a plumber’s: they’re the ones who treat me with respect…our favorite clients are the ones that respect our screening processes, that pay us, that don’t bully us or stalk us or subject us to their racist rants while we, on the clock, smile and nod. My favorites read my website properly, learning my hours, fees, services and how I prefer to be contacted. They don’t whinge if I ask for a deposit, and they don’t request services I don’t provide. They respect my time. They don’t call with cocks in hand for free sexy chat, or show up early while I’m still lacing myself into my corset…
A burlesque dancer from Seattle, Washington, was informed that she would need to change her clothing if she wanted to board a flight from Boston to Seattle because her shorts were deemed “too short” by the flight crew. The crew felt that the shorts may be deemed inappropriate by families on the flight and should be changed as not to offend anyone…Maggie McMuffin says that she had successfully flown on a JetBlue flight from New York To Boston without incident in the same pair of “too short” black and white shorts earlier in the day. However, when she approached the gate to fly her second leg of her flight back home to Seattle, she was informed the shorts were not appropriate and that she needed to cover up more, as there were families on the flight that may find the attire inappropriate. JetBlue says they personally called and apologized to Maggie about the incident and refunded her for the shorts she was forced to purchase in the terminal while also providing the woman with a $200 credit to use on future flights as a “goodwill gesture”…
[An Oregon] woman is using her love for motorcycling to spread awareness about child sex trafficking. Gwen Feero is a special education teacher who is preparing to bike to all four corners of the United States for what she calls the Freedom Ride. She decided to make the more than 11,000-mile ride after overhearing a sex trafficking conversation in Portland…
I think my profession must be the only one in the world that people think they’re “experts” in after eavesdropping on a conversation between two other lackwits.
Six out of ten Norwegians support a proposal from the Norwegian Medical Association…to ban the sale of tobacco products to anyone born after 2000…NMA [fantasized] in January that Norway [could] create “a tobacco-free generation” by 2035…NMA president Marit Hermansen said in January that it is not a basic human right to begin using tobacco…Health Minister Bent Høie [said]…the government has no plans to take up any legislation that would lead to a ban of tobacco sales.
…you’d be surprised how many people don’t think sex trafficking is a thing that happens here…in South Dakota…one of my favorite things we have done so far is our work with Whittier Middle School…This is how sex trafficking numbers go down. These kids need a reason to believe that they are worth more than a number some trafficker puts on them. Traffickers only have power when they find those that believe their worth is so small that it can be bought…
Swedish super cop Simon Haggstrom – you’ll know him from his frequent visits to other countries to proselytise for the sex purchase ban – has now published his memoirs. Only in Swedish, alas, but that’s why God made Google Translate. Here are some of his views on how the law actually functions in practice…it provides the cops with “excitement” and plenty of wank material, in which they themselves play a starring role in the action…it hasn’t changed men’s attitudes. It isn’t deterring them from paying for sex. It isn’t stopping women from selling sex (indeed, they have to engage in a sexual act before enforcement will take place at all). It is subjecting them to unwanted interactions with the police, up to and including detention, and deportation for those who refuse to accept the cops’ “help”…even Amnesty might be surprised at the clumsy, cringeworthy porn that Haggstrom illustrates his accounts with..Is it any wonder he’s such an advocate for the law? Without it, he’d have to get off with only his imagination again.
Among other lovely bits, Haggstrom reveals that Swedish cops harvest sex workers’ used tampons as “evidence”; he includes a photo of such in the book. Hooray for “feminism”!
“Sugar Daddy” arrangements have existed for ages, and it’s unclear if they are becoming more common because the phenomenon is not well studied. But experts say at the very least the internet has made these transactions far easier to arrange and negotiate…U.S. undergraduate students last year finished school with an average of $35,000 in student debt — a figure that has risen steadily every year…The average graduate debt load is $75,000, and some longer programs force students into much deeper debt. Many students say their loans don’t cover the cost of living, and with rent skyrocketing in most major cities, they are left scrambling to make up the difference. One graduate student at Columbia University in New York had a scholarship that covered almost all of her tuition, but not her living expenses. She spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the potential impact on her job prospects…she plans to continue “sugaring” after she graduates to buy herself time to find a more traditional job and remain officially unemployed so she can defer repaying the roughly $70,000 in loans she had already racked up. “There is a lot of moral panic about it,” she said. “But what are the real estate and academic funding situations that led to this?”…
Almost the only negative statement is a quote near the end from a fanatic who claims that violence magically arises from money.
…under the guise of…objectivity and presenting a range of opposing views on pornography, the [Washington] Post ran its “In Theory” porn series…Out of seven articles, only one presents an opposing viewpoint…When the two essays that could be considered positive or neutral viewpoints were published, they were simultaneously published with anti-porn essays…The Washington Post not only deceived readers about the agenda of its “In Theory” porn series, the outlet also deceived readers about the sources of these writings. For instance, its final day in the series featured an article by Haley Halverson which depicts the anti-porn movement as a cultural zeitgeist brought on by public common sense, thanks to the good efforts of The National Center on Sexual Exploitation. What readers are not told is that NCSE is the re-branded faith-based group Morality In Media, Inc., which changed its name in 2015. Halverson runs its PR department. This organization is a thread connecting most of the Post’s authors…
I get this question very often, and I’ve never actually answered it. Oh, I’ve answered specific questions about sex work many times, and will continue to do so; the “Mentoring” tag is full of them. But when I’m asked this question the petitioner usually wants an ongoing, potentially paid relationship, for which the answer must be “no”. Again, I’ll give specific help to other sex workers, either by email or in person, nearly every time I’m asked. But if it’s an ongoing relationship you’re looking for, that simply isn’t going to happen.
There are several reasons for this, of which three stand out; the first of these is that I simply don’t have the time. As I’ve explained on many occasions, things are so tight for me now that many columns (including this one, incidentally) are finished mere hours or even minutes before posting. There’s just no way I could make room in my schedule for another major obligation; right now any new time-commitment requires that I give up something else. In other words, I couldn’t mentor anyone if I wanted to.
The second reason is that, believe it or not, I’m not really qualified. The market has changed considerably since I learned the trade, and I really haven’t kept up; the only reason I do as well as I do is that I’m Maggie Fucking McNeill, a widely recognized sex symbol. In other words, my brand is already built, and all I have to do is maintain it. But if I had to give someone else advice on web development, tailoring one’s ads to the clientele one wishes to attract, and all that kind of thing, I’d be utterly hopeless; unless you’re willing to devote over half your waking hours to become a well-known blogger for six years while making practically no money at all, I just don’t think my experience is transferable to your situation. Sometimes this should be painfully obvious, but I guess it isn’t; the letter which inspired me to write this column was from a man who wanted me to mentor him in the nigh-impossible task of becoming a heterosexual male escort. Now, I’m often called a saint, but I can assure y’all that theurgy is not in my skill set; it would require a bona fide miracle for me to train someone in something I not only lack the biological qualifications for, but have repeatedly stated is essentially a fantasy.
The third reason is that such relationships are fraught with sexual, emotional and even legal land mines. The people who ask me this question sometimes just want regular mentoring, but sometimes what they actually want is a manager (and I don’t need to tell you what society calls those in our line of work). Ofttimes there’s more than a whiff of groupie about the person asking, and it’s pretty clear that she desires to be guided in a more, shall we say, “hands on” fashion. And though I’ve got a running joke on Twitter (with several women young enough to be my daughters) about “Miss McNeill’s School for Wayward Young Ladies”, in truth there’s absolutely no way I’d risk such an intimate relationship with a young whore any longer; not only is there too much risk of sexual and emotional injury (and not just to her), but also our culture has entered a period where such relationships are nearly always viewed as predatory and/or exploitative. In other words, injured feelings could potentially result in public accusations or even criminal charges, and I’m sure Dan Satterberg would just love to have a reasonably-credible “sex trafficking” case against me courtesy of a heartbroken girl who claimed I had manipulated and seduced her into prostitution. No, thanks. So while I’m flattered by the requests and wish I could give everyone who asks all the help she needs, the answer is, must be and will always be a resounding negative.
Punishing women who voluntarily sell sex for a living is human rights violation threatening their survival and another violence by the state. – Judge Cho Yong-ho
Watching natural-looking people engaging in sex that is consensual, pleasurable and realistic may not be harmful…but that is generally not what the $97 billion global porn industry is shilling. Its producers have one goal: to get men off hard and fast for profit. That means eroticizing the degradation of women. In a study of behaviors in popular porn, nearly 90% of 304 random scenes contained physical aggression toward women, who nearly always responded neutrally or with pleasure. More insidiously, women would sometimes beg their partners to stop, then acquiesce and begin to enjoy the activity, regardless of how painful or debasing…
…Hawaii…lawmakers…are proposing to commission a study looking at the merits of decriminalizing all drugs…The study would look to Portugal…[which] decriminalized all drugs in 2001…[leading] to a drastic reduction in drug use, overdoses and crime…The U.S. Surgeon General…announced in January, “It’s time for us to have a conversation in this country that’s based on facts; A conversation that’s based on medicine and science”…
Redding, Connecticut, cops arrested a 14-year-old boy and charged him with possession of child pornography, harassment, and obscenity…This news story makes it impossible to determine the exact nature of his crime, but…I would say that he likely shared an illicit photo of a similarly-aged female—perhaps his girlfriend—with some of his friends…This is simply not a matter for the police…It’s not wrong for 14-year-olds to express sexual interest in each other…the cops investigated this teen for three months….How many police resources were tied up…figuring out why two teens were sexting each other?…
A Wichita [Kansas] woman says a…[cop raped] her multiple times over a two year period…Richard Bachman…used his power as a cop to [rape her from 2010 to 2012]…This is the second suit against the [rapist] cop…[who] threatened to plant drugs on the woman, and…handcuffed her while [raping] her. “I don’t want him to ever be in a position where he has the authority over anyone again,” she said…Bachman’s attorney [vomited out the legalese equivalent of, “She asked for it”]…
A…[deceitful pig] contacted Alysia Mericle…[pretending to be an honest client, then called more thugs] to arrest her…Mericle locked the door with the [lying pig] still inside…[so his pig friends] used a battering ram [to destroy her] front door…[they then searched]…her place [without a proper warrant] and…found Focalin and Vyvanse, which are used to treated ADHD. [Rooting pigs] also discovered [her business] ledger…Mericle was charged with promoting prostitution, possession of controlled substances, endangering children, drug paraphernalia and soliciting prostitution. She was [caged]…and a judge set her bond at $75,000. The child was placed in the custody of her grandmother.
…The Flex Company wants to replace outdated pads and tampons with a sleek, disc-shaped blood blocker. Flex can be worn during sex to prevent making a mess. The Flex discs are disposable, can be worn for up to 12 hours and even come in a stylish little packet. They’re doctor-approved to be hypoallergenic, BPA-free and they won’t cause toxic shock syndrome…Flex will have to compete with SoftCups, a well-distributed brand with a similar product, though one that doesn’t focus on portability or sex…
One lady on Twitter reported her partner could feel it, which would obviously not be good.
The Constitutional Court ruled in favor of the country’s antiprostitution law Thursday, dismissing “voluntary sex trade” unconstitutional. In a 6-to-3 ruling, the court confirmed the legality of the antisex trade act punishing both those who voluntarily sell and buy sex, citing the need to repress demand for prostitution. The verdict came three years after the top court began to review the act to rule whether it violates voluntary sex workers’ freedom to choose their job and what to do with their own bodies…Kang Hyun-joon, head of sex workers’ rights group Hanteo National Union, called the decision “unacceptable”…He also vowed to submit a petition to the United Nations‘ Human Rights Council…[which has] suggested [decriminalizing] prostitution as a way to create safer conditions for sex workers and to combat human trafficking as well as sex-related diseases like HIV…
Only one of the dissenting judges understands the moral issues here; the other two argued for the hypocritical and misogynistic Swedish model.
…social scientist Dr Kamala Kempadoo…argued that legitimizing the world’s oldest profession would reduce human trafficking and bring security and respectability to women in the profession…She called on [Caribbean] governments to…recognize that prostitution ought not automatically be construed as violence to women…she…was dismissive of the United States State Department’s annual Trafficking in Persons (TIP) reports, contending that they were politically motivated and did not recognize Caribbean practices or cultural norms…in responding to the pressure exerted on regional countries that receive bad marks in the TIP reports, Caribbean governments [have] created a regime to counter what [the US represents] as human trafficking. However, she said that regime had itself become an industry…
…When does reporting become rubbernecking? When does wanting to help someone become wanting to control them? These are topics that need exploring, both in public and in our own hearts and minds. Especially for people who, like me and…Melissa Gira Grant, are former sex workers who are now full-time writers…Some former sex workers elect to not discuss their personal experiences, and I respect that…But if you don’t write about yourself who do you write about?…What do we really take away from the piece apart from the feeling that everyone who got involved in Heather’s cause had bad intentions apart from (miraculously) Gira Grant herself? With the subject of the story not supportive of its publication, and considering the fact that it gives a significant national platform to people who may have abused Heather — is this where the ally ends, and the hard-headed journo chasing after a byline begins?…As Gira Grant spent the days after the Buzzfeed piece appeared refusing to answer requests to clarify what happened, it did unfortunately start to seem like she could ignore criticism precisely because those making the criticism were sex workers…
Oklahoma prison authorities are working with attorneys for a [mass serial rapist]…to serve a civil rights lawsuit filed by some of his victims…prison officials revealed…that Daniel Holtzclaw…had been moved from a state prison but would not disclose where he was being housed…Holtzclaw was sentenced to 263 years in prison…and…seven women involved in the criminal case filed a federal lawsuit against Holtzclaw and city officials [because] the city and its police force [gave him free reign to rape at will]…efforts to serve Holtzclaw with the lawsuit have been unsuccessful because he can’t be located within the state prison system…
…According to a federal lawsuit filed by attorney Robert Phillips…white police officers in Aiken, S.C…[pulled over] Lakeya Hicks and Elijah Pontoon…in Hicks’s car…[using the illegal pretext that] it still had [current] temporary tags…[cop Chris] Medlin [ordered] Pontoon out of the vehicle and [handcuffed] him…Medlin then [told] Pontoon, “Because of your history, I’ve got a dog coming in here. Gonna walk a dog around the car.” About 30 seconds later, he [added], “You gonna pay for this one, boy”…four [cops spent]…15 minutes conducting a thorough search of the car…After the search of the car [came] up empty, Medlin [told] the female officer to “search her real good,” referring to Hicks…this was all done in direct view of the three male officers. That search, too, produced no contraband. The officers then [anally probed] Pontoon…[repeatedly] grabbing his hemorrhoids…for another three minutes…[finding] no contraband…Medlin [then told] Pontoon…that [this was due to his supposedly recognizing] him from when he worked narcotics…
…about 20 sex workers and…allies took to Daley Plaza [in Chicago] to show solidarity with Alisha Walker, a 23-year-old woman sentenced to 15 years in prison after fatally stabbing a client…”We could all be Alisha,” [said] Cathryn Berarovich…”Because our work is criminalized, there is no recourse for when bad things happen to us. We’re standing up for someone who did what she had to do to survive, then was punished for surviving”…[they also called] out the Sun-Times report on Walker’s sentencing…for its…language…the paper described Walker with terms like “the prostitute” and “hooker”…[but] to Filan…as a “wonderful father”…in spite of the fact that…Filan was the aggressor in their confrontation, threatening her with a kitchen knife because she and the other woman declined to have unprotected sex with him. Filan had also…been drinking…
I want to start escorting as an independent… but as you know, it can be hard to get the ball rolling if you’re new in the industry. Should I advertise myself on TER boards as a new escort? I’m worried that advertising myself as “new” will attract who will want to take advantage of my lack of experience. Also, I saw another post on your blog where a certain escort preferred not to have any reviews. If an escort chooses to go down that route, what other types of verification are available to show clients you are reliable and trustworthy?
Frankly, I wouldn’t advise you to advertise on TER at all; I never have, don’t now and never plan to. The site is just vile; it’s the apotheosis of the “bros before hos” mentality, and its rating system is insultingly reductive. There are plenty of other sites you can advertise on without supporting that model of review board. I don’t think it will hurt you to advertise as new, but I don’t really think it’s necessary either; it will be obvious that you’re new because of your lack of reviews and the fact that none of the “hobbyists” have seen you before. That in itself can be a draw, especially if you’re young and your prices are competitive; yes, you may attract some exploitative types, but since you know that may happen you’ll just have to keep your wits about you and firmly maintain your boundaries until you’re experienced enough to judge each client on a case-by-case basis. Re lack of reviews, there is no substitute for reputation; you will not yet have one to start, and that will hurt. Even without reviews you’ll slowly build up a client base and a reputation, but it may take longer in their absence. It may be better for you to research the boards with a more positive culture than to eschew reviews entirely, but in the end you’ll have to make that decision for yourself.
How do I know what is a reputable agency in my area? I’m interested in being a high-end courtesan.
It’s always been difficult to know which agencies are reputable & which aren’t unless one talks to other pros who have worked for them, and that’s just as true now as it ever was. However, agencies are no longer king as they were for decades; I advise ladies who are starting out now to go independent. But whether you work for an agency or for yourself, you probably can’t start out at the “high end” nowadays; most men simply won’t pay that much for someone with no reputation. What you need to do is to create an escort site for yourself (or pay for it to be done for you) with the best professional pictures you can afford, then look at the other escort ads in your area and try to objectively consider what you should charge in relation to them (HINT: it shouldn’t be more, and a hair less might help you to break into the market). Lest that offend your pride, consider that since I’ve recently entered a new market, I can’t charge any more than most of the other ladies here despite my reputation (and I actually charge less than some). As you develop a good name, you can slowly raise your rates and judge how it affects your business; most ladies (myself included) keep regulars at the same rate even when we raise it for new guys. Eventually you’ll find the price point that works best for you. But before you even start, I’d suggest you read my other mentoring columns; there are a number of things you don’t seem to be considering (such as screening), and those may help you decide if this is really the profession for you.
I agree with you that “a whore is a whore is a whore”, but it’s one thing to say that and quite another to practice it personally. I have nothing against women who advertise on Backpage – two of my best friends fall in that category – but the prospect of doing it myself results in a special kind of revulsion. How would you propose that a whore more accustomed to the “high class call girl” route get over that kind of internalized whorephobia? It’s not morality, and it’s not even logic; my mentor has suggested that my earnings would improve considerably if I’d get off my damn high horse, work in the big cities at the market rate taking callers on short notice, and quit waiting on men to book long sessions well in advance. I just can’t stomach the idea of myself as “that kind” of whore, even though I was once previously successful working like that and could use the money.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. None of us can help what squicks us out, and sometimes the squick factor is stronger than the desire for money. There’s also the simple fact that we’re all good at different things; “high-end” GFE is so natural and easy for me I can practically do it in my sleep, but domination takes effort and PSE is so hard it’s practically impossible. But I have friends for whom the order of difficulty is different, and some tell me GFE is so difficult for them they prefer to avoid it entirely. I don’t think preferring to stick to what one is good at and avoiding what’s difficult or revolting is necessarily a sign of whorephobia; it could just be that you prefer to take a little pay cut to make your life easier (a sin against commerce of which I, too, am guilty). If it doesn’t bother you that your friends do mid-range touring, and you don’t look back on your own past with disgust, and you don’t treat other sex workers any differently or talk down to them, your problem may not be whorephobia but rather the kind of genteel indolence which causes many of us to pick sex work over our other options in the first place. If a woman prefers to do sex work because it gives her a higher return for less effort than “straight” jobs, it’s certainly no surprise if she chooses to do a form of sex work she personally finds easier and more palatable over one she finds less so.
Once I let a man wing by without references; he claimed to be a lawyer who would bring his business card along. But instead of a safe, elderly client, what I got instead was a whole squad of cop cars and repeated pounding on my door. I wasn’t stupid enough to open it, and eventually they left. I moved immediately, and never again will I trust an unscreened client. But with MyRedBook gone, I am leery of references; I’m desperately looking for an alternative, but my hopes aren’t high. Do you have any screening procedures you could recommend, now that references are becoming a thing of the past?
References are a great method of screening, but not the only way. You could try running a client’s name through Intellius or a similar “background check” service, or simply Googling it; alas, you can only get really good results from either of those if the client is willing to give you his full name, age and address, and anyone who is reluctant to give references may be equally reluctant to provide other screening info. P411 uses employment screening, and you can do it yourself just as they do; simply call the client’s work and ask to speak to Mr. So-and-So, then make sure the man you’re connected to is the one you spoke to before. If you have never heard of the company, you need to check up on it in the phone book and online; cops can create fake companies, but such fakes won’t have any kind of history in public records. The most important kind of screening, though, is your gut; talk to the man on the phone and see how you feel about him. If he seems creepy, cocky, suspicious or overly interested in details, or even if he just sets off your alarm bells in a way you can’t adequately define, you may want to pass on seeing him. Of course, some cops are such practiced sociopaths that they can lie to their victims and seem perfectly normal while doing it, so you will probably want to take the final precaution of not revealing your exact address until he arrives nearby at the proper time and calls you. Not giving an exact location in advance makes it much harder for cops to organize the kind of nasty trick they pulled on you before. If you really want to be cautious, you could even meet the client in a nearby cafe or the like, so that you can look him in the eye and feel him out before taking the final step of letting him in your door.
Remember, long before the advent of the internet, we relied on our instincts to screen clients, and we mostly did pretty well. And now that our enemies are attacking the external methods by which we protect ourselves, the old ones supplied by Mother Nature are becoming much more important again.
I’m a 23-year-old professional who wants to pursue a Masters degree in a related field, but my current job alone just won’t pay for tuition on top of my rent, bills and current student loan payments. I already tend to attract successful men and I’m a skilled and empathetic listener, so I feel I could make it as a courtesan with a select few clients. However, I’ve never been an escort so I have no existing clientele to draw from. Also, I’ve read that real courtesans don’t discuss payment openly with a client…I don’t understand how that works.
Given your circumstances, you might want to consider advertising on one of the sugar baby sites. A 23-year-old graduate student is exactly the kind of lady many potential sugar daddies are looking for; the hours tend to be pretty brief, the pay is good (you can probably get about $3000-$4000 per month), and best of all it isn’t illegal yet so in the present climate of hysteria, it would be much safer for you. Furthermore, you need to be very discreet in your advertising because even legal sex work could potentially come back to bite you. As for “real” courtesans not discussing it…you should always be wary when people make statements like that. Some of the courtesans of old charged set rates, some used a sliding scale and some preferred to let their patrons give them money and gifts, then complain if they weren’t generous enough. It’s absolutely true that women who let their patrons set the fees and benefits generally do better in the long run, but it can take a lot of time investment to reach that point and you have to be good at sizing up a man’s income and generosity level right from the get-go so as not to waste too much time with a skinflint.
I am a mature and educated paid companion who has traveled the world and speaks several languages; men tend to find me fascinating and I live in a resort area. I have three kinds of clients: those who live here, those who come in for a few days a month or so and one-time vacationers. I’m working on transitioning some of my regulars in the first two groups to longer-term arrangements; I think I could have client types 1 & 2 pay a monthly “allowance” plus a fee for dates, and just charge a regular flat fee to vacationers. Do you have any suggestions on how to set my prices?
If you’re going to have regular “sugar daddy” type clients (the 1s and 2s), you may want to consider just charging them the flat fee and leaving it at that, especially if they only see you once a month to once a week at most. Obviously you have to be sure it’s enough to justify whatever time you spend with them, but you may find that they tend to give you other presents and tips beside the fee anyhow. Setting a rate in your situation is tricky; I expect most things in your area are more expensive than in a city, and that the clients tend to be wealthy? That, and the fact that you can provide a more “upscale” experience, would tend to drive your price up. You may want to do some research to see what other escorts in similar resort areas charge, and ditto what sugar babies in such areas tend to ask for…and then go just a smidgen higher. Given your circumstances you can probably get it, and the higher price reinforces the image you’re trying to project. As time goes on you will be able to tell if you can raise your prices, but it’s usually best to allow those who are already seeing you to continue at their current rates.
I haven’t been an escort very long, and though I’ve screened clients by email before I just did my first phone screening. There were several awkward pauses from the gent, like he was waiting for me to ask him something else (or maybe wanted to ask me something but couldn’t find the words). I was friendly, but have been warned not to talk about details about sex…still, shouldn’t I go into do’s and dont’s, like I don’t do anal or BBBJ? Or is that a no-no? Also, is it OK to ask if they’ve seen escorts before if they don’t have references, but pass screening in every other way?
Some men are just nervous and awkward on the phone. That’s actually a good sign; if you feel he’s sincerely nervous, he probably isn’t a cop because they won’t be (they do, however, often claim to be newbies so they don’t have to provide references). If I were you, I’d stay away from any kind of sexual talk on the phone, even veiled references; just be friendly and cover things like when, how long a session, etc. Most good clients won’t push you for sexual details; since both parties know what they’re there for, what’s to discuss? Yes, it would be good if we could both be specific about what he wants and what we will or won’t do, but unfortunately that’s much too dangerous in the current legal climate.
In the long run you’ll have to decide for yourself whether references are important to you, but I suggest you start out by asking for them; other girls can often warn you away from a bad or iffy client, tell you what to expect from a marginal one, etc. While it’s certainly true that many newbies may be excellent clients, the only way to discover that is to see them for yourself…and as I pointed out above, that carries a heightened risk of his being a lying cop. They’re hunting us very aggressively these days, so please be careful and don’t be afraid to ask other, more experienced girls for screening advice. Here are some basic screening suggestions, but until you get a routine you’re comfortable with it doesn’t hurt to listen to what others have to say on the issue.
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I don’t think you need to disable your account; however, I wouldn’t assume any guy from P411 is automatically good, either. I’ve written about screening a number of times; my personal favorite method is asking for references. If you don’t trust references, there are other means of screening including Date-Check, a helpful whitelist with a better track record than P411. I’ve also written about several other methods, and here’s a good resource list compiled by a provider in New Orleans. You should also look at the posts in my mentoring tag; some of them may make you nervous, but it’s better to be prepared. And one final thing: if at all possible, get in touch with your local SWOP chapter. This can be a very isolating business, and connecting with other local sex workers will not only help you to stay safe, but may also help you to find peace of mind and emotional support.
