When a regular reader in Amsterdam mentioned that his regular escort was a Nigerian immigrant, I asked him to ask her if she would be interested in telling her story. The “trafficking” narrative represents such women as passive victims, so I thought it would be very enlightening to hear her point of view in her own words. She was at first slightly reluctant because she isn’t used to writing, but I think she did such a marvelous job that I did as little editing as possible. I’ve allowed her two full days because her story is not only interesting, but important.
I’m Onioja, a Nigerian migrant. I have serious ambitions to build a good life for myself and for my kids in this wealthy white world. That’s the whole reason why I left my country, fourteen years ago, all by myself. For the first seven years I worked as a housekeeper, hotel maid, babysitter, janitor, dishwasher, kitchen prepper, model, dancer, receptionist, or other odd jobs, and in all that time I was never asked for my story; now I’ve been a top tier escort for almost seven years (at least ten times longer than any other job I’ve had), and I get this request. Why? Not because I’m a successful sex worker, I think, but because doing sex work has made me a successful migrant.
For my first three years in Europe I roved from country to country and city to city, like a lonely animal looking for the best place to build her nest and have babies. I began in Paris and saw cities like Dublin, London, Milan, Berlin, Copenhagen, and others before settling in Amsterdam when I was done with traveling and searching. For the next four years I worked sweat and blood in the same jobs, but now locked inside the same one square kilometer; it made me more miserable and depressed, but I couldn’t afford the traveling to move on. I was just barely surviving, making tiny steps forward, one toe before the other. Like most migrants I felt marginalized and stigmatized, unwelcome and exploited, only useful because we are good at cleaning up after others. I didn’t just feel like a servant, but like a machine switched on and off for one mindless activity after the other. I was a prisoner between other prisoners, black migrants like me, ordered around by mostly white managers and supervisors, with rarely a thank you. Economically and socially, we aren’t much better off than back home; we may live in a wealthy country, but always in a sort of hopeless, energy-draining servitude that won’t allow us to integrate and move upward.
The reality is that a new life in a new country doesn’t start at point zero but somewhere around minus one hundred; unless you’re college educated or well trained and certified in a certain profession, it’s practically impossible to find anything better than menial labor. You don’t know the language or how to get around, and to get any job you depend on people from your own country who’ve lived there long enough that they do, and expect to be paid for their help. But when I looked at these know-it-alls, I wondered why they themselves didn’t have what I consider a good life. Why, after living here for years, didn’t they have a single native friend? Why didn’t they speak the language well? Why didn’t they live in white neighborhoods among white people? Why did I see the same poverty and tribal hierarchies I had left behind transferred to a wealthy country? I soon understood that those guys couldn’t help me, and that staying with my own people in their ghetto would effectively kill my ambitions; so, I said goodbye and made myself untraceable. I cautiously plotted my future, taking great care not to make one wrong step; I found myself jobs and gigs, worked myself into the legal system, got all the papers I could get, began paying taxes so that I was entitled to social benefits, and began learning the language in a program for migrants. After one year I passed the exam as the best of the group and was rewarded with the full restitution of my tuition. But the whole process was grueling, and for seven hellish years it looked as if I would never get another opportunity to be myself; I slowly lost my optimism and energy, and my willpower was slowly eaten up. To force my luck, rescue my spirit and boost my resilience so that I wouldn’t give up, I decided to have a child and be a single mother. I didn’t want to marry and become a man’s possession, which would make things worse, but somehow I found a man who was willing to secretly father my children and then back away. And finally, six months after my first child was born, the Lord came to my rescue.
I’d known the owner of my temp agency for about two years, and he was hot for me; this had been my good fortune because it got me to the top of his menial-labor girls. He missed no opportunity to call me in for things we could have arranged over the phone, and I always went because I depended on his favor. I always played with the sexual tension; over the years I learned all sorts of tricks to get work from guys and keep it, but I never surrendered my one big advantage. Guys wanting to get into my panties never offered me cash but promised me paradise. Sure! Their paradise would make me even more dependent and miserable. So I never surrendered, not because I was a good girl but because I was a shrewd bitch who beat them at their own games. Well, one day when we were arranging my next gig, chatting and flirting as usual, he asked me out for dinner, telling me his wife was out of town (in other words, he wanted to sleep with me). I declined in a way that wouldn’t offend him or hurt his feelings, but then out of the blue, he said he was willing to pay me! Pay me for what? For taking me out to dinner? A voice told me to think it over, so I said I would let him know within twenty-four hours.
That night I couldn’t make a decision, but early next morning he reached me at the prep station in my restaurant; he was eager and said he hoped for a yes from me. I heard myself say, “You’re saying that it’s up to me?” I believe that the good Lord inspired me to say this; it was His sign that He had turned the tables. He flashed my future as a sex worker before my eyes, and it was a good future. Right then and there I realized I had become an independent free woman, and I also saw why: sex made guys dependent on me. They may control the world, but sex is their Achilles heel; if I played it right, sex work would give me control of my life. The restaurant prepper who now talked to the agency owner was a different woman; she didn’t know yet how it would work, but she knew exactly what to say. I took him to the restroom to talk discreetly, and asked him point blank, “Were you planning on paying to have sex with me?” After two seconds of silence he said yes, and I said, “Okay,” very casually as if it was routine. I knew I was now on top of the guy on who my life depended, no longer the other way around. We discussed his wishes and the services I provide; I dictated my rate and further conditions such as no smoking and for me no alcohol, and he accepted. I said I would meet him at the restaurant of his choice. God knows where this all came from. The following evening when it was all over, he was happy with my services and I was in a kind of shock: three hours of work under my control had earned me as much as almost two weeks of humiliating servitude. Sex work would be the God-given way out of being exploited and pimped, and into a life of freedom and dignity.
Now, I’ve heard stories, facts and rumors about pimps but have no first-hand experience because in sex work I never dealt with one and never will. I know pimping is illegal here, but isn’t the migrant labor I suffered a legal form of pimping? Don’t legal businesses make the same big profits as illegal pimps by having us work minimum wage under humiliating circumstances? What’s the difference here? Did I have a real choice to refuse a job? No. It is human exploitation and labor abuse at its worst, but socially permissible because local business depends on it; only in the sex industry it’s criminal because sex work is said to be “dirty”. But sex work can be a God-sent gift; as a sex worker I have dignity and command respect, not because I am a good sex worker but a good human being. Also, going through the long, slow process of learning the business by trial and error, inch by inch, has done more for my independence and integration than the work itself. It took a year and a half until my sex career was so solid that I could give up menial labor altogether; I cut back on it gradually and my agency owner really helped me, not only by being my first client (who was loyal for years afterward), but also by handing me jobs I could combine with being a mother and sex work.
Sex work has also allowed me to express my true personality. Back home I used to pretend to be shy and modest; I was afraid to draw attention. But that’s not me at all! I have a very big ego, maybe too big, and the clients I love being with most are powerful men with big egos, because I love being challenged as much as I love challenging them. It makes the game so much more satisfying and fun, and has made my mind more intelligent. Every day I am grateful to God that He guided me to this work and brings me the kind of clients I need to be more and more part of this culture, which is really my long-term goal. Good, challenging clients help me to develop the qualities that help me become socially more and more independent, in particular independent from doing sex work; though I love doing it, it’s only a stage in my life and I have to look ahead to the time I will eventually have to give it up. I may be a successful migrant but I am still vulnerable, so sex work is only part of my long term vision to integrating in Dutch culture to ensure my future and that of my kids.
In tomorrow’s conclusion, Onioja talks about some of the specific difficulties she faced, how she overcame them and her hopes for the future.
Thank you so much Oinoja for writing this and to Maggie for hosting it. A wonderful account so many of us will I think recognise. Sex work gives us a control and income minimum wage slave labour never will.
I almost cried with gratitude when I saw this.
Where else would someone like Onioja have been able to tell her story so free of manipulation and appropriation.
You’re a treasure Maggie.
The way her God led her to the job was brilliant. I can’t wait to show this to some conservative believers I know.
I don’t know if Onioja is in a position to answer questions but I have a few.
Was your experience of racism different in different European countries?
Would you recommend one over another for African immigrants?
Why did you have to make yourself untraceable when you abandoned the Nigerian ex-pat community?
Do you now see yourself as permanently settled in the Netherlands?
Do you have contact with other sex workers and have you considered the pros (no pun intended) and cons of going into partnership?
Thank you so much for your frankness and for going to the trouble of sharing your experiences with those who could not have imagined them.
This is Onioja at my client’s computer. I have not computerized myself so I couldn’t see the replies until now. Thank you all so much. I feel flattered.
(1)Racism? One anecdote: through references I was about to be hired as a full-time housekeeper by a rather wealthy Dutch family in their show-off villa. Both parents worked; they had two children. They entertained once or twice a week and my duties would include things like polishing silverware, handling the china and crystal, ironing napery, setting the table, and so on. Minimum wage of course. I saw risks in handling all that precious stuff. The lady was a snobbish woman with that over-the-top kind of hair style and make-up. During our negotiations she treated me already like I was some backward creature, not to be trusted. She treated me like she was doing me, poor girl, a favor. I saw the problems coming so I requested a written agreement that would describe my and her rights. A kind of life insurance. She was aghast and said, “Can you read and write?” I could have used the job but I didn’t even answer her and left.
(2) I made myself untraceable to be free from the pressures of the ex-pat community which is macho-ruled, possessive and jealous. I’m an independent bitch and don’t want to waste myself on macho bullshit.
(3) Yes, I’m settled here permanently, also because of my kids. As they grow up they will need me as a mother in a different way. I will do this work for one more year. I’m already preparing my next stage so that I have a different energy and more time for them, and keep the same level of income.
(4) Right now I have good contact with three other escorts mostly for professional reasons, like working trios or substituting (yes!). They are all married and have a private life like I do. Off and on we do get together for fun, and we know our families. Otherwise I stay away from the sex workers community because of my personal interests. For me sex work is work that I like very much because it’s so endlessly rich and varied. I wouldn’t do it with such pleasure if it were just sex. I’m sure I’ll miss it sorely but I look forward to be with my kids and help them getting ready for their life.
Thank you for the detailed reply.
A very dear Egyptian-Australian friend migrated to the Netherlands about eight years ago and she was shocked by the level of racism she has encountered there. Probably in part that was due to her own racist stereotyping. The accepted wisdom around here is that Australians are far more racist than the Dutch.
She also has to deal with a lot of Islamophobia, which is particularly annoying to her as she is an atheist.
I’m tempted to say “good luck with that”, but for some reason I don’t think your achievements have much to do with luck.
“[men] may control the world, but sex is their Achilles heel.”
What an interesting, insightful comment.
Onioja, thank you for your inspiring and liberating story. I wish you all the greatest success in life.
I can just see thousands of trafficking-hysteria peddlers fainting upon reading that comment. 😛
“Heaven helps those who help themselves”, isn’t that how the saying goes?
Oddly enough, I am not surprised by all the talk of the Lord, as I also know a fairly religious escort. The interesting thing is tons of people work in unChristian businesses (usury, for example) and yet continue to claim to be right with the Lord. For some reason, it’s sex, sex, sex that the Lord is supposed to have the big problem with.
Not that it matters to me (I doubt very much I’ll ever be “right with the Lord”) but it is interesting that people who work on Saturday and Sunday (one of those has got to be the Sabbath) still seem to feel superior to sex workers.
(Oh, also, I recently got one of those Nigerian Emails claiming a relative of mine had been poisoned in Africa, leaving me a vast fortune. The language was very similar with a lot of talk of the Lord. So, after I receive my vast wealth, I may be too busy jet setting around to post here for a while 🙂 )
Don’t look at the contradictions… it’s the same sort of hypocrisy as in the song about virginity pledges and anal sex.
I will only speak as a Christian layman of the Catholic denomination who is obviously not a member of the clergy concerning Christian of the Catholic denomination morals regarding sex. In my faith, there is nothing wrong with having sex, but it must be done under one condition. The one condition is that one must be married and then it is regarded as intrinsically good to have as much sex as you want only with your spouse.
True, but the Catholic church also historically condemned usury to the point that only non-Christians in Catholic countries were allowed to do it. I guess that’s been changed, but that can only have been because of political expediency. It’s obviously not less sinful now then it was during the Renaissance (which I pick particularly because of The Merchant of Venice). (I’m not even going to get into such things as the Friday meat prohibition, because that again has been changed.)
Of course if you read another of Shakespeare’s plays Measure for Measure you will read the line, referring to fornication, “Sure, it is no sin, Or of the deadly seven, it is the least.” Given the behavior of Renaissance popes, I feel this was a common view at the time.
My view is the Church toughened up on things like sex, and loosened up on things like keeping the Sabbath and usury. Which makes me wonder why folks continue to follow them, but then I’m no Catholic.
Word!
Of course, any Church that takes an alternative view of sex gets called a cult…
The Catholic Church like any other institution or religion or people changes to some degree with the times. To some degree it doesn’t change either. You are right that it has toughened up on some things and loosened up on others. However, the Catholic Church is tougher to move than many other religions, institutions and people which is one reason many stay. Doctors of the Catholic Church named St. Augustine of Hippo and St. Thomas Aquinas views on prostitution are excellent to use against prostitution prohibitionists especially if they are religious or better yet pious Christians. Essentially they said it was a sin, but civil government should allow it otherwise lust will overthrow society. If you look around you and can analyze what is happening now in the USA(Prostitution Prohibition Heaven) then you will see this is true.
“The one condition is that one must be married and then it is regarded as intrinsically good to have as much sex as you want only with your spouse.”
Isn’t Catholic sex all about procreation? There’s nothing about fun or enjoyment. And, in the good old times, there were lots of days when it was forbidden.
“But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” — 1 Corinthians 7:9
Not a ringing endorsement…
LOL! True, but the Catholic Church knows that most people could not and should not practice celibacy. The reason why the Catholic Church regards celibacy to be best is because one’s loyalties are less likely to be divided between God and another person. Most Buddist clergy just like most Catholic clergy practice celibacy. I gave you one of the reasons why most Catholic clergy practice celibacy, but I’m not sure why Buddist clergy do it, but I suspect for similar reasons so as they could work on improving their spirituality.
The Sangha (community of Buddhist monks) practice celibacy in accordance with the Vinaya (instructions for monks, third book of the Tripitaka) because they are considered renunciates who have turned their back on the world and its sensual pleasures in order to focus on escaping samsara (the cycle of life and death).
Before becoming a renunciate, Gautama Buddha married and fathered a child, who he named Rahula (‘fetters’, as his affection and responsibility thereby bound him to secular life and prevented him from seeking Nirvana).
Eventually both Rahula and Yasodhara (his wife) joined him as renunciates.
The Catholic priesthood was not initially celibate and St Paul condemned celibacy as a sign of false religion.
The Council of Nicea (325 AD) stipulated that ordained priests could not marry but did not ban already married men from becoming priests.
Although there were several promulgations against priestly marriage and for celibacy in subsequent centuries, it wasn’t until the 11th Century when dynasties of hereditary priests began threatening secular and papal authority that the Church began (patchily) enforcing bachelorhood. Near the end of the century the then Pope decreed that the wives of priests must be sold into slavery and their children abandoned.
By the sixteenth century it was estimated that over half of Catholic priests were married but the practice of hereditary priesthood and inheritance had ceased.
Of course today there are many Catholic priests who pretty openly keep de facto wives and mistresses and I think its probably safe to say that has always been the case.
Catholic Monks and Nuns are also renunciates, but giving up sex is not all of it.
Of course Buddhist bhikkhus (monks) and bhikkhunis (nuns) also renounce far more than just sex. They’re not allowed to eat elephants or hyenas for example (not kidding), though contrary to popular belief they can eat meat and are in fact obliged to if it is put in their begging bowl.
I think Augustine was the first Catholic theologian to claim that celibacy is a virtue. I love the Augustinian prayer (“Oh, Master, make me chaste and celibate – but not yet!”).
Although I’m a skeptical agnostic who rejects the notion of the Abrahamic god I have a real soft spot for saints like Augustine and Iggy of Loyola.
My personal renunciate saint is Iggy of Ann Arbor (“No Fun”).
Thanks for the information especially concerning Buddism. Could you mention the books, chapters and verses where St. Paul condemned Celibacy as a sign of false religion. This seems to conflict with what St. Paul stated in 1 Corrinthians Chapter 7. He wanted people to be celibate like himself, St. Paul, if they could so that they would only worry what God wants rather than what the world and by extension a spouse wants which he thought divided loyalties. Please read this if you have access to the Bible.
I may be wrong about Paul and can’t cite chapter and verse.
However it is a statement that appears often in Catholic publications.
(e.g. http://www.catholic.com/magazine/articles/why-a-celibate-priesthood )
It’s in the New Testament book of 1st Timothy, chapter 4 verses 1-5: The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2 Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4 For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5 because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
1 Corinthians – Chapter 7.
Everyone with internet has access to all the holy (and unholy) books these days.
I’ve got a family Bible that has been handed down for six generations but its so delicate I hate to use it. That’s kinda odd because I know that there have been no Christians in my direct maternal line for at least three generations. My pantheist grandfather wrote some pretty funny commentary in the margins.
After doing a bit of Bible study, I reckon the relevant passages are the following.
1 Timothy Chapter 3, Verse 2.
1 Timothy Chapter 4, Verses 1 to 5
Funny guy Paul. My favourite apostle.
Funny book the Bible. Not my favourite holy book. I prefer the Chuang Tzu (Zhuangzi).
IANAC but if I recall there is a difference between a vow of celibacy (being unmarried) and one of chastity (abstaining from sex). The dictionary says that there is no longer a functional difference between them, but I believe that the celibacy was to prevent anyone except the church from inheriting a priest/monk’s earthly estates.
I can’t remember where I read that. Sorry for throwing unsupported arguments out there. If I find a citation I will include it.
It’s about procreation and forming a more perfect (bonding) union between the married couple which needs to be a man and a woman. The Catholic Church does recognize that it is physically and emotionally enjoyable to have sex, but that procreation and forming a more perfect union take precedence and is the true and primary reason for sex. If people didn’t feel intense pleasure during sexual intercourse, they may never procreate, and procreation and intense pleasure having sex are intrinsically linked according to Catholic teaching.
This is Onioja at my client’s computer:
About three quarters of my clients have been bachelors. What about their sexual health in our Christian doctrine? I would love to work with priests, lol. They might be heavy duty but a fun challenge. Mmmmmm!
If you read all the bible, prostitutes actually play a pretty big part in a lot of the stories. I don’t think they are talked about anywhere near as bad as modern society tries to portray them. Jesus didn’t seem to have a problem with it anywhere near as much as some of the modern prudes.
Sorry to reply to my own comment but there is no “edit” option.
I think her agency owner displayed a lot more of the characteristics of Jesus than modern preachers.
This is Onioja at my client’s computer:
Wow! You guys get really turned on by religion! I know church songs in my language. If we ever meet remind me to sing them for you while I do my Nigerian booty and lap dance. It will turn you on and the good God will love it, too. No blasphemy.
I’m not fluent in any language except English, though I have learned several Japanese songs. But I love languages and would enjoy hearing you sing in your native language.
What language is that? A quick look at Wikipedia tells me that the official language of Nigeria is English, but that many people also speak Hausa, Igbo, or Yoruba. I’m not familiar with any of those languages, so I’d even more love to hear them. In fact, I’m going to go to YouTube and find some music in each.
This is the kind of the story that really needs to be published to counter the trafficking myths. Her testimony here is very similar to the stories I get from the hookers I’ve been with from Romania, Moldavia, Croatia, Russia, Czech Republic, etc …
It WAS hard to read for me though. Really? Pay taxes so that one is immediately eligible to draw social benefits? Benefits that many taxpayers may never draw in spite of having put more “skin” into the game (more taxes paid)?
Really? Force one’s luck by deliberately becoming a single mother? That’s a pretty casual attitude toward children – for whom upbringing is so critical. And – of course, this was also probably accomplished with the help of the state. I’ve heard of Cortez scuttling his ships in order to force his men to give up ideas of returning to their homeland and make things work in Mexico (which isn’t a completely true story) – but really, having kids to effect the same?
Hate to be a judgmental “hater” – but these are the things that ran through my mind while reading this.
Another thing that bothered me is her descriptions of how white people – in a supposedly “liberal” country viewed and treated black immigrants. But this is spot-on with what I’ve always believed about liberals. They talk the talk – but never walk it. The reason is, they are blatantly racist at the core.
AND – their attitude toward menial labor sucks also – as if it’s beneath them. Let me tell you something – it’s fine to have a maid – but if you start believing that hard, manual labor is beneath you – you took a wrong turn on the human character development highway and need to reassess your goddam situation.
Don’t get too upset by my comments on her personal choices. To a VERY LARGE extent her decisions were a reaction to the policies of SOCIALIST Western Democracies. She’s the player – but THEY are the game. I don’t hate the player in this case – but I DO hate the game.
My god, I am in complete agreement with Krulac about something!
I’d better head off to my socialised GP and get myself thoroughly checked out. At taxpayer’s expense of course.
LOL. Cheeky. 😛
I was thinking about how to say something similar to what you wrote, but I don’t need to do so. THANKYOU!!!!!!!!!! It’s similar to what I would say. I would only like to add that I don’t know what Nigeria is like. It may be harder on women than the WEST. The West is a female utopia and a male dystopia is all I have to say. No man controls you ladies in marriage in the WEST. You ladies control the men in the West especially if the man is dumb enough or unlucky enough to marry you or impregnate you.
You can inform him if you are pregnant or not. You can charge him for child support even though he never wanted children. He can not stop you from having an abortion nor can he force you to abort. You can call the apparatus of the state upon him and make false allegations of abuse or sexual assault with little chance you will be arrested or harmed for this. If he calls the police on you women for doing the same it is more likely to be scoffed at and regarded as a joke. Over 90% of the children are awarded to the mother with the father being forced to pay child support and if he doesn’t he can be jailed, lose his licenses to drive or practice his profession even though this will make him less able to pay. Most men don’t pay child support because they are FINANCIALLY UNABLE and the courts often don’t care. About 66% of the divorces are started by women in the USA. No Fault divorce laws since the 1960s ensure you women can destroy men legally, financially and socially on a whim without reasonable justification. Divorce rates in the USA are now at 50% and would be higher except for people shacking up and breaking up are not included in the divorce rates. The divorce rate was 1% in the USA before the 1860s, when men were awarded the children in most divorces back then and it was men who initiated divorce. The divorce rate was 10% by 1900 after the changes in the 1860s occurred and remember it more or less stayed this way because there was no such thing as no fault divorce until the 1960s. A similar situation unraveled even faster in South Korea from 1990 to 2000. Before 1990, men usually got the children and the house while the wife left if he wanted it that way and the divorce rate was 1% and once women could get the house and kids plus child support the divorce rate in South Korea went up to 45%, and I’m not even sure if they have no fault divorce or not. Another thing is that virtually no heterosexual man will be offered provision and protection in exchange for sex in his life no matter how desperately he needs provision and protection while most heterosexual women will be offered provision and protection for sex at some point in their live if they want it. Think of marriage and prostitution.
How do you think I as a White man would be treated in Nigeria? Look to Zimbabwe and South Africa for answers. Genocide against Whites and minority black tribes is already happening in Zimbabwe and it threatens to happen in South Africa. They love sing “Kill the Boer(Whites origionally from Holland)” in both nations from I hear. So much for these same Boers offering the Blacks the right to vote and political liberation. That’s gratitude for you. If you think Whites are so mean, go back to Nigeria or Africa where you belong and let a Boer replace you as it was their original homeland in Holland and Europe anyway. You are treated with much more kindness than you deserve lady. In all of these countries, Black against White crime such as murder, rape, battery etc. than the opposite. I’m sorry you were exploited and lied to, but even you aknowledge that for however bad Europe was at least it was a little better than Africa even when you were doing menial jobs other than whoring. My ancestors from Poland and Ireland were crapped on just as bad and worse when they came to the USA and never blamed WASPs or Jews like you blame Whites for what happened and were more grateful to get out of their former countries. I often got crapped on in the military and watched others get it worse. The same happened when I was an English teacher in Korea to me a White and other foreign workers of any race in South Korea from non-White Koreans. I made my way in both places without complaining about those over me on the internet. I often complained verbally in as much privacy to friends in order to vent. However, both the American military and teaching English in South Korea gave me a better life than I would have otherwise had so I am more grateful than anything else for the opportunities provided. Keep in mind that I’m a veteran of the Iraq and Afghanistan WARS too. Krulac is a veteran of the Iraq War as he retired from the American Navy as I left without retiring from the American Army when my contract finished. Go ahead. Flame away and call me a racist. I see more racism in people who would call me racist than me and anyone with a lick of sense would too. It is not acceptable to me to be racist to anyone including Whites even though many think it’s great to be racist towards Whites. All too often the people who cry racism the most are the most racist bastards on Earth. Too often they are not conscious of it. I’m sorry you were lied to and exploited, but even you acknowledge that you were better off doing menial degrading jobs in Europe than being stuck in Africa, lady.
I forgot to put in that the divorce rates rose from 1% in the 1860s to 10% in 1900 in the USA after women got the children and house most of the time from the 1860s onward instead of men who got the house and children prior to the 1860s and this was during fault divorce not the no fault divorce which came on the scene in the 1960s. Victorian attitudes not only screwed up by imposing prostitution prohibition but eventually led to disastrous divorce laws in the 1860s which were made many times worse in the 1960s. The advent of neo-feminastyism in the 20th century added to the miseies of whores, johns and married men as well as children of divorce and increased out of wedlock pregnancy as well as “NICE GUYS” to a lesser extent. Actually children suffer more than anyone from this idiocy which we allow to rule us, and men and women whores have less to complain about while women except for whores have the least to complain about.
And that’s a bad thing?
The idea of being trapped with an unloved and possibly abusive partner through your children or lack of financial independence and housing options strikes me as nightmarish. Given the attitudes about the ‘head of the household’ back then, 10% seems a conservative estimate of the number of abusive marriages.
I don’t believe that women are intrinsically less likely to consider the welfare of their children than men. And I bet a lot of those divorces didn’t involve children at all.
In the 1970s Australia introduced no fault divorce.
Divorce rates went up.
Reported domestic violence rates went down (after years of steady increase).
I’m a child of one of the homes that were broken as a result. I stayed with my father and did it pretty tough until I was old enough to support myself (Dad was already bankrupt before the settlement). For years I hated my mother and I still hold her primarily responsible for the failure of the marriage. Physical violence wasn’t an issue. But I still think we were all better off than if she had stayed. They hated each other and us kids knew it.
The statistics have shown that children of divorce or out of wedlock are more likely to be on welfare, to be in prison, to be alcoholics etc. than those with 2 parents. I can see that women before the 1860s had a harder time of it in marriage than the men on average. However men have worse time of it today and children have it worse today inside marriage and more so divorce.
The statistics for children born out of wedlock who have never been exposed to a father’s influence are horrifying. I believe that children raised by Widows and those who are raised in divorced households fare far better. However – most studies include widows and divorcees in their single parent numbers – which hides how horrific the numbers are for out of wedlock births. Ann Coulter broke these numbers out though in one of her books.
As Krulac points out, there are lies, damned lies and statistics
(and Ann Coulter takes lying to the next level – then decorates it with a whole lot of dumb).
If you compare us broken home kids with the general population of mostly two parent children things look pretty bad for us.
But if you compare us with the children of abusive families who don’t break up, things look a whole lot better.
Except we aren’t comparing you to abusive families because MOST families aren’t abusive. I know there’s a lot of “wish casting” out there that somehow single moms do better than two person families but I assure you it’s not the case. Children born out of wedlock start the game FAR BEHIND their peers in two parent households and that fact is not debated by a single legitimate study that has looked at the issue,
Also not a fan of coulter but her numbers on this are correct.
I probably should have said ‘dysfunctional’ as ‘abusive’ implies a lot more deliberate maliciousness than I had intended.
But the point I’m making is that you should be comparing broken families to dysfunctional unbroken ones if you want a good measure of the effect divorce has on kids.
Happy families don’t generally break up, so to compare them with the broken ones is comparing apples and oranges.
You argue chicken. We argue eggs. What really came first? No one knows even though it is safe to say everyone has anuses just like opinions. However, there should be no children born out of wedlock. The divorcing parents should not have had children either. I acknowledge their rights to have children. Here’s the thing. Just because you have a right to do something doesn’t imply you should do it. I also have a right to look upon such parents and call them idiots. I hold no negative ideas against the children of divorce or out of wedlock birth since they did no wrong, but I think their parents are garbage. The only people who should receive any kind of welfare from the government are widows or widowers who have children or orphans. The rest should be told to figure it out for themselves or starve. It’s a shame that the children have to suffer, but in order to retain human liberty, respect for the tax payer who should never be an idiot’s slave forced to pay tribute, and keep the idiocy of children of divorce and children born out of wedlock to a smaller percentage of the population instead of the rising percentage with all it’s ill effects on society, there is no other way.
Happy to oblige.
You’re a racist.
Which is a shame because you seem pretty thoughtful in many ways.
Just another guy trying to make sense of the world, not all that different to me (except that I’m black, which is not so different as you may believe).
Do you think it has anything to do with how your Polish & Irish forbears were treated? A lot of the worst racists in Australia today are the children of south European immigrants who suffered racism themselves. Multigenerational abuse can be a hard thing to overcome.
I hope you can find a way out some day.
You might find that the majority of people in the world (i.e. non-whites) aren’t so bad after all.
Then the world will seem a much nicer place.
You’ve been well trained by our ruling elite to say that to any White man who has a realistic view and a spine rather than a propaganda view, haven’t you?
I wouldn’t reject the notion that I’ve been conditioned.
I look around myself and see so many other people who have been but can’t see it, so I’d be an idiot to rule out the same thing in myself.
But I don’t think that’s why I called you a racist.
I called you a racist because you generalise about other people (such as Onioja) according to their race in a way that you would never generalise about yourself. That’s pretty much the definition of racism.
Even romantic minded liberals who make what they believe are positive generalisations by race are racists. And as Krulac recently hinted, those positive generalisations often hide something a lot nastier.
In spite of my colour, ‘racist’ ain’t such a bad word to me.
My own father was one, so I had to come to terms with my feelings about it from a pretty early age.
When it came to the crunch, I chose my racist white father over my non-racist Aboriginal mother.
As you might imagine, where you put your dick doesn’t have much bearing on whether you’re a racist in my book. There’s a lot of mixed race descendants of white slavers who would agree, I think.
Is there really anyone who believes that non-whites can’t be just as racist and vicious as whites?
If there is, I’ve got two words for them.
Hutu. Tutsi.
But when it comes to racist genocide, I doubt anyone has been more thorough than the whites who invaded Tasmania.
Some of the Aboriginal members of my family are pretty racist too – though none as bad as my Dad was.
Racism is a disease doclove.
It afflicts a heck of a lot of the human race, maybe more than half.
And it destroys the racist just as surely as it does his victims.
Does your racism come from your anger, or your anger from your racism?
I hope you get better soon.
I couldn’t think of how I generalized about her or if I did, how I made generalizations about her that I wouldn’t do to myself. It would probably be better to say prejuidiced than racist, but I’m not seeing that either. She seems to have more prejuidices than me. I pointed out that despite the flaws of the White part of the world in Europe that it treated her better than her homeland in Africa. She seems to have unwarranted prejuicices about having children in marriage instead of out of wedlock. Do you really think there would be government run welfare for her and her children in Nigeria? Do you really think she would have found anything work related to make her life better in Nigeria? Why was she so naive to believe that as an unskilled worker that her life would be so much better in Holland? No one handed my ancestors welfare as there was little to none to hand out. It was either work or starve, and it was their business to feed their children not the government’s business. If anyone should be collecting welfare, it is a citizen especially if he was born and raised there, not a foreigner; and I’m not fond of citizens receiving welfare either. As a tax paying citizen, I am not fond for paying money to government so it can hand out money to other citizens and I really hate when it hands it out to foreigners. I blame our traitorous ruling elite for that one, not the foreigners as I would do the same as they do and rightfully look upon the citizens as a collective not necessarily each citizen as foolish chumps for allowing this to continue. The truth is if the West was healthy, this would not be allowed to continue, but it is sick so it is. I’m merely pointing out that when I was a foreigner in a country called South Korea that unskilled workers even from Nigeria were treated no better than her. South Korea never hands out welfare to foreigners and it does not pay to educate a foreigners’ non-citizen children as it charges the foreigner to pay the cost to the public school or find a private school to educate their children for example; and, this is how it should be. I and other foreigners payed taxes to make Korean citizens lives better, and we were there to make their lives better and do things they could not or would not do for adequate agreed upon compensation in pay and health care benefits as it should be. Why should foreigners be put ahead of citizens as in the West when sane countries like South Korea or Japan do not do this? Yes we foreigners had all the same rights except for voting but none of the priveleges such as welfare handed out to us nor the duties of military service because there is still a military draft in in South Korea as it should be. If the truth is racist to you, that is not my problem. Truth comes before hurt feelings and it applies to my hurt feelings too. I hope you solve your delusional problems soon.
Hey, here’s a suggestion for you.
If it works for Onioja’s superstition it might help with your racism.
I do not know what race or gender you are, but you seem to be Australian. I’m not more racist than most other people in this world, and I believe myself to be less so. I am a realist most of all. I accept that people can be tribal and asinine and deal with it as best as one can. I’ve been to over a dozen countries. I’ve found that Whites are less racist than non-Whites on average. The main reason for this is the propaganda spewed by our ruling elite through the media, education system, one’s peers enforcing those views etc. I think it’s a good idea to lessen bigotry, but you must understand that the anti-racism thing is really only meant for Whites to follow. It makes no sense to follow a higher standard of rules when the other guy will follow a lower standard of rules unless you enjoy being the willing prey to predators. I’m all for being against bigotry, but everyone must equally follow. Actually, most bigotry has nothing to do with Whites, and if Whites disappeared today then bigotry would persist. You should see what these non-Whites do to each other in their own countries. It can be quite appalling and Whites had nothing to do with it. Another thing you did not know about me is that my penis has seen the inside of more non-White vagina than White vagina, and I think non-White women are more fun to have sex with on average. I see things as they are not the way the propaganda machine run by our ruling elite wants us to see it. I reject most if not all progressive and Marxist ideas. When people are impoverished, they turn on each other and I wish they wouldn’t. They have a tendency to break into their racial/ ethnic groups first and their religious groups second while political or socio-economic groups are last. Don’t forget that I’ve been in 2 wars where this is what happened. Are people always bigoted and nasty? No, but harm or starve them and see what happens.
To be fair, most Western Whites live in a fantasy world where I no longer can because of harsh experiences and neither can most non-Whites especially if they live in a non-Western nation I’ve come across. This will come to and end as severe economic downturns seem to be coming to most Western nations is my prediction. Seriously, most Western Whites should pray for a miracle to not have genocide commited against them because they are the most gullible people on the Earth(not because of any atrocities they or their ancestors commited) probably for the reason that they’ve had it too good for too long because of what their ancestors accomplished. Gullible people of any race/ethnicity, religion or gender not evil people are most likely to be destroyed and to be destroyed more thoroughly.
You called me racist?! Yeah well, well YOU’RE RACIST TOO!! And, and you’re MORE RACIST!!! Yeah, yeah that’s it!
Rubber and Glue. And it’s bullshit.
This is Onioja at my client’s computer:
I agree!
“Force one’s luck by deliberately becoming a single mother? That’s a pretty casual attitude toward children – for whom upbringing is so critical” :
Don’t forget that in the DNA of my culture the role of the father in raising children is almost non-existent. These days fathers playing a role in it is mostly acquired through Christian colonialism. The decision came quite naturally to me but in this culture was not easy to achieve.
Onioja here:
And if I may add something to the discussion about kids, single parenting, domestic violence, et cetera: has there ever been one single standard for measuring what way of growing up is “good” or “bad”. The greatest variable is the unique nature of each kid.
“That’s pretty much the definition of racism.” (Cabrogal)
Onioja here again:
People aren’t born racist. What makes someone a racist along the way?
Oh Onioja, I wish I knew.
My own brother …
Same parents, same upbringing, same experience of the racism of others.
He’s had Aboriginal girlfriends.
Yet he has contempt for Aborigines and will freely admit it.
And he is one.
I do get sick and tired of this particular game of “Rubber and Glue.”
Interesting story. Other than Rachel Moran and former pimp Justine Reilly (who you’ve written about before in ‘False Witness’, the only image of a trafficked sex worker produced in Ireland was of a young Nigerian woman on RTE Primetime’s “Profiting from Prostitution” report in February 2012 which was included in Ruhama’s submission.
We have Ruhama’s supporters (a weird ex-vice cop who is now a hypnotist counsellor with Ruhama and David Lohan some weird engineer from Cork who did an MA and is now an expert on “human trafficking”) continually talking about witch-craft being used to traffick African women. THAT’S the level that passes for informed discussion of African sex work migration over here, and THAT’s why dialogue with women of that experience is important.
They’re bringing them in on broomsticks?!!!
Nah, he must be referring to the well known fact that all female sexuality is witchcraft.
This is his book (it’s actually free on Kindle from now on – a mark of quality no doubt) http://www.amazon.com/kindle-store/dp/B0084ZZFQW
If sex is the Achilles heel of men, what is the Achilles heel of women? Just asking
Bad shoes ;).
Look around the feminized US and the answer should be obvious: security.
Okay, once again I’m curious but at the same time fairly certain your reasoning will not be convincing at all.
But you would care to expand on why you’ve reached the conclusion that America is overly feminized which is why so many civil liberties have been eroded.
This argument is not unfamiliar to me, it’s just that it tends to come from MRA types.
I didn’t say the former was the cause of the latter; I’d say the relationship is correlative, not causative..
And now I’m confused. Your argument as I understood was that a feminized society would adopt feminine traits like the weakness of sacrificing too much to increase security.
But now you’re telling that the two only correlate, so the answer to what is the achilles heel of women is not security because the two are related through a third factor that you didn’t talk about.
So as to avoid more confusion my questions are: Why do you believe that the US is feminized? and How exactly did that lead to things like the War on Drugs and War on Terror?
I initially read Maggie’s comment in the same way you did.
But, on reflection, it seems to me she was not saying that feminised societies cause women to need security or the need women have for security causes feminised societies.
What she was saying was that if you look at US society from the perspective of its ‘femininity’ (probably the wrong word – but I think you get it) it becomes clearer that the need for security is the Achilles heel of women.
Bingo! 🙂
By, “femininity” do you just mean the female population’s voting habits?
That’s probably an example of what I was trying to say (just guessing, I don’t know how US women vote).
But the word I was looking for – if it exists – is more overarching.
It’s the stylised SNAG femininity of US liberals and the intrusive, mother-hen femininity of non-libertarian conservatives.
It’s the way the dictates of petty public morality all sound like they’re coming from an old-maid Sunday school teacher. No swear words on the bus, no streetwalkers on the corner, no fun in public playgrounds.
It’s the way marketers manipulate the US public.
The appeals to allure, security and warm fuzzy time with your family.
The intelligent, serious and concerned young woman in the lab coat telling you to take her pills or use her dishwashing liquid.
That’s what I’m trying to say.
Anyone know a word for it?
Hmm, seems I left someone out.
I’ve failed to be inclusive.
I’d better get in touch with my inner woman and sort it out.
OK. Here goes …
Listen up, all you snivelling Hunter S. Wannabes! If US libertarians aren’t a pack of knicker-wetting girly-girls, how come you can’t even walk down to the corner drugstore without your nine millimetre self-loading penis substitutes?
Oh dear.
Seems my inner woman is a bull dyke with a loudhailer.
I do hope that calmed their rejection terrors.
The poor diddums’.
I believe I understand what exactly you’re trying to say, it just I don’t find the reasoning very convincing.
In my opinion the reason why you’re struggling so much is because you’re trying to stretch the idea of security being women’s Achilles heel to include everything bad.
Conservatives are conservative in that they dislike social change and that has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity.
Things like swearing in public cannot be awkwardly forced into something female exclusive. That’s decorum and social mores which I’m not saying is right just not feminine by any means.
And neither is being concerned about security to the point of excess, Krulac another commentor here, is probably the most security minded person here and is certainly not feminine.
No, no, no.
I’ve said nothing about the relationship between all of these ‘bad’ things and security being an Achilles heel except to cite them as examples of the things I was ineptly tying together with the phrase “‘femininity’ of US society”.
Please try to keep your value judgement out of the way of your understanding.
I could just as easily have listed features you thought were ‘good’ and my point would have been the same.
As far as arguing the toss as to what ‘feminine’ means – that word is so culturebound as to render argument ridiculous. We might as well argue about what ‘love’ or ‘faith’ means.
I was using it in a manner that I thought would fit stereotypes held widely in both our cultures in order to transmit meaning, not perpetuate stereotypes. I was *using* the word – perhaps ineptly – I have no desire to assist you *rehabilitate* it.
Oh, and Krulac is actually a skinny, five foot two faggot with thick glasses and halitosis. That picture on the gravatar isn’t really him.
What’s with the personal attack on Krulac? I just brought him because he keeps going on about him being an alpha.
Your examples of this “femininity of the united states” include both liberals and non-libertarian conservatives. If that doesn’t stretch the concept beyond all meaning, I don’t know what would.
And could you actually bring up some features you think I’d think were “good”?
Are you saying one side of politics has a monopoly on femininity?
Is that why those of a certain (ahem) persuasion get hot over Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Pailin?
So you can argue the toss on what I think is good and how I use the word ‘feminine’ while still ignoring the point you actually asked about?
Not biting.
I don’t mind feeding trolls from time to time but you’ve at least got to work for it.
Attack Krulac?
Me?
No way.
That might blow my chance of more online sex with him.
Do you go for that ‘alpha gorilla’ stuff too?
No, I find the concept of human “Alpha Males” absurd. I just brought it up because I’m trying to figure out why, exactly, it would be easy to see that the need security is the Achilles heel of women. Since, you know, men can be concerned about security too.
And no, I’m not trolling, it’s more that, like you admit, you’re having trouble communicating the concept, but what’s getting though sure sounds like the usual deal when gender roles are brought up in regards to politics.
Where females = weak = tryanny because women get scared of living without powerful men controlling and stuff. But men are all manly and independent and are all about freedom and liberty.
That’s why I’d like to see if you could actually say something nice about this ‘femininity’ concept you’re talking about.
Sigh. Alright.
“Females = nurturing = non-hierarchical co-operative”.
Had your hit of meaningless essentialist nonsense for the day?
The point isn’t what I see as feminine or bad or good its what is promoted as such by those in US society who seek to control and manipulate. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking violent cops with tasers if they’re still being flogged using a little girl with a pink teddy.
I asked for something nice, you gave me something nice. Not bad.
But the point is most definitively about what you see is feminine, because way back when I first started this conversation, I was asking why it was so obvious looking at a feminized society that women have an Achilles heel of security.
And then you brought up your thing with the “SNAG femininity of liberals” and well, honestly it’s kinda interesting but you really need to write an essay or blog post and go into serious depth. Cause like half your posts have had you talking about having trouble expressing the idea you’d want to make.
So just in summary,. I still don’t know you or Maggie are talking about, but it still sounds like the usual bog standard issue with women voting and stuff.
Onioja here:
I agree Maggie. Powerful” men is women’s Achilles heel, but the woman decides what “powerful” is. Only early on, when the woman is most vulnerable for the novelty, sex has something to do with it, maybe. But powerful security is the drive, biologically.
So, men have a problem with biology and women with society? Hm.
Interesting observation, xerxes.
There are so many ways to look at that.
Not least Onioja’s comment 68496.
I found Onioja’s story interesting, and I look forward to reading part two.
Some of the comments here were also interesting, but others seem to have descended into a game of “Rubber and Glue,” and while annoying from children, it’s maddening from adults.
Thank you for speaking out on this…kisses.
Great essay — is there any way of verifying her story? I would like to share this, but I would feel more comfortable sharing it if it were verified in some way (while still protecting her identity).
It’s impossible to actually verify any personal account, really. However, she isn’t asking her readers to believe anything outlandish, nor claiming that the accounts of hundreds of others are wrong; my gut reaction in such a case is to believe it until I have evidence it the contrary. The “anti-trafficking” folks, by contrast, present a parade of women with ridiculous stories which contradict the details of many other sex workers’ accounts, and they expect their listeners to believe them even if they can be literally disproved.
Hi, Maggie, thanks for your fast reply. I agree with you that this story seems very believable (and important) — it’s consistent with the stories of many sex workers I have interviewed, but also has a fresh perspective. And I agree that the trafficking panickers often cite these stories without any verification.
I want to share this, though, and can already anticipate skeptics talking about internet fantasies, etc. I was wondering if you had ever spoken on the phone with Onioja, or Skyped or anything like that? I think having one other person verify that she is a real person (and a person of Nigerian descent living in Amsterdam) would go a long way to verifying the basic thrust of the piece.
I’ve seen pictures of her with the reader (her client) who helped her to prepare the essays, but I was asked not to share them publicly.
Oh cool, that’s the kind of verification I was hoping for. Thanks!