I’m a 24 year old man who grew up in a very conservative, sex negative atmosphere; the most I’ve ever done is kiss a woman, and that was several years ago. I’ve had pretty extensive health issues that largely keep me homebound, and porn just makes me feel lonely. I’ve engaged in cybersex with women I met online, but I always lose contact with them because the only time I want to talk is when my horniness overpowers my embarrassment; I’m very uncomfortable seeking this stuff out even online, and I’ve had a few women that I cut off because they wanted to move much too fast, and expected me to just ignore all my boundaries. For the same reason I’m not comfortable with sex-related online communities. On top of that, the women I talk with don’t get much from the situation; the most I’m comfortable with is voice chat and I need to be eased into that. Paying is not a financial possibility for me right now, and TBH I don’t really have any desire to do sexual stuff with a woman who only is there because I pay her.
I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I have no advice to give you. Surely you understand that nobody is going to give you something for nothing? You simply can’t expect random strangers to give you free sexual interaction, completely on your terms, without expecting anything in return. That simply isn’t the way human dynamics work. What you are looking for, whether you like it or not, is a sex worker. You want someone to fulfill your desires on demand while staying completely within the boundaries you set, but who won’t ask anything for herself or expect romance or whatever. That is about as good a description of a sex worker/client relationship as one could wish for; a sex worker is only looking for her fee, nothing else, and as a professional she will proceed at your pace and leave you alone when you aren’t paying for her to do otherwise. I’m perfectly willing to provide the service if you like, and there are phone sex services, cam girls, etc available on the internet. But if you are willing to provide your phone partner with nothing, I’m afraid nothing is all you can expect in return.
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Very good advice. He might do well to confront the reasons why he feels embarrassed too, and find out how to be happier with himself. You can still be disabled and have relationships.
I’ve been a mistress for a few men over the years and it wasn’t what I expected or ended up wanting. They thought they could use me when ever they wanted, and on their terms without giving me anything in return. I eventually got sick and tired of being a “dirty little secret” and after wasting many years of trying to change things my way, I dumped them. It’s given me my dignity back, and I should have walked away years ago. Being the “other woman” is no way to live.
This correspondent has three choices:
1 – Pay for it and get used to the idea;
2 – Lift and learn game, bro;
3 – Do nothing.
For someone who has somehow missed the memo that other people have needs too, I would recommend that wonderful old classic: “How to win friends and influence people”.
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
The paperback is 8 bucks. Quite seriously, this bloke would do well to buy that book and read it.
Your sex-negative upbringing has almost crippled you and it’s obvious from your message and its replies so far that sex workers are not a match for you. What you need is some way to make friends and find community online rather than trying to jump into sex from cold. This would be a more reasonable basis for getting close to someone through friendship rather than employing sex workers who are apparently out of your reach due to your lack of confidence. I recommend Second Life, a great resource that’s particularly suitable for housebound disabled people. Get yourself an account and contact me under the name of Beeflin Grut. This is not an advert for a commercial service by the way – I’m part of a friendly group which won’t demand anything except good manners.
To be quite honest this man sounds a bit ‘hospitalized’ by which I mean that he, due to his health issues, is used to quite a lot of help and support to have his needs met.
I have a friend who’s like that and I often wonder if there’s any place left for me in that friendship. She has lost all sense of reciprocity a long time ago. She acts as if she doesn’t care about my personality at all, as if my only reason to exist resides in my ability to listen to her complaints about her health and other stories, to go to the hospital with her etc.
If this man is a bit like her (and I think he is because of the tone of his message: I want this, I want that …without being too interested in what other people might want) he really should work hard on his social skills to avoid being left alone with his caretakers and a few people who visit him because they pity him.
This is bigger risk than having no sex.