Are very shy women fit to be prostitutes? Also, does semen always smell bad or does it depend on the man?
If by “shy” you mean “painfully introverted” or “extremely modest”, sex work is definitely not for you. Though a whore needn’t necessarily be gregarious (and in fact many are somewhat introverted), she needs to at least be able to meet and smoothly interact with new people in order to carry out the basic activities of her trade. Likewise, she need not be so comfortable with nudity that she can flash crowds on Bourbon Street in broad daylight, but she can’t be so averse to it that she’s paralyzed by the prospect of getting undressed in front of strange men. If, on the other hand, you simply mean the shyness that comes of inexperience and uncertainty, my previous column “Inexperience” may provide an answer.
In answer to your second question: the smell and taste of a man’s semen varies with his body chemistry, health and diet. The semen of two different men living in the same environment, or of the same man under different health conditions or diets, can vary to a surprisingly wide degree; however, some factors (such as muskiness) may be relatively constant in an individual no matter what his diet. In other words, if you find the taste or odor of a particular man’s semen intolerable, it may be something he’s eating, or it may be due to a health condition, but it could also just be the way he’s put together (or the way you’re put together).
I am seriously considering taking up prostitution as a second job; I honestly think I can handle it as I like sex of any kind. I plan on strictly condoms only, and for 2 or 3 nights a week. I have sent some messages to agencies, but I don’t have an ID so they won’t hire me, and I have no idea how to get to know the girls on the street.
I can’t really give you any advice about street work, because I’ve never done it; frankly, I’m not sure I could handle it. Some girls prefer street work for its simplicity and lack of need for advertising, but it’s also much more dangerous and the chance of being arrested is much higher because if clients can find you, so can cops. I must point out, however, that there are other alternatives besides working for agencies and working on the street; the majority of sex workers nowadays simply place independent ads (for example on Backpage) and/or advertise themselves by participating on message boards. If you have a smartphone you can take pictures pretty easily, and since most clients pay extra attention to new girls in an area you can get started very quickly. This approach also has the advantage of letting you see how other girls advertise and taking lessons from them (both in what to do and what not to do). Even if you don’t have a credit card to pay for ads, message-board advertising is generally free and it gives you the added bonus of being able to chat with other ladies. If you don’t want to deal with ads at all, you could try to find work in a massage parlor, which has the advantage of being very regular job-ish (in the sense that you work at a specific place for set hours), but one of the same disadvantages as street work: it’s really easy for the cops to find you.
Before you decide which way to proceed, I suggest you look at the “mentoring” section of my “Previously Asked Questions” page, especially “What advice do you have if I want to start working immediately?” And one more thing: you say “I plan on condoms only”, as though you had an option to do otherwise; please let me assure you that you don’t. You must absolutely use a condom, every time, no matter how “clean” a client looks nor how much he offers you to go without. There is no way of knowing for sure who might have an STI, and HIV is still not curable; it’s simply not worth the risk to you and your clients. When it comes to sex a large fraction of men are completely irrational, and will take risks despite knowing better; it is therefore incumbent on you to insist that unprotected sex is simply not an option no matter what a client says.
How can an escort be successful and completely avoid the hobbyists and their review system? I usually attract the gentlemanly type who won’t kiss and tell, and after my first few interactions with hobbyists, I’m utterly shocked by their entitlement and crude behavior. Since Eros and Slixa do authentication (so clients can be reasonably sure I’m real), is there any point to an escort putting up with hobbyist garbage?
Most clients will respect a lady’s request not to be reviewed, and that is reinforced with time because an escort without reviews will tend to be avoided by the sort of men who are most invested in the review culture. The best clients know that a large fraction of reviews are bullshit anyway, and will judge for themselves based on an escort’s website, the length of time she’s been around, and perhaps even non-review conversations on the boards. As you correctly point out, there are other means of authentication, and if you’ve made it up until now without allowing reviews I don’t think there’s a need to start. One thing you might do is get to know a few of the other escorts in your area who don’t allow reviews; a good reference from one of them would help you to know that a gentleman can be trusted to be gentlemanly.
I am just beginning in the escort industry and trying to find out which are the best agencies to work for in my area. Also, do you know what agencies would be looking for as far as interviewing – things to be sure to mention or avoid, dress, etc?
Though working for a reputable agency used to be a good deal, it has become much less so now that the internet makes self-advertising so easy. And remember, this is advice from a former escort service owner! Take a look at the “Mentoring” section of “Previously Asked Questions” and read the linked entries; it may help you to make up your mind, and most of the advice there will be useful no matter which route you take. In the interest of providing a complete answer, though, I asked a friend who lives in your area if there were any good agencies, and here is what she wrote:
I would dissuade her from working for an agency. Besides the cost factor, clients seem to be shifting away from agencies; they are also becoming more and more targets of LE due to the “trafficking” hysteria (remember, to target an escort service police must arrest the escorts first). I would tell any woman entering the business to consider finding a mentor, and working independently; it just seems to me to be safer at the present time.
What she said about client shifts and cop targeting is dead on; since agency owners can be branded “pimps” and “traffickers”, they attract a lot of attention these days from cops looking for heads to mount on the wall. Though working independently is by no means safe from cop depredation, it may indeed be safer than working for an agency (especially if you’ve got a friend who will check you in and out).
If, however, you still prefer to work for an agency, interviewing is really not all that different from what you’d do for any other job interview: dress nicely but not fancily, be friendly, answer the interviewer’s questions honestly and be prepared to provide whatever information they need; you’ll probably be asked to sign a disclaimer. I preferred to weed my applicants on the phone and in the interview, but it may be that they’re using online forms nowadays. If you’re attractive and present yourself well, it shouldn’t be difficult to get them to take you on; the real test comes later, because just like any company they’re going to rely most heavily on employees who are dependable and make the company the most money (in this case, by high customer satisfaction). Girls who are easy to contact, professional and make the clients happy will get the most calls; those who are the opposite will find their phones ringing less and less.
Harry Reems, the first male porn star, died of pancreatic cancer on Tuesday (March 19th) at the age of 65. For his role in Deep Throat, Reems was convicted in 1976 of “conspiracy to transport obscene material across state lines”, and though that sentence was overturned a year later the stress of the trial drove him to start drinking; he spent the late ‘80s as a homeless alcoholic before sobering up in 1989, then getting married and going into real estate a year later. Unlike his co-star Linda Lovelace, however, he never regretted his choices or blamed porn for his troubles, and went by his stage name (his birth name was Herbert Streicher) until the end.
I left out the very rarest, but worst type: “[Houma, Louisiana] police arrested 15 men…alleging they solicited a prostitute through [Backpage]…one of [two] prostitutes…[was] issued a summons…[but] the other…was not arrested [because she] agreed to be a part of the sting…” There is absolutely no lower life-form in the whoring ecosystem than a person who collaborates with cops to ensnare others in order to save his or her own worthless hide.
Andrea Castillo’s “When Science Looks Like Religion” explores the territory discussed in Monday’s comment thread: When people blindly accept scientific findings which reinforce their irrational beliefs while rejecting equally-valid results which contradict those beliefs, the result is not science but religion. The last part is doubly germane: it describes Norwegian social scientists’ knee-jerk denial of all data which contradicts their cultic social constructionism.
…Suspicious moms and dads are hiring trained drug detection dogs to sniff out their kids’ drug stash…the RK Agency…[charges] $350…[to] “discreetly perform a thorough inspection of your entire property”…Jeffrey Gardere, a child psychologist …[told] the Today Show… “I don’t know if you can [have a relationship with your kids] if you’re bringing in drug-sniffing dogs”…
According to this post from Dr. Annie Sprinkle, Tracy Elise of Phoenix Goddess Temple has been “deemed…’incompetent’ to go to trial…she will be sent to psych ward and forced to take psychiatric drugs for about 15 months until she’s ‘competent’…I feel that if…sex workers…criticise Tracy Elise…we are in a way colluding with the [police]…and…contributing to the problem, which is exactly what the ‘sex negative society’…wants us to do…” I totally agree.
…women in Ancient Rome [married] sometimes as young as 14…[but] were permitted to own land and houses and have jobs. Women of the upper classes were educated to a high standard…It’s well known that Pompeii…boasted a large sex industry…and…open attitudes about sexuality and prostitution didn’t hold back other women from achieving…
A Chinese brothel madam and her husband have been ordered to pay back £125,000 within six months or she will face another jail sentence and he will join her…Rong Chen…and her husband Jason Hinton…only [have] £125,000 of realisable assets…[namely] their marital home in…Worcestershire, which…will have to be sold or remortgaged…
…Jakarta…has tried…to offer sex workers ways to escape the sex industry…[for] example…sex workers…[given] a dressmaking course…did not return to their villages…but rather…to their old lives in Jakarta…the income from sewing was just too far below sex work…A high ranking health official…[said] it would be better to legalize prostitution; closing Kramat Tunggak would result in the dispersion of prostitution sites to several unidentified locations — making health checkups impossible…Surabaya…is still trying to phase out Dolly, East Java’s famed prostitution site…
…Dolly…consists of at least 300 brothels…employing thousands of prostitutes…[plus] numerous supporting businesses — clinics, mini markets, sexual enhancement medicine vendors, parking lots, banks, rented houses, Internet cafes, small restaurants…University of Indonesia economist Lana Soelistianingsih said that…economic transactions triggered by prostitution [alone] could contribute around Rp 1.5 trillion to Surabaya’s gross domestic product…
Family Research Council…fellow Pat Fagan…claims that Eisenstadt v. Baird, the 1972 case that overturned a Massachusetts law banning the distribution of contraceptives to unmarried people, may rank “as the single most destructive decision in the history of the Court”…because it effectively meant that “single people have the right to engage in sexual intercourse…Society never gave young people that right, functioning societies don’t do that, they stop it, they punish it, they corral people, they shame people, they do whatever”…
…Amsterdam’s oldest prostitutes have retired after more than 50 years each in the business. Louise and Martine Fokkens, 70, have decided they are too old…Louise…says arthritis now makes some sexual positions “too painful”…and Martine…admits she finds it hard to attract punters – though one elderly man still has his weekly sadomasochism session…The pair were the subject last year of a documentary Meet The Fokkens and they have written a book called The Ladies Of Amsterdam…
Caty Simon of Tits and Sassinterviews well-known activist Audacia Ray on the Red Umbrella Project, speaking to the media, condom criminalization, the Long Island Killer and why sex workers need to ally with harm reduction and anti-drug war activists.
10 years ago, the Internal Security Act (LSI) penalized public solicitation, including so-called “passive solicitation”…[this] has reinforced the isolation of sex workers, relegating them to more remote places where they are…more prone to violence…since the introduction of the LSI, “the conduct of the police deteriorated sharply. Their attitude is less respectful and humiliation increased…their protective function…has virtually disappeared and [they are]…most often perceived as strictly punitive”…Médecins du Monde demand the immediate repeal of the offense of soliciting…[and] rejects any proposal to penalize customers…
Women’s Rights Minister Najat Belkacem responded in a typically clueless manner; though she promised repeal of the law, she also made the absurd claim that “90% of [sex workers] are victims of human trafficking” and refused to back down on her scheme to impose the Swedish model.
…Portland [has]…one of the largest sex industries of any U.S. city…human trafficking…is a growing problem in Oregon due in part to the traffic permitted by Interstates 5 and I-84 [and] the Willamette and Columbia rivers…the problem [is] one that’s inextricably linked to gangs…“When people think of prostitution, their first instinct is a girl walking on the street,” [police spokesman Pete] Simpson says. “They’re not thinking about the fact that she’s being traded as a commodity, sold as a product”…The change [in strategy] humanizes the victims…
Simpson robs women of agency, then claims he’s “humanizing” whores who were already human before he turned them into things to be acted upon. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.
Charlotte Shane’s review of An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey As A Surrogate Partner, the memoirs of sex surrogate Cheryl Greene (of The Sessions fame), covers much the same ground as my column, and that’s a good thing; the more of us there are speaking out against these artificial lines drawn between types of sex work, the more people will finally get it.
I’m glad to see that others are recognizing that “marriage equality” applies just as well to polygamy as it does to same-sex marriage, and are making good arguments for it:
I’m in favor of leaving marriage to the religious institutions, and registering households in whatever configuration people want to live. If a same-gender couple, or a heterosexual couple, or an elderly couple who can’t have children, or any couple want to be responsible to and for each other, let them. If three people want to be responsible to and for each other, let them. If a gay man and his female best friend want to be responsible to and for each other, let them. Let’s stop worrying about who is screwing who, and just make it easier for people to be responsible in their relationships.
The Georgia attorney general and other law enforcement officials kicked off a public awareness campaign…[which] bears the slogan “Georgia’s not buying it” and includes a [commercial] featuring professional athletes…”We’ll continue to go after the pimps and rescue the victims, but we know that the only way to truly eradicate this evil is by ending the demand,” Attorney General Sam Olens said…It is a problem throughout Georgia, in both urban areas and in small towns and rural areas…
Georgia is indeed “buying it”, wholesale. I’m sure millions in federal grants and an excuse to further erode civil rights have nothing to do with all this.
Sexual expression is a fundamental part of being human…Decades of research have uncovered the many benefits of sex, which include physical health, quality of life, psychological well-being and sexual self-esteem. Unfortunately, because of social taboos and hypocrisy…barriers are created to stop people from fully realising these benefits…Some people with disabilities have limited opportunities for sexual relationships because they lack privacy and are dependent on others…
The video of the Albany Law School symposium is now available! If you don’t have the time or inclination to watch the whole thing (4 hours), my part runs from minute 170 to 185.
Earlier this month, doctors announced that a baby had been cured of…HIV…Now…it appears that 14 adults have…been successfully treated…70 people…[received] combination antiretroviral therapy (cART)…much sooner than…normal…[because] all [were] diagnosed…early…they…stuck to the [regimen] for an average of three years…[but then] stopped…for various reasons…Normally, HIV will return when patients stop taking their ARVs. But this time…14…patients…were functionally cured…
Apparently, the proposed legislative reform in South Australia isn’t quite decriminalization (though it’s a lot closer to it than anything we’ll see in the US anytime soon): “…it makes special provisions for sex work such as special licensing, laws about safe sex and possibly restrictions on location…once a ‘reform’ law has been passed the chances of getting better legislation in the near future drop to zero. So many people feel it’s better to stay with a bad situation and hope to get good reform rather than settle for an unsatisfactory ‘improvement’…”
There are some questions that shouldn’t be asked until a person is mature enough to appreciate the answers. – Anne Bishop
I generally answer questions via email, then edit the question to make it more concise (and to remove identifying details), correct any clumsy phrasing in my answer, and transplant the whole into a column. In this case the inquirer responded to my answer with a second, more general question that I think might prove useful to inexperienced hookers and enlightening to clients. If you have a question of your own, please email me at maggiemcneill@earthlink.net.
I was wondering if you could give some advice to women working as dommes or doing fetish work. I am new to this and don’t know exactly what it “illegal”. I don’t have sex with clients, but I think the cops have other ways of busting you. Do you have any advice/tips? I do not want a prostitution record to haunt me for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, both the laws and police practices vary from state to state, so even in states where paid BDSM or fetish work is legal one cannot always count on the police to honor that. Many people are arrested every year and charged with things which are not crimes (for example, taking pictures of cops), and even if the charges are later dismissed it’s still traumatic, potentially expensive and (if your local police enjoy shaming people and the local media panders to their sick urges) reputation-destroying once the news is released. You can’t unring a bell, so even if charges are dropped and your record is expunged the story is already out. I’m not telling you all this to frighten you off, but rather to convince you of the necessity of proper precautions. First, consult a lawyer about the legality in your state and the police practices; though you or I could easily look up the law itself that will not tell you if the police in your state have a habit of making spurious charges against dominatrices or fetish workers. Next, screen your clients as thoroughly as if you were a vanilla escort; even if the police are unlikely to come after you, this is still important for the protection of your person and reputation. The fact that your type of work does not involve intercourse matters to nobody but lawyers; it is still surrounded by stigma and an unstable man who is sexually aroused can still be dangerous, so you’ll want to be sure potential clients don’t have a history of violent or stalking behavior (asking for and checking references is the easiest way for a beginner to do this). Finally, don’t cut yourself off from other sex workers; join your local escort board even though you are not a full-service escort, because it will keep you in touch with the latest talk on bad clients, stings and the like. It may even get you some crossover clients; just make it very clear in your ads that you only do fetish and domination work.
I have heard about “screening clients” but it wasn’t really clear. Any advice on how to do that?
The best and simplest means of screening is by referrals; what this means is that you ask the client for the names of two established escorts he’s seen before. It’s best if they provide the same type of service as you do, but even if that’s not possible just the fact that you know he’s the real McCoy, shows up on time and has no history of creepiness can be a great comfort. When you get their contact information, make sure they’re really established girls (not just “Jade at the Bangkok Spa”) and then contact them, telling them Mr. So-and-so used them as references, and ask if they remember him. The more information a girl gives you, and the more honest and friendly she sounds, the better; if she just shoots back a two-word text saying “he’s ok” from her smartphone, consider that just the same as if she failed to respond at all because she may just be blowing you off and doesn’t actually remember him.
You can also join a “whitelisting” service such as P411; “hobbyists” pay the company to verify them, and then give their P411 ID to escorts they wish to visit. It doesn’t cost anything for providers to join, and you can see not only a self-generated profile of the client, but how many “OKs” he has received from other girls. Provider Buzz is the opposite, a blacklist; an escort who has had a bad experiences with a client can enter his identifying information, and others will be able to see whatever she writes in the report (ranging from “no show” to serious violence). Honeysuckle has a nice little escort screening tool which allows you to enter a potential client’s name, phone number and email address, and searches him via Google, phone listings, Amazon wishlists and Linkedin, all on one convenient screen (you may also be interested in her escorting tips and starter kit). Pipl allows you to search names and even accesses some public records, and even just Googling a person’s name can turn up interesting stuff (especially if he owns his own company).
Last but definitely not least, trust your gut. Even if everything checks out, if your intuition says he’s not right, he probably isn’t; at least half the girls I know who were arrested told me later that they felt something was wrong, but dismissed it and went anyway. Vice cops practice deceit as a way of life and a few of them are very good at it, so if alarm bells go off you need to listen.
The process of education in the oldest profession in the world is like any other educational process, in that it requires time and effort and patience; it can only be acquired by taking one step at a time, though the steps become accelerated after the first few. – Madeleine Blair
Here’s a recent reader letter and my response; for ease of reading I’ve split her question up into parts with my answers.
I’m seriously considering sex work but I live in a small Canadian city and want to be discreet; I’m also concerned about diseases, violence, the potential to be arrested and rape. How often, on average, would you say you had a difficult or creepy client?
It depends on what you mean by “difficult”. There’s a certain small fraction of customers in any business who are just vexatious twits and can’t be pleased no matter how one tries, and a larger fraction who aren’t consciously trying to be difficult but end up being so anyhow. In our business, the latter are the ones who are so nervous they don’t come easily, or who want to try every position in the bloody Kama Sutra, or who insist on sticking their tongues in your ear, etc. But if you’ve dated a lot, you’ve already run into guys like that and it really isn’t any different; one simply has to do one’s best, try to keep them under control and soldier on. If I had to hazard a guess I’d say 50% of clients are just normal (neither hard nor easy), 30% are very easy, 10% are annoying but not difficult and 10% difficult to one degree or another.
I can only do outcalls, so what should I expect from an agency regarding security?
The agency should allow you to talk to the client by phone beforehand to make sure the two of you hit it off; if they don’t allow that (for fear of your stealing calls) find another agency. This is VERY important; talking to the client allows the girl to feel him out, to give her instincts a chance to work. The two times I got raped and the one time I almost did, I did not talk to the client first; the first rape and the near miss were because of a language barrier, and the second rape was at a big multi-client party where I only spoke to the man who was arranging it but not the rapist. In other words, I have never been raped by a client I talked to first.
The other thing an agency should do is know where you are (exact address) when with a client, check you in and out by phone, and have someone they can dispatch to pound on the door if you can’t be contacted at the end of the call. Good American agencies also have a lawyer on call in case of police stings, but since escorting isn’t illegal in Canada you probably needn’t worry on that account (Canadian escorts, please correct me if I’m wrong on this).
What should I do before, during and after a client intends to rape me?
Talking to a client on the phone and being a real person when you’re with him humanizes you, making it more difficult for him to think of you as a thing to be used. Furthermore, calling in right in front of him sends the message “people know where I am”. Most clients are not any more dangerous than any other men you might meet, but you have to take these precautions EVERY TIME (no exceptions) because they help to reduce the chance of danger from that rare sociopathic individual who might hurt you.
If a client starts to do something you don’t like, try changing position and doing something else instead; if that doesn’t work say “please don’t do that” or “you’re hurting me” or some such; that will stop a normal man who is just getting carried away. If it seems rape is inevitable, the most important thing is to keep your head; you mustn’t panic or allow horror stories to flow into your consciousness and cloud your thinking. Feminists are fond of equating all rape with aggravated rape, but as one who has experienced both I can tell you that simply isn’t true; aggravated rape is terrifying because of the possibility of death or disfigurement, but “date rape” – in other words, unwanted sex which occurs in the context of a voluntarily-entered sexual situation – isn’t nearly as bad. It’s highly unpleasant and may even be painful, but it’s not the worst thing that can happen to a woman.
The reason I’m saying this is not to downplay the wrongness of it, but to give you a sense of perspective so you can avoid panicking and reacting in a way that could make things worse. If he won’t stop when asked and you can’t struggle free, it’s highly unlikely screaming or freaking out will achieve anything, either; tensing up will increase the chance of damage to whatever orifice he’s penetrated, and scaring him could provoke a violent reaction. Your best bet is to relax as best you can and just let him get it over with, then get away as quickly as you can and go straight home. Tell the agency what happened so he can be blacklisted; since you want to be very undercover about your work you probably won’t want to report it to the police (who probably wouldn’t do anything anyhow). If you think you might be more than just bruised (or if he raped you without a condom), you should visit a doctor the next day.
I tend to gain weight on birth control, do you consider it an essential or are condoms okay on their own?
Condoms don’t break often, but if one did you don’t want to have to go through an abortion if it can be avoided. If hormonal birth control doesn’t work for you, you should consider an IUD, diaphragm or Plan B as a safety net.
What types of diseases are most common and what should I be on the lookout for?
STIs are not common in the client base to which you will be catering, but that’s partly because escorts are so careful about protection and watching for signs. There are websites which show graphic pictures of STD symptoms, but I honestly don’t think you need to look at them; any kind of open sore or lesion in a man’s genital area is a red flag, as are unusual odors (not just a normal man-smell) or discharge. Venereal warts usually look like regular warts, but can sometimes look like nothing more than pimples, so I would advise getting the Gardasil shots if you haven’t already (just to be safe). You don’t need to be obvious about checking; as part of foreplay just take a good look at his genital area, and if you see anything out of the ordinary don’t be shy about asking, “What is this?” Men do sometimes have moles or skin tags even on the penis itself, but if it really is something like that he’s been asked by other girls before and will answer nonchalantly. If he’s nervous and/or claims not to know what it is, you’ve probably got some kind of symptom on your hands and should NOT proceed, even with a condom; refund everything but your cancellation fee and advise him to see a doctor immediately.
What about kissing?
Kissing has become much more common in the past few years; it can’t be entirely avoided if you want to provide a GFE, which from what I know of your personality seems to be the style that would best suit you. You won’t mind kissing some clients, and a very few are actually very good kissers; for the rest, one can usually lead most men into the style of kissing one prefers by example, and if a client is just a horrible, sloppy, invasive, tongue-y kisser who won’t be denied just move on to something else, like oral sex.
What were your best methods for figuring out what a client wanted?
Ask; it’s the only dependable way to know for certain. Generally clients who want a specific thing will ask for it themselves; otherwise, just do what you would do for a boyfriend if you were in a generous mood and wanted to move him inexorably toward orgasm in the shortest possible time without looking as though you were in a hurry. Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it very quickly, and if you think you’re revealing your inexperience just tell the truth, “I’m pretty new at this”; most men consider that a turn-on.
Are scars a bad thing?
I have several prominent scars on my left forearm, another on my left elbow, a long, thin one on my left knee and innumerable small ones in a number of other places, and I’ve literally never had a complaint; most clients don’t even notice unless they’re doctors, and even then they’ll only ask about it in small talk. I suspect only large abdominal scars (such as from major surgery) would be an issue for most men.
Experience is the teacher of all things. – Julius Caesar, The Civil War
As I pointed out in last Friday’s column, one advantage of properly-run brothels is that they allow women to group together for support and defense; they also allow experienced girls to give advice to younger ones. Good escort services also facilitate this; for all of Pam’s bad traits, I must give her credit for allowing and encouraging girls to talk and learn from one another, and I was always happy to provide advice to new girls (my typical interview was over an hour long and I always tried to make time for questions and problems, especially from girls under 25). The internet has allowed a much larger fraction of whores to be independent, and while that’s good because it allows them to keep more of their money and to avoid exploitative agents (such as unethical service or brothel owners), it also promotes isolation and makes it harder for a neophyte hooker to obtain guidance from her elders. Some escort message boards such as ECCIE have “provider only” sections where women can share their experiences and post questions for others to answer, and some escorts are fortunate enough to have friends in the business they can rely on; however, those who are not yet in the business can’t access those private board areas, and may not have (or know of) any friends who have done the work. So as you might expect, it’s not unusual for me to get emails from readers who are contemplating a career in harlotry and want advice.
Now, my first advice to any woman considering this is: read a few dozen of my columns; understand that hooking is not “easy money” no matter what the “whores are lazy” crowd may think; recognize that sex work has its good points and bad points like any other kind of work; and keep in mind that it’s not for everybody. But if you really feel like it might be the job for you and you’d like my advice on some point, please feel free to email me and I’ll answer you as quickly as I can, usually the same day. Here are a couple of recent examples which may help others thinking about it; you might also comb the Q & A category to see if anything else catches your attention.
The past few months I’ve been considering becoming a whore, but I’m a pretty shy person and not very confident, so I don’t know if this is for me. Is it possible for someone like me to enjoy this type of work and be good at it? In your experience are most clients easy to please? I really worry about not being that good and letting someone down.
It’s possible for a shy woman to be good at sex work, providing she isn’t so shy she can’t face strange men naked; some people find their shyness evaporates when operating from a different brain region, just like many stutterers don’t stutter when they sing. Have you had any experience with stranger sex before? If you have, and had no problem with it, doing the same thing for pay isn’t a whole lot different; you may even find that it builds up your confidence. Most clients aren’t at all hard to please, though of course there are exceptions. My greatest concern is your inexperience; I think it might be a good idea for you to start with an agency if possible rather than going it alone. This will give you the opportunity to learn from more experienced girls and to have backup, and if you do like it you can go independent later.
I was wondering did you ever have a client who physically repulsed you? What did you do then? Because I am considering “harlotry”: we are poor but I have quite grand aspirations and need money for them to be realized. The fact that I might find a client disgusting is my only apprehension, so could you put this to rest?
I had many clients who physically repulsed me; it goes with the territory (one of the strongest examples is detailed in “No Other Option”). However, you’d be surprised how little it matters after a while; the job itself becomes one’s focus rather than the client, and his looks cease to matter. The one thing most whores find it hardest to overcome is a repulsion to bad smell, since our reactions to such tend to be more visceral; fortunately, it’s extremely rare that a man meets an escort without bathing first, which reduces the number of such cases to a minimum.
You said “we” are poor so I’m guessing you’re married or in a relationship; if so, I warn you to consider very carefully before going into escorting. While some men react very well, others become much more jealous than they thought they would be, and still others get “pimpish”, trying to take control of your money (or just spending it wildly) and becoming lazy themselves. So you really need to watch carefully for signs of either extreme, even if you think your man “isn’t like that” (jealousy and money do strange things). Also, please consider working for a service at first, or at least joining an escort board where you can learn from more experienced girls and ask them for advice.
There are two more bits of advice I’d like to offer both of you ladies, and any other aspiring whores reading this: First, don’t ever go into a call without somebody dependable knowing where you are; it’s best if you check in with that person as soon as you’re paid, because as I explained in “What the Hell Were You Thinking?”:
Not only does a callout give one an excuse to escape from a situation which has become uncomfortable or potentially dangerous, it also sends a clear message to the man: People know where I am and how long I’m supposed to be here. Most of you have probably heard the saying “Locks don’t stop a thief, they just keep honest men honest”; this is the same thing. It’s difficult to stop someone who intends to commit a crime with malice aforethought; what basic protective measures do is to deter opportunistic crimes. Locks prevent morally weak people from being tempted to easy thefts, and the knowledge that others know a woman is with him might stop a man with poor impulse control from succumbing to the desire to rape her. It’s not foolproof, but it does work; I can remember a number of cases in which a “creepy” client’s demeanor changed when I checked in, or when a man who was slipping out of my control was shocked back into civilized behavior by the ringing phone signaling his time was up.
Second, you might consider investing in Amanda Brooks’ Internet Escorts’ Handbooks; Amanda knows her stuff and I’ve heard very good things about these volumes.
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If by “shy” you mean “painfully introverted” or “extremely modest”, sex work is definitely not for you. Though a whore needn’t necessarily be gregarious (and in fact many are somewhat introverted), she needs to at least be able to meet and smoothly interact with new people in order to carry out the basic activities of her trade. Likewise, she need not be so comfortable with nudity that she can flash crowds on Bourbon Street in broad daylight, but she can’t be so averse to it that she’s paralyzed by the prospect of getting undressed in front of strange men. If, on the other hand, you simply mean the shyness that comes of inexperience and uncertainty, my previous column “Inexperience” may provide an answer.
