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Diary #762

Like me, Grace was estranged from her family; she had been close to her mother and stepfather, but her mother died about two years before we met, and her stepfather passed about 20 years ago.  But neither of her siblings seemed interested in keeping in touch, and she hadn’t spoken to her daughter since an ugly, acrimonious divorce in the early ’90s.  So when the mortician told me that there would be a delay in cremation due to legal requirements that they attempt to contact her next of kin, I was irritated but unsurprised.  It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been; they called me Friday to tell me the numbers they could find were all either disconnected or unresponsive, so they were going ahead with the arrangements we’d discussed.  And in a few weeks, when the weather improves, I’m going to have friends over for a memorial and spreading of her ashes, because that was what she wanted.  Jae told me a few days ago that Grace had told her that after her passing, she wanted her tools to go to a reservation school for use in shop classes; I’m trying to get in touch with tribal governments to find a likely candidate.  Though she hadn’t mentioned it to me, I have no doubt that Jae understood her correctly; over the time I’ve known her she has become increasingly interested in her heritage, and her tools were her most prized possessions so she’d want them to be used rather than just collecting dust or rust.

Speaking of her possessions, right now they’re triggering tears every time I see them; I do most of my writing at the kitchen table, which means her chair and desk are only about two meters away, and cluttered with all of her things.  On Sunday, I decided to put fresh linens on her bed and didn’t stop crying for an hour afterward.  And because I’m very sentimental, I’ve kept every little gift she’s ever given me; the picture above was the card that came with flowers she sent for my birthday in 2015, while I was in Seattle and she was still in Oklahoma.  It’s not even her handwriting, because of course the florist took it down from her dictation.  But the words and thoughts were hers, and may give you some inkling of why I’m missing her so terribly right now.

Links #761

Tim Burton once did the exact same thing to my cousin.  –  The Bog Freak

Remember that new Chopin waltz discovered back in OctoberMike Siegel found a video of That Internet Pianist with the Creepy Stare playing it.  The links above it were provided by Tracy Quan, Ryan Marino, IncarcerNation (x2), The Onion, and Asawin Suebsaeng, in that order.

From the Archives

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

Imbolc 2025

May the reawakening of the world bring with it the reawakening of good things you thought gone forever.  Blessed Be!

In the News (#1509)

This suppression actively prevents…people [from] seeking out timely health care information.  –  Rebecca Davis

The Next Target (#1168)

Censorious sleazebags are targeting Onlyfans models again:

A w[annabe censor] complain[ed to] the U.S. Treasury Department’s Financial Crimes Enforcement Unit…[fantasizing] that Mastercard and Visa failed to stop their payment networks from laundering funds from child sexual abuse material and [“]sex trafficking[“] on OnlyFans…[also vomiting the words “]illegal[“]…and…”illicit”…Visa…and…Mastercard said…”No evidence of current illegal activity has been provided to us”…the [attack on sex workers’ income]…was filed in January 2023…

The Prudish Giant (#1251) 

Why does anyone still trust Facebook?

Instagram and Facebook have recently blurred, blocked or removed posts from two abortion pill providers. Instagram also suspended the accounts of several abortion pill providers and [shadowbanned others]…The actions ramped up in the last two weeks…A [Facebook mouthpiece]…attributed…the…incidents…to rules that prohibit the sale of pharmaceutical drugs…

Do As I Say, Not As I Do (#1463)

Laws are for the peasantry, not the rulers:

…on…Sunday, January 19th…a [Florida politician named]…Harrison “Ted” Clark was…arrest[ed for talking to a cop fantasy role-playing as a…14…[year old boy]…Clark admitted his guilt after being read his rights, [but blamed his behavior on a nonexistent]…pornography addiction

Creepy Coppers (#1484)

One of the people the government empowers to police your sexuality:

A [typical and representative] Boston [cop] who pleaded guilty to secretly filming a naked child [a year ago] was [finally] banned last week from working [as a cop] in Massachusetts…Joe Martinez…was sentenced to three to five years in state prison…[for hid]ing a camera in a shower [to] repeatedly film…the unsuspecting child…

Shame, Shame (#1494)

If the supposed scandal is supposedly on the news already, what good would paying blackmail do?

Scammers based in West Africa…and going under the broad umbrella of the Yahoo Boys, have increasingly been seen sending blackmail victims videos…using [computer]-generated news anchors in a bid to pressure victims into paying up…videos…feature different news readers and names of news channels, but they also show more graphic photos of the potential blackmail targets, including [ones that could not actually be shown on news channels]…

Thought Control (#1499)

Everything that comes out of government bureaus is now pure trumpery:

…the Department of [Re-]education [has dismissed] complaints about book bans…as a “hoax”…[despite the fact that] since 2021, PEN America has documented nearly 16,000 book bans in public schools nationwide, a number not seen since the Red Scare McCarthy era of the 1950s.  This censorship organized by [Trumpist] groups predominantly targets books about race and racism by authors of color and also books on LGBTQ+ topics as well those for older readers that have sexual references or discuss sexual violence…

Censorship Ascendant (#1508)

The First Amendment is now being eroded just like many of the others:

U.S. Secret Service agents…[tried to barge into an] elementary school in [Chicago last] Friday but were turned away by school administrators…the…agents…were searching for an 11-year-old who posted an anti-Trump video [in order to terrorize him into never using his First Amendment rights ever again]…

 

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

Back Issue #139

It isn’t at all surprising that evangelical feminists conspire with evangelical Christians to make normal people’s lives as miserable as possible; they’ve been doing it for as long as there’s been such a thing as “feminism”.  –  “Feminists and Other Puritans

The State wants an eye for an eye, but it doesn’t care whose eye.  –  “Scapegoats

It’s a mistake to pretend that governments are intrinsically different from all other groups of humans, for good or ill; every group will seek to further its own ends at everyone else’s expense, and the only way to stop it is to stop letting people – any people – have so much power over one another.
–  “Perverse Incentives

Oppressions always start with those nobody is willing to defend.  –  “Devil’s Advocate

Prohibitionists not only live in a fantasy world, but demand that the rest of us live in it with them.  –  “What They Are

In the News (#1508)

There is no huge difference…in the lives of [prisoners]…based on whether a Democrat or Republican is in office.  –  Julie Abbate

First They Came for the Hookers… (#573) 

Politicians believe they can excuse hypocrisy by the magic word “illicit”:

A [Mississippi] bill meant to eradicate the state’s individual income tax does not apply to sex workers…”all…income derived from producing, distributing, directing, manufacturing, issuing, publishing or advertising any depiction of sexually explicit conduct shall be at the rate of five percent (5%),” House Bill No. 1 reads…[bill sponsor Trey] Lamar did not explain why he included [the provision, except to vomit]…”illegal and illicit activity”…[at] reporters…The Clarion Ledger [has] contacted a labor attorney to discuss whether a state singling out one form of legal employment for taxation is legal…

Paint By Numbers (#1006)

Silly “awareness raising” stunts by crowds of idiots are a relic of the last decade; now they’re merely marketing gimmicks:

A car show and cruise featuring 120 vehicles… [w]as part of an annual fundraiser put on by In-N-Out Burger’s [Christian fundamentalist] owner[s]…The event, called Cruisin’ 2 Freedom, benefits Slave 2 Nothing, a [profiteer group] that [uses “]human trafficking[” as a hook to separate fools from their money]…Benjamin Nolot…of Exodus Cry [shared his sexual fantasies about underage girls]…

The Course of a Disease (#1209)

Ruhama, the current DBA of the gang of prohibitionist nuns who enslaved Irish women in the “Magdalene laundries” for centuries, not only pushed the horrific “Swedish model” despite knowing that it would increase violence against sex workers, but actually celebrated the increase in violence when it happened exactly as predicted.  Now they’re predictably trying to widen their repression by demanding both internet censorship and increased surveillance of Irish citizens, not to mention more police violence against vulnerable women, by vomiting out the same propaganda they’ve used for the past two decades but pretending it’s new and based in “research”.  I’m not even going to bother quoting this same nonsense, barfed up by long-time Ruhama fantasist Ruth Breslin, but the link is there if you feel inclined to wade in sewage.

No Escape (#1372)

Your “leaders” refer to this as “correction”:

On the first day of his second presidential term, Donald Trump severely restricted transgender prisoners’ access to safe housing and proper medical care…one order bars the federal government from funding gender-affirming care, mandates that trans women be housed in men’s prisons, and instructs the federal government to remove protections for transgender people from Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) guidelines…

Censorship Ascendant (#1494)

The First Amendment is now being eroded just like many of the others:

Bias reporting systems have been popping up in one form or another across more than a dozen state and city municipalities in the last four years, usually consisting of an online portal or telephone number where citizens are encouraged to submit reports…of speech and behavior that are not only not crimes, but also First Amendment-protected expression…In Oregon, citizens can report “offensive ‘jokes’” and “imitating someone’s cultural norm or practice”…In Philadelphia…authorities fielding “hate incidents” can now ask for exact [names and] addresses…about the alleged offending party…city officials will in some cases “contact those accused of bias and request that they attend sensitivity training”…to teach you the error of your ways…

The Puritan Recrudescence (#1503)

“Age verification” laws are bad for speech, but good for VPN business:

In recent years, the implementation of age verification laws for adult content websites has sparked a significant surge in VPN demand across…the United States…The data paints a clear picture of the soaring demand for VPN services in states such as Florida (1,150%), Oklahoma (1,060%), Utah (967%), and Alabama (542%), among others…The use of VPNs has become a popular workaround for individuals seeking unrestricted access to online content. Thus, despite the geo-blocking measures, Pornhub’s traffic reached an all-time high, surpassing 1.8 billion visits by late 2024…

To Molest and Rape (ROTW #17)

Cops should not be allowed anywhere near legal minors:

 A Corpus Christi [Texas cop has been] arrested [for repeated statutory rape of] a 15-year-old…Daniel Verduzco’s [creepy behavior was not discovered until the girl’s]…family…moved to Tulsa in early 2024…[after a suicide attempt,] the girls’ [mother]…went through her [phone]…and found pictures of…a c[learly]…adult [cop and interrogated]…her daughter…[about him].  Tulsa police…contacted Homeland Security…in Corpus Christi…

 

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!

Diary #761

I’m always a bit reluctant to share too much about my personal life, so when big things happen it sometimes takes me a little while to tell y’all. But this one is so big there is no real way to put it off because it’s already affecting me profoundly.

Grace is gone.  My best friend of 27 years, the person I’ve relied on most for so very long, passed away late Friday night.  I went to bed about 1:15 AM and, as usual, admonished her not to stay up too late.  Just over an hour later I woke up and decided to go to the bathroom downstairs in order to run the water a bit as a precaution against freezing, since it was supposed to get quite cold.  She was lying on her side on the kitchen floor, and at first I thought she had fainted as she has sometimes; when she wouldn’t awaken and I could find no pulse I started CPR, only to realize almost immediately that she was already quite dead.  Her face was calm; there was no sign of pain or fear in it, and when the coroner arrived he agreed with me that it must’ve been very fast; her posture seemed to indicate she had gone down slowly, and she had not yelled for me or fallen with a thud.  The signs seem to point to a massive stroke, possibly brought on by the cancer treatment; I think her poor body had simply been so sick for so long that it was only a matter of time.

I’m writing this on Sunday evening, and have spent the majority of the last two days crying.  Everything I see reminds me of how I’ll never again see her smile, never again engage in the silly banter which used to pepper our days, never again get to regale her with some complex lecture in response to a simple question.  For two years now I’ve been running a D&D game for her every Sunday, and unless we were expecting company we mostly just left everything on the table during the week; right now every time I look up I see her stuff at the other end of the table, including the little dragon fidget toy I got her for Christmas (she loved dragons and had many figurines and pictures of them).

As most of y’all know, I’m a creature of habit, and have schedules and routines for just about everything; in a sense, my life looks a lot like my blog.  And I’m relying on those routines right now to lend structure to my days, which for the past five years have been structured around Grace and her needs, especially as she grew increasingly ill over the past year.  I’m still caring for the animals as usual, still doing my research & promotion on social media, still washing the dishes and burning the garbage and all that.  Because those things all still need to be done, and the alternative is crying nonstop instead of just frequently.

When my marriage was starting to fall apart, I threw myself into this blog, churning out essays at a prodigious rate so my mind would have something to chew on other than my pain.  But Grace was with me that whole time, quietly offering her unflagging support; I’m not sure what will happen to my creative energy this time, so it’s possible you may notice some changes to adapt to that.  Because there has never before been an Honest Courtesan site without her.  I’m going to write a more extensive tribute to her soon, but I just don’t have the emotional energy right now; it will be sometime in February.

Requiescat in pace, my dearest friend; at last you are free of your failing body.  But please forgive me for wishing you were still here with me.

Syncretism

For those who may have missed this last week:

Donald Trump [has absurdly] demanded an apology from the Episcopal bishop of Washington after she made a direct appeal to him during a prayer service marking his inauguration to have mercy on the LGBTQ+ community and migrant workers who are in the United States illegally.  Referencing Trump’s belief that he was saved by God from assassination, the Right Rev. Mariann Budde said, “You have felt the providential hand of a loving God. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now”…later, in an overnight post on his social media site, he sharply criticized the “so-called Bishop” as a “Radical Left hard line Trump hater”…adding…“She and her church owe the public an apology!”…

She has, of course, refused to apologize, as well she should; she is 100% within the bounds of her station as a Christian clergywoman to ask a king for mercy for others.  The sooner and more emphatically a clear line is drawn between actual Christianity (following the New Testament teachings) and whatever the fuck it is that Trumpists stand for (claiming to follow certain cherry-picked Old Testament laws in combination with a lot of ugly anti-Christian nativism), the better.  I’m not a Christian, but I respect principled people who adhere to actual religious teachings; that does not mean opportunists who follow some kind of hodgepodge syncretism of leader-worship, jingoism, bigotry, and a grab-bag of superstitions sprinkled with a few Biblical quotes.

Links #760

Most kids can’t drive, and they’re still out here stealing cars.  –  genius cop

When I first saw the news of Melba Montgomery’s passing, her name didn’t ring a bell.  But when I listened to a few of her hits and recognized them from the local AM radio station of my childhood, I thought, “Oh, her.”  The links above this video were provided by Popehat; Rick Horowitz; Nun Ya; Lucy SteigerwaldJesse Walker; and T. Greg Doucette (x2), in that order.

From the Archives

I find paywalls distasteful, and so many people find this blog valuable as a resource I just can’t bring myself to install one.  Furthermore, I find ad delivery services (whose content I have no say over) even more distasteful.  But as I’m now semi-retired from sex work, I can’t self-sponsor this blog by myself any longer.  So if you value my writing enough that you would pay to see it if it were paywalled, please consider subscribing; there are four different levels to fit all budgets.  Or if that doesn’t work for you, please consider showing your generosity with a one-time donation; you can Paypal to maggiemcneill@earthlink.net or else email me at the same address to make other arrangements.  Thanks so much!