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Posts Tagged ‘pragmatism’

Forty years ago this month, I accepted money for sex for the first time.  It was Friday of the first full week of January; according to a perpetual calendar that would’ve been January 11th, 1985.  When my blog was only a few weeks old, I shared the story in these words:

An engineer who was a friend of one of my professors had to go out of town on business; his wife, also an engineer, was away as well, but they had been waiting for some time for a contractor to do some work on their house and he had offered to squeeze them in between two long jobs.  The gentleman was willing to trust the contractor in his house but not with his keys, but I came highly recommended so I was offered a house-sitting gig.  All I had to do was open the house at 8 AM, supervise the contractors until they left and close up by 6 PM.  For this I was to be paid $5/hour, 10 hours a day for seven days, or $350 total; not bad for a broke coed in those days.  The contractors got done ahead of schedule, by Friday morning, and the engineer also came home early and arrived about 4 that afternoon.  While I was showing him a few things the contractor had asked me to point out, he kept finding excuses to rub up against me and eventually came right out and propositioned me.

I honestly don’t know what got into me, because without hesitation I said, “Can I stay on the clock?”  He raised an eyebrow and I elaborated, “I was counting on being paid through the weekend.”

“OK, if that’s what you want,” he said, and he was as good as his word.  It took less than an hour, and when he forked over the whole $350 I felt rather proud of myself.

For the next couple of years, I expected guys who wanted to date me to provide a monetary gift in addition to the cost of dinner or whatever; though I was never very specific about amounts, they learned fast that cheapskates would not long remain in my good graces.  As one might expect, that meant most of my gentlemen were at least a decade older than I was, but that never bothered me; undergrad boys were generally far too immature to hold my interest.  I never advertised or otherwise put myself out in public; my business was all word of mouth.  But unlike many of today’s sugar babies, I had no illusions about what I was doing and what prudes (or cops) would call it.  Alas, I was too young to recognize that no one man I was likely to attract would give me as good a deal as I could give myself, and so it was that (almost) exactly ten years later my poor decisions blew up in my face, and I returned to making my way in the world by the same means I had first learned barely two months after turning 18.  The rest, as the saying goes, is history.  But I can’t help wondering how the course of my life might’ve been different (and almost certainly worse) had I not been offered that house-sitting gig four decades ago.

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The imitations of their fashion and dance styles by American belly dancers since the 1960s are all that remain of a once unique and fascinating culture, now ground into the dust of the Sahara by the twisted schemes of tyrants.
–  “The Ouled Nail

The laws and regulations produced by the American political system no longer reflect sense, morality, the well-being of society, the will of the people, or any other recognizable principle of good government, and are therefore not binding on free people.  Police, prosecutors and other government actors who enforce such laws are not legitimate authorities, but rather the myriad tentacles of a mad, amorphous abomination flailing about wildly in its delirium and killing or maiming everything with which it comes into contact.  –  “Against Conscience

When those with a history of attack, oppression and exclusion say they need a certain weapon for defense, you can be as certain as the sun rising in the east that it will also be used for offense.  –  “Buttons, Bags & Banknotes

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For quite some time, Canadian actress and director Sook-Yin Lee worked to get a film made of Paying For It, Chester Brown’s graphic-novel memoir of seeing sex workers on a regular basis after the breakup of his real-life romantic relationship with Lee.  A couple of years ago she managed to make a deal with a production company, and the film is now finished; it will premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival on September 6th.  Chester is played by Dan Beirne and Sook-Yin’s alter ego “Sonny” by Emily Lê; real-life sex worker Andrea Werhun plays Chester’s long-time favorite Denise.  Chester doesn’t know when or how (theaters? Netflix?) the film will be shown in the US, and there’s no poster yet because apparently the producers have not been clear about whether they want Chester to do the poster or if they’re doing it some other way.  However, there’s a new movie edition of the book, whose cover is pictured here; the girl is based on the actress who plays the first pro Chester sees.  I’m looking forward to seeing the film when it becomes available on DVD, and I really hope it’s successful, not only because it will mean more money for Chester, but also because I’m happy for anything that helps normalize pragmatic sexual relationships.

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While it’s not entirely accurate to say “all women are whores”, it is accurate to say that there is no clear line delineating prostitution from other female sexuality.  –  “In Denial

If everyone had just agreed to ignore [anti-sex feminists’] deranged fantasies when their disconnection with reality became hideously apparent…they’d be nothing more than a fringe group today (occupying a position on the credibility ladder somewhere between young-Earth creationists and those who insist that the moon landings were faked). –  “Hurdling Over Reality

If one can believe that the magical hypnotic powers of “therapists” can “recover” memories, it certainly isn’t that much of a stretch to believe in the magical hypnotic power of “pimps” to erase them.  –  “Mumbo Jumbo

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Some men simply can’t handle the truth that women are in control of the sexual sphere, so they invent myths and fantasies with which to convince themselves that it’s actually the other way around.
–  “Head Games

If the primary purpose of a movie is to entertain, it makes sense that a film can be “so bad it’s good”; some movies are just so incredibly, amazingly, jaw-droppingly bad that we can’t help finding them funny.
–  “Pull the String

The claim that sex workers “sell our bodies” is…based on the notion that…a woman has nothing of value to offer except her sexuality, [therefore] if she “sells” that she has “sold herself” and there is nothing left.  –  “More Harm Than Good

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Sex work is work…sex workers are human beings deserving of human rights, and…prohibitionists are nothing but bigots trying to hide a moralistic agenda under a cloak of lies and spurious concern.
–  “Sixth Anniversary

Like most people, I also do things for others I care about or whom I think it’s right to do things for, without asking for direct monetary compensation; however, I don’t deceive myself that those things aren’t labor.  –  “Value for Value

Human beings have the right to control our own bodies & lives regardless of motive, whether anybody “loves” or “dreams” or “deserves” whatever, or whether or not our actions are “fun” for us or anyone else.  –  “Children’s Hour

The concept of “human rights” becomes incomprehensible to Americans in proximity to the word “sex”.  –  “Safe Position (#952)

Ordering cops receive more “training” is a popular way for judges to pretend they’re doing something while preserving the status quo.
–  “Stalkers in Blue (#1055)

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Sexual likes, dislikes, kinks and fetishes emerge by mysterious paths from the murky swamp we carry deep in our brains, and there’s no known way to reroute those pathways once they’re established.
–  “Out of the Dark

Westerners have some kind of sick religious attachment to the supposed magical health-giving properties of leaves and they take it as sacrilege when a heretic like me refuses to participate.  –  “Picky

While prohibitionists want you to believe that sex work is a symptom or product of mental illness, the actual truth is that it can in some cases be a tool for managing it.  –  “More Therapy Than Etiology

I tend to deal with obstacles in my path by figuring them out, charming them, intimidating them, or crying, and none of those work on a computer which is doing something I neither desire nor comprehend.  –  “Professor Syndrome

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Under criminalization…the foxes are set to guard the henhouse, and nobody notices or cares how many chickens they satisfy their appetites upon.  –  “In Charge of the Henhouse

 

The love and friendship between two people is an organic thing which has to be taken for what it is; any attempt to rebuild it into something else is as doomed to failure as a scheme to turn one animal into another by cutting it apart and putting it back together in a different shape.
–  “A Living Thing

This is the level of critical thinking I’d expect from someone who still believes in the Easter Bunny.
–  “The War Goes On (#736)

There is no such thing as changelessness; there are only differing rates of change.  –  “Eternity

Women who are mature enough to accept “open” relationships do not go around calling their husbands “pathetic”, “unattractive” and “needy” for having a sex drive in their forties.  And asking a selfish, judgy, sexually-immature woman for an open relationship is going to be about as productive as throwing a stick of dynamite into a cesspool.  –  “Bad Advice

I guarantee you a divorce will set you back more than a few hundred bucks once or twice a month.  –  “Cheapskate

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