Millennials who are very cavalier about not having children are in for a shock when they enter their 40s & realize life is only half over. What do you do at that point? Keep trying to be sexy & have fun? I expect to see a lot of sadness & confusion about what to do at that point.
— Shane Morris (@GShaneMorris) August 23, 2022
Why are people who chose 20th-century-style US nuclear families (which aren’t the same as traditional extended families by a long shot) so very certain that other lifestyles lose meaning after 40? I am in my late 50s and still have so many things to do I will never get to them all before I cross the river. Lest some of you claim I’m an anomaly: most of my friends are age-peers or thereabouts, many are childless by choice, and I don’t see any meaningful difference in life-satisfaction levels between those who have kids and those who don’t. Honestly, these people remind me of the dudes who believe that 30 is a “wall” after which women instantly lose all sexual attractiveness. And frankly, both types seem like they’re trying to convince themselves that their preferences are the only “correct” ones. Furthermore, even if you’re a person who hates living alone, it’s possible to form partner bonds with people you’re not boinking, and if you really feel the need to care for some else who needs the help, you could choose to commit to caring for a dependent parent or other relative, or a friend who isn’t biologically related. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to have kids, if you feel you want to. But if you have them as a kind of insurance policy against boredom in later adulthood, you’re having them for the wrong (and very selfish) reasons.
I have always been annoyed by statements like this, it’s a kind of “I am OK, you are not OK” self-promotion by people who make a fetish out of having a family, or who deeply regret not having one. I myself have been married for 40 years, and have happily raised two children to adulthood, but what gives my life “meaning” are the strong personal interests I have developed, some already in childhood, others later. In my case they happen to be intellectual, but they could be sports, carpentry, keeping a vegetable garden. I know many childless people past 40, with a partner or not, who lead a highly satisfying life.
It’s been my experience that people like this Shane person who make such proclamations do so in order to convince themselves that their lives aren’t miserable and that they aren’t bitter at being sold a bill of goods about the “proper” lifestyle to live. Even if that “proper” lifestyle is genuinely well-lived by others, for people like those I’m describing, it wasn’t ever a good fit. So, in order to lessen that pain, they attempt to convince others that THEY are the ones who are miserable. Classic projection. When people like you, me, and many others live our lives fully and don’t suffer any of the consequences predicted of our divergent lifestyles, it literally pains them and they can’t handle it. But course correcting is difficult and requires too much self-reflection, ergo, the low-energy path of projection. They’re fun to laugh at so long as they don’t have too much influence on my ability to live my life.
Hey beautiful! Long time no see!